Clubs Jokes
93 clubs jokes and hilarious clubs puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about clubs that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best and funniest book club jokes and jokes about nightclubs. Read the finest club jokes and have a good time in the clubhouse.
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Funniest Clubs Short Jokes
Short clubs jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The clubs humour may include short league jokes also.
- I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time. When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.
- I went to my first Fight Club meeting last night Unfortunately I arrived 10 minutes late so I missed the introductions but I must say I had a fantastic time I'd recommend it to everyone.
- The First Rule of Fight Club... ... Is to not talk about fight club.
The second rule of fight club...
Please keep your seat belt on at all times when the light is on. - I met a girl at a club the other night who said she'd show me a good time and incredibly, when we got outside... She ran a 40-meter dash in just 4.5 seconds.
- fight club I went to my first fight club meeting last night, i showed up late so i missed the first few rules but it was awesome i love fight club cant wait for the next meeting
- Fight Club was awesome! Hey guys so I found this Fight Club last night and had a blast! I showed up a little late so I missed some of the rules but I highly recommend it!
- I'm opening a new gay club called "Garage Sale" Because one mans junk is another mans treasure!
- This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club Which was weird, because I'd never met herbivore.
- My friend and I tried to start an erectile dysfunction club... ...but it flopped and nobody came.
- So I went to the club last night and asked a German girl for her number... and you'll never believe it! Her number is 999-999-9999!
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Clubs One Liners
Which clubs one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with clubs? I can suggest the ones about teams and sports.
- I started a club for guys with erectile dysfuntion It was a total flop. Nobody came.
- What do u call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for years? Church
- What do you call a book club that's been stuck on only one book for years? The Church
- The first rule of passive aggressive club is... You know what, nevermind. It's fine.
- Congratulations West Ham The only club named after two things that ISIS hate.
- What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years? Church
- Where does Sir Lancelot go to party? A knight club.
- First rule of Vegan club: You tell everyone about Vegan club.
- Everyone was excited at the autopsy club... It was open Mike night.
- I'm starting a club for night owls. Who's up for that?
- Autopsy club tonight at 8pm It's open Mike night
- Don't worry if you've forgotten the first rule of Passive Aggressive Club, it's fine.
- I'm really excited about the new autopsy club I just joined. Tuesday is Open Mike night.
- The first rule of Paradox Club is not the first rule of Paradox Club.
- What's the number one rule of Vegan Fight Club? Tell everybody
Book Clubs Jokes
Here is a list of funny book clubs jokes and even better book clubs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a book club with only one book? Church
- Welcome to book-binding club Make yourself a tome.
- What do you call a book club which is stuck on the same book? a church
- I started a book club in prison It's called prose and cons.
- What do you call a book club that's been reading the same book for years - and yet the members still have no clue as to what it's about? An Evangelical Christian church.
- My local tennis club doesn't allow courts to be pre-booked. It works on a first come, first serve basis.
- Church A very enthusiastic book club.
- What do you call a book club full of sheep and wine? The Church.
- The dyslexic book club is reading Nietzsche. They just got to the part where the dog dies.
- My book club has been on the same book for centuries. Man I hate church.
Entertaining Clubs Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about clubs you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nightclub jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make clubs pranks.
I don't understand the appeal of s**... clubs...
All you do is throw money at women who refuse to have s**... with you. If I wanted that I would be married.
Why don't n**...'s like s**... clubs?
Because, they don't like Poles.
If I die...
If I were to die first, would you remarry?" the wife asks.
"Well," says the husband, "I'm in good health, so why not?"
"Would she live in my house?"
"It's all paid up, so yes."
"Would she drive my car?"
"It's new, so yes."
"Would she use my golf clubs?"
"No. She's left-handed."
Golf rules are frustrating
Just got new clubs and still can't hit my handicapped brother...
A Mexican once tried to steal my golf clubs..
so I had to shoot a hole-in-juan.
What do you call 500 old white guys chasing a black man with clubs?
The PGA tour.
Another Tom Swifty
"I have only diamonds, clubs, and s**...," said Tom heartlessly.
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest h**..., give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while b**... her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson . .. . ..
And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Kevin¹s h**...."
Why don't they let whales into s**... clubs?
They tend to humpback.
What do pirates and s**... clubs have in common?
Neither can get enough b**...
Why are n**...'s not allowed to work in s**... clubs...
Because they don't get on with the Pols
Why didn't h**... go to s**... clubs?
Because he didn't like poles.
A friend of mine once said all bars and clubs are haunted...
It must be because of all the spirits
What do holiday parties and after school clubs have in common?
They both feature Chess nuts!
At the Last Supper...
[At Last Supper]
*Jesus raises bread*
"This is my body!"
*Jesus raises wine*
"And this is my blood!"
*Pulls out 9 of Clubs*
"And this is your card"
*Apostles go nuts*
Just got a new set of golf clubs for my wife.
Best trade I've ever made
Why do gay clubs float so well?
They're flambuoyant.
A Lack of Recognition
Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the spiritual leader of their churches.
Baptists do not recognize each other in liquor stores or gentlemen's clubs.
Johny the Fighter Pilot
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you
grow up?"
Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest p**..., give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. "And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Johnny's p**...."
Husband has 6 months to live
Asks his wife, "Will you marry again?"
She says she supposes so, eventually.
"Will he sleep in our bed"?
She says of course he will.
"Will you let him use my golf clubs?"
"No, he couldn't use them. He's left handed."
Three old men
Three old men are golfing. One of them complains,
"Ya know, the hills these days are getting steeper and steeper"
His buddy one chimes in:
"Yep, and the clubs are getting heavier. They were way lighter when we were younger"
The third old man patiently listening finally says,
"Oh quit whining you two, at least we're on the right side of the grass."
I like my sheds the way I like my s**... clubs...
...dark and full of h**...
I've started handing out guns to large men at gay clubs.
Just exercising my right to arm bears.
Marriage jok
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The husband said, "No sweetie." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."
I don't see the point of s**... clubs.
All they do is frustrate you and take all your money.
I have a wife for that.
I hate Asian drivers
They just do not stand up to the quality of golf clubs I can find in America.
I got shot by a cop after I beat him at poker. He had quad aces but I drew an 8-high straight flush (clubs) on the river...
...I guess black fives do matter.
Which playing cards are the best dancers?
The king and queen of clubs
Why do Native Americans dance at s**... clubs?
They want to make it rain.
'American Police' playing cards.
I bought a deck of 'American Police' playing cards yesterday.
There's no hearts or diamonds in it. Just one s**... and fifty one clubs.
What's the secret ingredient for young MILFs to get into clubs?
Cardamom
Wife asks husband, if she dies will he remarry?
I don't know... yeah I probably would i guess.
What about the house? would you sell it?
No he says, I like our house.
What about our bed, would you buy a new one?
No I like our bed and would keep it.
Ok, the wife now asks, what about my golf clubs?
Would you let your new wife use them?
No way he says, she's left handed.
My dad said not to go to cheap, low class s**... clubs, because I'll see things I shouldn't...
Sure enough, I had to go and there's my dad getting a lap dance.
I always get my dates at midget s**... clubs
Those girls are the easiest to pick up
I used to have a life before I started serving drinks at underground clubs.
Now I'm behind bars.
A woman is accused of beating her husband half to death with his golf clubs.
The judge looks down at her and asks, "How many times did you hit him?"
The woman replies, "Eh, five..? Six..? Put me down for a five."
I just got a new set of golf clubs for my wife!
It was a great trade.
A man is on his death bed. He asks his wife...
"Will you re-marry after I die?"
"Oh, I don't know..." she says. "Maybe."
"Will you let another man move into our house with you?"
"Oh, I don't know... Maybe."
"Will you let another man drive my car?"
"Oh, I don't know... Maybe."
"Well, will you have s**... with another man at some point?"
"Oh, I don't know... Maybe."
"Will you let another man use my golf clubs!?"
"Nah. He's left-handed."
Hearts, diamonds, clubs, s**...... oh? Looks like this house of cards has a fifth suit.
s**... harassment suit.
What do you call a golfer who hasn't enough clubs?
Iron deficient.
A man writing in his diary:
I am an ideal man. I don't smoke, drink, or go to night clubs. I have always been loyal to my wife and don't flirt with strange women. I sleep at eight o'clock and wake up early. I exercise daily and work regular hours. But all this will change as soon as I get out of prison.
Music is the main reason…
…I go to s**... clubs.
Why can't you drive a semi-truck anywhere?
Golf clubs are made too poorly.
A relationship is like playing cards
First you have hearts and diamonds then at the end is clubs and s**...
As a fat, single, 40 year old man, I've been to alot of s**... clubs.
