Coast Jokes
134 coast jokes and hilarious coast puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about coast that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Enjoy a wide variety of jokes, puns, and competitive humor about the coast. Whether it's east coast cities, west coast beaches, the gold coast, or the Amalfi coast, coast guard, the tundra and the gulf, you'll be sure to have a good time. Read through some of the funniest material about the coast from around the world!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Coast Short Jokes
Short coast jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The coast humour may include short seashore jokes also.
- What do Kim Kardashian and hurricane Sandy have in common? They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.
- I was travelling on the West Coast when I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that said: "I miss Detroit" ...so I broke a window, stole the radio, and left a note that said, "Hope this helps."
- Made the mistake of letting my east coast newspaper freeze on the steps this winter... I've fallen on some hard Times.
- So I heard there's a group of optometrists who founded a colony on an archipelago off the coast of Alaska, but the islands themselves are very weird to look at. They're called the Optical Aleutians.
- Why does the Coast Guard have a 6 foot height requirement? So when their ship sinks they can walk back to shore.
- President Trump's greatest accomplishment was making us give the Coast Guard the respect that it deserves as a branch of the Armed Forces. He accomplished this by creating the Space Force.
- What do mumble rappers from the East coast rap about? I don't know...Their verses aren't Pacific.
- I had trouble getting drunk off the coast of East Africa Turns out Zanzibar is sans a bar.
- A man is traveling to the coast of South Western Asia, and he asks his friend if she wants to go with him. She says: "Yemen, shore."
- This Halloween on the East Coast I heard a lot of people are going to be the Scorpions this Halloween.
Because we're gonna get rocked like a hurricane.
Share These Coast Jokes With Friends
Coast One Liners
Which coast one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with coast? I can suggest the ones about ashore and beach.
- I sneaked onto a beach early this morning. The coast was clear.
- Why couldn't the Coast Guard save the hippie? Because he was wayyy far out man.
- Where did the first bakery open? On the yeast coast.
- My girlfriend lives on the east coast of Virginia. She's my Chesapeake Bae.
- Germans make the worst coast guards Help help I'm sinking!
What are you sinking about? - i' ve just bought an house in France, southern coast. It' s very Nice.
- Why does no one swim in the western coast of South America? Because the water is Chile
- Mayday, mayday, we are sinking. Zis iz za German coast guard vat are you sinking about?
- Why did the maid move to the coast? Her job required some light house work.
- Two beans on the east coast of Australia Ended up in Cairns.
- Wizards of the Coast: Wizards of the Coast, and this is where the magic happens.
- What did the spy say at the glass beach? *The coast is clear*
- "I've just been to the Jurassic Coast." "In Dorset?" "Yes, I'd recommend it to anyone."
- Why do seagulls fly to the dumps along the coast of New England? To beat the Portugees
- Did you hear about that glacier off the coast of Italy? It was a Romaine Iceberg
Coast Guard Jokes
Here is a list of funny coast guard jokes and even better coast guard puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Michael Jackson Joke #4543762 Michael Jackson tried killing himself Sunday morning
by jumping off his boat.
The coast guard found him last night, bobbing up and down
on a small buoy. - Why is it best not to try to contact the German Coast Guard when your ship is going down? When you tell them you're sinking, they will just ask you what you are sinking about?
- RIP Kanye West, died after what police think was his attempt to walk on water... Coast Guard attempted rescue, but say he was too dense.
- A Coast Guard patrol intercepts a sinking vessel smuggling illegally spicy peppers. "Help!" says the smuggler... "I'm capsaicin!"
- Why does the Coast Guard have ultraviolet lights? To help them find missing sea men.
- What do you call the Coast Guard during a hurricane? Irma Guard!
East Coast Jokes
Here is a list of funny east coast jokes and even better east coast puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the Candy Factory they opened on the East Coast? It closed after a month... they couldn't find any good wrappers.
- A Song of Ice and Fire The East and West Coasts
- One country act that isn't going to get much of an audience on the east coast for a while: Luke Combs.
- Soon the entire west coast will have legalized Cannabis. Now there needs to be a campaign to get it legalized all the way to the East coast. We can call it the *Cannabis Destiny*.
- A hurricane is going to hit the east coast? Are you Joaquin?
West Coast Jokes
Here is a list of funny west coast jokes and even better west coast puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If you live on the west coast of the USA right near the factory that makes diet pizza pockets, and you eat one Then that is a local lo-cal Cal-zone calzone.
- There is a new cruise line that goes down the west coast of South America It's called Perusing
- What does womens basketball and the west coast have in common? Almost no Dunkin'!
- What do you call the chest of an obese person from the West Coast? A California Roll.
- The West Coast is so last year
- What type of fish reps the west coast? Cali-mari
Island Coast Jokes
Here is a list of funny island coast jokes and even better island coast puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I told my friend I was going to dress up as a small island off the coast of Italy for halloween He said don't be Sicily
- A man goes to the doctors and says "I feel like an island of the south coast of Italy" The doctor replies "Don't be Sicily"
- I got a new dog from an island off the coast of Italy recently. The problem is it Maltas everywhere.
Bu dum tssh - My sister said when she's older she wants to live on an island off of the coast of Italy. I replied "Don't be sosilly"
Gold Coast Jokes
Here is a list of funny gold coast jokes and even better gold coast puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Result Based Training I Personal Trainer Gold Coast Come in and find out why everyone is saying Result Based Training is THE place to find your ultimate personal trainer in Gold Coast!
Hilarious Fun Coast Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about coast you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean boarder jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make coast pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A whale tale
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...."
That's my plan and I'm sticking to it.
This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
A Texan went to an ivy league party on the East coast...
...and there's this group of fancy ladies standing around.
"Howdy," he said. "Which school did y'all go to?"
"Oh... Yale," one of them replied daintily.
'WHICH SCHOOL DID Y'ALL GO TO?!"
California Roll
A man driving approaches a stop sign and slows down to a cool 5 mph, rolls smoothly across the crosswalk, looks both ways, and glides forward when he sees the coast is clear.
Unbeknownst to him, a cop sees this and pulls him over on the next block.
The cop pulls the guy out of the car and starts beating him.
The guy starts yelling "Stop! STOP!! What are you doing?! Stop!!!"
"Oh I'm sorry, did you want me to stop or slow down?"
So, I ran into my old Geography Teacher the other day...
and he invited me to his birthday party.
"It's a Geography themed fancy dress party." he said with a grin.
"How's that going to work?" I asked.
"Well, for instance, I'm going as a large Island off the coast of Italy."
"Don't be sicily" I replied...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple of whales.
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the same side of the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, "Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him."What's the matter, Darling?"
"Look, Love," she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple pirate jokes
(Couple good misdirection jokes)
You: What's a pirates favorite military branch?
Friend:ARRRMY
You: No yee d**..., it's the coast guard.
You:What's a pirates favorite letter?
Friend:ARRRR
You: Aye, you think it be arr but it's the SEA! (C)
You:What's a pirates favorite fast food restaurant?
Friend:ARRRBYS
You: No. It's Long John Silver's.
The clear coast
A married couple is in bed asleep when the phone rings at 2AM.
The blonde wife answers and listens for a second and then shouts into the phone, "How should I know that's 150 miles from here!!!"
At that the husband rolls over and asks "who was that?"
The wife replied, "I don't know, some dumb woman wanting to know if the coast is clear!"
When traveling the coast, a struggling merchant and his wife come accross a giant beached whale with gold coins oozing from its mouth. When his wife asked if they should take the gold for themselves, the merchant replied...
"Midas whale"
So I've to board my submarine off the coast of the Seychelles and monitor the Somali pirates as they sail around the coast of Mogadishu.
This is my latest submission.
119 years ago today a Canadian cargo vessel sank off the coast of New York, her cargo 50,000 cases of mayonnaise.
And that's why we celebrate Sinko de Mayo
What do you call a coast ghost that's a guest at a celebrity ghost roast?
A ghost toastie!
TIL in 1972, the Russians attacked their own submarine off the coast of guatemala
Woops, wrong sub.
TIL the first commodity traded across the USA was jaweia.
Lewis and Clark brought a sack of it with them on their expedition to the Pacific coast.
Did you hear about the pirate who wanted to cut hair for a living?
He moved to the barbery coast.
Uber Ark Driver Needed in Florida Panhandle area
Just got a call from a friend on the Florida coast where a lot of rain is falling. He told me an Uber Ark driver position is available.
A Russian spy ship was spotted off the U.S coast...
But don't worry - they're just keeping an eye on their investment
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my women like I like my coast guard ship
Coming quickly and filled with s**....
My crush told me that I was like a brother to her while we were in the car...
We were driving to New York at the time, and about halfway up the east coast she told me I was like a brother to her. She was surprised when I proceeded to turn the car around and drive the other way without even acting phased. She asked "where are we going now?" My only answer was "Alabama."
