The Best 47 Cocktail Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Cocktail jokes. There are some cocktail mixologist jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cocktail dickbutt puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Cocktail Jokes and Puns

What's the difference between a complimentary cocktail and a significant brain surgery?

One is a free bottle in front of me, and the other is a pre-frontal lobotomy

At a cocktail party...

an obstetrician's wife noticed that another guest, a big, oversexed blonde in a slinky red dress, was making overtures at her husband. As it was a large, informal gathering, she tried to laugh it off, until she saw the woman begin whispering into her husband's ear while her hand caressed his back.

At once she confronted the blonde bimbo and screamed, "Look, lady! My husband just delivers babies, he doesn't INSTALL them!"

Did you know that Harper Lee invented a cocktail?

It was the Tequila Mockingbird.

Cocktail joke, Did you know that Harper Lee invented a cocktail?

Two women are talking at a cocktail party

One woman asks, "I noticed that you are wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger, do you usually wear it that way?"
"Yes."
The woman asks, "Why?"
"Because I married the wrong man."

Dickbutt is probably an alcoholic.

He's always got a cocktail.


What do you call a Jewish incendiary device?

A mazal tov cocktail

I'm planning on opening a combined cocktail bar and waxing salon.

I'm going to call it "Gin and Bare It".

Cocktail joke, I'm planning on opening a combined cocktail bar and waxing salon.

A woman sits in a bar and orders a cocktail named "Double EntΓ©ndre"

So the barkeeper gives it to her.

The hurricane Sandy.

A guy goes to a bar and looks at the drink menu to see if he can try a new cocktail that he never had before. He noticed there is a drink on the menu named "Hurricane Sandy." The guy never heard of it before so he asks the bartender what is it. The bartender replied "It's a watered down Manhattan."

Have you tried that new cocktail called Hurricane Sandy?

It's just a watered down Manhattan.

What's Jared Fogles favourite Vietnamese cocktail?

Sum yung gai

You can explore cocktail cosbypolitan reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cocktail chaser dad jokes. There are also cocktail puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What is a sure way to get a girl at a bar?

Order a Cosbypolitan cocktail

What's a Jewish pyromaniac's favorite explosive?

A Mazeltov Cocktail

I bought a Molotov Cocktail today

It was $850 and they called it the Note 7

What do you call a group of people waiting to get their fruit cocktail at a buffet?

A punch line

A termite walks into a cocktail lounge...

and asks a customer, "Is the bartender here?"

Cocktail joke, A termite walks into a cocktail lounge...

Bros, friends, amigos... If she gives you this for her address, just go ahead and move on. Toss that cocktail napkin away. Move on. THere's other fish in the sea. (feel free to add to the list)

β€’ Drinkand Dr.

β€’ Vicious Circle

β€’ West 943,185th Street

β€’ Psycho Path

β€’ Peoples Ct.

β€’ Nofriggin Way

I need a cocktail

hold the tail.

What do you call a rioting Jew?

A Mazel Tov Cocktail


What do you call a cocktail of vodka, orange juice, sloe gin, and southern comfort?

A slow, comfortable, screw.

A lawyer and a doctor area at a cocktail party

A person comes up to the doctor and asks about a symptom he's been having lately. The gives him some advice and turns to the lawyer.

It's always awkward when people ask me for my professional opinion in a casual setting. Do you think it's ok if I charge them?

Absolutely says the lawyer. I think it's perfectly fine.

The following week the doctor then gets a bill from the attorney.

What do you call the signature drink at a Jewish wedding?

A Mazel tov cocktail!

How do you make a Tupac cocktail?

Start by putting six shots in it.

A cocktail walks into a bar and orders a drink

The bartender refused and said, "Sorry, we only serve neat drinks."

What do you call a Jewish makeshift incendiary bomb?

A mazel-tov cocktail.

I invented a new drink today; basically you start with a Shirley Temple and put a really old cocktail sausage in it.

I call it the "Judge Roy Moore".

Why couldn't I take my cocktail home with me?

It was a little Old Fashioned.

Descartes Takes a Flight

The flight attendants says, "M. Descartes, would you care for a cocktail?" Descartes says, "I think not," and disappears.

A man walks into a Bar.

A man walks into a bar and sees a very attractive woman sitting by herself and asks, May I buy you a cocktail?

"No thank you," she replies, "alcohol is bad for my legs."

"Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"

"No, they spread."

Why won't they serve black russians at White House cocktail parties?

Because there isn't, and never was, any kahluasion.

What's a particle physicist's favourite cocktail?

A Large Hadron Colada.

An elderly gentleman walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his mid-80s, well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave. He presents a very nice image.

Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-70s.

The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.

He slowly turns to the lady and says: "So, tell me; do I come here often?"

What do you get when a gay man tucks his weenier between his legs

A fruit cocktail.

Why won't Obi-Wan mix you a vodka cocktail?

Only a Sith deals in Absoluts.

At a party, I went to get a fruit cocktail and had to queue behind Elvis, Sasquatch and a Pterodactyl, and I thought to myself…

This is a really weird punchline.

I wonder why they call them cocktail peanuts...

Because I guess (liquor peanuts) isn't as catchy.

Tried a make a cocktail a couple times...

I got mixed results.

Helium walks into a bar and asks for a cocktail.

The bartender replies, "we don't serve noble gases."
Helium does not react.

My girlfriend asked me if she was ugly, so I threw a molotov cocktail at her.

It's safe to say she's much hotter now.

What's Donald Trump's favourite cocktail?

Sex on the bleach.

I was really excited when a girl invited me to her house for a cocktail.

But when I got there, she started saying, Once upon a time, there was a rooster..

What's Vladimir Putin's favorite drink?

A Molotov cocktail

Last time I took a girl out and tried to kiss her she threw her cocktail in my face.

I wouldn't have been so sour about the evening if the drinks hadn't been on me.

Whaddya call a flaming Jewish Congratulatory Drink?

A Mazel Tov Cocktail!

Cocktail

A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks, "bartender, got any specials today?" Bartender answers, "yes, as a matter of fact we have a new drink invented by a gynecologist patron of ours. It's a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka." The guy asks, "Good grief, what do you call that?" The bartender replied, "It's a "Pabst Smir.

What is Harper Lee's favorite cocktail?

Tequila Mockingbird

What is an English teacher's favourite cocktail?

Tequila Mockingbird

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cocktail beverage jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working cocktail draught piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes