JokoJokes

Coast Jokes

146 coast jokes and hilarious coast puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about coast that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Enjoy a wide variety of jokes, puns, and competitive humor about the coast. Whether it's east coast cities, west coast beaches, the gold coast, or the Amalfi coast, coast guard, the tundra and the gulf, you'll be sure to have a good time. Read through some of the funniest material about the coast from around the world!

Quick Jump To

Funniest Coast Short Jokes

Short coast jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The coast humour may include short seashore jokes also.

  1. What do Kim Kardashian and hurricane Sandy have in common? They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.
  2. I was travelling on the West Coast when I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that said: "I miss Detroit" ...so I broke a window, stole the radio, and left a note that said, "Hope this helps."
  3. Made the mistake of letting my east coast newspaper freeze on the steps this winter... I've fallen on some hard Times.
  4. Putin has started to launch missile attacks from submarines off the coast of an East African archipelago He shells Seychelles by the seashore
  5. An English ship is sinking just off the German coast... Mayday, mayday, we are sinking!
    The German coast guard responds: Hello, zhis is ze German coast guard, whaz are you zinking about?
  6. So I heard there's a group of optometrists who founded a colony on an archipelago off the coast of Alaska, but the islands themselves are very weird to look at. They're called the Optical Aleutians.
  7. Why does the Coast Guard have a 6 foot height requirement? So when their ship sinks they can walk back to shore.
  8. President Trump's greatest accomplishment was making us give the Coast Guard the respect that it deserves as a branch of the Armed Forces. He accomplished this by creating the Space Force.
  9. The Coast Guard recently changed their minimum height requirements to 6'. That way if the boat sinks everyone can just walk to shore.
  10. What do mumble rappers from the East coast rap about? I don't know...Their verses aren't Pacific.

Share These Coast Jokes With Friends




Coast One Liners

Which coast one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with coast? I can suggest the ones about ashore and beach.

  1. I sneaked onto a beach early this morning. The coast was clear.
  2. Why couldn't the Coast Guard save the hippie? Because he was wayyy far out man.
  3. Where did the first bakery open? On the yeast coast.
  4. My girlfriend lives on the east coast of Virginia. She's my Chesapeake Bae.
  5. Germans make the worst coast guards Help help I'm sinking!
    What are you sinking about?
  6. i' ve just bought an house in France, southern coast. It' s very Nice.
  7. Why does no one swim in the western coast of South America? Because the water is Chile
  8. Mayday, mayday, we are sinking. Zis iz za German coast guard vat are you sinking about?
  9. Why did the maid move to the coast? Her job required some light house work.
  10. Two beans on the east coast of Australia Ended up in Cairns.
  11. Yo mama's so fat, when she leaves the beach everybody shouts "The coast is clear."
  12. Wizards of the Coast: Wizards of the Coast, and this is where the magic happens.
  13. What did the spy say at the glass beach? *The coast is clear*
  14. "I've just been to the Jurassic Coast." "In Dorset?" "Yes, I'd recommend it to anyone."
  15. Why do seagulls fly to the dumps along the coast of New England? To beat the Portugees

Coast Guard Jokes

Here is a list of funny coast guard jokes and even better coast guard puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Michael Jackson Joke #4543762 Michael Jackson tried killing himself Sunday morning
    by jumping off his boat.
    The coast guard found him last night, bobbing up and down
    on a small buoy.
  • Why is it best not to try to contact the German Coast Guard when your ship is going down? When you tell them you're sinking, they will just ask you what you are sinking about?
  • RIP Kanye West, died after what police think was his attempt to walk on water... Coast Guard attempted rescue, but say he was too dense.
  • A Coast Guard patrol intercepts a sinking vessel smuggling illegally spicy peppers. "Help!" says the smuggler... "I'm capsaicin!"
  • British ship sinking close to Germany... ...The dispatcher goes "We are sinking!We are sinking!"
    German coast guard "What are you 'thinking' about?"
  • When I was in the coast guard, I saw a man in the water who had had his arms cut off by the mafia. Apparently, throwing a lifesaver at him was the wrong thing to do.
  • Why does the Coast Guard have ultraviolet lights? To help them find missing sea men.
  • Did you know that the Coast Guard is the only branch of military with a minimum required height of 6feet? It's so if their boat sinks they can walk to shore.
  • What do you call the Coast Guard during a hurricane? Irma Guard!
  • The coast guard fined my girlfriend and I for having s**... in the ocean. Apparently off-shore drilling is prohibited.

