The Best 76 Coast Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Coast jokes. There are some coast pacific jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these coast shoreline puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Coast Jokes and Puns

A whale tale

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

This Halloween on the East Coast

I heard a lot of people are going to be the Scorpions this Halloween.
Because we're gonna get rocked like a hurricane.

Why does the Coast Guard have a 6 foot height requirement?

So when their ship sinks they can walk back to shore.

Coast joke, Why does the Coast Guard have a 6 foot height requirement?

Why couldn't the Coast Guard save the hippie?

Because he was wayyy far out man.

A Texan went to an ivy league party on the East coast...

...and there's this group of fancy ladies standing around.

"Howdy," he said. "Which school did y'all go to?"

"Oh... Yale," one of them replied daintily.

'WHICH SCHOOL DID Y'ALL GO TO?!"


California Roll

A man driving approaches a stop sign and slows down to a cool 5 mph, rolls smoothly across the crosswalk, looks both ways, and glides forward when he sees the coast is clear.

Unbeknownst to him, a cop sees this and pulls him over on the next block.

The cop pulls the guy out of the car and starts beating him.

The guy starts yelling "Stop! STOP!! What are you doing?! Stop!!!"

"Oh I'm sorry, did you want me to stop or slow down?"

So, I ran into my old Geography Teacher the other day...

and he invited me to his birthday party.
"It's a Geography themed fancy dress party." he said with a grin.
"How's that going to work?" I asked.
"Well, for instance, I'm going as a large Island off the coast of Italy."
"Don't be sicily" I replied...

Coast joke, So, I ran into my old Geography Teacher the other day...

What did the spy say at the glass beach?

*The coast is clear*

Michael Jackson Joke #4543762

Michael Jackson tried killing himself Sunday morning
by jumping off his boat.

The coast guard found him last night, bobbing up and down
on a small buoy.

A couple of whales.

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the same side of the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, "Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."

At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him."What's the matter, Darling?"
"Look, Love," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen".

My girlfriend lives on the east coast of Virginia.

She's my Chesapeake Bae.

You can explore coast cities reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean coast trek dad jokes. There are also coast puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A couple pirate jokes

(Couple good misdirection jokes)
You: What's a pirates favorite military branch?

Friend:ARRRMY

You: No yee dumbass, it's the coast guard.

You:What's a pirates favorite letter?

Friend:ARRRR

You: Aye, you think it be arr but it's the SEA! (C)

You:What's a pirates favorite fast food restaurant?

Friend:ARRRBYS

You: No. It's Long John Silver's.

The clear coast

A married couple is in bed asleep when the phone rings at 2AM.

The blonde wife answers and listens for a second and then shouts into the phone, "How should I know that's 150 miles from here!!!"

At that the husband rolls over and asks "who was that?"

The wife replied, "I don't know, some dumb woman wanting to know if the coast is clear!"

When traveling the coast, a struggling merchant and his wife come accross a giant beached whale with gold coins oozing from its mouth. When his wife asked if they should take the gold for themselves, the merchant replied...

"Midas whale"

Wizards of the Coast:

Wizards of the Coast, and this is where the magic happens.

British ship sinking close to Germany...

...The dispatcher goes "We are sinking!We are sinking!"

German coast guard "What are you 'thinking' about?"

Coast joke, British ship sinking close to Germany...

The German Coast Guard receives a distress signal from an American ship...

The American captain says "Mayday! Mayday! We're sinking! I repeat, we are sinking!"

The German Coast Guard replies "Oh that's nice, what are you sinking about?"

I overheard a work colleague saying they are going to a fancy dress party as a small island of the coast of Italy

I said don't be Sicily

TIL in 1972, the Russians attacked their own submarine off the coast of Guatemala

Woops, wrong sub.


What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common?

They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.

I was travelling on the West Coast when I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that said: "I miss Detroit"

...so I broke a window, stole the radio, and left a note that said, "Hope this helps."

Made the mistake of letting my east coast newspaper freeze on the steps this winter...

I've fallen on some hard Times.

RIP Kanye West, died after what police think was his attempt to walk on water...

Coast Guard attempted rescue, but say he was too dense.

Two beans on the east coast of Australia

Ended up in Cairns.

An english boat is sinking near the German coast

The english operator contacts the German control. "This is UK120, We are sinking, I repeat, We are sinking".

The germans respond: "What are you sinking about?"

Uber Ark Driver Needed in Florida Panhandle area

Just got a call from a friend on the Florida coast where a lot of rain is falling. He told me an Uber Ark driver position is available.

i' ve just bought an house in France, southern coast.

It' s very Nice.

A man is traveling to the coast of South Western Asia, and he asks his friend if she wants to go with him. She says:

"Yemen, shore."

I told my friend I was going to dress up as a small island off the coast of Italy for halloween

He said don't be Sicily

A man goes to the doctors and says "I feel like an island of the south coast of Italy"

The doctor replies "Don't be Sicily"

A Russian spy ship was spotted off the U.S coast...

But don't worry - they're just keeping an eye on their investment

I like my women like I like my coast guard ship

Coming quickly and filled with seamen.

Why did the maid move to the coast?

Her job required some light house work.

My crush told me that I was like a brother to her while we were in the car...

We were driving to New York at the time, and about halfway up the east coast she told me I was like a brother to her. She was surprised when I proceeded to turn the car around and drive the other way without even acting phased. She asked "where are we going now?" My only answer was "Alabama."

Did you guys heard about the Chinese Ship with a cargo load of Yo-yos that sunk off the coast of Mexico..

.. all 200 times..

I sneaked onto a beach early this morning.

The coast was clear.

I'm going overseas soon and I've been thinking about checking out the Dalmatia Coast.

I've heard it's got some great spots.

The Coast Guard recently changed their minimum height requirements to 6'.

That way if the boat sinks everyone can just walk to shore.

Mayday, mayday, we are sinking.

Zis iz za German coast guard vat are you sinking about?

A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn

A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn tried to swim from Norway to America on a dare. Ten miles from the Norwegian coast, the Swede gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. Fifty miles from the Norwegian coast, the Norwegian gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. The Finn had just caught sight of the American coast, when he sighed "I can't make it either..." and promptly swam back to Norway.

Trump is planning on shifting his efforts to build a wall along the east coast.

He thinks it can keep Jose out.

Germans make the worst coast guards

Help help I'm sinking!
What are you sinking about?

What did the American mobile tower on the coast say about the foreign cruise liner?

I will not sync with this ship.

Hans, how was your first day at the Coast Guard Station?

Not so good... Very boring it was. Very quiet, most of zee day, but zen... a british guy said he was sinking.

He was sinking?

Yes, so I asked him about what he was sinking, and he never replied. How rude!

If you live near the coast, the harbor is often the best place to go shopping.

They often have really good sails on boats.

A British ship is sinking in the north sea and calls the nearest coast guard station.

The German coast guard station gets the message, RMS sea lion taking on water and we are sinking. A minute passes and they get a response....Vell, vat are you sinking about?

Some pirates are sailing off the coast of Madagascar

The captain points to the shore and says to his first mate:

"Do you see those crazy looking lemur things?"

To which the first mate replied:

"Aye aye, I eye aye-aye"

Why does no one swim in the western coast of South America?

Because the water is Chile

My girlfriend fell off a fishing boat just off the coast of Maine and was devoured by a giant shellfish.

You might say a New England clam chowed her.

Why didn't Texas drift into the gulf coast?

Because Oklahoma sucks.

An English ship is sinking just off the German coast...

Mayday, mayday, we are sinking!

The German coast guard responds: Hello, zhis is ze German coast guard, whaz are you zinking about?

I had trouble getting drunk off the coast of East Africa

Turns out Zanzibar is sans a bar.

A guy is sitting in the living room with his wife when the phone rings.

He picks it up, listens for a moment then says, "I don't know, maybe you should call the coast guard." "Who was that?," his wife asks when he hangs up.. "I'm not sure but they wanted to know if the coast is clear."

An American is sailing in German waters when his boat starts to take in lots of water.

Realizing he won't be able to make it to shore, he calls the German Coast Guard.

"I'm sinking, I am sinking!"

The operator replies "Vhat are you sinking about?"

I invited two people from the US Coast over for coffee.

They left stains all over my coffee table.

I expected them 2 US coasters

This joke still needs some work...

I unexpectedly won a free trip to the most scenic part of the California central coast.

It was a Big Sur prize.

There is a new cruise line that goes down the west coast of South America

It's called Perusing

A short true tale about Ireland, quiz-shows and Hitler

Decades ago when I lived on the rocky coast of West Cork, there was a quiz show called "Quicksilver". It had a top prize of something like $1.25 (perhaps a bit more), and the contestants were just average people. In one show the contestant was asked for Hitler's first name. He thought about, smiled and said "Heil" He did not win his $1.25 but almost everyone in Ireland remembers the tale.

