The Best 86 Clue Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Clue jokes. There are some clue conundrum jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these clue unt puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Clue Jokes and Puns
Two guys were out on a lake ice fishing
One looks at the other and sees that he's got a pile of fish, and asks him,
"hey buddy, how'd you catch so many fish and I'm sitting here with nothing?"
"Eep or orms orm" the man grumbled
"What?"
"Eep or orms orm!"
"Buddy, i got no clue what you're saying!"
The man spat in exasperation and said, "Keep your worms warm!"
A very sexist from my high school days
Person 1, "Your dishwasher stops working and like any good mechanic you hit it and tell it to get back to work, and it does. You return later to find dishes that are only half clean. Why?"
Person 2, "I have no clue."
Person 1, "You must have hit her in the eye."
Doctor joke
Two doctors mortally offend each other and resolve to fight a duel. But they have no clue about the traditional dueling weapons -- swords, pistols, etc. After some thought, they decide to use the most deadly weapon of which each is an undoubted expert: They exchange prescriptions.
The difference between men and women... [OC]
The difference between men and women? When men go shopping they know what they want, but not where it is. When women go shopping they have no clue what they want, but know exactly where it is.
A man asks a bartender for a drink...
"Do you have a bottle of less?" asks the man
The bartender looks confused, and says "Never heard of that one. you know what it is, what the bottle looks like?"
The man says "I have no clue what it looks like, but when I went to the doctor yesterday he said I should start drinking less."
Two british men are sitting at a bus stop...
When a man, clearly not from their town, comes up towards them.
"Parlez-vous Français?" The man asks the two Brits.
Confused, they stare blankly at the foreigner.
"Hablan ustedes EspaΓ±ol?" The man tries again - still no reaction from the two men.
Frustrated, the foreigner tries one more time.
"Sprechen sie Deutsch?"
but the two men at the bus stop still have no clue what he's saying, and the foreigner storms off in a huff.
A couple seconds later, one of the men sitting on the bench turns to the other and says, "We should probably learn a language."
The other man turns to him and says, "Why? He knew three, and it didn't do him any good!"
Clueless husband
A woman was laying in bed with her husband at night when she said:"honey i m cold" , he said: "wear warmer clothes", then she said "i m still very cold" he responds "cover yoursef with another blanket" ,the wife who seemed displeased said:"when i was cold my mother used to hug me tightly and cuddle til we slept" her husband says in an angry voice:"Are you telling me we should bring your mother to sleep with us,why do you always say unromantic things in bed!".
A little boy and his grandfather...
...were walking through a meadow on a beautiful summer day.
"Grandpa," said the boy, "why is the grass green?"
The old man shrugged. "No idea," he grunted.
Then the boy asked, "Grandpa, why do the flowers smell so nice?"
"Beats me," said the old man.
"Grandpa, what makes the wind blow?"
"No clue."
"Grandpa," said the boy, "do you mind me asking you all these questions?"
"Of course not," said the old man. "How else will you learn anything?"
The Town's 90 year old Duan Juan is asked of his seducing methods...
"What's so special 'bout you that makes women 70 years younger than you crave your company, if ye know what I mean?"
"I honestly got no clue young man"-He answered, as he began to
slowly lick his own eyebrows.
Whats for Dinner
A man kills a Deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his Wife, decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the
meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.
"Well," he said,
"It's what Mummy calls me, sometimes."
The little girl screams to her Brother,
"Don't eat it, it's an arsehole.."
Why is there no black character in the game "Clue"?
Because then it would be called "Solved."
You can explore clue indication reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean clue decipher dad jokes. There are also clue puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why are there no black people in clue?
Because then it wouldn't be a mystery.
Why are there no black characters in clue?
Becuase if there were it would be called solved
How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but I have no clue how they got in there.
Heisenberg got pulled over by the cops for speeding
Winding down his window, he was greeted by a shout of "Do you know how fast you were going?!"
"Not a clue, but I know *exactly* where I was."
A blonde is about to solve a crossword...
... but still misses some answers.
She asks for a help her best friend,
"Jane, could you help me solving this pls. - the clue says 'Feminine intercourse part' - with 4 letters.."
"Across or down?" asks her friend.
"It's across"
"Then it should be lips"
Crossword clue: F**k, used by Gordon Ramsay a lot more than the average person
Fork
What's the most confusing holiday in the hood?
Kwanzaa. I don't think anyone has a clue what that holiday is.
What do you call an elite group of detectives that are comprised of hens?
The Clue Clucks Clan
Did you hear about the family of racist chicken detectives?
They're called the Clue Clucks Clan
My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before.
My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.
Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"
Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."
Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard.
