Clue Jokes
109 clue jokes and hilarious clue puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about clue that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you're looking for a good laugh, look no further than these hilarious crossword clue jokes. From wrong eaters to wrong indications, this collection of jokes will have you laughing aloud. Dive into these funny clues and enjoy reading some of the best—and worst—jokes funny minds have to offer.
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Funniest Clue Short Jokes
Short clue jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The clue humour may include short hint jokes also.
- I asked my wife, I'm stuck on this crossword clue Overworked postman — can you help? She said, Sure. How many letters?
Me: I'm guessing—- Too many. - My girlfriend is like an advanced calculus class. I don't have a clue what's going on but seems like those others guys are getting it.
- Did you hear about the family of racist chicken detectives? They're called the Clue Clucks Clan
- Why do snowmen love reading mystery novels? They're always on the hunt for the chilling clues!
- I was trying to come up with a name for my group of mystery-solving chickens Apparently the Clue Clucks Clan was already taken.
- The average person has s**... 90 times a year. Man this going to be an epic new years eve!
- If I had a pound coin for everytime I had no clue what was going on i'd just be wondering why I have so much money
- "I'm stuck on the last piece of a crossword. 12 letters, the clue is: 'getting in your way'". He said, "That's 'inconvenient'."
I said, "I know. That's why I need your help." - I'm doing a crossword, and I'm stuck on seven down. It's seven letters long and the clue is Lemonade drink, not Sprite . Oh no wait sorry that's not seven down, that's Seven Up.
- Two drunk men are talking in a bar - You know? my uncle is now resting in peace
- I had no clue your uncle had died
- No, the one who died was my aunt
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Clue One Liners
Which clue one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with clue? I can suggest the ones about riddle and clam.
- What do you call symptoms of depression? "Blues Clues"
- Lucy, In the Sky, With Diamonds John Lennon, proving he was a terrible Clue player
- Women are like magnets... I have no clue how they work.
- Let's play Clue: Royal Edition I'm guessing Charles, with a pillow, in the bedroom.
- (From my son) What comes after Blue's Clues? Blue's Poos!
- What's the funniest type of bribery? No clue. But I'll give you $20 if you laugh.
- We surprised my brother with a board game for his birthday And he didn't have a clue!
- What do you call a Children's show with some Alcohol added in? Booze Clues.
- Why is a red herring called a red herring? Not a clue.
- What did little Johnny say when he was asked who Camila Cabello was? "I havanna clue"
- What does the detective get on adding up the clues one by one? The way to make odds even.
- How did Steve get the clues? Blew the dog
- What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues.
Cr - Officer, how did the hackers manage to escape? No clue. They just ransomware.
- Chuck Norris wins Clue in one guess.
Crossword Clue Jokes
Here is a list of funny crossword clue jokes and even better crossword clue puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm making my own Crossword Puzzle but I'm struggling to think up a clue for 3 down, 'Armageddon'. Ah well, it's not the end of the world.
- What do you call a stable female? A mare.
(This was a clue on the Daily Crossword app today which I couldn't figure out. I thought it was cute.) - A Wrong Answer While doing a crossword puzzle, I asked for my husband's help.
"The word is eight letters long and starts with m, and the clue is 'tiresome sameness.'"
"Monogamy," he answered - got in trouble for helping an African co-worker with the crossword during break. apparently the answer to the clue, Word with "black" or "photo", is not "shoot".
- What did Han Solo say when Leia asked for help with a crossword clue? I don't know
Hilarious Clue Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about clue you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mystery jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make clue pranks.
Two guys were out on a lake ice fishing
One looks at the other and sees that he's got a pile of fish, and asks him,
"hey buddy, how'd you catch so many fish and I'm sitting here with nothing?"
"Eep or orms orm" the man grumbled
"What?"
"Eep or orms orm!"
"Buddy, i got no clue what you're saying!"
The man spat in exasperation and said, "Keep your worms warm!"
A very sexist from my high school days
Person 1, "Your dishwasher stops working and like any good mechanic you hit it and tell it to get back to work, and it does. You return later to find dishes that are only half clean. Why?"
Person 2, "I have no clue."
Person 1, "You must have hit her in the eye."
What doctors really thinking?
- This should be taken care of right away.
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
- Welllllll, what have we here…?
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
- Let me check your medical history.
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.
- We have some good news and some bad news.
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
- Let me schedule you for some tests.
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
- I'd like to have my associate look at you.
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.
- I'd like to prescribe a new drug.
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
- This may hurt a little.
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
- This should fix you up.
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.
- I'd like to run some more tests.
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
- There is a lot of that going around.
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.
Doctor joke
Two doctors mortally offend each other and resolve to fight a duel. But they have no clue about the traditional dueling weapons -- swords, pistols, etc. After some thought, they decide to use the most deadly weapon of which each is an undoubted expert: They exchange prescriptions.
An Englishman is visiting Ireland for the first time...
His first stop is Cork where he decides he wants to kiss the famous Blarney Stone. Unfortunately for him he hasn't a clue where the stone is, so he walks into a pub to ask for directions.
He walks into the pub and yells, "Alright Paddies, I'm visiting from London and I'm looking for someone to take me to kiss this famous Blarney's Stone I've heard so much about."
There's a small stir in the bar as every Irishman scowls at him, until one man stands up. The huge, red-bearded man walks over to the Englishman, towering over him by a full foot.
He says, "Aye, I'll take ye to the Blarney Stone, but there's something you missed."
"And what might that be?" the Englishman replies.
"Ye see, there's two Blarney stones." the Irishman tells him.
The Englishman, slightly peeved at this insight, sighs to him, "Well I don't care, I just want to kiss one."
"Well alright," the Irishman replies as he drops his pants, "I'm Blarney. Kiss one."
The difference between men and women...
The difference between men and women? When men go shopping they know what they want, but not where it is. When women go shopping they have no clue what they want, but know exactly where it is.
A man asks a bartender for a drink...
"Do you have a bottle of less?" asks the man
The bartender looks confused, and says "Never heard of that one. you know what it is, what the bottle looks like?"
The man says "I have no clue what it looks like, but when I went to the doctor yesterday he said I should start drinking less."
Two british men are sitting at a bus stop...
When a man, clearly not from their town, comes up towards them.
"Parlez-vous Français?" The man asks the two Brits.
Confused, they stare blankly at the foreigner.
"Hablan ustedes Español?" The man tries again - still no reaction from the two men.
Frustrated, the foreigner tries one more time.
"Sprechen sie Deutsch?"
but the two men at the bus stop still have no clue what he's saying, and the foreigner storms off in a huff.
A couple seconds later, one of the men sitting on the bench turns to the other and says, "We should probably learn a language."
The other man turns to him and says, "Why? He knew three, and it didn't do him any good!"
Clueless husband
A woman was laying in bed with her husband at night when she said:"honey i m cold" , he said: "wear warmer clothes", then she said "i m still very cold" he responds "cover yoursef with another blanket" ,the wife who seemed displeased said:"when i was cold my mother used to hug me tightly and cuddle til we slept" her husband says in an angry voice:"Are you telling me we should bring your mother to sleep with us,why do you always say unromantic things in bed!".
A little boy and his grandfather...
...were walking through a meadow on a beautiful summer day.
"Grandpa," said the boy, "why is the grass green?"
The old man shrugged. "No idea," he grunted.
Then the boy asked, "Grandpa, why do the flowers smell so nice?"
"Beats me," said the old man.
"Grandpa, what makes the wind blow?"
"No clue."
"Grandpa," said the boy, "do you mind me asking you all these questions?"
"Of course not," said the old man. "How else will you learn anything?"
Unidentified Submarine
Three Americans are sitting inside their submarine when suddenly they see an unidentified sub on their radar. They try to radio the people inside but no one answers. So they decide the best way to figure out who it belongs to is to go out into the water and look for markings on the sub.
First guy goes out, comes back a few minutes later and says "I couldn't see any markings on it...no clue who it is."
Second guy goes out, comes back a few minutes later and says "yeah same here, no flags, marks, nothing."
Third guys goes out, comes back a minute later, laughing. First two guys are confused so they ask him what happened. He said,
"They're Romanians."
"How do you know that?" They ask him.
He says "I knocked and they opened."
The Town's 90 year old Duan Juan is asked of his seducing methods...
"What's so special 'bout you that makes women 70 years younger than you crave your company, if ye know what I mean?"
"I honestly got no clue young man"-He answered, as he began to
slowly lick his own eyebrows.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whats for Dinner
A man kills a Deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his Wife, decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the
meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.
"Well," he said,
"It's what Mummy calls me, sometimes."
The little girl screams to her Brother,
"Don't eat it, it's an a**....."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is there no black character in the game "Clue"?
Because then it would be called "Solved."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Are you from Mississippi?
Cause you're the only miss I ssippi. (I have no clue)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde is about to solve a crossword...
... but still misses some answers.
She asks for a help her best friend,
"Jane, could you help me solving this pls. - the clue says 'Feminine i**... part' - with 4 letters.."
"Across or down?" asks her friend.
"It's across"
"Then it should be lips"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Crossword clue: F**k, used by Gordon Ramsay a lot more than the average person
Fork
"Any idea how to make a lasagne, Barry?"
"Not a clue mate, but I Bechémal would know"
What's the most confusing holiday in the hood?
Kwanzaa. I don't think anyone has a clue what that holiday is.
An old woman was driving down the highway...
An old woman was driving down the highway at 35mph when a highway patrol officer pulled her over. He asked the woman if she knew why he pulled her over. She said "I have no clue, officer. I was obeying the speed limit..." The officer then replied with "Ma'am, you were traveling far too slow to be driving in the highway." The woman, with a confused look on her face then pointed to a sign up ahead and said, "But officer, that sign says the speed limit is 35! I had to have been obeying the speed limit!" The officer turned to see the sign that marked what highway they were on, highway 35. He then turned around, and looked at the women's friend, sitting in the back, eyes as big as silver dollars, he asked the woman in the back what was wrong. She replied quietly with "We just got off of highway 160."
What do you call an elite group of detectives that are comprised of hens?
The Clue Clucks Clan
My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before.
My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.
Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"
Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."
Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard.
A new version of clue is coming out this year
It's called Flint River Clue. The only weapon is a lead pipe.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a black man with six arms?
Not a clue, but he sure can pick cotton!
Watching Olympic rowing with my wife.
Me: Oh, the announcer just said the Germans got in via the repechage.
Wife: What's that?
Me: I have no clue.
Wife: I think it means they went through Belgium.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why aren't cops any good at playing the board game "Clue?"
There are no black guys to blame.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What makes the Palestinians tick?
Not counting the bombs strapped to their chests, I have no clue.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
When it comes to flower colours, the person who made this has no clue.
Four across...
Two men are sat completing a crossword puzzle on a train, sat across from them is a Priest. The first man starts to scratch his head, and he asks the man across from him:
"A word, four across, ending with unt..."
The other man asks him:
"Well, what's the clue?"
He replies:
"It just says 'a woman,' that's all."
"Aunt?"
"Ah, yes it is!"
The man looks down, nodding in agreement. Across the carriage a feeble voice, the Priest.
"Can I borrow an eraser?"
I broke into a game store last night
It was a risk I had to take.
And they didn't have a clue.
My girlfriend hung a note on the fridge...
...which said: "I can't do it, it's not working anymore."
Door could be opened. Light is fully functional. Beer is cold.
I got no clue what she was talking about
There's an old native American man that sits in a teepee along the road I take to work.
Every morning for a while now I stop in and ask him what the weather will be that day. Rain, snow, sun, clouds. He's always right.
Well yesterday I stopped in just like normal and asked what the weather was going to be like.
"Got no clue", he said.
I was shocked. "What's different about today that you don't know?"
He just shook his head sadly. "Radio broke."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I once met this p**... that went by the nickname "Watergate"
I had no clue why until she began to d**... me in a parking garage
Life is like operating a crane.
Early on, you figure out how to make it up to the controls... Only to realize you have no clue what to do once you get there.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why doesn't the game Clue have any black characters?
Because then it'd be called "Sorry!" and that's already a game.
Wanna hear the joke about the detective?
Actually, nevermind. I don't have a clue how it goes!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two blondes solving a crossword
Two blondes are spending some time together, the one is watching TV while the other struggles with one particular crossword question for some time now...
After a while she decides to ask her friend for help..
- Do you know the answer to the clue "Female s**... o**..."?
-- Hmmmm. Horizontally or vertically?
- Horizontally
-- Oh yes! "Mouth"
I just had the most clueless Uber driver in Gettysburg, PA
He didn't even know the address.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After every discussion with my GF she ends up only sending me a smileyface, while I still have clue what I did wrong
I am a victim of emojical a**...