My friends and I have a lot of fun riding jet skis That time we had a fatal crash on the coast was especially hilarious.

We littorally died.

A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber penises, floated in the vicinity.

The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the water, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.

"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.

"How could you possibly know what kind of ship it was?" replied the pilot.

"It was a dictatorship."

Blonde joke

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde are stuck on a desert island.

They know the nearest coast is 50 miles away.

The redhead swims 30 miles but gets tired and drowns.

The brunette swims 45 miles but gets tired and drowns.

The blonde swims 40 miles, gets tired and swims back to the island.

German Coast Guard

An English ship was approaching the coast when suddenly they started taking on a lot of water. The captain decided to contact the coast guard for help.



**Captain**: Mayday Mayday, This is the English Pearl, we are sinking.



**German Coast Guard**: Sorry, may you please repeat?



**Captain**: This is the English Pearl and we are sinking.



After a few moments of silence...



**German Coast Guard**: What are you sinking about?

German life guard joke



A group of tourists were on a boat in hamburg when the engine exploded and created a fire in the bottom of the boat.

They quickly called up the German coast guard for the German Life. Who answered with "Ja, Hallo, dis is ze German Coast Guard, How can i help you?

They responded "Help we're sinking!"

The Life Guard asked "Ja, vat are you sinking about?"

A priest, jesus and Shaggy sitting in a drowning boat...

Jesus goes to his knees and prays. Stands up and walks over the Water to the coast.

Shaggy stands up and walks over the Water to the coast.

The priest prays on his knees stands up and tries to walk over the Water, but drowns.

On the coast jesus asks shaggy : "shouldn't we told him where the stones were"

"Like, which stones" shaggy answers...

Why is it best not to try to contact the German Coast Guard when your ship is going down?

When you tell them you're sinking, they will just ask you what you are sinking about?

A German coast guard and an English ship

A German coast guard is doing maintenance on the shores of the North Sea near France. They come upon an English ship which seems to be sinking.

The captain of the English ship shouts to the coast guard, "Mayday mayday, we're sinking!"

The German coast guard then replies, " What are you sinking about?"

I got a new dog from an island off the coast of Italy recently.

The problem is it Maltas everywhere.
Bu dum tssh

The coast guard fined my girlfriend and I for having sex in the ocean.

Apparently off-shore drilling is prohibited.

A blonde, a red head, and a brunette are trapped on a deserted island 50 miles away from the nearest coast.

The red head decides to swim. She made it 10 miles, then drowned. The brunette also decides to swim. She made it 20 miles then drowned. Finally, the blonde decides to swim. She made it 25 miles, then she got tired and swam back to the island

A man and his wife went fishing one day. As they were fishing, they spotted the Coast Guard coming towards them.

Wife: "Honey, we caught four fish, and we are only allowed three, so lets throw one back into the sea."

Husband: "Are you mad, woman, that's our food for tonight. Take one fish and hide it in your panties."

wife: "And what about the smell???"

Husband: "Just block the fish's nose!...."

Barking mouse

The cat closes in upon them as the terrified baby mice back into the corner with no where to run. Suddenly, out in a distance behind the cat, mama mouse began barking "woof, woof!". Caught off guard the cat immediately turned tail and ran. Seeing that the coast is clear, mama mouse came up to her babies and gathered them up. Having made sure that all her babies are accounted for, she said, "see children, that's why it's so important to learn a 2nd language."

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!"and hung up.

Curious, the husband said, "Who was that?" And his lovely wife replies, "I don't have any idea who it was. It was some stupid woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."

Snow Day

This morning thousands of students and teachers on the East Coast woke up, saw a mountain of snow, started screaming happily and then thought.......

SHIT, we have school online today

Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.

We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend's yacht.
Then we'll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me.

Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go.

A man called the wrong number...

"I believe you have the wrong number," said the old gentleman into the phone.  "You'll have to call the weather bureau for that information."

"Who was that?" his young wife asked.

 "Some guy wanting to know if the coast was clear."

While fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat.

He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.

Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted:

Are there any gators around here?!

No, the man hollered back, they ain't been around for years!

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy:

How did you get rid of the gators?

We didn't do nothin', the beachcomber said. The sharks got 'em."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the coast sail jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working coast seaside piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes