Clue Jokes

Following is our collection of indication puns and conundrum one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Clue jokes for adults, dirty decipher jokes and clean unt dad gags for kids.

The Best Clue Puns

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its meaning, FBI finally asked MSS (Ministry of State Security in China for help.

Within a few seconds MSS cabled back with this reply:

"Tell The President he's holding the message upside down."

I asked my wife, I'm stuck on this crossword clue Overworked Postman β€” can you help?

She said, Sure. How many letters?

Me: I'm guessingβ€”- Too many.

My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before.

My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.

Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"

Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."

Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard.

Why is there no black character in the game "Clue"?

Because then it would be called "Solved."

What's the difference between an ISIS outpost and an Afghanistan elementary school?

I have no clue, I just fly the drone.


There's an old Native American man that sits in a teepee along the road I take to work.

Every morning for a while now I stop in and ask him what the weather will be that day. Rain, snow, sun, clouds. He's always right.

Well yesterday I stopped in just like normal and asked what the weather was going to be like.

"Got no clue", he said.

I was shocked. "What's different about today that you don't know?"

He just shook his head sadly. "Radio broke."

My girlfriend is like an advanced calculus class.

I don't have a clue what's going on but seems like those others guys are getting it.

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but I have no clue how they got in there.

A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks at the bar following an interfaith meeting...

The Jew, bragging on his virility, said, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team."

The Catholic, pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That's nothing, boy. I have 10 sons, one more and I'll have a football team."

To which the Mormon replied, "You fellas ain't got a clue. I have 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."

Did you hear about the family of racist chicken detectives?

They're called the Clue Clucks Clan

Whats for Dinner

A man kills a Deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his Wife, decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the
meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.

"Well," he said,
"It's what Mummy calls me, sometimes."

The little girl screams to her Brother,

"Don't eat it, it's an arsehole.."


My approach to sex is like the government's approach to Brexit

I go in hard and pull out when I realise I have no clue what I'm doing

I was trying to come up with a name for my group of mystery-solving chickens

Apparently the Clue Clucks Clan was already taken.

Two british men are sitting at a bus stop...

When a man, clearly not from their town, comes up towards them.

"Parlez-vous Français?" The man asks the two Brits.

Confused, they stare blankly at the foreigner.

"Hablan ustedes EspaΓ±ol?" The man tries again - still no reaction from the two men.

Frustrated, the foreigner tries one more time.

"Sprechen sie Deutsch?"

but the two men at the bus stop still have no clue what he's saying, and the foreigner storms off in a huff.

A couple seconds later, one of the men sitting on the bench turns to the other and says, "We should probably learn a language."

The other man turns to him and says, "Why? He knew three, and it didn't do him any good!"

Two guys were out on a lake ice fishing

One looks at the other and sees that he's got a pile of fish, and asks him,

"hey buddy, how'd you catch so many fish and I'm sitting here with nothing?"

"Eep or orms orm" the man grumbled

"What?"

"Eep or orms orm!"

"Buddy, i got no clue what you're saying!"

The man spat in exasperation and said, "Keep your worms warm!"

Four across...

Two men are sat completing a crossword puzzle on a train, sat across from them is a Priest. The first man starts to scratch his head, and he asks the man across from him:

"A word, four across, ending with unt..."

The other man asks him:

"Well, what's the clue?"

He replies:

"It just says 'a woman,' that's all."

"Aunt?"

"Ah, yes it is!"

The man looks down, nodding in agreement. Across the carriage a feeble voice, the Priest.

"Can I borrow an eraser?"

What did our parents do to kill time before the internet?

I asked my 21 brothers and sisters and they had no clue either.

So the other day I was standing in a line for an ATM...

There was an old lady there who looked like she had absolutely no clue what she was doing, after a bit of fumbling with the keys, she turned to me and said, "You look like a helpful young lad, Could you help me check my balance."
So I pushed her over.

My girlfriend hung a note on the fridge...

...which said: "I can't do it, it's not working anymore."

Door could be opened. Light is fully functional. Beer is cold.

I got no clue what she was talking about


What do you call a book club that's been reading the same book for years - and yet the members still have no clue as to what it's about?

An Evangelical Christian church.

My New Years resolution is to go to the gym more often, get into grad school, pay off my bills, and learn a new language.

I don't have a clue how I'm going to get all that done by tomorrow.

A man asks a bartender for a drink...

"Do you have a bottle of less?" asks the man

The bartender looks confused, and says "Never heard of that one. you know what it is, what the bottle looks like?"

The man says "I have no clue what it looks like, but when I went to the doctor yesterday he said I should start drinking less."

I had to turn to Google for help with a crossword puzzle.

I had to turn to Google for help with a crossword puzzle. The clue was "Dishonestly gaining a advantage," eight letters.

I immediately felt bad for looking it up, that was cheating.

Lucy, In the Sky, With Diamonds

John Lennon, proving he was a terrible Clue player

This mechanic in my area went to jail for dealing drugs

I've been his customer for over 5 years...I had no clue he was a mechanic.

If I had a pound coin for everytime I had no clue what was going on

i'd just be wondering why I have so much money

"I'm stuck on the last piece of a crossword. 12 letters, the clue is: 'getting in your way'".

He said, "That's 'inconvenient'."

I said, "I know. That's why I need your help."

Women are like magnets...

I have no clue how they work.

Why are there no black people in clue?

Because then it wouldn't be a mystery.

Doctor joke

Two doctors mortally offend each other and resolve to fight a duel. But they have no clue about the traditional dueling weapons -- swords, pistols, etc. After some thought, they decide to use the most deadly weapon of which each is an undoubted expert: They exchange prescriptions.

I wondered what my parents did to kill boredom before the internet.

I mean, I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and none of them had a clue.

Two drunk men are talking in a bar

- You know? my uncle is now resting in peace
- I had no clue your uncle had died
- No, the one who died was my aunt

What do you call a group of racist chickens playing mystery board games?

A Clue Clucks Clan

I'm making my own Crossword Puzzle but I'm struggling to think up a clue for 3 down, 'Armageddon'.

Ah well, it's not the end of the world.

Why isnt there a black guy in the board game, "clue"?

Because then it would be called "solved".

Life is a lot like a helicopter.

I have no clue how to operate it.

Life is like operating a crane.

Early on, you figure out how to make it up to the controls... Only to realize you have no clue what to do once you get there.

The difference between men and women... [OC]

The difference between men and women? When men go shopping they know what they want, but not where it is. When women go shopping they have no clue what they want, but know exactly where it is.

My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs.

Unbelievable! I've been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!ο»Ώ

I just had the most clueless Uber driver in Gettysburg, PA

He didn't even know the address.

A very sexist from my high school days

Person 1, "Your dishwasher stops working and like any good mechanic you hit it and tell it to get back to work, and it does. You return later to find dishes that are only half clean. Why?"
Person 2, "I have no clue."
Person 1, "You must have hit her in the eye."

A blonde is about to solve a crossword...

... but still misses some answers.

She asks for a help her best friend,

"Jane, could you help me solving this pls. - the clue says 'Feminine intercourse part' - with 4 letters.."

"Across or down?" asks her friend.

"It's across"

"Then it should be lips"

My friend lost his board game.

He's asking me to investigate, but then suspected me.

One thing for sure, I have no Clue.

Two blondes solving a crossword

Two blondes are spending some time together, the one is watching TV while the other struggles with one particular crossword question for some time now...
After a while she decides to ask her friend for help..
- Do you know the answer to the clue "Female sex organ"?
-- Hmmmm. Horizontally or vertically?
- Horizontally
-- Oh yes! "Mouth"

Crossword clue: F**k, used by Gordon Ramsay a lot more than the average person

Fork

A new version of clue is coming out this year

It's called Flint River Clue. The only weapon is a lead pipe.

Put these letters together to form a word. P N E I S Clue: a body part that is very important when erect.

The answer is spine.

Why doesn't the game Clue have any black characters?

Because then it'd be called "Sorry!" and that's already a game.

A Wrong Answer

While doing a crossword puzzle, I asked for my husband's help.

"The word is eight letters long and starts with m, and the clue is 'tiresome sameness.'"

"Monogamy," he answered

The local barber was arrested for selling drugs

I think it's completely insane! I've been his customer for years and I had no clue he was a barber.

Watching Olympic rowing with my wife.

Me: Oh, the announcer just said the Germans got in via the repechage.

Wife: What's that?

Me: I have no clue.

Wife: I think it means they went through Belgium.

A little boy and his grandfather...

...were walking through a meadow on a beautiful summer day.

"Grandpa," said the boy, "why is the grass green?"

The old man shrugged. "No idea," he grunted.

Then the boy asked, "Grandpa, why do the flowers smell so nice?"

"Beats me," said the old man.

"Grandpa, what makes the wind blow?"

"No clue."

"Grandpa," said the boy, "do you mind me asking you all these questions?"

"Of course not," said the old man. "How else will you learn anything?"

The year is 2040, and a curious kid wonders what their parents did to pass the time during Quarantine back in 2020.

The kid asked their 10 brothers and sisters, but they had no clue either.

What's the funniest type of bribery?

No clue. But I'll give you $20 if you laugh.

We surprised my brother with a board game for his birthday

And he didn't have a clue!

My grandma started walking 2 miles every single day when she turned 60.

She's 70 now and doesn't have a clue where she is.

On Blue's Clues, Steve didn't leave to go to college - he was sent to prison.

He realized far too late that he shouldn't have brought Slippery Soap with him.

I'm a clueless drinker.

I only drink on days that end with "why".

Why is a red herring called a red herring?

Not a clue.

What did little Johnny say when he was asked who Camila Cabello was?

"I havanna clue"

Roses are red, violets are blue.

When it comes to flower colours, the person who made this has no clue.

Heisenberg got pulled over by the cops for speeding

Winding down his window, he was greeted by a shout of "Do you know how fast you were going?!"

"Not a clue, but I know *exactly* where I was."

An electron is breaking the speed limit going along a motorway...

...when he is pulled over by a Proton. Proton: do you know how fast you were going?
Electron: yes, but now I have no clue as to where I am.

My cab ride was free this morning, really nice guy.

No clue why he was chasing me though..

I once met this prostitute that went by the nickname "Watergate"

I had no clue why until she began to deep throat me in a parking garage

What do you call an elite group of detectives that are comprised of hens?

The Clue Clucks Clan

I was going to write a poem about fitted sheets...

But I don't have a clue on where to start

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now.

And we still have no clue where she is.

got in trouble for helping an African co-worker with the crossword during break.

apparently the answer to the clue, Word with "black" or "photo", is not "shoot".

What's the most confusing holiday in the hood?

Kwanzaa. I don't think anyone has a clue what that holiday is.

Why are there no black characters in clue?

Becuase if there were it would be called solved

The Town's 90 year old Duan Juan is asked of his seducing methods...

"What's so special 'bout you that makes women 70 years younger than you crave your company, if ye know what I mean?"

"I honestly got no clue young man"-He answered, as he began to
slowly lick his own eyebrows.

My friend asked me if I had a game about murder mystery...

I said I didn't have a Clue.

What board game centers around a murder mystery?

I don't have a Clue.

How does a turtle with no flippers get across the freeway?

Here's a clue, take the f out of free, and then take the f out of way.

Two Romans were talking with each other

Roman 1: Hey what year are we living in?

Roman 2: 50 BC

Roman 1: What's BC?

Roman 2: Before Christ

Roman 1: Who's Christ?

Roman 2: I have no clue man

Officer, how did the hackers manage to escape?

No clue. They just ransomware.

My wife didn't speak to me for 3 days last week and I haven't got a clue what I did to cause it.

Which is a shame because I'd like to do it again next week.

I've read An Idiot's Guide To Plumbing twice and I still haven't got a clue what I'm doing.

I guess it's going to take another few reads before this sinks in.

IBM is Acquiring Red Hat

The company has stated that they believe that the red hat will be a major clue in their long time search for Carmen Santiago.

am I right in saying, it's hard to tell a joke if everyone takes it literally?

clue* this is the joke

I told folks at work that Colonel Mustard did it in the library with the candle stick.

They looked at me dumbfounded as if they didn't have a clue!

My gran started walking 2 miles a day when she turned 60 to try and keep fit

She's 70 odd now and I've not got a clue where she is.

After every discussion with my GF she ends up only sending me a smileyface, while I still have clue what I did wrong

I am a victim of emojical abuse

Wanna hear the joke about the detective?

Actually, nevermind. I don't have a clue how it goes!

Clueless husband

A woman was laying in bed with her husband at night when she said:"honey i m cold" , he said: "wear warmer clothes", then she said "i m still very cold" he responds "cover yoursef with another blanket" ,the wife who seemed displeased said:"when i was cold my mother used to hug me tightly and cuddle til we slept" her husband says in an angry voice:"Are you telling me we should bring your mother to sleep with us,why do you always say unromantic things in bed!".

There is an abundance of newbie jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 86 funniest jokes and clue puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any malady witze you can hear about clue.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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