The Best 82 Cocaine Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Cocaine jokes. There are some cocaine narcotics jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cocaine colombia puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Cocaine Jokes and Puns

Im from colombia and if i got a dollar everytime someone asked me if i sell cocaine.

I would not have to sell cocaine anymore.

Sex with my wife has depreciated like Coca Cola

"Cocaine", "Caffeine", "Light" and now "Zero"

I just got a part in the movie Cocaine

It only has one line.

Cocaine joke, I just got a part in the movie Cocaine

My friends all say I'm a cocaine addict, but I disagree.

I just like the smell.

What's the difference between a 4 year old and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

Too soon?

I'm not addicted to cocaine

I just love the way it smells.

They say love produces the same effects as cocaine

And certainly whenever I make love it involves the death of an orphaned Columbian street child.

- Credit to Frankie Boyle

Cocaine joke, They say love produces the same effects as cocaine

Cocaine is never a solution...

Unless it's dissolved in water.

My Cocaine Is So White

Police Let It Go With A Warning

How much cocaine can Charlie Sheen do?

enough to kill 2 1/2 men.

How much cocaine can a smuggler sneak into prison?

a buttload.

You can explore cocaine quackhead reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cocaine crackhead dad jokes. There are also cocaine puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

My boss fired an employee unexpectedly today and everyone wants to know why...

I think it's because he was caught with a bag of cocaine. But regardless, our boss told us to keep our noses out of it.

I'm sick to death of cocaine dealers...

always sticking their business in other people's noses.

My doctor told me to stay away from cocaine...

So I bought a 100 ft straw.

What do you get when you mix a boxer and cocaine?

A punchline

You know what would be a good name for a cocaine delivery service company?


Cocaine joke, You know what would be a good name for a cocaine delivery service company?

What's your best pick up line?


I tried cocaine once

It's not all it's cracked up to be.

Where do you hide cocaine in orphanage?

Right under the children's noses

Wanna hear a joke about overdosing on cocaine?

I can't remember all of it, but the last line's a killer.

"Commissioner, we've found 20 kilograms of cocaine."

"10 kilograms you say?"

"Yeah, 5 kilograms"

There was a knock at my door.

I said, "Who is it?" and they told me that it was the police. I asked them what they wanted and they said that they wanted to investigate my property for marijuana.

I said, "I haven't got any. Now be on your way."

"Well then," they said, "what harm is there in us checking?"

I said, "Because you might find the cocaine."

You want to know the problem with cocaine?

It's not all it's cracked up to be.

Why is cocaine the alt-right's favorite drug?

White powder!

I like my men like I like my cocaine...

White, chopped into a fine powder, and flushed down the toilet once the police realize what I did and bang on my door.

Meth: All the energy of cocaine...

... with none of the teeth!

- Doctor, I want to live very old

- Do you drink?
- Never, only water.
- You smoke?
- Oh no, my body is a temple
- Do you have crazy nights out dancing while doing cocaine and coming back home to have unprotected sex with multiple partners?
- Never, I'm single and abstinent.
- I see. So could you explain me exactly why you want to live old?

I was having dinner at my girlfriend's house for the first time.

"Excuse me, I just need the toilet," I said, excusing myself from the table.

"Don't forget to spray the air freshener!" joked the dad.

I said, "No need. Cocaine doesn't smell."


So the other day I went to the doctors for an annual checkup, before we started he asked "have you been doing any drugs?", I replied with "does love count as a drug?", he said "love is the strongest drug out there!", I then said "that's good cause I'm in love with cocaine!".

My teacher asked me to write about a time I took a risk in life.

Apparently cocaine isn't a valid answer.

What do you call a cocaine addict who runs out of supply?


What's the difference between a pound of cocaine and a baby?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a pound of coke fall out of a window

How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen do?

Enough to kill two and a half men.

Cocaine in school

One of the teachers at my local school for obese children, was fired today. He was fired for doing cocaine before going to work. He was ratted out by his large pupils.

I've invented a new brand of cocaine that will literally blow your head off.

I call it Kurt Cocaine.

Cocaine isn't addictive

I've been doing it for 5 years i would know

Teacher: What do you do after school?

1st Student: I go and buy weed from Yakobo
2nd Student: I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo.
3rd Student: I go and buy cocaine from Yakobo.
4th Student: I always stay at home and do my homework.
Teacher: You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to other students. What's your name?
4th Student: Yakoboο»Ώ

I just put my neck on the line.

But apparently that's not how you're supposed to do cocaine.

Why was the mushroom the life of the party?

Because he was giving out free cocaine

What do you call smuggled cocaine?


What do you call a dog that eats too much cocaine?


How much cocaine does it take to kill an elephant?

A trunkfull.

Sir you tested positive for opiates

Me: I had a bagel for breakfast that morning
Doctor: You also tested positive for marijuana, alcohol, cocaine, methamphetamine and just about every other drug
Me:...It was an everything bagel

I phoned the Drugs Awareness helpline today.

"Can I speak to the Cocaine Councillor please" I asked. "You'll have to wait" he replied,"he's on another line."

Did you hear about the duck with a drug problem?

He was addicted to quack cocaine

(I honestly wish I could take credit for this)

My local barber got arrested for selling cocaine. This surprised me, since I have been a customer of him for years now, and i'd never known...

...that he was a barber.

My friend with a cocaine addiction recently quit.

It was the end of the line for him.

With petrol prices now at Β£1.30 a litre's actually cheaper to buy cocaine and run everywhere instead

Doctor: the test results came back...

...and you've tested positive for opiates...

Patient: I ate a bagel this morning.

Doctor: ...and meth, cocaine, marijuana, oh and you're pregnant.

Patient: it was an everything bagel.

I remember when I worked at the United Nations

And one day one of the secretaries asked me to get Kofi Annan a gram of cocaine.

Of course, I called him immediately.

"Kofi" I said, "right now the only one I can think of is 'oceanic'"

Had to take a drug test at work today. They said they found Opiates. I told them it was probably the poppy seeds on my bagel.

But then they asked about the THC, meth amphetamines, cocaine, and hallucinogens. Told them it was an everything bagel.

I have never done cocaine

but it smells amazing!

Some guy over the phone asked for my credit card details.

"Sure," I said. "It's blue and there's bits of cocaine on it."

I was reading a book on cocaine addiction the other day

After the first few lines I was hooked.

Mexico should stop importing cocaine for a month;

then the Americans will be the ones climbing the wall...

Why did The White Stripes chose that name?

Because calling themselves Cocaine Lines was too on the nose.

I'm okay with smoking, alcohol, and marijuana.

But cocaine is where I draw the line.

I had a great joke about cocaine, but I can't seem to remember it.

I'm really upsetβ€”-I had it all lined up.

What the difference between a dead baby and a bag of cocaine.

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of coke fall out of a window

I ran 10 miles today.

Surprisingly hard when you're carrying 25 pounds of cocaine.

I have a serious cocaine problem..

I can't find my cocaine.

I feel like most drugs are ok.

But cocaine is where I draw the line.

A teacher asks her students what they do after school.

Teacher : "What do you do after school?"

Student #1 : "I always go buy cigarettes from Yakobo"

Student #2 : "I go to buy weed from Yakobo"

Student #3 : "I go to buy cocaine from Yakobo"

Student #4 : "I always stay at home and do my homework"

Teacher : \*points at Student #4\* "You are a great student. I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to the other students. What is your name?"

Student #4 : "Yakobo"

What kind of drugs do ducks do?

Quack cocaine

I don't have a cocaine addiction.

I just like the way it smells.

Jokes about cocaine do not make me laugh

But a good one liner will make me snort

I don't always enjoy jokes about cocaine.

But some one liners make me snort.

Just watched an interesting documentary on cocaine...

Going to watch all documentaries this way now!

I rarely find cocaine jokes funny.

But occasionally, an one-liner makes me snort.

Someone knocked on my door.

"Who's there?" I asked.

"Police," replied two men.

I asked them what they wanted. "We need to investigate your property for cannabis."

"I haven't got any," I said. "Now be on your way."

"Sir," they said, "what harm is there in us checking?"

"Because you might find the cocaine," I answered.

Me: I need 8 pills, 4 bags of weed, a couple of tabs of lsd, oceanic.

Dealer: Sure, although what do you mean by oceanic?

Me: Anagram of cocaine.

I just watched a great documentary on Cocaine.

I think I'm going to watch all my documentaries this way now.

I sold some baby laxative to a junkie and told him it was cocaine...!!

The next day he told me that was the best shit he ever had!!

It's disgusting. They used to make COCA-Cola with REAL Cocaine! So you can probably guess what they used to make shamPOO with!

Yep, child labour.

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4 year old child?

Eric Clapton wouldn't have let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window

I'll shotgun a beer, rip a bong, munch some shrooms...

But cocaine is where I draw the line.

What's the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton never let a bag of cocaine fall out a window.

I was in London last summer

I was in London last summer, and I got food poisoning. I lost 6 kilograms. See a lot of Americans don't understand that because it's metric. But I did the math, and 6 kilograms is over $720,000 in cocaine.

True quote from Tallulah Bankhead

Daddy warned me about men and alcohol, but he never said a word about women and cocaine.

I don't really enjoy cocaine.

I just love the way it smells.

When I was young I used to sniff gasoline to get high…

These days we switched to cocaine to save some money.

I'm sober now, I've actually only ever tried cocaine once

... for about 12 years

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cocaine soften jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working cocaine marijuana piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes