Coast Jokes

Following is our collection of cities puns and pacific one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Coast jokes for adults, dirty trek jokes and clean shoreline dad gags for kids.

The Best Coast Puns

The coast guard fined my girlfriend and I for having sex in the ocean.

Apparently off-shore drilling is prohibited.

A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber penises, floated in the vicinity.

The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the water, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.


"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.

"How could you possibly know what kind of ship it was?" replied the pilot.

"It was a dictatorship."

I sneaked onto a beach early this morning.

The coast was clear.

What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common?

They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.

My crush told me that I was like a brother to her while we were in the car...

We were driving to New York at the time, and about halfway up the east coast she told me I was like a brother to her. She was surprised when I proceeded to turn the car around and drive the other way without even acting phased. She asked "where are we going now?" My only answer was "Alabama."


I was travelling on the West Coast when I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that said: "I miss Detroit"

...so I broke a window, stole the radio, and left a note that said, "Hope this helps."

An english boat is sinking near the German coast

The english operator contacts the German control. "This is UK120, We are sinking, I repeat, We are sinking".

The germans respond: "What are you sinking about?"

A whale tale

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

A couple of whales.

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the same side of the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, "Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."

At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him."What's the matter, Darling?"
"Look, Love," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen".

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!"and hung up.

Curious, the husband said, "Who was that?" And his lovely wife replies, "I don't have any idea who it was. It was some stupid woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."

A Texan went to an ivy league party on the East coast...

...and there's this group of fancy ladies standing around.

"Howdy," he said. "Which school did y'all go to?"

"Oh... Yale," one of them replied daintily.

'WHICH SCHOOL DID Y'ALL GO TO?!"


A priest, jesus and Shaggy sitting in a drowning boat...

Jesus goes to his knees and prays. Stands up and walks over the Water to the coast.

Shaggy stands up and walks over the Water to the coast.

The priest prays on his knees stands up and tries to walk over the Water, but drowns.

On the coast jesus asks shaggy : "shouldn't we told him where the stones were"

"Like, which stones" shaggy answers...

Made the mistake of letting my east coast newspaper freeze on the steps this winter...

I've fallen on some hard Times.

German Coast Guard

An English ship was approaching the coast when suddenly they started taking on a lot of water. The captain decided to contact the coast guard for help.



**Captain**: Mayday Mayday, This is the English Pearl, we are sinking.



**German Coast Guard**: Sorry, may you please repeat?



**Captain**: This is the English Pearl and we are sinking.



After a few moments of silence...



**German Coast Guard**: What are you sinking about?

An English ship is sinking just off the German coast...

Mayday, mayday, we are sinking!

The German coast guard responds: Hello, zhis is ze German coast guard, whaz are you zinking about?

German life guard joke



A group of tourists were on a boat in hamburg when the engine exploded and created a fire in the bottom of the boat.

They quickly called up the German coast guard for the German Life. Who answered with "Ja, Hallo, dis is ze German Coast Guard, How can i help you?

They responded "Help we're sinking!"

The Life Guard asked "Ja, vat are you sinking about?"

Why does the Coast Guard have a 6 foot height requirement?

So when their ship sinks they can walk back to shore.

A guy is sitting in the living room with his wife when the phone rings.

He picks it up, listens for a moment then says, "I don't know, maybe you should call the coast guard." "Who was that?," his wife asks when he hangs up.. "I'm not sure but they wanted to know if the coast is clear."

My friends and I have a lot of fun riding jet skis That time we had a fatal crash on the coast was especially hilarious.

We littorally died.


A blonde, a red head, and a brunette are trapped on a deserted island 50 miles away from the nearest coast.

The red head decides to swim. She made it 10 miles, then drowned. The brunette also decides to swim. She made it 20 miles then drowned. Finally, the blonde decides to swim. She made it 25 miles, then she got tired and swam back to the island

I had trouble getting drunk off the coast of East Africa

Turns out Zanzibar is sans a bar.

The Coast Guard recently changed their minimum height requirements to 6'.

That way if the boat sinks everyone can just walk to shore.

A man is traveling to the coast of South Western Asia, and he asks his friend if she wants to go with him. She says:

"Yemen, shore."

Why couldn't the Coast Guard save the hippie?

Because he was wayyy far out man.

A man and his wife went fishing one day. As they were fishing, they spotted the Coast Guard coming towards them.

Wife: "Honey, we caught four fish, and we are only allowed three, so lets throw one back into the sea."

Husband: "Are you mad, woman, that's our food for tonight. Take one fish and hide it in your panties."

wife: "And what about the smell???"


Husband: "Just block the fish's nose!...."

A German coast guard and an English ship

A German coast guard is doing maintenance on the shores of the North Sea near France. They come upon an English ship which seems to be sinking.

The captain of the English ship shouts to the coast guard, "Mayday mayday, we're sinking!"

The German coast guard then replies, " What are you sinking about?"

A British ship is sinking in the north sea and calls the nearest coast guard station.

The German coast guard station gets the message, RMS sea lion taking on water and we are sinking. A minute passes and they get a response....Vell, vat are you sinking about?

Barking mouse

The cat closes in upon them as the terrified baby mice back into the corner with no where to run. Suddenly, out in a distance behind the cat, mama mouse began barking "woof, woof!". Caught off guard the cat immediately turned tail and ran. Seeing that the coast is clear, mama mouse came up to her babies and gathered them up. Having made sure that all her babies are accounted for, she said, "see children, that's why it's so important to learn a 2nd language."

Blonde joke

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde are stuck on a desert island.

They know the nearest coast is 50 miles away.

The redhead swims 30 miles but gets tired and drowns.

The brunette swims 45 miles but gets tired and drowns.

The blonde swims 40 miles, gets tired and swims back to the island.

California Roll

A man driving approaches a stop sign and slows down to a cool 5 mph, rolls smoothly across the crosswalk, looks both ways, and glides forward when he sees the coast is clear.

Unbeknownst to him, a cop sees this and pulls him over on the next block.

The cop pulls the guy out of the car and starts beating him.

The guy starts yelling "Stop! STOP!! What are you doing?! Stop!!!"

"Oh I'm sorry, did you want me to stop or slow down?"

This Halloween on the East Coast

I heard a lot of people are going to be the Scorpions this Halloween.
Because we're gonna get rocked like a hurricane.

Hans, how was your first day at the Coast Guard Station?

Not so good... Very boring it was. Very quiet, most of zee day, but zen... a british guy said he was sinking.

He was sinking?

Yes, so I asked him about what he was sinking, and he never replied. How rude!

A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn

A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn tried to swim from Norway to America on a dare. Ten miles from the Norwegian coast, the Swede gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. Fifty miles from the Norwegian coast, the Norwegian gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. The Finn had just caught sight of the American coast, when he sighed "I can't make it either..." and promptly swam back to Norway.

The clear coast

A married couple is in bed asleep when the phone rings at 2AM.

The blonde wife answers and listens for a second and then shouts into the phone, "How should I know that's 150 miles from here!!!"

At that the husband rolls over and asks "who was that?"

The wife replied, "I don't know, some dumb woman wanting to know if the coast is clear!"

The German Coast Guard receives a distress signal from an American ship...

The American captain says "Mayday! Mayday! We're sinking! I repeat, we are sinking!"

The German Coast Guard replies "Oh that's nice, what are you sinking about?"

Some pirates are sailing off the coast of Madagascar

The captain points to the shore and says to his first mate:

"Do you see those crazy looking lemur things?"

To which the first mate replied:

"Aye aye, I eye aye-aye"

When traveling the coast, a struggling merchant and his wife come accross a giant beached whale with gold coins oozing from its mouth. When his wife asked if they should take the gold for themselves, the merchant replied...

"Midas whale"

A short true tale about Ireland, quiz-shows and Hitler

Decades ago when I lived on the rocky coast of West Cork, there was a quiz show called "Quicksilver". It had a top prize of something like $1.25 (perhaps a bit more), and the contestants were just average people. In one show the contestant was asked for Hitler's first name. He thought about, smiled and said "Heil" He did not win his $1.25 but almost everyone in Ireland remembers the tale.

My girlfriend fell off a fishing boat just off the coast of Maine and was devoured by a giant shellfish.

You might say a New England clam chowed her.

Trump is planning on shifting his efforts to build a wall along the east coast.

He thinks it can keep Jose out.

An American is sailing in German waters when his boat starts to take in lots of water.

Realizing he won't be able to make it to shore, he calls the German Coast Guard.

