Coat Jokes
171 coat jokes and hilarious coat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about coat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Look no further for the funniest coat jokes out there - from the silliest winter coat puns to the most hilarious blazer quips and raincoat riddles. Get ready to laugh with these witty jokes about all types of coats, from fur, puffer and lab coats, to big coats, coat hangers and more!
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Funniest Coat Short Jokes
Short coat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The coat humour may include short cloth jokes also.
- I'm really tired of people complaining about the price of everything. $2 for coffee, $3 for coat check, $4 for an hour of parking..... ......I'm just going to stop inviting them to my house.
- I locked my key in my car outside an abortion clinic They get really angry if you go in and ask for a coat hanger
- What is the worst part about locking your keys inside your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go inside and asking for a coat hanger.
- A younger chimp asks one of his elders what's a conditioned reflex. The older chimp says: "When I press this red button an idiot in a white coat will open that door and bring us some bananas."
- What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood? Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.
- What's worse than locking your keys in your car at the abortion clinic? When you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
- Harry was blind... ... His friends bought him a silver-coated nutmeg grater for his birthday. When they asked how he liked it, he said it was the most violent story he'd ever read.
- Breaking News: Local man hit his wife with a power cell which had its top and bottom coated in electrolytes He has been arrested for a salt-end battery.
- What do locking your keys in the car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common? Both are easily fixed with a coat hanger.
- What's the worst thing about accidentally locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go in and ask for a coat hanger.
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Coat One Liners
Which coat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with coat? I can suggest the ones about cloak and robe.
- How does a coat steal something? They jacket
- What's the best part of having a suicidal coat? It hangs itself
- How do you steal a coat joke You jacket
- What's half fruit, half dog and is rather sad? A Melon Collie.
...I'll get my coat. - What does a painter do when he gets cold? Puts on another coat.
- Why was the baby put in jail? For resisting a rest.
^^^^I'll ^^^^take ^^^^my ^^^^coat - Why did the knight wear an octopus jacket? It was his coat of arms
- Why are so many hipsters sweaty? They put on their winter coats before it's cool.
- The dumpling put on a coat and said, “I’m feeling soup-er cozy!”
- What do you call a shop that sells aquatic vessels? A boat-ique.
...I'll get my coat. - Where do werewolves live? In a warehouse.
I'll get my coat... - Why do bears have hairy coats? Fur protection
- I lost my coat... I hope somebody didn't jacket.
- Why does paint keep your house warmer? Because it's a coat.
- How do painters stay warm? They add another coat.
Trench Coat Jokes
Here is a list of funny trench coat jokes and even better trench coat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Three sheep in trench coat want to see a movie One adult ticket please the sheep says
I can tell you're three sheep in a trench coat the salesman says
Really?
Yes! One, two, zzz - Did you hear the one about the umbrella in the trench coat and sunglasses? He was looking shady.
- What do people wear in a trench? Trench coats.
- What do you get when you cross Barry Allen and a trench coat? The Flash.
- Did you hear about the Scarface impersonator who flashed that girl? He opened his trench coat and said Say hello to my little friend
- My therapist told me to go out to a social event for my social anxiety. Exposure therapy, and all that. It worked. Although the trench coat put me a bit out of pocket.
- Whaddya call a large lizard in a trench coat? an investigator.
- Why do street ducks where trench coats To hide their shipment of quack
- Two nuns Two nuns are sitting on a bench. A guy in a trench coat comes up and flashes them. One of the nuns has a s**.... The other couldn't quite reach.
- 3 nuns are flashed by a pervert in a trench coat 2 of them had a s**.... The other one didn't want to touch it.
Coat Hanger Jokes
Here is a list of funny coat hanger jokes and even better coat hanger puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the worst part about locking yourself out of your car outside of a Planned Parenthood? Having to go inside to ask for a coat hanger
- i hate how my mom keeps babying me... just last week she tried to kill me with a coat hanger.
- Locking your keys in the car is a lot like getting your girlfriend pregnant. A coat hanger should take care of the problem.
- what is worse than locking your keys in your car parked at planned parent hood? going inside to borrow a coat hanger
- What brings out your inner kid? A coat hanger.
- the most awkward time in my life Was when I locked my keys in my car and had to walk into the nearby abortion clinic to ask to borrow a coat hanger.
- Why did the blonde keep coat hangers under her seat? In case she locks her keys in her car.
- What's the best way to bring out your inner child? A coat hanger
- Millenials are Killing the Coat Hanger Industry more than half of them support legal abortions.
- I was trying to make a joke about coat hanger abortion with my mom I was just having a poke at it.
Fur Coat Jokes
Here is a list of funny fur coat jokes and even better fur coat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I got a puppy for my daughter and a fur coat for my wife... ...best two trades I ever made.
- What happened when the Eskimo teens went clubbing? They got new fur coats.
- Why does it take 100 mink to make a fur coat? Because they are lazy and have small hands!
- My cat's not happy about his coat being twisted into bunches. Fur's twirled problem!
- My dog is vegan but he is kind of a hypocrite about it. He has a fur coat that he always wears.
- How many cats does it take to make a fur coat? None! Cats can't sew!
- A boy to his mother: Do you know how much suffering the poor beast had to endure for you to get this fur coat? My boy, you mustn't talk so disrespectfully about your father.
- Cats They lay around and sleep all day, you can tell them any joke and they won't laugh, and they just wanna be away from you. So, cats are just teenagers in fur coats.
- Did you hear about the sly woodlands creature that was killed for his fur? He went from a cunning stoat to a stunning coat
- fur coat daughter tells mom who wears a fur coat
daughter: did you know that your fur coat is a result of suffering of an animal?
mom: you shouldn't talk about your dad that way
Abortion Coat Hanger Jokes
Here is a list of funny abortion coat hanger jokes and even better abortion coat hanger puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- freckles are actually just scars From the coat hanger abortion
- Imagine if you locked your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic talk about convenient. You could just go inside and get a coat hanger to pick the lock.
- What's the best part about locking your keys in the car at an abortion clinic? Plenty of coat hangers.
- Hate it when you're looking through your room and can't find a coat hanger You have to go all the way to the doctors to get an abortion
- With the likelihood of Roe v. Wade being overturned abortion provides should start diversifying. Product development idea: Planned Parenthood brand coat hangers
- The cheapest abortion is To push the lady down the stairs.. I can't afford too many coat hangers.
- Did you see the new abortion movie? I hear it's a real coat hanger
- What is mother-approved and child-tested? Coat-Hanger Abortions
- What can you buy for a dollar? A coat hanger abortion.
- i found a coat hanger in ladies' bathroom. i wonder who had an abortion.
White Coat Jokes
Here is a list of funny white coat jokes and even better white coat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I need some help finding a playful hunting dog with a short white coat. Any Pointers?
- Two guys wearing white coats are talking at a mental asylum o**... says : "So, you're the patient who thinks he's a doctor ?"
The other guy responds : "Go back to your room !"
Comical Coat Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about coat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make coat pranks.
Ticket Please
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, instead he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
Three Nuns
Three Nuns are walking down an alley after church.
A man jumps out in a trench coat and exposes himself to them.
The first Nun has a s**....
The second Nun has a s**....
But the third Nun doesn't touch him.
Three old ladies
Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a f**... runs up and opens his trench coat in front of them.
The first old lady has a s**....
The second old lady has a s**....
The third old lady can't reach that far.
A Blond walks into a gas station...
and asks the employee: "I locked my keys in the car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?"
Ten minutes later a trucker comes in and can't stop laughing. So the employee asks him why he is laughing. The trucker says: "There is a Blond who tries to open her car with a coat hanger!" The employee: "So what? This could happen to anyone." Trucker: "Sure, but usually there isn't another Blond in the car who yells: a little more right / a little more left! "
Three old women were sitting on a bench in the park...
chatting when a man wearing a trench coat approached and flashed them. The first woman instantly had a s**..., as did the second. The third one couldn't quite reach.
Three nuns are walking through a park
A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes them. Such was the shock that the first nun had a s**..., then the second nun had a s**... but the third nun just couldn't bring herself to touch it.
So three old ladies are sitting on a park bench....
When all of the sudden a f**... comes by and, before they can reach for their canes, opens his trench coat and flashes them. The first old lady has a s**..., the second old lady has a s**..., but the third old lady couldn't reach that far.
Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench...
... and are approached by a man in a trench coat, who opens his coat and flashes the women, n**... except for his shoes.
The first old lady has a s**....
The second old lady has a s**... as well.
The third lady's arms were too short.
Three old ladies are sitting on a bench in the park...
When a wild f**... appears and opens up his trench coat to reveal his nakedness, the first old last has a s**..., the second old lady has a s**..., the third old lady couldn't reach.
Three old ladies were sitting on a park-bench...
Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench one day when all of a sudden a man in a dark trench coat walks by them.
Without any hesitation he pulls open his coat and flashes them.
The first old lady had a s**....
The second old lady had a s**....
The third old lady couldn't reach.
Three old women were sitting on a park bench...
...all of a sudden, a man ran in front of them wearing a long overcoat. He opened up his coat, and he was wearing nothing underneath. The first woman had a s**.... The second woman had a s**.... The third one couldn't reach.
A man walks into a bar...
Shadily dressed in a trench coat with the collar pulled up and a fedora pulled down over his face. A livid scar runs down his cheek, and his two tone shoes are dangerously polished. In his hands he's carrying an accordion case. The bar falls completely silent. All of the patrons turn pale and freeze as the man strolls up to the bar and sets the case down on the counter. Everyone holds their breath. Suddenly, the man flips open the case and pulls out a machine gun! And everyone in the bar breathes a sigh of relief.
What did the sexist man say when his girlfriend asked for his coat?
If you can't stand the cold, stay in the kitchen.
A lady goes to the store to buy a hook
..to mount on a wall to hang her coat. She walks up to the counter with it but doesn't have a screw to mount it to the wall. The checkout guy says "do you want a screw for the hook? She answers ""No but I'll blow you for that toaster."
(A version of an old Andrew Dice Clay joke)
The Three Old Ladies & the f**...
Three old ladies - Gertrude, Maude and Tilly were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a f**... approached from across the park.
The f**... came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a s**....
Then Maude also had a s**....
But Tilly, bless her heart, being older and more feeble, couldn't quite reach that far.
A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of...
...a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, very serious," said the doctor gravely. "There are three doctors there already."
Do you guys want to hear about my Friday night?
I had quite an experience at home by myself. At one point I even picked my coat up from the floor. It was off the hook.
Made this up while laying in bed and yes it's bad. I apologize in advance
A 35 year old house painter walks out of his home on a snowy winter day but quickly scurries back inside and says with a grin on his face "It likes like I'M the one that needs another coat today"
A rich woman feigns illness andbleavesba party early
When she gets home, she calls the butler to her bedroom.
"Jeeves? Take off my coat."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, remove my high heels."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, unzip my dress, and remove it...throw it on the floor!
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, remove my brassiere and p**...."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves?"
"Yes, madam?"
"If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired."
Two old nuns are sitting on a park bench.
A man runs up to them in a trench coat, opens it wide and flashes them. One of the nuns immediately had a s**.... The other couldn't quite reach.
A woman's husband dies and gets cremated
She takes the ashes home, puts them on the porch and says, "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know that new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispered, "You know that b**... I promised you? Well, here it comes"
Three little old ladies are sitting at a bus stop...
...when suddenly a man in a trench coat runs up to them and tears open the coat, flashing them his manly parts.