I was going to write a poem about fitted sheets...
But I don't have a clue on where to start
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs.
Unbelievable! I've been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
My cab ride was free this morning, really nice guy.
No clue why he was chasing me though..
I'm a clueless drinker.
I only drink on days that end with "why".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My approach to s**... is like the government's approach to Brexit
I go in hard and pull out when I realise I have no clue what I'm doing
On Blue's Clues, Steve didn't leave to go to college - he was sent to prison.
He realized far too late that he shouldn't have brought Slippery Soap with him.
I told folks at work that Colonel Mustard did it in the library with the candle stick.
They looked at me dumbfounded as if they didn't have a clue!
am I right in saying, it's hard to tell a joke if everyone takes it literally?
clue* this is the joke
IBM is Acquiring Red Hat
The company has stated that they believe that the red hat will be a major clue in their long time search for carmen Santiago.
I've read An Idiot's Guide To Plumbing twice and I still haven't got a clue what I'm doing.
I guess it's going to take another few reads before this sinks in.
My wife didn't speak to me for 3 days last week and I haven't got a clue what I did to cause it.
Which is a shame because I'd like to do it again next week.
Two Romans were talking with each other
Roman 1: Hey what year are we living in?
Roman 2: 50 BC
Roman 1: What's BC?
Roman 2: Before Christ
Roman 1: Who's Christ?
Roman 2: I have no clue man
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What board game centers around a m**... mystery?
I don't have a Clue.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend asked me if I had a game about m**... mystery...
I said I didn't have a Clue.
Mike Tyson is playing Jeopardy and the clue is "The part of a flower's stamen where pollen is produced".
He's the first to buzz in. Alex Trebek calls on him:
Alex: "Mike?"
Mike: "What is the answer?"
Alex: "You can't ask me, Mike. You have to give me the answer."
Mike: "I am! What is the answer?"
Alex: "You have to give *us* the answer to the clue, Mike, we can't tell you."
Mike: "Listen, Trebek, I'm telling you it's the answer."
Alex: "Mike, I'm not sure you understand the rules of Jeopardy."
Mike: "How many timeth do I have to thay it? What ith the anther?!"
My friend lost his board game.
He's asking me to investigate, but then suspected me.
One thing for sure, I have no Clue.
I had to turn to Google for help with a crossword puzzle.
I had to turn to Google for help with a crossword puzzle. The clue was "Dishonestly gaining a advantage," eight letters.
I immediately felt bad for looking it up, that was cheating.
Kim Jong Un decided to send donald trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.
Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:
370HSSV - 0773H
Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI
No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its meaning, FBI finally asked MSS (Ministry of State Security in China for help.
Within a few seconds MSS cabled back with this reply:
"Tell The President he's holding the message upside down."
The year is 2040, and a curious kid wonders what their parents did to pass the time during Quarantine back in 2020.
The kid asked their 10 brothers and sisters, but they had no clue either.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Put these letters together to form a word. P N E I S Clue: a body part that is very important when e**....
The answer is spine.
Don't have a clue
So I usually hear this joke in another language but let's see how it's received in English.
A foreigner is traveling in the city. He asks a guy on a nearby bench "excuse me, what time is it?" The guy shrugs and says "I don't have a clue".
So he asks another guy sitting nearby, "excuse me, do you know what time it is?" To which the other man responds "sorry, don't have a clue either".
So he keeps walking. Eventually, the traveler gets stopped by someone else who asks him, "excuse me, sir, do you happen to have the time?"
To which he responds, "I'm sorry, my clue is broken".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man gets pulled over for swerving
Officer says, "sir do you know why I pulled you over?"
*"I have no clue". The man replied.*
"Have you been drinking, sir?"
*"Not any alcoholic drinks, officer".*
"Then what is that in your cup holder?"
"*that's a half-drank Smirnoff Ice.*"
"I thought you said you didn't drink any alcohol tonight?"
"*No, officer. I said I haven't had any "alcoholic drinks". All of my friends are alcoholics and not a single one of them drinks that s**...."*
OC
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many cannibals does it take to screw in one light bulb?
I have no clue but you really shouldn't be in the dark with cannibals.
Heard of the nun that stole a fortune to fund her gambling habit?
The first clue probably should have been that she spent a fortune on a habit specifically for gambling.
