Coat Jokes
155 coat jokes and hilarious coat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about coat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Look no further for the funniest coat jokes out there - from the silliest winter coat puns to the most hilarious blazer quips and raincoat riddles. Get ready to laugh with these witty jokes about all types of coats, from fur, puffer and lab coats, to big coats, coat hangers and more!
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Funniest Coat Short Jokes
Short coat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The coat humour may include short cloth jokes also.
- I'm really tired of people complaining about the price of everything. $2 for coffee, $3 for coat check, $4 for an hour of parking..... ......I'm just going to stop inviting them to my house.
- A younger chimp asks one of his elders what's a conditioned reflex. The older chimp says: "When I press this red button an idiot in a white coat will open that door and bring us some bananas."
- Harry was blind... ... His friends bought him a silver-coated nutmeg grater for his birthday. When they asked how he liked it, he said it was the most violent story he'd ever read.
- Breaking News: Local man hit his wife with a power cell which had its top and bottom coated in electrolytes He has been arrested for a salt-end battery.
- What do locking your keys in the car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common? Both are easily fixed with a coat hanger.
- I got a puppy for my daughter and a fur coat for my wife... ...best two trades I ever made.
- Do you guys want to hear about my Friday night? I had quite an experience at home by myself. At one point I even picked my coat up from the floor. It was off the hook.
- Going to open up a donut shop next to a medical m**... store I'll call it glazed and confused
- i hate how my mom keeps babying me... just last week she tried to kill me with a coat hanger.
- What would it mean to you to beat Jon this evening? It would be like… finding a fiver in an old coat.
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Coat One Liners
Which coat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with coat? I can suggest the ones about cloak and robe.
- How does a coat steal something? They jacket
- What's half fruit, half dog and is rather sad? A Melon Collie.
...I'll get my coat. - What does a painter do when he gets cold? Puts on another coat.
- Why was the baby put in jail? For resisting a rest.
^^^^I'll ^^^^take ^^^^my ^^^^coat - Why did the knight wear an octopus jacket? It was his coat of arms
- Why are so many hipsters sweaty? They put on their winter coats before it's cool.
- The dumpling put on a coat and said, “I’m feeling soup-er cozy!”
- What do you call a shop that sells aquatic vessels? A boat-ique.
...I'll get my coat. - Where do werewolves live? In a warehouse.
I'll get my coat... - Why do bears have hairy coats? Fur protection
- I lost my coat... I hope somebody didn't jacket.
- Why does paint keep your house warmer? Because it's a coat.
- What happened when the Eskimo teens went clubbing? They got new fur coats.
- What brings out your inner kid? A coat hanger.
- How do you keep paint warm? Put on a second coat
Trench Coat Jokes
Here is a list of funny trench coat jokes and even better trench coat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Three sheep in trench coat want to see a movie One adult ticket please the sheep says
I can tell you're three sheep in a trench coat the salesman says
Really?
Yes! One, two, zzz - Did you hear the one about the umbrella in the trench coat and sunglasses? He was looking shady.
- What do people wear in a trench? Trench coats.
- What do you get when you cross Barry Allen and a trench coat? The Flash.
- Did you hear about the Scarface impersonator who flashed that girl? He opened his trench coat and said Say hello to my little friend
- My therapist told me to go out to a social event for my social anxiety. Exposure therapy, and all that. It worked. Although the trench coat put me a bit out of pocket.
- Whaddya call a large lizard in a trench coat? an investigator.
- Why do street ducks where trench coats To hide their shipment of quack
Coat Hanger Jokes
Here is a list of funny coat hanger jokes and even better coat hanger puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- the most awkward time in my life Was when I locked my keys in my car and had to walk into the nearby abortion clinic to ask to borrow a coat hanger.
- Why did the blonde keep coat hangers under her seat? In case she locks her keys in her car.
- Millenials are Killing the Coat Hanger Industry more than half of them support legal abortions.
- I was trying to make a joke about coat hanger abortion with my mom I was just having a poke at it.
- So my mom was poking me with a coat hanger. I told her to stop, and she didn't, so I asked why she was poking me and she said "because I should have done it 16 years ago"
- My girlfriend asked me for the 7th time in a row for me to smash raw...
She must think I'm made of coat hangers. - Coat hanger and hat are in the closet Their owner comes and grabs the hat. The hat shouts: You hang here, I'll go on a head!
- I went to a baby shower I was torn between a vacuum or a coat hanger as a gift
- I think I was an unwanted child I'm 36 years old and my mother is still chasing me around with a coat hanger
- What do you call a depressed butler? A coat hanger.
