Co Worker Jokes
98 co worker jokes and hilarious co worker puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about co worker that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Co Worker Short Jokes
Short co worker jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The co worker humour may include short coworker jokes also.
- Turns out my co-worker and I are getting our teeth checked the same day Isn't that coinciDENTAL?
I'll see myself out - My co-worker doesn't like me, because he thinks I'm condescending. (That means I talk down to people.)
- If a co worker is sick, is it considered a staff infection? I really just came up with this joke all by myself, this is a big moment for me.
- I was just fired today, simply for telling my co-worker that her hair smelled nice. I think they are discriminating against me for being a midget.
- A woman is swiping through Tinder at work, and her co-worker say, "Honey, you ain't never gonna find your husband on Tinder." "You may be right," she replied. "I found yours, though."
- I was just fired from my job for telling a female co-worker the her hair smelled great. I think they are discriminating against me because I'm a midget.
- I think of my co-workers as a second family Because I didn't get to choose any and I hate them
- My co-workers are like my Christmas lights… Half of them don't work and the other half aren't that bright.
- I made a genuine compliment about a co-workers mustache I don't know why she made such a big deal about it to HR.
- My co-worker takes a small blue pill with his coffee every day at 8am He's likes to work hard in the mornings
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Co Worker One Liners
Which co worker one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with co worker? I can suggest the ones about work colleague and colleague.
- What do you call your co-workers in a boring and depressing workplace? Melancolleague(s)
- Told my co-workers this joke about mandatory meetings. You really had to be there.
- My co-worker disagreed when I said Median is the best average He's a mean person!
- Just played Uno with my Mexican co-workers... ...they stole all the green cards.
- I just found out my co-worker has a computer addiction It's getting ALT of CTRL
- A news reporter introduces his new co-worker on air This Justin
- What did the communist say to his co-worker? Quit Stalin and start Lenin me a hand
- I compared the bottom of a co-worker to a rabbit. Perhaps this was a bit hareassing.
- TIFU by complimenting a co-worker's womanly hips. Get over it, Steve.
- Meanwhile at Microsoft. Co-worker: Hey, new glasses? They look good.
Me: They help me C#. - I have a math genius co-worker, And everyone seems to think he is a co-median.
- A man got fired for grabbing his co-workers but It was ok cause harassment a lot to him
- TIFU by accidentally eating my co-worker's sandwich.
- My co workers are like Christmas lights...
- What did Miley Cyrus' co-worker ask her? Twerking hard or hardly twerking?
Share Hilarious Co Worker Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about co worker you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean work related jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make co worker pranks.
I got fired from the s**... bank yesterday
Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.
New Earring
John is at work one day when he notices that his
co-worker, Zach, is wearing an earring.
This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion".
"Hey Zach" he yells out "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal out of it, ..it's only an
earring." Says Zach sheepishly.
"No really," probes John, "How long have you been wearing one?"
... "Ever since my wife found it in our bed."
p**... Stitcher VS Diesel Fitter
Manuel and Pedro worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Manuel answered, "p**... Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' cotton p**...."
The clerk looked up p**... Stitcher. Finding it classified as "unskilled labor," she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Pedro was asked his occupation. "Diesel Fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Pedro $600 a week.
When Manuel found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, "p**... stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor"
"What skill?!" yelled Manuel. "I sew the elastic on da p**..., Pedro puts dem over his head and says: 'Yeah, diesel fitter.'"
Hair Fragrance
Every day at the office, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to file a s**... harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "So what's s**... threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."
At least he won't annoy his co-workers every week.
What did the mother and father camel name their baby born without a h**...?
Humphrey!
Need a Break!
I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that I would do something crazy. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office....
When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked him, "And where do you think you're going?"
He replied, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark!"
Accidentally told a joke at work today
Lost a bet and had to grow a mustache.
Co-worker: "Hey booskadoo247, how do you like your mustache?"
booskado247: "It's growing on me."
Accidental Comedian strikes again!
How many Germans does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?
**One.**
**Germans are very efficient and not very funny.**
*Source: My co-worker.*
*I'm German and I approve this message.*
My Life s**......
...I'm 22 years old and the only job I've had so far was working in fast food. My co-worker hates me and has tried to kill me. Also I have no friends except a southern girl I like and my other friend who only hangs out with me because he is mental. I have to ride my bike everywhere because I can never get my drivers license. And the worst part is, I live in a pineapple.
What did the cannibal say to his co-worker?
You should stop by later. The missus and I are having people for dinner.
I just overheard a co-worker announce she got tickets to a Nickelback concert.
That's all, she was completely serious.
I have a new co-worker, who only has seven toes. I instantly hated him.
Turns out I'm lack toes intolerant.
Eating Hummus with my co-workers and I asked
Hey, what's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
... I've never paid $300 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.
What is the longest word in the English language?
Smiles.
Because it's two S's with a mile in between.
(My 60 year old co-worker just told me that joke)
My hot dislexic co-worker said she had an important massage to give me in her office...
When I got there, she told me it can wait until I put on some clothes.
Why I won't carpool.
I thought about carpooling with some co-workers to work, but the problem is that on the way to the office we have to go through a tunnel. I'm deathly afraid of this situation. Turns out I have carpool tunnel syndrome.
My co-worker is getting married today, 2/29/2016.
He figured this way he would only have to celebrate his wedding anniversary once every four years.
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
I work in tech support and one of my co-workers drowned last week...
we buried him in rice and he came back a day later!
A co-worker found out I'm 'semi-retired.' "What's that like?" he asked.
"It's like being semi-e**.... It ain't too hard, but you still can't do what you want."
Original content, as far as I know. I actually said this at work today. We laughed and laughed. Then I cried a little.
What's better than roses on a piano...
Tulips on an o**....
Let me know if you get it. I'm not gonna lie it took me a couple minutes when a co-worker told me this. Creds: J-mans old man.
A Guinness brewery worker travels to the home of his co-worker with bad news.
I'm sorry Mary, but Keith died at the brewery today'.
'Oh my god!' replied Mary, 'What happened?!'
'He drown in a vat of Guinness Stout' said the worker, sadly.
'That's terrible! Was it a quick death at least?' asked Mary.
'I'm afraid not,' the worker replied, 'He got out twice to take a p**...'.
I want to tell my co-worker that I have really strong feelings for her...
...but I'm afraid things might get weird if she knows I hate her.
My father died today at work...
he worked at the brewery and fell into a beer tank. All the co-workers rushed to help him and to get him out, but despite their best efforts my dad managed to fight them all back and then drowned.
The Perfect Man
So one day, a man is sitting at work with his co-worker:
Man: I'm really happy with life right now. Kids are doing great in school, wife loves me and puts out every night, and my doctor says I'm the picture of perfect health.
Co-worker: Wow! That sounds so great! Is there anything wrong with you?
Man: Well my therapist says I'm a compulsive liar, but what does she know?
A co-worker grabs the new guy by the arm...
A co-worker grabs the new guy by the arm and insists that he join everyone for beers.
New guy looks at him, and tells him, my Faith doesn't allow me to drink.
Why the co-worker asks, are you muslim?
No, my wife, Faith, she punches above her weight.
My co-worker always tells me: "I see dead people"
And I always tell him: "Shut up, Steven, we're morticians."
Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"
"Your parents when you move out."
Whenever my boss asks, "Having fun yet?"
I say, "Are you kidding, this is my Disneyland!"
because my boss is a rat, my co-workers are goofy and this is a Mickey Mouse operation.
What are your best toe amputation jokes?
Co worker lost a toe. Need lots of jokes. Already used up tow jokes about towing his car
What's the definition of irony? (This happened to me today)
Asked a transgender co-worker why he won't upgrade from Windows 7 to 10.
He said he didn't like change.
A man was getting married but got cold feet at the last minute...
The next morning he went to work and his co-workers asked "so how'd the wedding go"
He replied "oh, it went off without a hitch"
Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine. He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, the woman can't stand it anymore.
She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a s**... harassment grievance against the guy.
The supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
"It's Bruce. The dwarf."
I told a co-worker I got a new set of windshield wipers for my 11 year old Sonata.
He said "Good trade, man".
Had my medical license revoked today.
Being a medical professional is like being in a minefield. All it takes is one mistep and you can lose it all. I made a one-time mistake and slept with a patient. A co-worker heard her passionate crys and came to find us in the act. Embarrassing be as it was, I never expected to be the end of my career.
12 years wasted as a veterinarian.
A Walmart pharmacist walks in to relieve her co-worker and sees a man leaning against the shelves.
She asks her co-worker , "What's with that guy over there leaning against the shelves?" He says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. We're out of cough syrup, so I gave him a whole bottle of laxative."
"You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
"Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"
My boyfriend was dying. I was by his bedside when he said something with a weak voice, "There's something I must confess."
"Shhh" I said "There's nothing to confess. Everything is alright."
"No, I must die in peace" he said, "I had s**... with your sister, your best friend and your co-worker."
"I know" I whispered, "That's why I poisoned you... Now close your eyes."
A blind man walks into a bar. He sits down and says "Who here wan't to hear a blond joke?"
The waitress says "Oh honey, I'm blond! And my co worker is blond too. Also, the lady sitting next to you is blond as well. Are you sure you wan't to tell it?"
The blind guy says "No, I guess not. Thanks for the warning. I don't have time to explain it three times".
My co-worker came up to me and said, "hey, you look so unapproachable"
I said, "Then why are you here?"
Blonde walks into an elevator
She sees her co worker Steve & says "TGIF". Steve has a puzzled look on his face and replies "NSIT". Ever more puzzled the blonde replies "TGIF, thank God it's Friday". Steve then says "NSIT, no s**... it's Thursday"
I once dated a co-worker at a shoe store.
It didn't end up working out. Guess we weren't sole-mates after all.
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a s**... harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.
An attractive co-worker that I've been working with for 3 years confessed to me today, but I rejected her.
One way to spot a woman with low standards is when they start liking me.
Which country's capital has the fastest growing population?
Ireland. Everday it's Dublin.
\*Idk if this has been on here yet. My co worker told me this and I about had a s**....\*
A guy noticed his co worker was feeling depressed. So he offered him his best advice...
" when ever I'm feeling down I make time to have s**... with my wife. It does wonders."
"That's a great idea. I think I try it. I'll be back in about an hour"
An hour later he's back whistling and smiling . " Wow, you were right. I feel much better. Thanks bro!" He pauses for a minute and says,
"Oh, and by the way, you have a really nice house"
Co worker told me this one
Sean Connery, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger are discussing making a movie about great composers.
Sean Connery says Only if I get to be Mozart
Stallone says Then I'll be Beethoven
Arnold says I'll be Bach
Husband...Before I die I need to confess something. Wife..Sssshhh now there's nothing to confess everything is all right.
Husband.. No I must die in peace. I slept with your sister your best friend and two of your co-workers.
Wife..I know. That's why I poisoned you. Rest now.
A construction worker named John Smith had an accident at work and died.
His co-workers don't know who is going to tell John's wife that he died.
After a lot of arguing they decide that Jack should bring the news.
After an hour Jack returns with two crates of beer. Everone asks him how he got them.
Jack : I knocked on the door and a woman opened it. I asked: Are you John Smith's widow?
The woman answered : No, I'm his wife!
Jack: You want to bet two crates of beer that you're not?
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine
He inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a s**... harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.
A co-worker asked me "How's it going?"
Me: "I can't complain."
Coworker: "Hey it's great you're having a good day!"
Me: "No I mean I literally can't complain. HR said it's affecting morale."
My husband works in a plant nursery and is looking for quality plant jokes to tell his overworked co-workers. Show me what you've got! (I'll start)
Why are plants bad cheerleaders?
Because they're always rooting for themselves.
Work with animals!
She (who's a vet): I work with animals!
Me: Yeah me too, my boss is a b**... and my co-workers are a**...!
I took my daughter to "Bring your child to workday."
As we were walking around, she started getting cranky and began crying. A group of my co-workers gathered around to see what the commotion was. I asked her what why she was crying.
She said: "Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you work with."
My co-worker got fired from our massage place yesterday.
I can see how he was rubbing people the wrong way.
Introducing my daughter to a co-worker
Me: This is my daughter, Beth
Co-worker: And what's Beth short for?
Me: Because she's only 3
My co-worker told me to retire after this one
My co-worker just bought a new Kia Forte. We were heading to lunch one day and he drove. While in the car I say to him, Man this is a nice car, I was going to ask if I can drive it, but it's not my forte . He usually hates the dad jokes but I got him with that one.
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring...
The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense".
The man walks up to him and says,
"I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then asks,
"So, how long have you been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."
I told an airplane joke to my co-worker.
Sadly, it flew right over their head. (It wasn't a 9-11 joke, those c**... and burn anyways)
Bar
One night my friend John and I were sitting at a bar where he used to work, when an attractive woman, a former co-worker, came in and sat next to him. She told him she had just had a fight with her husband, a police officer, and needed to get out of the house for a while.
They had been talking for a few minutes when, as a joke, I leaned over to John. "Don't look now," I whispered, "but a guy about six-five just walked in. And he's got a gun."
Without hesitating, John turned to me. "Quick, Ed," he said, "kiss me on the lips."
My boss got mad at me for calling a co-worker a chicken.
He said he doesn't tolerate any fowl language.
Co Workers are like Christmas lights...
They hang together, half of them don't work and the other half aren't so bright.
After seeing a co-worker win the Powerball, my retirement plan has changed.
It's back to $20 million.
A man walks into a store and he saw a thermos.
The clerk walks up to him and asks, "May I help you with anything?"
"Yea! What is that?"
"Why that's a thermos!"
"What's it do?"
"It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold!"
"I'll take it"
The next day the man goes to work carrying this thermos. His co-workers ask him, "What's that!"
"It's a thermos"
"What's it do?"
"It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold!"
"So whatcha got in it?"
"Two popsicles and a cup of coffee."
First attempt at writing a joke!
I started a new job this week.
On my first day it was my co-worker Frank's birthday; we gathered around his desk to sing happy birthday and share a cake.
Just as we finished singing the office door slammed open.
In strides a creature: upper body of a man, lower body of a horse. He screams LOOK AT ME EVERYBODY and proceeds to grab Frank's cake and gallop out of the office with it.
I was dumbfounded but my new colleagues just rolled their eyes: "oh thats just Bill" they said "always the Centaur of attention."
A guy gets into work late one day, clearly upset.
His co-worker asks him Hey Jim, what happened, man? Why are you late?
I got a flat on the way in. Cost me at least an hour dealing with it, Jim grumbles.
How'd you get a flat?
Eh, I ran over a bottle in the middle of a crosswalk.
In the middle of a crosswalk? Didn't you see it?
Nah - d**... kid had it under his coat.
My co worker was complaining that she kept ordering kasewurst
from our distributor but they kept sending knockwurst, to which I replied "Sounds like your kasewurst scenario is the worst case scenario."
I immediately texted my wife looking for a pat on the back. I think she wants a divorce now.