A new version of clue is coming out this year
It's called Flint River Clue. The only weapon is a lead pipe.
Lucy, In the Sky, With Diamonds
John Lennon, proving he was a terrible Clue player
I was trying to come up with a name for my group of mystery-solving chickens
Apparently the Clue Clucks Clan was already taken.
What did our parents do to kill time before the internet?
I asked my 21 brothers and sisters and they had no clue either.
Watching Olympic rowing with my wife.
Me: Oh, the announcer just said the Germans got in via the repechage.
Wife: What's that?
Me: I have no clue.
Wife: I think it means they went through Belgium.
A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks at the bar following an interfaith meeting...
The Jew, bragging on his virility, said, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team."
The Catholic, pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That's nothing, boy. I have 10 sons, one more and I'll have a football team."
To which the Mormon replied, "You fellas ain't got a clue. I have 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."
Women are like magnets...
I have no clue how they work.
So the other day I was standing in a line for an ATM...
There was an old lady there who looked like she had absolutely no clue what she was doing, after a bit of fumbling with the keys, she turned to me and said, "You look like a helpful young lad, Could you help me check my balance."
So I pushed her over.
I wondered what my parents did to kill boredom before the internet.
I mean, I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and none of them had a clue.
Why isnt there a black guy in the board game, "clue"?
Because then it would be called "solved".
The local barber was arrested for selling drugs
I think it's completely insane! I've been his customer for years and I had no clue he was a barber.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
When it comes to flower colours, the person who made this has no clue.
Four across...
Two men are sat completing a crossword puzzle on a train, sat across from them is a Priest. The first man starts to scratch his head, and he asks the man across from him:
"A word, four across, ending with unt..."
The other man asks him:
"Well, what's the clue?"
He replies:
"It just says 'a woman,' that's all."
"Aunt?"
"Ah, yes it is!"
The man looks down, nodding in agreement. Across the carriage a feeble voice, the Priest.
"Can I borrow an eraser?"
A Wrong Answer
While doing a crossword puzzle, I asked for my husband's help.
"The word is eight letters long and starts with m, and the clue is 'tiresome sameness.'"
"Monogamy," he answered
My girlfriend hung a note on the fridge...
...which said: "I can't do it, it's not working anymore."
Door could be opened. Light is fully functional. Beer is cold.
I got no clue what she was talking about
There's an old Native American man that sits in a teepee along the road I take to work.
Every morning for a while now I stop in and ask him what the weather will be that day. Rain, snow, sun, clouds. He's always right.
Well yesterday I stopped in just like normal and asked what the weather was going to be like.
"Got no clue", he said.
I was shocked. "What's different about today that you don't know?"
He just shook his head sadly. "Radio broke."
I once met this prostitute that went by the nickname "Watergate"
I had no clue why until she began to deep throat me in a parking garage
Life is like operating a crane.
Early on, you figure out how to make it up to the controls... Only to realize you have no clue what to do once you get there.
Why doesn't the game Clue have any black characters?
Because then it'd be called "Sorry!" and that's already a game.
got in trouble for helping an African co-worker with the crossword during break.
apparently the answer to the clue, Word with "black" or "photo", is not "shoot".
Wanna hear the joke about the detective?
Actually, nevermind. I don't have a clue how it goes!
What's the difference between an ISIS outpost and an Afghanistan elementary school?
I have no clue, I just fly the drone.
Two blondes solving a crossword
Two blondes are spending some time together, the one is watching TV while the other struggles with one particular crossword question for some time now...
After a while she decides to ask her friend for help..
- Do you know the answer to the clue "Female sex organ"?
-- Hmmmm. Horizontally or vertically?
- Horizontally
-- Oh yes! "Mouth"
I just had the most clueless Uber driver in Gettysburg, PA
He didn't even know the address.
After every discussion with my GF she ends up only sending me a smileyface, while I still have clue what I did wrong
I am a victim of emojical abuse
My New Years resolution is to go to the gym more often, get into grad school, pay off my bills, and learn a new language.
I don't have a clue how I'm going to get all that done by tomorrow.
My gran started walking 2 miles a day when she turned 60 to try and keep fit
She's 70 odd now and I've not got a clue where she is.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now.
And we still have no clue where she is.
My grandma started walking 2 miles every single day when she turned 60.
She's 70 now and doesn't have a clue where she is.
I was going to write a poem about fitted sheets...
But I don't have a clue on where to start
My girlfriend is like an advanced calculus class.
I don't have a clue what's going on but seems like those others guys are getting it.
We surprised my brother with a board game for his birthday
And he didn't have a clue!
What's the funniest type of bribery?
No clue. But I'll give you $20 if you laugh.
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs.
Unbelievable! I've been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!ο»Ώ
What did little Johnny say when he was asked who Camila Cabello was?
"I havanna clue"
My cab ride was free this morning, really nice guy.
No clue why he was chasing me though..
"I'm stuck on the last piece of a crossword. 12 letters, the clue is: 'getting in your way'".
He said, "That's 'inconvenient'."
I said, "I know. That's why I need your help."
I'm making my own Crossword Puzzle but I'm struggling to think up a clue for 3 down, 'Armageddon'.
Ah well, it's not the end of the world.
Why is a red herring called a red herring?
Not a clue.
I'm a clueless drinker.
I only drink on days that end with "why".
My approach to sex is like the government's approach to Brexit
I go in hard and pull out when I realise I have no clue what I'm doing
On Blue's Clues, Steve didn't leave to go to college - he was sent to prison.
He realized far too late that he shouldn't have brought Slippery Soap with him.
This mechanic in my area went to jail for dealing drugs
I've been his customer for over 5 years...I had no clue he was a mechanic.
I told folks at work that Colonel Mustard did it in the library with the candle stick.
They looked at me dumbfounded as if they didn't have a clue!
am I right in saying, it's hard to tell a joke if everyone takes it literally?
clue* this is the joke
My wife didn't speak to me for 3 days last week and I haven't got a clue what I did to cause it.
Which is a shame because I'd like to do it again next week.
Two Romans were talking with each other
Roman 1: Hey what year are we living in?
Roman 2: 50 BC
Roman 1: What's BC?
Roman 2: Before Christ
Roman 1: Who's Christ?
Roman 2: I have no clue man
My friend lost his board game.
He's asking me to investigate, but then suspected me.
One thing for sure, I have no Clue.
I had to turn to Google for help with a crossword puzzle.
I had to turn to Google for help with a crossword puzzle. The clue was "Dishonestly gaining a advantage," eight letters.
I immediately felt bad for looking it up, that was cheating.
Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.
Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:
370HSSV - 0773H
Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI
No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its meaning, FBI finally asked MSS (Ministry of State Security in China for help.
Within a few seconds MSS cabled back with this reply:
"Tell The President he's holding the message upside down."
If I had a pound coin for everytime I had no clue what was going on
i'd just be wondering why I have so much money
Two drunk men are talking in a bar
- You know? my uncle is now resting in peace
- I had no clue your uncle had died
- No, the one who died was my aunt
An electron is breaking the speed limit going along a motorway...
...when he is pulled over by a Proton. Proton: do you know how fast you were going?
Electron: yes, but now I have no clue as to where I am.
The year is 2040, and a curious kid wonders what their parents did to pass the time during Quarantine back in 2020.
The kid asked their 10 brothers and sisters, but they had no clue either.
Put these letters together to form a word. P N E I S Clue: a body part that is very important when erect.
The answer is spine.
What do you call a book club that's been reading the same book for years - and yet the members still have no clue as to what it's about?
An Evangelical Christian church.
I asked my wife, I'm stuck on this crossword clue Overworked Postman β can you help?
She said, Sure. How many letters?
Me: I'm guessingβ- Too many.
Life is a lot like a helicopter.
I have no clue how to operate it.
What do you call a group of racist chickens playing mystery board games?
A Clue Clucks Clan
What do you call a stable female?
A mare.
(This was a clue on the Daily Crossword app today which I couldn't figure out. I thought it was cute.)
A man gets pulled over for swerving
Officer says, "sir do you know why I pulled you over?"
*"I have no clue". The man replied.*
"Have you been drinking, sir?"
*"Not any alcoholic drinks, officer".*
"Then what is that in your cup holder?"
"*that's a half-drank Smirnoff Ice.*"
"I thought you said you didn't drink any alcohol tonight?"
"*No, officer. I said I haven't had any "alcoholic drinks". All of my friends are alcoholics and not a single one of them drinks that shit."*
OC
How many cannibals does it take to screw in one light bulb?
I have no clue but you really shouldn't be in the dark with cannibals.
Dad cooks dinner.
He gives his kids deer meat, but doesn't tell them but gives them a clue.
Dad: What kind of meat is this, it's something mom calls me every day.
Sarah: OMG Billy, It's an asshole don't eat it.
Heard of the nun that stole a fortune to fund her gambling habit?
The first clue probably should have been that she spent a fortune on a habit specifically for gambling.
David Beckham gets in a taxi at Dublin Airport and notices the driver keep looking in his rear view mirror at him.
After about 5 minutes the driver says "Go on then give me a clue!?"
Beckham replies, "I had a glittering career with Man Utd, played over 100 times for England and married a spice girl, is that enough?".
Driver says "No mate, I meant where are you going?"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the clue newbie jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working clue malady piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.