Coca Cola Jokes
78 coca cola jokes and hilarious coca cola puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about coca cola that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Coca Cola Short Jokes
Short coca cola jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The coca cola humour may include short coca jokes also.
- A sad man walks into a Coca-Cola carbonation factory... But he leaves because it was just soda pressing.
- My class has a field trip to the Coca-Cola factory All the other kids are excited, but I am just praying that there's no pop quiz.
- A woman who drank 10 litres of Coca Cola every day has died. She ate a Mentos and they found her head 3 blocks away
- Fun Fact: if you drop a can of Coca-Cola on your foot it will hurt. A little ironic considering it's a soft drink.
- Class trip to the coca-cola company factory I hope there's no pop quiz
Cause I'm diabetic - What if I lifted a pack of Coca-Cola over my head for twenty minutes a day every day? That would be soda pressing.
- Mastercard Chinese Resturant Commercial General Tso's Chicken........ $11.50
Coca-Cola........ $1.99
Take out guy forgets container........ Riceless - Chinese dude walks into a bar and says "Ching pong quang xin fang coca-cola."
And the barman says "A can of what?" - What's the difference between domestic violence and Coca Cola? You can feel the beating, but you can't beat the feeling.
- Why is a 12oz can of Coca-Cola more popular in St. Paul and Minneapolis than a 2 liter? Because it's a mini soda.
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Coca Cola One Liners
Which coca cola one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with coca cola? I can suggest the ones about pepsi coke and soda.
- Nobody ever asks how Coca-Cola is doing... It's always, "Is Pepsi okay?"
- Yeah I got a job at Coca Cola... It's sodapressing.
- A long time worker at a coca cola just lost his job He is soda pressed now.
- I just bought some Coca Cola stocks. It's nice to have some liquid assets.
- What would America do if Russia painted the moon red? Paint Coca Cola over it in white.
- People never ask how Coca Cola is feeling They only ask if Pepsi is okay
- I'm more of a Coca-Cola person... soda speak.
- Coca Cola employees can't dance... But they can Tango.
- Why did the Coca-Cola Company go under? They ran out of Leaders.
- What did the psychiatrist say to the Coca-Cola? Don't bottle up your feelings.
- Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory today. I hope there's no pop quiz.
- If the coca-cola bear had random anger fits, he'd be a bi-polar bear.
- What type of soda does the Coca-Cola company sell the most of in the Midwest? Minnesotas!
- How do you stir the politics in a Coca Cola drink? You add ices.
- Your name must be Coca Cola, because you're so-da-licious
Coca Cola Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about coca cola you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean coors light jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make coca cola pranks.
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory today. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory today. I hope there's no pop quiz.
s**... with my wife has depreciated like Coca Cola
"c**...", "Caffeine", "Light" and now "Zero"
3 brewery presidents walk into a bar...
3 brewery presidents walk into a bar. One from Corona, Coors and Guinness.
The president from Corona says to the bartender, "Give me a Corona, the best Mexico has to offer" and the bartender hands him one.
Next, the Coors president orders a Coors saying "Hand me the only beer in the world made with water fresh from the Colorado Rockies."
Then the Guinness president walks up to the bar and orders a Coca Cola. The bartender, a bit taken aback, hands him what he orders.
The other brewery presidents turn to him and say, "Why didn't you order a Guinness?" He replies, "Well, i figured if you guys weren't ordering beers, why should I?"
You know Coca Cola's newest advertising campaign in russia?
Under each seventh cap - **v**...**!
A bottle of v**... and a bottle of Coca-cola (Russian Joke)
A man comes to the shop:
- Give me a bottle of v**... and a bottle of Coca-cola.
Half an hour later he comes again:
- Give me a bottle of v**... and a bottle of Coca-cola.
An hour later he comes again:
- Give me a bottle of v**... and a bottle of... of Sprite. It seems Coca-cola makes me sick!
Three CEO's from different beer companies are sitting at a bar...
And the one from Bud light says, "Alright barkeep, give me a tall glass of bud light!"
And then the second one, from Miller light says, "ok barkeep, serve me a nice bottle of cold miller light!"
And then the CEO of Guinness says, well, "I suppose I'll have a glass of Coca-Cola."
The other two turn to him like he's crazy and say, "what, you aren't going to order Guinness?"
To which he replies, "well if you two aren't going to order beer, neither am I!"
Topical Jokes for 6/17
(For best results, imagine these in the voice of your favorite talk show host)
In Michigan, a man was arrested after he tried to toss a football filled with drugs into a prison. Prison guards knew something was wrong when they heard 700 inmates shouting, I'M OPEN! I'M OPEN!
The United States announced they've arrested the mastermind of the 2012 attack in Benghazi. When Republicans heard the news, they said, Oh great! They caught Hillary Clinton! .
Coca Cola is testing a new, low-calorie version of Coke in a green can called Coca Cola Life. The original formula of Coke in the red can will be rebranded as Coca Cola Death.
At the international beer brewers conference, an American, German and Mexican meet at the bar after a tiring day of meetings.
The American loudly orders, making sure others around him can hear, "I will have the most favorite beer of my nation, thirst quenching, easy-drinking, transparent like the tear of an infant - BUD LIGHT!! The Mexican then yells, "And I will have the pride of all Mexico, oldest drink of civilized men, flavorful, shiny as amber, amazing CORONA!! Then, the German orders, "I will have a glass of coca-cola." He takes the drink and sips the cold fizzing beverage. Everyone is in shock. The American asks him, "Why didn't you order a Heineken?"
"Solidarity," answers the German. "You guys aren't drinking beer, so I'm not either."
Putin is at a press conference...
Reporter: Good day, I'm John Smith from the Coca-Cola company. Mr president I have a question. You've been trying to get the old times back, and bringing the good old communism back.
Putin: Communism bring back russia, yes
Reporter:Why don't you also bring the old red flag back? And maybe we will close a 5 billion dollar deal if you put our logo very tiny in a little corner...
Putin: Hmm, I have discuss this
*Putin whispers to his Prime Minister*: Psst, Medvedev, when ends the Aquafresh contract?
Did you hear about the man using coca cola cans to workout?
He was so depressing
What do you call a Russian Coca-Cola delivery van driver?
Idroppalotta Popoff
Why don't I recommend accompanying Coca-Cola on chest day?
It's soda pressing.
Sometimes I feel like a coca cola bottle
because my only purpose in life is to get drunk.
You have just fallen down from the Moon.
You dust yourself and start hugging everyone, in tears.
The journey has made you thirsty and you take a bottle of Coca-Cola.
The ambulance arrives and they bring you to the psychiatric clinic.
Were you really on the Moon?
Russians Hate Coca Cola
A Russian walks into a store and demands,
-- "Give me a bottle of v**... and a bottle of Coca Cola."
After half an hour, the Russian returns and demands again,
-- "Give me a bottle of v**... and a bottle of Coca Cola."
After one hour, he comes back for a third time and says to the shopkeeper,
-- "Give me a bottle of v**... and a bottle of ... Sprite. It seems Coca Cola makes me sick!"
Recycler's remorse
Crushing coca cola cans is soda pressing.
A cop pulls over a car. He walks up, and smells a heavy w**... smell. The man turns to him, and his eye are redder than a Coca-Cola can. The cop looks at him and says, "How high are you?!?!?!?"
The driver responds, "He, he. No officer, it's 'Hi, How are you?'"
Who's coca colas favourite rapper?
2-pop
A Coca Cola salesman returns from his Middle East assignment...
A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.
A friend asked, Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters... First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and fainting. Second, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"
"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left..."
A couple after a divorce are at court over who could keep the child.
So the mother goes:" i carried that child for 9 long months and gave birth to it under a lot of pain. I should keep it.
The judge asks the father if he has anything to add.
The father calmly replies:" let me explain this situation with a metaphor; if you walk up to a coca-cola machine, put in a dollar and a coke comes out, does the coke belong to you or the machine?"
Winning Blonde !!!
A beautiful blonde walks into a casino and over to a soda machine and arrives there just before a business man who's come to quench his thirst. She opens her purse and puts in 50 cents , studies the machine , presses the Diet Coke selection , and out comes a Diet coke , which she places on a counter by the machine. Then she reaches in her purse again and pulls out a dollar and inserts it in the machine.Studying the machine carefully, she presses the button for coca cola classic and out came a coke classic and 50 cents change.She takes the 50 cents and puts it in the machine , studies for a moment , and presses the sprite button.Out comes a sprite. As she is reaching into her purse again , the business man who has been waiting patiently for several minutes,speaks up"Excuse me miss , but are you done yet?" She looks at him and indignantly replies,"Well, Duh! I'm like , still winning!"
Coke is releasing "Coca-Cola Ginger" for a limited time (seriously)...
They are also releasing a "Coca-Cola Ginger Zero" version, which has 0 calories, 0 carbs, and 0 soul. ;p
A guy was talking to a girl....
Guy: Hey Babe, are you a Coca Cola?
Girl: No, why do you ask?
Guy: Because you Open Happiness
(credit to my friend who successfully used this as a pick up line)
Ordering a coke
Do you have coca cola?
No but, Is pepsi okay?
Is monopoly money okay?
Coma victim...
A man wakes up after being in a coma for 20 years. Immediately he calls his bank to see how his savings have grown with interest over the last two decades and is told he has $144,833,411, 19 in his account.
Whooo- Hoo! I'm a multi-millionaire!
He hobbles down the hallway giggling to himself at his good fortune. I'm gonna celebrate!
At the end of the hallway is a Coca-Cola Machine.
Ahhh! That'll taste good after all these years!
He fishes in his pocket and comes out with a dollar bill and inserts it. He can't wait!
Suddenly, a voice comes from the vending machine:
Please add an additional, $47, 499 dollars.
Diet Coke is just bitter...
Because Coca-Cola classic is such a sweet beverage.
You heard about the latest Coca-Cola acquisition?
That's going to Costa lot.
Burrrrr
Catch her by her waist
Bring her home
Keep ur hand on her neck
Put ur lips on her lips
& have a
Nice Drink
?COCA COLA?
Buurrrrrrrrrrr;-)
There's one good thing about being hit in the head with a bottle of Coca Cola
It's a soft drink
I had to quit my job at the Coca-Cola factory today...
... It was just Soda Pressing
Please stop making new flavors of coca cola.
Either you put the c**... back or leave it alone.
"Dad, what's capitalism?"
"Here, take this £5 note and go and get me a BLT with a large coca cola."
The boy left his house and took the only possible route, up a huge hill. He got to the counter and made the order.
"That'll be £7.34," said the assistant.
"I only have £5, mister," said the boy. The assistant shrugged his shoulders and the boy left.
The boy barged in through the front door and shouted, "Dad, I just went all that way for you and you didn't give me enough money."
The dad looked him in the eye and said, "Son, that's capitalism."
My s**... life is like Coca-Cola.
First it was normal, then light and now zero.
It's disgusting. They used to make COCA-Cola with REAL c**...! So you can probably guess what they used to make shamPOO with!
Yep, child labour.
Russia has been cut off from CNN, CBS, ABC Pornhub, Facebook...
US is working depriving Russians of McDonalds, Coca-Cola and US fastfood. They continue with these sanctions and Russian people will probably be the most healthiest, well adjusted, spiritual and well informed people on the planet.
The CEO of Coca-Cola calls Vladimir Putin.
Mr Putin! I noticed you've changed the Russian anthem. Do you have any plans to change the colors of your flag as well and return to the previous purely red flag? If you'd put a Coca-Cola logo in the corner, we'd solve all your financial troubles for the next five years.
Putin puts the CEO on hold while he discusses with his generals. Psst, when does our contract with Aquafresh end?
My s**...-life is like Coca Cola....
...first it was normal, then it was light and now it's zero!