Fur Coat Jokes
Here is a list of funny fur coat jokes and even better fur coat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My cat's not happy about his coat being twisted into bunches. Fur's twirled problem!
- My dog is vegan but he is kind of a hypocrite about it. He has a fur coat that he always wears.
- How many cats does it take to make a fur coat? None! Cats can't sew!
- A boy to his mother: Do you know how much suffering the poor beast had to endure for you to get this fur coat? My boy, you mustn't talk so disrespectfully about your father.
- Cats They lay around and sleep all day, you can tell them any joke and they won't laugh, and they just wanna be away from you. So, cats are just teenagers in fur coats.
- Did you hear about the sly woodlands creature that was killed for his fur? He went from a cunning stoat to a stunning coat
- fur coat daughter tells mom who wears a fur coat
daughter: did you know that your fur coat is a result of suffering of an animal?
mom: you shouldn't talk about your dad that way - My cat always had a rough coat of fur. I would always try my best to wash her but she hated it No matter how much I tried to condition her.
- Did you hear about the expensive coat that was made with real animal fur? Yeah, it was a ripoff
- new coat my wife wanted me to get her a new coat... i said "fur sure".
Rain Coat Jokes
Here is a list of funny rain coat jokes and even better rain coat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A thief went on stealing in a raining day.... He got coat.
White Coat Jokes
Here is a list of funny white coat jokes and even better white coat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I need some help finding a playful hunting dog with a short white coat. Any Pointers?
Comical Coat Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about coat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean suit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make coat pranks.
Ticket Please
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, instead he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
A hot dog and a hamburger...
A hot dog and a hamburger are having a drink at the bar. The hot dog says, "I've got some bad news for you and I can either sugar coat it, or give it to you straight." The hamburger replies, "Please--Beef Frank."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does it take 100 mink to make a fur coat?
Because they are lazy and have small hands!
A Blond walks into a gas station...
and asks the employee: "I locked my keys in the car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?"
Ten minutes later a trucker comes in and can't stop laughing. So the employee asks him why he is laughing. The trucker says: "There is a Blond who tries to open her car with a coat hanger!" The employee: "So what? This could happen to anyone." Trucker: "Sure, but usually there isn't another Blond in the car who yells: a little more right / a little more left! "
A man walks into a bar...
Shadily dressed in a trench coat with the collar pulled up and a fedora pulled down over his face. A livid scar runs down his cheek, and his two tone shoes are dangerously polished. In his hands he's carrying an accordion case. The bar falls completely silent. All of the patrons turn pale and freeze as the man strolls up to the bar and sets the case down on the counter. Everyone holds their breath. Suddenly, the man flips open the case and pulls out a machine gun! And everyone in the bar breathes a sigh of relief.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the sexist man say when his girlfriend asked for his coat?
If you can't stand the cold, stay in the kitchen.
A lady goes to the store to buy a hook
..to mount on a wall to hang her coat. She walks up to the counter with it but doesn't have a screw to mount it to the wall. The checkout guy says "do you want a screw for the hook? She answers ""No but I'll blow you for that toaster."
(A version of an old Andrew Dice Clay joke)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two nuns
Two nuns are sitting on a bench. A guy in a trench coat comes up and flashes them. One of the nuns has a s**.... The other couldn't quite reach.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The f**...
A man wearing a trench coat with nothing underneath goes walking through the park. He sees two little old ladies sitting on a bench, so he goes over and opens his trench coat with a flourish, revealing everything underneath. One of the ladies has a s**..., the other couldn't reach.
Made this up while laying in bed and yes it's bad. I apologize in advance
A 35 year old house painter walks out of his home on a snowy winter day but quickly scurries back inside and says with a grin on his face "It likes like I'M the one that needs another coat today"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Another jewish gag
An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and falls onto the pavement and lays there groaning in agony. A young man rushes up to help. He takes off his coat, folds it up into a pillow and as he gently places it under the old mans head he asks "Are you comfortable ?
The old man looks up into the guys kind eyes and says "Eh...I make a living"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rich woman feigns illness andbleavesba party early
When she gets home, she calls the butler to her bedroom.
"Jeeves? Take off my coat."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, remove my high heels."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, unzip my dress, and remove it...throw it on the floor!
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, remove my brassiere and p**...."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves?"
"Yes, madam?"
"If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired."
A friend told me he was walking by a cemetery last night.
