Coal Jokes

121 coal jokes and hilarious coal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about coal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Forget hollandaise and coal mines - these hilarious Christmas coal jokes will have your family and friends in stitches this festive season! Read on to discover jokes about coal as a Christmas gift, miners, and more! Enjoy these festive jokes and make your Christmas extra merry this year.

Funniest Coal Short Jokes

Short coal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The coal humour may include short fuel jokes also.

  1. People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal. But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.
  2. Do you know how to confuse a coal miner? Show him a row of shovels and tell him to take his pick.
  3. What's the difference between a coal mining company and catholic priests? A coal mining company puts miners in shafts.
  4. neil diamond........ Singer Neil Diamond started his career as Neil Coal, he changed his name when the pressure got to him.
  5. When I Was A Child Santa Gave Me Coal One Year For Christmas, So I Poisoned His Cookies And Milk Somehow he found out and killed my dad!
  6. The coal industry has been under a lot of pressure to change In other news, the diamond industry continues to grow.
  7. America's new tax plan raises taxes on coal miners Which is weird. I thought American politicians were rather fond of minors.
  8. A coal miner is driving to work one day. He gets pulled over by the police. The officer asks, who's car is this? Where are you going? What do you do for a living?
    The man responds "mine"
  9. Did you know that Neil Diamond used to be known as Neil Coal? That was until the pressure got to him.
  10. Reddit rules say no jokes involving minors.... That's a shame cos I've got a great one about the coal mine I use to work in.

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Coal One Liners

Which coal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with coal? I can suggest the ones about carbon and coop.

  1. If coal is so bad for the environment... why don't we just burn it all?
  2. Did you hear the one about the guy who hated coal? Never mined.
  3. What do you call an insignificant underage coal digger? A minor minor miner
  4. Have you heard the one about the untouched coal pit? Never mined.
  5. I scraped my elbow looking for coal It was a miner injury.
  6. Why did the Cephalopod get coal for christmas? Because he was on the nautilust.
  7. I don't understand why we give bad kids coal. Isn't coal what minors want?
  8. What do you get if you throw a piano down a coal pit? A flat miner
  9. A walkie talkie invited a lump of coal to dinner and a movie. Radio-carbon dating
  10. Warning: Australian joke! What's left after your local Woolworths burned down?
  11. A Priest walks into a coal mine after hours. He ask, where are all the miners?
  12. What chord do you make when you drop a grand piano down a coal shaft? A flat minor.
  13. I used to work at a coal mine But I left because the bars didn't allow miners
  14. Only Coal Miners Will Get This Black lung disease.
  15. Coal Its a burning issue

Coal Miner Jokes

Here is a list of funny coal miner jokes and even better coal miner puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I opened a bar in the coal town of Gillette, WY. Unfortunately, I was shut down for serving miners.
  • The news report was that an elevator for the coal shaft broke down, trapping 27 workers But it was just a miner inconvenience
  • TIL why coal production has drastically slowed down within the past 10 years It is believed the labor involved in this risky job was causing miner pain.
  • People shoukd not be shamed for their kinks. I get turned on by someone who smells like musty sweat and coal. But I get called a monster, simply because I am attracted to miners.
  • Trump could easily jumpstart the coal industry He should put coal miners to work excavating his Christmas stocking
  • Why couldn't the coal worker get into the movie? He was a miner.
  • You wanna complain about workers rights? How about we talk about coal miners then, those guys get shafted every day.
  • What would a coal miner say if they really liked a sandwich? I'm really digging this sandwich.
  • I used to work at Human Relations in the coal industry, but I got tired of all the miner details.
  • I wrote a song about a coal digger having s**... with a 15 year old. I call it 'A Miner in a Minor' in A minor.

Coal Mining Jokes

Here is a list of funny coal mining jokes and even better coal mining puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Christmas in the USSR is as such: good children get coal, bad children mine coal for next year
  • Sorry about the temperature down the mine today It's coal man
  • Why did the sloths vote to keep the coal mines open? Because when it comes to energy they're conservative.
  • So I wrote a Musical It was about a tragic coal mining operation ,unfortunately, the cave collapsed and the workers inside were killed.

    I decided to write it in A flat minor.
  • I think someone is stealing coal from my coal mine ​​One day he'd sure be caught black handed
  • What's the difference between the President and a canary in a coal mine? The President can still tweet.
  • Why did the coal mine foreman fire the hippy who showed up for work wearing this outasight tie die shirt? Outasight, out of mine.
  • I find my girlfriend really hard work sometimes Road building, coal mining...
  • I'm writing a poem about coal mining. I have always wanted to do something with deeper meaning.
  • A gigantic gas e**... in a coal mine in the next town killed thirty workers and hospitalised two hundred. But I refused to give to the support charity. After all, it was only *miner* injuries.
Coal joke, A gigantic gas e**... in a coal mine in the next town killed thirty workers and hospitalised two hun

Christmas Coal Jokes

Here is a list of funny christmas coal jokes and even better christmas coal puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • This Christmas... Naughty children will be given £1 coins instead of an expensive lump of coal.
  • Did you hear about the Power Plant that was bad for the environment all year? He got coal for Christmas.
  • What did the bad rapper get for Christmas? J Coal
  • Why are steam trains naughty around Christmas? They're hoping Santa will give them a lump of coal.
  • I think that homeless children should get coal for Christmas... We need to keep them warm enough to shovel our driveways!
  • It turns out North Korea has been naughty on purpose. They're hoping Santa will bring them all lumps of coal for Christmas.
  • What does Trump want for Christmas? beautiful clean coal from Santa Mueller Clause.
    I hope this hasn't been said before.
  • All I wanted for Christmas was a president who doesn't deny climate change. I suppose since I haven't been good this year I'll be getting coal instead.
  • What did Stephen Hawking get in his stocking for Christmas? Black Coal
  • What did the snowman say when he got coal for Christmas? "I can see!"

Burning Coal Jokes

Here is a list of funny burning coal jokes and even better burning coal puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'd call my grandparents Fossils, but they don't burn as well as coal.
  • How do you best serve burned food? Coal'd.
Coal joke, How do you best serve burned food?

Quirky and Hilarious Coal Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.

What funny jokes about coal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chalk jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make coal pranks.

Why did h**... not mind being on the naughty list?

He needed more coal anyway.

What do you call it when one piece of coal asks another piece of coal out to dinner?

Carbon dating.

When I was 18 I got Coal from Santa

Yup, raising Cole as a single mom was a punishment for being bad, I guess.

Santa gave me coal this year...

So I donated it to Russian charities

What do you call a lump of coal and a diamond hanging out together?

Carbon Dating.

Some chick came to me and asked for a German method of coal extraction

Mein schaft she got!

Santa probably regrets giving coal

Santa Claus probably regrets giving coal to naughty children now that global warming is threatening his habitat.

Two scientists are trying to find the best source of energy.

They realise that no one has tried asking the energy sources what *they* think.
So they go to a coal-fired power station, and they ask the coal, "What do you think of coal power?"
The coal says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists write this down.
Then they go to an oil-fired power station. They ask the oil, "What do you think of oil power?"
The oil says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists nod and write it down.
Then they go to a wind farm. They ask a wind turbine, "What do you think of wind power?"
The wind turbine just stands there and says, "I'm a huge fan."

A coal miner walks into a bar.

And the bartender says, We don't serve your kind here.
The coal miner snorts, You mean you don't serve 'minors'? Never heard that one before.
No, I mean we don't serve black people. '

One time there was an Irishman who got so drunk

He kissed his wife and beat the Pope's foot to a pulp with a coal shovel

Why do some snowmen have brown mouths?

Not everyone can afford coal.

I asked Santa for a new energy policy...

...but all I got in my stocking was a lump of coal. :-(

My Uncle has a coal f**....

Its why he likes to bang miners.

My cousin thinks it's i**... to have s**... with someone who digs for coal.

She says it's against the law to be with a miner.

Creating diamonds in a pressure cooker is awesome and it's really...

... pretty coal.

Why do the scouts always get coal from Santa?

Because they're all on the knotty list

Santa comes to the White House....

Santa arrives at the White House and hands Donald Trump his Christmas present. Trump excitedly tears open his gift then looks up at Santa in shock. "What?", Santa exclaims. "I thought you LOVED coal.

What do German coal workers and gay men have in common?

They're always entering mein shaft.

Two nuns are in front of an abandoned coalmine.

(its better in dutch but it translates)
Two nuns are walking in front of an old (abandoned) coal mine.
One nun says to the other nun: mine's smelly today.
Says the other nun: mine too.

The blackest dad

3 kids were arguing to see who had the blackest dad.
The first kid says: "My dad is so black, when he pee, it comes out petroleum"
The second kid says: "That's nothing compared to my dad, he's so black that when he takes a dump, he poops coal"
The third kid laughs and say: "you think that's black? My dad's so black that when he farts, we stay a week in the dark"

What does someone with a history or violence who digs up coal, and an 11 year old who swears at you during online hames have in common?

They're both offensive minors.

As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."

"Until the pressure got to him."

What do you call an anthracite coal fan?

A hardcoal fan

I have a now famous relative

I have a now famous relative named Neil Coal who works in music. Back in 2003 he was under pressure to release his first album.
You might know him as Niel Diamond.

Did you hear about the coal digger who was charged as a s**... deviant?

He was found in possession of miner clothing.

The court jester decided to play a prank

So he got a bucket of coal dust from the blacksmith and rigged it over a doorway.
Soon enough Sir Lancelot walks up in his shiniest silver armor. He'd spent the entire morning polishing it to a mirror finish. As soon as he walks through the doorway, a trip wire dumps the bucket of coal dust over him turning his polished armor a dingy black. Needless to say he was storming mad, covered in filthy black dust.
It was a dark and stormy knight.

What do you call a country that is entirely made out of coal?

A carbonation!

I never realised how much my parents hated coal...

...until I told them I was dating a miner. They haven't spoken to me since.
I don't get it, she's perfect. Even a great gardener. But they didn't even care when I said she gave me her peas

Did you know that Neal Diamond's birth name was Neal Coal?

It was the pressure that made him into the singer he became.

A walkie-talkie invited a lump of coal to dinner and a movie.

Classic example of radio-carbon dating.

What do a h**... and a coal miner have in common?

They both work the shafts for pay.

A group of dwarves get jobs as coal miners

After a week or so, one of the workers really stood out and was getting special treatment from the supervisor, Moe. The other dwarves complained to HR and threatened to go on strike.
The supervisor was called into the office and reprimanded. He explained that he was only trying to keep the hardest worker motivated and asked exactly what he supposed to do, to which the Human Resources manager replied, Treat him like any mini miner, Moe.

Is anyone behaving badly just to get coal in their stocking...

... so they can heat their house?

Coal joke, Is anyone behaving badly just to get coal in their stocking...

jokes about coal