Coats Jokes

41 coats jokes and hilarious coats puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about coats that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Coats Short Jokes

Short coats jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The coats humour may include short trench coat jokes also.

  1. I'm really tired of people complaining about the price of everything. $2 for coffee, $3 for coat check, $4 for an hour of parking..... ......I'm just going to stop inviting them to my house.
  2. I locked my key in my car outside an abortion clinic They get really angry if you go in and ask for a coat hanger
  3. What is the worst part about locking your keys inside your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go inside and asking for a coat hanger.
  4. A younger chimp asks one of his elders what's a conditioned reflex. The older chimp says: "When I press this red button an idiot in a white coat will open that door and bring us some bananas."
  5. What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood? Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.
  6. What's worse than locking your keys in your car at the abortion clinic? When you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
  7. Harry was blind... ... His friends bought him a silver-coated nutmeg grater for his birthday. When they asked how he liked it, he said it was the most violent story he'd ever read.
  8. Breaking News: Local man hit his wife with a power cell which had its top and bottom coated in electrolytes He has been arrested for a salt-end battery.
  9. What do locking your keys in the car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common? Both are easily fixed with a coat hanger.
  10. What's the worst thing about accidentally locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go in and ask for a coat hanger.

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Coats One Liners

Which coats one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with coats? I can suggest the ones about rain coat and fur coat.

  1. How does a coat steal something? They jacket
  2. What's the best part of having a suicidal coat? It hangs itself
  3. How do you steal a coat joke You jacket
  4. What's half fruit, half dog and is rather sad? A Melon Collie.
    ...I'll get my coat.
  5. What does a painter do when he gets cold? Puts on another coat.
  6. Why was the baby put in jail? For resisting a rest.
    ^^^^I'll ^^^^take ^^^^my ^^^^coat
  7. Why did the knight wear an octopus jacket? It was his coat of arms
  8. Why are so many hipsters sweaty? They put on their winter coats before it's cool.
  9. The dumpling put on a coat and said, “I’m feeling soup-er cozy!”
  10. What do you call a shop that sells aquatic vessels? A boat-ique.
    ...I'll get my coat.
  11. Where do werewolves live? In a warehouse.
    I'll get my coat...
  12. Why do bears have hairy coats? Fur protection
  13. I lost my coat... I hope somebody didn't jacket.
  14. Why does paint keep your house warmer? Because it's a coat.
  15. How do painters stay warm? They add another coat.

Coats joke, How do painters stay warm?

Quirky and Hilarious Coats Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.

What funny jokes about coats you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean seals jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make coats pranks.

A man hires a blonde to paint his porch.

He tells her that the brushes, paint, and ladders are in the garage.
About 30 minutes later he hears a knock and answers the door. The blonde lets him know that she's finished.
"Wow" he says, "that was quick. Did you have enough paint?"
"Yup, enough for 2 coats!" she replies.
The man thanks and pays her. As she's leaving she turns around and says "By the way, it's not a porch. It's a Ferrari."
Disclaimer: I did not make up this joke although I wish I had.

What is communism?

- Let me explain.. If you had 2 yachts and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course.
- Well, that's communism. Another example, if you had 2 homes and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course I would.
- See, its easy. If you had 2 coats for example and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- No!
- No? Why not?
- Because I *do* have 2 coats

Overcrowded church

The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.
After a few moments, there were only three people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."

Car broke down.

While driving to work one day, a man's car breaks down. He eases it over to the shoulder and gets out. He pops open the trunk and two n**... men in trench coats hop out, walk a few feet behind the car and start opening and closing their coats.
Naturally, this causes a pileup, which brings out a number of police officers. The driver is flustered as officers question him. "My car broke down, so I pulled off to the side and put out my emergency flashers..."

A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls.

The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day.
Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the parkas on such a hot day.
The handyman showed him the instructions on the can of paint. They read: For best results, put on two coats.

What happened when the Eskimo teens went clubbing?

They got new fur coats.

What does a house wear?

Or maybe it can put on a couple paint coats when it gets colder

Why was the paint on the wall so cold?

It needed more coats!!

THE crowded restaurant had a sign reading

Not Responsible for Personal Items , so Larry kept checking on his belongings.
Finally his friend said, Larry, you're driving me nuts. Stop watching our coats.
I'm only watching mine, Larry said. Yours was stolen half an hour ago.

Blonde painting a house

Did you hear about the blonde who wore two jackets when she painted the house?
The instructions on the can said: "Put on two coats."


They lay around and sleep all day, you can tell them any joke and they won't laugh, and they just wanna be away from you. So, cats are just teenagers in fur coats.

I went to the store to buy some camouflage coats.

But I couldn't find any.

Two guys wearing white coats are talking at a mental asylum

o**... says : "So, you're the patient who thinks he's a doctor ?"
The other guy responds : "Go back to your room !"

I'm starting a new line of reversible coats

I can't wait to see how they turn out

How my dad taught me how to button my suit coats.

He said *"Think of it like a woman; sometimes the top, always the middle, but never the bottom."*

What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?

One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!

Why did the painter give the wall 2 coats?

Because it was winter

Why doesn't anyone get laid on Thanksgiving?

All the coats are on the bed!

Russia Jokes

Submit your best Russia jokes.
Mine are "Why was everybody in Russia rushin'? Because nobody wanted to be Stalin." and "Why were Russians wearing bear fur coats? Because Lenins weren't warm enough for them."

Why don't black guys wear felt coats?

Because they attract the fuzz.

I hate procrastinating, it coats me time and effort, I'm gonna do something about it.

But I can do that next week

If two men are cold on a date, do they give one another their coats?

How do seals keep their coats so smooth?

They use a sea lion.

DIY - previous owners thought a bright red living room a good idea. 12 coats of heavy duty primer later...

This Kilz the walls.

Coats joke, DIY - previous owners thought a bright red living room a good idea. 12 coats of heavy duty primer la