A friend told me he was walking by a cemetery last night, and claimed he witnessed the gravedigger handing over several bodies to a shady-looking man wearing a trench coat.
"Hmmm, seems unlikely," I said. "are you sure that's what you saw?"
"Absolutely," he replied. "It was a dead giveaway."
I just got a great new lab coat!
The meat was pretty good too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman's husband dies and gets cremated
She takes the ashes home, puts them on the porch and says, "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know that new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispered, "You know that b**... I promised you? Well, here it comes"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A kid got in trouble for m**... in the coat room
All he did was jacket
Whats blue and bangs old ladies?
Me in my lucky blue coat.
I got my beautiful wife a lovely woolie hat and a coat for Christmas.
She's gonna need it because I've just lost our house to gambling.
After my prostrate exam, the nurse asked me an interesting question.
She asked "Who was the guy in the lab coat?"
How did the doctor tell his patient he has diabetes?
He didn't sugar coat it
A woman was trying on her new fur coat.
Her teenage daughter walked up to her and said.
"Mother, do you realize that this coat is the result of the suffering of a poor, defenseless animal?"
The woman looked strictly at her daughter.
"Young lady, don't you dare talk about your father like that."
A grave digger...
A grave digger hears a story about how Mozart had an unfinished song folded up in his coat pocket when he was buried.
The grave digger goes to the cemetery where Mozart was buried, and starts digging at the composer's grave.
The grave digger hits the coffin.
The grave digger opens the coffin, and sees Mozart holding the unfinished piece, and erasing each note on at a time.
The grave digger yells, "What are you doing?!"
Mozart responds with, "Decomposing."
What is the perfect name for an Indian butler?
Mahatma Coat
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
True story! I supervise medical residents and was told one's name was pronounced 'az-wee-pay'.
Embroidered on her lab coat: a**...
What do trees wear when it gets cold?
A fir coat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the best part of having a suicidal coat?
It hangs itself
How do you catch a rabbit?
Lie in a field and make carrot noises.
Thanks, I'll grab my coat.
Two blondes are locked out of their car...
The first blonde is trying to unlock the car using a coat hanger. The second says to the first "hurry up! It looks like it's going to rain and the top's down!"
Why did Cruella De Vil become a scientist?
Because she wanted to wear a lab coat.
I told my wife to put her coat on...
She said 'why, are we going out?'
'No,' I said, 'I'm going out and I'll be turning the heat off.'
A man attacks a woman wearing a fur coat..
..and shouts at her angrily - "Do you have any idea how many minks had to die for you to wear that fur??"
"It is not mink, it's polyester!"
"Doesn't matter!! Do you know how many polyesters had to die!?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fancy s**... Club
I found my self at a s**... club one evening. Apparently it was a nice one because when I pulled out a dollar bill to tip one of the dancers she promptly told me "sorry darling but we only take big bills here." without missing a beat I said "no problem hun, all I have are big bills." i winked at her, reached inside my coat pocket and stuffed my electric bill in her G-string.
Which elf was the best singer?
Elfis Presley
(I'll get my coat)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A jewish guy gets knocked over by a car...
A passer by runs over to check on him. He bundles up his coat into a pillow and places it under his head "Are you comfortable?" the stranger asks. He replies "Ach, I make a living."
Cr
Two unborn twins are talking to each other
- Look, our father is coming.
- No, that's our uncle
- How can you tell?
- Uncle always wears coat.
A woman walks into the dry cleaners...
Clerk: Hello ma'am, what can we do for you?
Woman: I would like to drop off my coat.
Clerk: Ok, what would you like us to do with it?
Woman: I would like you to get the stain out of the collar area.
Clerk: Come again?
Woman: No, it's mustard this time.
My Dad and I walk outside in sub-zero temperatures, and he's wearing a t-shirt.
Me: "Dad, it's really cold, don't you want to wear a coat?"
Dad: "I'm just exercising my second-ammendment rights."
Me: "........."
Dad: "My right to bare arms."
The double slit experiment proved one of the strangest hypotheses in science
College chicks will do anything if you wear a lab coat and act smart.
A blonde walked into a gas station...
A blonde walked into a gas station and told the manager, "I locked my keys in my car and I was wondering if you had a coat hanger I could stick through the window and unlock the door."
"Why, sure," said the manager, "We have something that works especially for that."
A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing. He heard another voice. "No, no, a little to the left," said the other blonde inside the car.
Wife: "Get me a coat hanger, I don't want the baby anymore."
Hubby: "Are you crazy? It's too late for that! May I remind you our child has already been born?"
Wife: "It's not too late to let it play with the wall socket."
I just bought a coat that's waaaay too long! :D
It suits me right down to the ground! :D
Abraham wandered into Sam's pawnshop and placed a leather coat on the counter.
How much will you give me for this jacket?
Sam checked it over. $20, and that's the best he replied.
But that jacket is worth $100" argued Abraham.
Sam was adamant. $20 or nothing.
Are you sure that's all it's worth? pressed Abe.
Positive
Okay, said Abe. "Here's your $20. The jacket was hanging in your doorway and I was wondering how much it was worth.
A man walks into a bar in New Orleans
He sits down next to a man in a jacket. Both of them are watching a preview of the upcoming nfc championship. They both start debating over who will win, and the debate turns into an argument. The man says 100 bucks my saints win! Your on replied the man as he unzipped his coat to reveal black and white stripes. Good luck I got a game to ref replies the ref.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just ask for a hand
This is Freezing outside in Shanghai. I was walking out of the hotel ,seeing three miniskirts coming in through the door way. My coat is stuck in the door and
I asked that , could you give me a hand . I am stuck here.
They said , enh ,fine, if h**... ,398 Yuan.
What a city, they don't even give stranger a hand for free!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A proctologist pulls a thermometer out from his coat pocket...
Great, now some A**hole has my pen!
Did you know that there's a breed of dog who loves science?
You can tell which one it is because they're always wearing a lab coat.
I ran into my priest buying condoms at the grocery store
I tried to hide them under my coat, but if he didn't see them, he definitely saw them later that night.
Why was the worlds greatest painter's wardrobe so small?
He only ever needed one coat.
A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her 40th birthday. He says: So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?
Bernie, she says. I want a divorce .
My goodness, he says. I wasn't planning on spending that much.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Free Drink!
p**... went to the Doctors. and said do you treat alcoholics , The Dr replied, of course we do ………p**... said great get your coat on, I'm feckin skint
How do you steal a coat?
You jack it
The owner of dulux paints died today, he froze to death atop a mountain
Police report states he could of done with another coat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife and I played that game where you write down 5 people we're allowed to sleep with
Ourside of our marriage
She gave me her list and I scoffed at the predictability
Celebrities, athletes, she didn't stand a chance!
However as she read mine a look of complete horror swept over her face
And I was grabbing my coat when she screamed "where the h**... are you going?!"
"I'm going round to see your sister," I said "good luck getting through to George Clooney's agent"
My boss at the cereal factory pulled me into his office...
I like your recipes son, but I think we should make some changes.
Ok , I said, Like What?
Well, first I'd like to dip it in sucrose. Then, I'd like to dust it with dextrose -
Stop right there , I said. No need to sugar coat it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman recently lost her husband.
She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter.
She started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "You know that fur coat you promised me Irving?"
She answered by saying, "I bought it with the insurance money!"
She then said, "Irving, remember that new car you promised me?"
She answered again saying, "Well, I bought it with the insurance money!"
Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving remember that b**... I promised you?
Here it comes ..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car...
The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?"
The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in."
The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?"
The other one answered," No, people will think we're too s**... to use the coat hanger."
The other one said, "Well we better think of something quick because it's starting to rain and the sunroof is open."
A man is sitting in his easy chair watching the football game when his wife comes in and slaps him in the face.
He says, What was that for!
She says, I found a piece of paper in your coat pocket with the name Dorothy written on it!
The man says, oh that's just the name of the horse I was going to bet on
A week passes and the man is back in his easy chair watching another football game.
Wife walks into the living room and slaps him in the face again.
The man yells, what was that for!
She says, your horse just called...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dave was getting robbed in the desert
he gave the robber his money and asked the robber shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.
he then asked," shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward"
after the robber shot the coat, he said, "shoot a few holes-"
"please, no more holes, I'm out of bullets"
"that's what I wanted to hear. now give me back the wallet and some more money for the hat and coat you destroyed before I beat you black and blue"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American, a Russian, and a Ukrainian are flying together in a small plane
The American gets up, goes to the window (it's not *that* small a plane) pulls a w**... of money out of his pocket, and throws it out the window.
"In America, we have plenty of money. We can just throw it away."
The Russian, not to be outdone, rummages in his carry-on bag, pulls out a beautiful fur coat, and throws it out the window.
"In Russia, we have plenty of furs. We can just throw them away!"
The ukrainian gets up, picks up the Russian, throws him out the window.
"In Ukraine, we have plenty of Russians!"