Two of the little old ladies immediately have a s**....
The third couldn't quite reach.
A kid got in trouble for m**... in the coat room
All he did was jacket
So three nuns are walking along when a guy with a trench coat steps up to them...
He opens his trench coat and is completely n**... underneath.
The first nun exclaims "Ohh my goodness" and has a s**....
The second nun yells "Well I never" and has a s**....
The third nun, well the third nun doesn't touch it at all.
This guy in an overcoat walks up to two old nuns on a bench
and opens up his coat to reveal he's completely n**... underneath. One of the nuns has a s**....
The other one couldn't reach
What did Matt Damon do when he went looking for a used sports coat?
He went Goodwill Hunting
Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a man in a long coat walks up to them and exposes himself...
The first old lady says, "My goodness!" and immediately has a s**.... The second lady, seeing the first lady, also has a s**.... The third lady couldn't reach.
Three nuns are sitting on a park bench when a f**... comes by and opens his trench coat. The first two nuns each had a s**....
The third nun couldn't reach.
With age comes wisdom
An old man was fishing at the riverbank. Along came a frog who said, "If you kiss me I will turn into a beautiful woman and grant you any s**... favor you desire!"
The old man thought about it and put the frog in his coat pocket.
"Aren't you going to kiss me?" said the frog.
"I'm 75, I'd rather have a talking frog!"
A woman was trying on her new fur coat.
Her teenage daughter walked up to her and said.
"Mother, do you realize that this coat is the result of the suffering of a poor, defenseless animal?"
The woman looked strictly at her daughter.
"Young lady, don't you dare talk about your father like that."
A grave digger...
A grave digger hears a story about how Mozart had an unfinished song folded up in his coat pocket when he was buried.
The grave digger goes to the cemetery where Mozart was buried, and starts digging at the composer's grave.
The grave digger hits the coffin.
The grave digger opens the coffin, and sees Mozart holding the unfinished piece, and erasing each note on at a time.
The grave digger yells, "What are you doing?!"
Mozart responds with, "Decomposing."
Two old ladies were sitting on a bench...
Two old ladies were sitting on a bench having a quiet chat, when a f**... approached from across the park. He stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat, exposing himself.
One of the ladies immediately had a s**....
The other lady, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.
3 nuns are sitting on a bench.
A man in a trench coat walks by and flashes them. 2 of the nuns had a s**.... The third couldn't reach.
There were two old ladies sitting on a park bench
when a f**... came by. The f**... stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
The first old lady had a s**...,
but the second old lady couldn't reach it.
What do trees wear when it gets cold?
A fir coat.
Two blondes are locked out of their car...
The first blonde is trying to unlock the car using a coat hanger. The second says to the first "hurry up! It looks like it's going to rain and the top's down!"
Why did Cruella De Vil become a scientist?
Because she wanted to wear a lab coat.
Two old ladies sitting on a park bench
There were two old ladies sitting on a park bench talking when a f**... came by. The f**... stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
The first old lady had a s**..., but the second old lady couldn't reach it.
Three Old Ladies Sitting on a park bench.
Three old ladies are sitting in the park. Just chatting it up on a park bench like old ladies will do.
Suddenly, a man in a trench coat walks up to them and opens his coat and flashes them with all that god had given him to offer.
Well, the first old lady immediately has a s**....
The second old lady has a s**... soon after.
The third old lady, being more old and feeble, couldn't reach that far.
A man attacks a woman wearing a fur coat..
..and shouts at her angrily - "Do you have any idea how many minks had to die for you to wear that fur??"
"It is not mink, it's polyester!"
"Doesn't matter!! Do you know how many polyesters had to die!?"
Two vampires walk into a bar
Two vampires sit down at a bar. The first vampire orders a glass of blood but the second one just asks for a cup of hot water.
The first vampire is surprised by this and remarks "Just water? Are you feeling alright?"
The second vampire waves him off and pulls a dripping t**... from his coat pocket "Yes yes I'm just in the mood for some tea!"
How do you keep paint warm?
Put on a second coat
A jewish guy gets knocked over by a car...
A passer by runs over to check on him. He bundles up his coat into a pillow and places it under his head "Are you comfortable?" the stranger asks. He replies "Ach, I make a living."
Cr
I was called a racist for saying "black paint".
Apparently the proper phrasing is "Tyrone, could you please add another coat?"
A woman walks into the dry cleaners...
Clerk: Hello ma'am, what can we do for you?
Woman: I would like to drop off my coat.
Clerk: Ok, what would you like us to do with it?
Woman: I would like you to get the stain out of the collar area.
Clerk: Come again?
Woman: No, it's mustard this time.
Two frail old ladies were sitting on a park bench...
Out of nowhere, a man in a trench coat came up and flashed them. One old lady was so shocked she had a s**......
but the other was too frail to reach.
A man in a trench coat exposed himself to three elderly ladies sitting on a park bench.
The first lady had a s**....
The second lady also had a s**....
The third lady tried, but she was too frail and cannot reach.
A blonde walked into a gas station...
A blonde walked into a gas station and told the manager, "I locked my keys in my car and I was wondering if you had a coat hanger I could stick through the window and unlock the door."
"Why, sure," said the manager, "We have something that works especially for that."
A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing. He heard another voice. "No, no, a little to the left," said the other blonde inside the car.
A pirate captain is about to pillage a Royal Navy ship.
He calls to his aide, "Bring me my red coat!" When the aide asks why, he says, "If I get shot, the men won't see it and will keep on fighting." The aide praises the captain's intelligence and fetches the jacket. Then, as soon as they are about to attack, a lookout yells, "Captain, we just realized that there are in fact 20 ships!" The captain suddenly goes very pale and calls, "Bring me my brown pants."
A man in a trench coat aproaches 3 elderly women on a park bench. He flashes the women.
The first lady had a s**...
The second one also had a s**...
The third lady couldn't reach
Two Blondes leave a bar and realize they've locked their keys in the car.
After trying every door, attempting to call someone for help, and further debate, one blonde says to the other I bet I can unlock the doors with a coat hanger! I'll run inside and see if they have one!
The other blonde says Ok, well hurry because it looks like it's going to rain and the top is down!
3 old ladies were at the park sitting on a bench...
A man wearing a trench coat walks up to them, opens the coat and flashes them with his n**... body.
The first old lady has a s**.... The second old lady has a s**.... The third old lady can't reach.
There's 3 old ladies sitting on a bench
A man in a trench coat walks out, opens up the coat and flashes them. 2 of the old ladies have a s**.... The 3rd one doesn't because her arms are too short.
Three old ladies are sitting on a bench
A f**... runs up and opens his coat.
The first woman immediately had a s**....
The second had one only a moment later.
The third didn't because she couldn't reach.
What is the best way to steal a coat?
Jacket
Three elderly ladies are sitting on a park bench in Central Park. Suddenly, a man dressed in an overcoat appears from behind a tree. The man casually opens his coat and flashes the unsuspecting ladies.
Surprised, the first lady had a s**.... The second lady also had a s**.... The third lady, though, declined to touch it.
A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her 40th birthday. He says: So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?
Bernie, she says. I want a divorce .
My goodness, he says. I wasn't planning on spending that much.
Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench....
When a lecherous f**... walked up to them and opened his trench coat exposing his John Thomas.
The first old lady had a s**......
The second old lady had a s**......
The third old lady couldn't reach.
A Chassidic Jew walks into a bar...
He's wearing a long black frock coat, his ear locks are curled and dangling, and he's got a large bullfrog just sitting on his shoulder. The bartender turns around, sees him, and says, "hey, where'd you get that thing?" The bullfrog croaks, "in Brooklyn, there's hundreds of them!"