Too bad I haven't made much money.
Grandpa said he wanted to be buried with his golf clubs
But this is taking forever and my arms are tired!
In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft
Today, in civilized society, it is called golf.
Last night, my friends and I drank beer and pretended to be golf clubs.
I was the designated driver.
Why does h**... dislike s**... clubs?
Too many Poles.
Your mom is so ugly...
They pay her at s**... clubs to put her clothes on.
Do I know you?
Four Great Truths About Religion:
Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.
\- Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
\- Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
\- Born-Again Christians do not recognize each other at s**... clubs.
Why does h**... not like going to s**... clubs?
He hates the Poles
I won my poker tournament last night with the five of clubs and the five of s**....
Black fives matter.
A car rolls up to the cemetary and the pallbearers unload the coffin.
Resting on top of the coffin is a set of golf clubs. An onlooker remarks to his companion, "He must have been quite the golfer."
"Oh he still is. Once he gets his brother in the ground, he'll still have time for a quick nine."
If I die first, will you remarry, asks the wife.
I'm in good health so why not, says the husband.
Will she live in this house
Its all paid for so yes.
Will she drive my car.
Its new so yes.
Will she use my golf clubs.
No, she's left handed.
The teacher was asking her students what they wanted to be when they grow up.
When it came to Johnny he said, I want to be a billionaire and go to expensive clubs. I'll get me a b**..., and buy her a million-dollar apartment in Vegas, a Ferrari, a beach house in Miami, a jet to fly with, expensive jewelry and have s**... with her 3 times a day.
The teacher was lost for words and didn't know what to do, so she just proceeded along and asked Marie what she wanted to be.
Marie replied: "I'd like to be Johnny's b**...!!"
My sister is so dumb, she tells everyone she is bipolar
Because she is working at two different s**... clubs.
My dad told me once, son, stay out of s**... clubs or you might see something you shouldn't. So of course, I went, and he was right.
I saw my dad
My friend and I are gonna try a "wife swap"
I need golf clubs and he's hoping to get a truck
Husband says to his wife.
Husband: If I died would you date another man.?
Wife: Of course I would.
Husband: Would you let him move in to our house.?
Wife: Of course I would.
Husband: Would you let him sleep in our bed.?
Wife: Of course I would.
Husband: Would you let him use my Golf Clubs.?
Wife: Definitely not.
Husband: Is that because they are personal to me.?
Wife: No it's because he is left handed...
Did you hear about the unprofitable chain of comedy clubs that went public through an IPO?
It has now become the laughing stock.
An English bishop was visiting New York and had been warned about quote-hungry American reporters.
As he was walking down the stairs off the plane, a voice amid the camera flashes called out "Hey, Bishop! Will you be visiting any s**... clubs while you're in New York?"
The bishop gave a crinkly smile and said innocently: "Dear me, are there such establishments in this city?"
When he got to his hotel, the headline in the evening paper read: **l**... BISHOP'S FIRST QUESTION: "ARE THERE ANY s**... CLUBS IN NEW YORK?"**
My dad said 'Son, stay out of s**... clubs or you might see something you shouldn't.
So i went in and he was right.
I saw my dad.
Husband chatting to wife.
Husband says to his wife.
Husband: If I died would you date another man?
Wife: Of course I would.
Husband: Would you let him move in to our house?
Wife: Of course I would.
Husband: Would you let him sleep in our bed?
Wife: Of course I would.
Husband: Would you let him use my Golf Clubs?
Wife: Definitely not.
Husband: Is that because they are personal to me?
Wife: No it's because he is left handed...
A teacher asks her class "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b**... with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked and not knowing how to respond to this, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.
Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's b**...."
Three golf clubs walk into a bar.
The putter ordered a beer, the pitching wedge ordered a gin & tonic.
The barman asked the third one if he wanted anything,
He replied No thanks, I'm the driver .
The producer to his wife, an actress:
Producer: "Darling, will you marry again if I die?"
Wife: "I assume so, dear."
Producer: "Would you sleep in the same bed with him?"
Wife: "Yes, he would be my husband after all.
Producer: "Would you give him my golf clubs too?"
Wife: "No, he's left-handed."
If I died before you, would you remarry?
Yes, I think I would.
So you'd let another man sleep in my bed?
Well, yes.
Drive my car?
Yes, I suppose.
Use my golf clubs?
Oh, no. He's left-handed.