East Coast Jokes

Here is a list of funny east coast jokes and even better east coast puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I had trouble getting drunk off the coast of East Africa Turns out Zanzibar is sans a bar.
  • This Halloween on the East Coast I heard a lot of people are going to be the Scorpions this Halloween.
    Because we're gonna get rocked like a hurricane.
  • Trump is planning on shifting his efforts to build a wall along the east coast. He thinks it can keep Jose out.
  • Unfortunately a large population of the East Coast of the US are attaching sleds to their backs. Now it's all going down hill rather quickly.
  • Did you hear about the Candy Factory they opened on the East Coast? It closed after a month... they couldn't find any good wrappers.
  • A Song of Ice and Fire The East and West Coasts
  • One country act that isn't going to get much of an audience on the east coast for a while: Luke Combs.
  • Soon the entire west coast will have legalized Cannabis. Now there needs to be a campaign to get it legalized all the way to the East coast. We can call it the *Cannabis Destiny*.
  • A hurricane is going to hit the east coast? Are you Joaquin?
  • Snow Day This morning thousands of students and teachers on the East Coast woke up, saw a mountain of snow, started screaming happily and then thought.......
    s**..., we have school online today
Coast joke, <a href="/snow-jokes.html" title="Snow jokes">Snow Day</a>

West Coast Jokes

Here is a list of funny west coast jokes and even better west coast puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If you live on the west coast of the USA right near the factory that makes diet pizza pockets, and you eat one Then that is a local lo-cal Cal-zone calzone.
  • There is a new cruise line that goes down the west coast of South America It's called Perusing
  • West Coast problems If you meet a vegan, and they do crossfit, which do they talk about first?
  • What does womens basketball and the west coast have in common? Almost no Dunkin'!
  • What do you call the chest of an obese person from the West Coast? A California Roll.
  • The West Coast is so last year
  • What type of fish reps the west coast? Cali-mari
  • How many west coast kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? Hella

Island Coast Jokes

Here is a list of funny island coast jokes and even better island coast puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I told my friend I was going to dress up as a small island off the coast of Italy for halloween He said don't be Sicily
  • A man goes to the doctors and says "I feel like an island of the south coast of Italy" The doctor replies "Don't be Sicily"
  • I got a new dog from an island off the coast of Italy recently. The problem is it Maltas everywhere.
    Bu dum tssh
  • I overheard a work colleague saying they are going to a fancy dress party as a small island of the coast of Italy I said don't be Sicily
  • My sister said when she's older she wants to live on an island off of the coast of Italy. I replied "Don't be sosilly"

Gold Coast Jokes

Here is a list of funny gold coast jokes and even better gold coast puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Result Based Training I Personal Trainer Gold Coast Come in and find out why everyone is saying Result Based Training is THE place to find your ultimate personal trainer in Gold Coast!
Coast joke, Result Based Training I Personal Trainer Gold Coast

Hilarious Fun Coast Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about coast you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean seas jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make coast pranks.

A whale tale

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...."

A Texan went to an ivy league party on the East coast...

...and there's this group of fancy ladies standing around.
"Howdy," he said. "Which school did y'all go to?"
"Oh... Yale," one of them replied daintily.
'WHICH SCHOOL DID Y'ALL GO TO?!"

California Roll

A man driving approaches a stop sign and slows down to a cool 5 mph, rolls smoothly across the crosswalk, looks both ways, and glides forward when he sees the coast is clear.
Unbeknownst to him, a cop sees this and pulls him over on the next block.
The cop pulls the guy out of the car and starts beating him.
The guy starts yelling "Stop! STOP!! What are you doing?! Stop!!!"
"Oh I'm sorry, did you want me to stop or slow down?"

So, I ran into my old Geography Teacher the other day...

and he invited me to his birthday party.
"It's a Geography themed fancy dress party." he said with a grin.
"How's that going to work?" I asked.
"Well, for instance, I'm going as a large Island off the coast of Italy."
"Don't be sicily" I replied...

A couple of whales.

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the same side of the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, "Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."

At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him."What's the matter, Darling?"
"Look, Love," she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...".

A couple pirate jokes

(Couple good misdirection jokes)
You: What's a pirates favorite military branch?
Friend:ARRRMY
You: No yee d**..., it's the coast guard.
You:What's a pirates favorite letter?
Friend:ARRRR
You: Aye, you think it be arr but it's the SEA! (C)
You:What's a pirates favorite fast food restaurant?
Friend:ARRRBYS
You: No. It's Long John Silver's.

The clear coast

A married couple is in bed asleep when the phone rings at 2AM.
The blonde wife answers and listens for a second and then shouts into the phone, "How should I know that's 150 miles from here!!!"
At that the husband rolls over and asks "who was that?"
The wife replied, "I don't know, some dumb woman wanting to know if the coast is clear!"

When traveling the coast, a struggling merchant and his wife come accross a giant beached whale with gold coins oozing from its mouth. When his wife asked if they should take the gold for themselves, the merchant replied...

"Midas whale"

So I've to board my submarine off the coast of the Seychelles and monitor the Somali pirates as they sail around the coast of Mogadishu.

This is my latest submission.

119 years ago today a Canadian cargo vessel sank off the coast of New York, her cargo 50,000 cases of mayonnaise.

And that's why we celebrate Sinko de Mayo

The German Coast Guard receives a distress signal from an American ship...

The American captain says "Mayday! Mayday! We're sinking! I repeat, we are sinking!"
The German Coast Guard replies "Oh that's nice, what are you sinking about?"

TIL in 1972, the Russians attacked their own submarine off the coast of guatemala

Woops, wrong sub.

An english boat is sinking near the German coast

The english operator contacts the German control. "This is UK120, We are sinking, I repeat, We are sinking".
The germans respond: "What are you sinking about?"

Uber Ark Driver Needed in Florida Panhandle area

Just got a call from a friend on the Florida coast where a lot of rain is falling. He told me an Uber Ark driver position is available.

A man is traveling to the coast of South Western Asia, and he asks his friend if she wants to go with him. She says:

"Yemen, shore."

A Russian spy ship was spotted off the U.S coast...

But don't worry - they're just keeping an eye on their investment

I like my women like I like my coast guard ship

Coming quickly and filled with s**....

My crush told me that I was like a brother to her while we were in the car...

We were driving to New York at the time, and about halfway up the east coast she told me I was like a brother to her. She was surprised when I proceeded to turn the car around and drive the other way without even acting phased. She asked "where are we going now?" My only answer was "Alabama."

Did you guys heard about the Chinese Ship with a cargo load of Yo-yos that sunk off the coast of Mexico..

.. all 200 times..

I'm going overseas soon and I've been thinking about checking out the Dalmatia Coast.

I've heard it's got some great spots.

A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn

A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn tried to swim from Norway to America on a dare. Ten miles from the Norwegian coast, the Swede gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. Fifty miles from the Norwegian coast, the Norwegian gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. The Finn had just caught sight of the American coast, when he sighed "I can't make it either..." and promptly swam back to Norway.

What did the American mobile tower on the coast say about the foreign cruise liner?

I will not sync with this ship.

Hans, how was your first day at the Coast Guard Station?

Not so good... Very boring it was. Very quiet, most of zee day, but zen... a british guy said he was sinking.
He was sinking?
Yes, so I asked him about what he was sinking, and he never replied. How rude!

A British ship is sinking in the north sea and calls the nearest coast guard station.

The German coast guard station gets the message, RMS sea lion taking on water and we are sinking. A minute passes and they get a response....Vell, vat are you sinking about?

Some pirates are sailing off the coast of Madagascar

The captain points to the shore and says to his first mate:
"Do you see those crazy looking lemur things?"
To which the first mate replied:
"Aye aye, I eye aye-aye"

My girlfriend fell off a fishing boat just off the coast of Maine and was devoured by a giant shellfish.

You might say a New England clam chowed her.

Why didn't Texas drift into the gulf coast?

Because Oklahoma s**....

A guy is sitting in the living room with his wife when the phone rings.

He picks it up, listens for a moment then says, "I don't know, maybe you should call the coast guard." "Who was that?," his wife asks when he hangs up.. "I'm not sure but they wanted to know if the coast is clear."

An American is sailing in German waters when his boat starts to take in lots of water.

Realizing he won't be able to make it to shore, he calls the German Coast Guard.
"I'm sinking, I am sinking!"
The operator replies "Vhat are you sinking about?"

I invited two people from the US Coast over for coffee.

They left stains all over my coffee table.
I expected them 2 US coasters
This joke still needs some work...

I unexpectedly won a free trip to the most scenic part of the California central coast.

It was a Big Sur prize.

A short true tale about Ireland, quiz-shows and h**...

Decades ago when I lived on the rocky coast of West Cork, there was a quiz show called "Quicksilver". It had a top prize of something like $1.25 (perhaps a bit more), and the contestants were just average people. In one show the contestant was asked for h**...'s first name. He thought about, smiled and said "Heil" He did not win his $1.25 but almost everyone in Ireland remembers the tale.

My friends and I have a lot of fun riding jet skis That time we had a fatal c**... on the coast was especially hilarious.

We littorally died.

A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber p**..., floated in the vicinity.

The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the water, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.
"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.
"How could you possibly know what kind of ship it was?" replied the pilot.
"It was a dictatorship."

Blonde joke

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde are stuck on a desert island.
They know the nearest coast is 50 miles away.
The redhead swims 30 miles but gets tired and drowns.
The brunette swims 45 miles but gets tired and drowns.
The blonde swims 40 miles, gets tired and swims back to the island.

German Coast Guard

An English ship was approaching the coast when suddenly they started taking on a lot of water. The captain decided to contact the coast guard for help.

**Captain**: Mayday Mayday, This is the English Pearl, we are sinking.

**German Coast Guard**: Sorry, may you please repeat?

**Captain**: This is the English Pearl and we are sinking.

After a few moments of silence...

**German Coast Guard**: What are you sinking about?

German life guard joke


A group of tourists were on a boat in hamburg when the engine exploded and created a fire in the bottom of the boat.
They quickly called up the German coast guard for the German Life. Who answered with "Ja, Hallo, dis is ze German Coast Guard, How can i help you?
They responded "Help we're sinking!"
The Life Guard asked "Ja, vat are you sinking about?"

A priest, jesus and Shaggy sitting in a drowning boat...

Jesus goes to his knees and prays. Stands up and walks over the Water to the coast.
Shaggy stands up and walks over the Water to the coast.
The priest prays on his knees stands up and tries to walk over the Water, but drowns.
On the coast jesus asks shaggy : "shouldn't we told him where the stones were"
"Like, which stones" shaggy answers...

A German coast guard and an English ship

A German coast guard is doing maintenance on the shores of the North Sea near France. They come upon an English ship which seems to be sinking.
The captain of the English ship shouts to the coast guard, "Mayday mayday, we're sinking!"
The German coast guard then replies, " What are you sinking about?"

A blonde, a red head, and a brunette are trapped on a deserted island 50 miles away from the nearest coast.

The red head decides to swim. She made it 10 miles, then drowned. The brunette also decides to swim. She made it 20 miles then drowned. Finally, the blonde decides to swim. She made it 25 miles, then she got tired and swam back to the island

A man and his wife went fishing one day. As they were fishing, they spotted the Coast Guard coming towards them.

Wife: "Honey, we caught four fish, and we are only allowed three, so lets throw one back into the sea."
Husband: "Are you mad, woman, that's our food for tonight. Take one fish and hide it in your p**...."
wife: "And what about the smell???"
Husband: "Just block the fish's nose!...."

Barking mouse

The cat closes in upon them as the terrified baby mice back into the corner with no where to run. Suddenly, out in a distance behind the cat, mama mouse began barking "woof, woof!". Caught off guard the cat immediately turned tail and ran. Seeing that the coast is clear, mama mouse came up to her babies and gathered them up. Having made sure that all her babies are accounted for, she said, "see children, that's why it's so important to learn a 2nd language."

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!"and hung up.
Curious, the husband said, "Who was that?" And his lovely wife replies, "I don't have any idea who it was. It was some s**... woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."

Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.

We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend's yacht.
Then we'll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me.

Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go.

A man called the wrong number...

"I believe you have the wrong number," said the old gentleman into the phone.  "You'll have to call the weather bureau for that information."
"Who was that?" his young wife asked.
 "Some guy wanting to know if the coast was clear."

While fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat.

He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted:
Are there any gators around here?!
No, the man hollered back, they ain't been around for years!
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy:
How did you get rid of the gators?
We didn't do nothin', the beachcomber said. The sharks got 'em."

m**... Jagger and Keith Richards were cruising down the coast.

Coming around a bend they saw a magnificent bald eagle in the middle of the road. When m**... swerved to miss it he lost control of the car and they plummeted off a cliff to their death.
A tragic case of killing two Stones with one bird.

Coast joke, m**... Jagger and Keith Richards were cruising down the coast.

jokes about coast