Did you guys heard about the Chinese Ship with a cargo load of Yo-yos that sunk off the coast of Mexico..
.. all 200 times..
I'm going overseas soon and I've been thinking about checking out the Dalmatia Coast.
I've heard it's got some great spots.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was in the coast guard, I saw a man in the water who had had his arms cut off by the mafia.
Apparently, throwing a lifesaver at him was the wrong thing to do.
A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn
A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn tried to swim from Norway to America on a dare. Ten miles from the Norwegian coast, the Swede gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. Fifty miles from the Norwegian coast, the Norwegian gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. The Finn had just caught sight of the American coast, when he sighed "I can't make it either..." and promptly swam back to Norway.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trump is planning on shifting his efforts to build a wall along the east coast.
He thinks it can keep Jose out.
What did the American mobile tower on the coast say about the foreign cruise liner?
I will not sync with this ship.
Hans, how was your first day at the Coast Guard Station?
Not so good... Very boring it was. Very quiet, most of zee day, but zen... a british guy said he was sinking.
He was sinking?
Yes, so I asked him about what he was sinking, and he never replied. How rude!
This man keeps calling my house asking about the Weather.
How does he think i will know if the coast is clear or not?
If you live near the coast, the harbor is often the best place to go shopping.
They often have really good sails on boats.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Unfortunately a large population of the East Coast of the US are attaching sleds to their backs.
Now it's all going down hill rather quickly.
Some pirates are sailing off the coast of Madagascar
The captain points to the shore and says to his first mate:
"Do you see those crazy looking lemur things?"
To which the first mate replied:
"Aye aye, I eye aye-aye"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why didn't Texas drift into the gulf coast?
Because Oklahoma s**....
A guy is sitting in the living room with his wife when the phone rings.
He picks it up, listens for a moment then says, "I don't know, maybe you should call the coast guard." "Who was that?," his wife asks when he hangs up.. "I'm not sure but they wanted to know if the coast is clear."
I invited two people from the US Coast over for coffee.
They left stains all over my coffee table.
I expected them 2 US coasters
This joke still needs some work...
I unexpectedly won a free trip to the most scenic part of the California central coast.
It was a Big Sur prize.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A short true tale about Ireland, quiz-shows and h**...
Decades ago when I lived on the rocky coast of West Cork, there was a quiz show called "Quicksilver". It had a top prize of something like $1.25 (perhaps a bit more), and the contestants were just average people. In one show the contestant was asked for h**...'s first name. He thought about, smiled and said "Heil" He did not win his $1.25 but almost everyone in Ireland remembers the tale.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friends and I have a lot of fun riding jet skis That time we had a fatal c**... on the coast was especially hilarious.
We littorally died.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber p**..., floated in the vicinity.
The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the water, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.
"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.
"How could you possibly know what kind of ship it was?" replied the pilot.
"It was a dictatorship."
I think my wife is a weather forecaster...
A guy called up asking if the coast was clear.
-- A tsunami warning has just been issued for the entire coast of California --
In other news:
Your mom recently did a cannon ball into the Pacific Ocean.
A priest, jesus and Shaggy sitting in a drowning boat...
Jesus goes to his knees and prays. Stands up and walks over the Water to the coast.
Shaggy stands up and walks over the Water to the coast.
The priest prays on his knees stands up and tries to walk over the Water, but drowns.
On the coast jesus asks shaggy : "shouldn't we told him where the stones were"
"Like, which stones" shaggy answers...
If you were in charge of an Army defending Antarctica ...
What would you do when intelligence reported that the enemy was invading the north coast?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The coast guard fined my girlfriend and I for having s**... in the ocean.
Apparently off-shore drilling is prohibited.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and his wife went fishing one day. As they were fishing, they spotted the Coast Guard coming towards them.
Wife: "Honey, we caught four fish, and we are only allowed three, so lets throw one back into the sea."
Husband: "Are you mad, woman, that's our food for tonight. Take one fish and hide it in your p**...."
wife: "And what about the smell???"
Husband: "Just block the fish's nose!...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Snow Day
This morning thousands of students and teachers on the East Coast woke up, saw a mountain of snow, started screaming happily and then thought.......
s**..., we have school online today
Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.
We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend's yacht.
Then we'll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me.
Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go.
A man called the wrong number...
"I believe you have the wrong number," said the old gentleman into the phone. "You'll have to call the weather bureau for that information."
"Who was that?" his young wife asked.
"Some guy wanting to know if the coast was clear."