"I'm sinking, I am sinking!"

The operator replies "Vhat are you sinking about?"

Why didn't Texas drift into the gulf coast?

Because Oklahoma sucks.

Germans make the worst coast guards

Help help I'm sinking!
What are you sinking about?

Did you guys heard about the Chinese Ship with a cargo load of Yo-yos that sunk off the coast of Mexico..

.. all 200 times..

Michael Jackson Joke #4543762

Michael Jackson tried killing himself Sunday morning
by jumping off his boat.

The coast guard found him last night, bobbing up and down
on a small buoy.

I invited two people from the US Coast over for coffee.

They left stains all over my coffee table.

I expected them 2 US coasters

This joke still needs some work...

Why does no one swim in the western coast of South America?

Because the water is Chile

What did the American mobile tower on the coast say about the foreign cruise liner?

I will not sync with this ship.

Mayday, mayday, we are sinking.

Zis iz za German coast guard vat are you sinking about?

Why did the maid move to the coast?

Her job required some light house work.

A Russian spy ship was spotted off the U.S coast...

But don't worry - they're just keeping an eye on their investment

I told my friend I was going to dress up as a small island off the coast of Italy for halloween

He said don't be Sicily

i' ve just bought an house in France, southern coast.

It' s very Nice.

My girlfriend lives on the east coast of Virginia.

She's my Chesapeake Bae.

Why is it best not to try to contact the German Coast Guard when your ship is going down?

When you tell them you're sinking, they will just ask you what you are sinking about?

I unexpectedly won a free trip to the most scenic part of the California central coast.

It was a Big Sur prize.

A man goes to the doctors and says "I feel like an island of the south coast of Italy"

The doctor replies "Don't be Sicily"

RIP Kanye West, died after what police think was his attempt to walk on water...

Coast Guard attempted rescue, but say he was too dense.

Son: I'm going to transform into an island off the coast of Italy!

Mother: Don't be Sicily!

A couple pirate jokes

(Couple good misdirection jokes)
You: What's a pirates favorite military branch?

Friend:ARRRMY

You: No yee dumbass, it's the coast guard.



You:What's a pirates favorite letter?

Friend:ARRRR

You: Aye, you think it be arr but it's the SEA! (C)


You:What's a pirates favorite fast food restaurant?

Friend:ARRRBYS

You: No. It's Long John Silver's.

I got a new dog from an island off the coast of Italy recently.

The problem is it Maltas everywhere.
Bu dum tssh

A man told me how he wanted to own an island off the coast of Italy

And I said 'Don't be so Sicily'

There is a new cruise line that goes down the west coast of South America

It's called Perusing

I'm going overseas soon and I've been thinking about checking out the Dalmatia Coast.

I've heard it's got some great spots.

Uber Ark Driver Needed in Florida Panhandle area

Just got a call from a friend on the Florida coast where a lot of rain is falling. He told me an Uber Ark driver position is available.

Two beans on the east coast of Australia

Ended up in Cairns.

I overheard a work colleague saying they are going to a fancy dress party as a small island of the coast of Italy

I said don't be Sicily

Wizards of the Coast:

Wizards of the Coast, and this is where the magic happens.

What did the spy say at the glass beach?

*The coast is clear*

So, I ran into my old Geography Teacher the other day...

and he invited me to his birthday party.
"It's a Geography themed fancy dress party." he said with a grin.
"How's that going to work?" I asked.
"Well, for instance, I'm going as a large Island off the coast of Italy."
"Don't be sicily" I replied...

"I've just been to the Jurassic Coast." "In Dorset?"

"Yes, I'd recommend it to anyone."

Unfortunately a large population of the East Coast of the US are attaching sleds to their backs.

Now it's all going down hill rather quickly.

If you live near the coast, the harbor is often the best place to go shopping.

They often have really good sails on boats.

When I was in the coast guard, I saw a man in the water who had had his arms cut off by the mafia.

Apparently, throwing a lifesaver at him was the wrong thing to do.

West Coast problems

If you meet a vegan, and they do crossfit, which do they talk about first?

TIL the first commodity traded across the USA was jaweia.

Lewis and Clark brought a sack of it with them on their expedition to the Pacific coast.

There is an abundance of sail jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 76 funniest jokes and coast puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any seaside witze you can hear about coast.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes