Cockpit Jokes

Following is our collection of passengers puns and stewardesses one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Cockpit jokes for adults, dirty aeroplane jokes and clean takeoff dad gags for kids.

The Best Cockpit Puns

A blonde joke

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing-747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."

The pilot and co-pilot are sitting in the cockpit of an airplane.

As they wait for the passengers to board, the pilot says to the co-pilot,

Why did you become a pilot?

To which the co-pilot replies, To overcome my greatest fear.

Flying? the pilot asks

No. says the co-pilot, Dying alone.

Two pilots are sitting in the cockpit, talking, when they realize they are flying over a huge crater.

"Wow, what a beautiful sight," says the first pilot.
"It is, isn't it?" the other pilot replies.
Then a flight attended joins them.
"Sir, what are we flying over?" she asks the first pilot.
"It's a crater. A meteor crashed into the earth and left that giant hole."
"Wow," replies the flight attendant. "And what's that building right next to it?"
"That's the visitors center," the second pilot says.
"Phew," she says. "They really got lucky, didn't they?"

What do an airplane and a girl have in common?

A cockpit

A blonde boards a plane to Miami...

A blonde boards a plane to Miami and takes a seat in first class even though she has an economy ticket. A flight attendant tells her several times to move to economy class, but the blonde doesn't listen. Exasperated, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit. Seconds later the pilot steps out and whispers something in the blonde's ear. Immediately, she gets up from her seat and goes to economy class. Intrigued, the flight attendant asks the pilot how he managed to convince her to relinquish her seat.
"Easy" says the pilot, "I told her first class doesn't go to Miami"

A plane gets hijacked by a couple of terrorists

The head terrorist is in the cockpit with the pilot. He demands that the pilot takes them to a free country or else the entire plane will blow up.

The pilot retorts: " This is an airliner, not a spaceship!"

What do you call a slutty stewardess?

The cockpit.

I was at the grocery store with my gpa when a couple girls in super short skirts walked by....

Gpa said, looks at those jet skirts, as we both admired the two ladies. I had to know, what's a jet skirt? Gpa replied, it's a skirt so short that when they bend over you can see the cockpit.

A plane was about to take off when a man burst out of the cockpit naked, yelling

"this is your captain streaking"

A new pilot has his first day in a real cockpit and he asks the pilot...

"Wow, there's so many buttons and switches. How do you remember what they all do?" The captain replies, "I don't, but for the love of God don't touch the dusty ones."

Why did the Wright brothers turn their aircraft 90 degrees west when their dad walked in the cockpit?

because three Wrights make a left.

Have you heard of airplane skirts?

They're so short, you can see the cockpit.

Hey girl are you a plane?

Because I want to get into your cockpit

As a kid I used to get so excited to see the cockpit on the plane

As a kid I used to get so excited to see the cockpit on the plane. I would always sit on the isle seat and wait for the cockpit door to open. Sometime the flight attendant will get in the way and block your view, you know bend over in a sexy way sorting stuff or helping someone .so I say to her "HEY MOVE! I WANT TO SEE THE PLANES COCKPIT NOT YOURS"

What does a woman and a plane have in common?

The cockpit.

What do a condom and a fighter jet have in common?

A cockpit.

When you have an all male crew flying a plane....

... it's called a cockpit.

If you have an all female crew it's a box office.

A plane is about to crash.

The pilot comes out of the cockpit, and solemnly addresses the passengers.

"The plane is going to crash. There are 286 passengers, but only 285 parachutes. Does anybody know how to pray?"

A minister in the middle row raises his hand.

"Good." The pilot says. "You start praying. The rest of us will take the parachutes."

Two pilots were accused of sexual harassment.

HR said a female pilot complained about the way they were joking and saying cockpit during the flight. Looking relieved they both got up to leave. HR quickly asks where there going when one pilots says "we don't have a problem, we'll apologize, and we'll never use the term cockpit again. That was totally insensitive of us. From here on out we'll just call it a sky box."

One of the reasons for the low number of female pilots has been found to be..

the cockpit !

The Pilot

The pilot gave his normal address to the passengers, this is your captain speaking, we will be ascending to 30000 feet and the flight time is two hours. Unfortunately he forgot to turn off his microphone and he joked to his co pilot that what he would really enjoy was a cup of coffee and a blow job. A hostess rushed to the cockpit to alert the captain about the microphone. A nearby passenger quipped, he also wants a coffee.

What's common to the cockpit of a modern fighter aircraft and the inside of a headhunter's hut?

The heads-up display

What separates three whores from two alcoholics?

The cockpit door!

A pilot and his co-pilot go on a blind date with the same stewardess.

Let's just say more than one cockpit was being occupied that night.

You know about those new catheters designed for use on an airplane?

you stick them in the cockpit

What do you call a male strip club?

A cockpit!

Captain Oveur: Say Joey, you ever been in a cockpit before?

Joey: No Sir, but I have been in a chicken coop.

A little kid on a plane asks a flight attendant, "How come people can have babies, but planes can't have baby planes?"

The flight attendant tells the kid that is a question for the pilot.

She takes the kid to the cockpit and introduces the child to pilot and tells him to ask his question.

The kid asks the pilot "Why do people have babies but planes don't have baby planes?"

The pilot responds, "I can't speak for the other airlines, but this one always pulls out on time."

the new United Airlines Olympics commercial is really good

But they forgot the part where Ryan Lochte kicks down the cockpit door and pees all over the flight deck.

Where do airplanes come from?

The cockpit.

What do you call a gay mosh club for pilots?

The cockpit

What's every gay man's dream job?

To be a pilot so we can work in the cockpit.

What do you call a pilot's wife?

The Cockpit

What's a Muslim women in the cockpit of an airplane called...

A pilot

What do you call an airplane's cockpit if it's staffed by female pilots?

The Box Office.

There is an abundance of runway jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 35 funniest jokes and cockpit puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any aviation witze you can hear about cockpit.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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