Club Jokes
164 club jokes and hilarious club puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about club that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Explore the funny side of club membership with this collection of hilarious jokes! Read jokes about book clubs, lions clubs, country clubs, rotary clubs, golf clubs, and even fight clubs. Find out why some clubs have disbanded, what memberships entail, and when to break the "seal of silence".
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Funniest Club Short Jokes
Short club jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The club humour may include short league jokes also.
- I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time. When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.
- I went to my first Fight Club meeting last night Unfortunately I arrived 10 minutes late so I missed the introductions but I must say I had a fantastic time I'd recommend it to everyone.
- The First Rule of Fight Club... ... Is to not talk about fight club.
The second rule of fight club...
Please keep your seat belt on at all times when the light is on. - fight club I went to my first fight club meeting last night, i showed up late so i missed the first few rules but it was awesome i love fight club cant wait for the next meeting
- Fight Club was awesome! Hey guys so I found this Fight Club last night and had a blast! I showed up a little late so I missed some of the rules but I highly recommend it!
- I'm opening a new gay club called "Garage Sale" Because one mans junk is another mans treasure!
- My friend and I tried to start an erectile dysfunction club... ...but it flopped and nobody came.
- A seal walks into a bar... The bartender asks, What would you like?
"Anything but a Canadian Club on the rocks." - As a billionaire I tried enter a club for billionaires, but was refused the entrance. "Is it because I'm a black billionaire?!", asked I furiously. "No, it's because you're a Zimbabwean billionaire"
- Turned up five minutes late so missed the rules... ...but I had an amazing time at this fight club last week, you should definitely look into it and maybe join, we fight in a car park every weekend.
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Club One Liners
Which club one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with club? I can suggest the ones about lobby and athlete.
- I started a club for guys with erectile dysfuntion It was a total flop. Nobody came.
- What do u call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for years? Church
- The first rule of passive aggressive club is... You know what, nevermind. It's fine.
- Where does Sir Lancelot go to party? A knight club.
- First rule of Vegan club: You tell everyone about Vegan club.
- Everyone was excited at the autopsy club... It was open Mike night.
- I'm starting a club for night owls. Who's up for that?
- Autopsy club tonight at 8pm It's open Mike night
- Don't worry if you've forgotten the first rule of Passive Aggressive Club, it's fine.
- The first rule of Paradox Club is not the first rule of Paradox Club.
- You know I think Fight Club is pretty underrated. Nobody talks about it these days
- If only the first rule of Vegan club Was not to talk about Vegan club
- The first rule of Assumption Club is ...well, we all know what it is, don't we?
- I started a new gay club called "The Post Office" You can get your male there.
- So a mole goes into a club... And ends up getting Avogadro's number.
Golf Club Jokes
Here is a list of funny golf club jokes and even better golf club puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why couldn't the golf club get a drink at the bar? Because it would be driving later
- Three golf clubs walk into a bar. The putter ordered a beer, the pitching wedge ordered a gin & tonic.
The barman asked the third one if he wanted anything,
He replied No thanks, I'm the driver . - Grandpa said he wanted to be buried with his golf clubs But this is taking forever and my arms are tired!
- A man was playing golf with his son Boy says "dad can't you use a club like everyone else?"
- Two guys are drinking at the country club bar... First guy says, "Hey, you want to go play some golf?"
Second guy says, "No, not today."
"Why not?"
"Because I never drink and drive." - What's the best wood to make a golf club out of? Taiga Wood
- In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft Today, in civilized society, it is called golf.
- My friend and I are gonna try a "wife swap" I need golf clubs and he's hoping to get a truck
- I just got a new set of golf clubs for my wife! It was a great trade.
- What do you call a golf club in the rear of your car? A backseat driver
Fight Club Jokes
Here is a list of funny fight club jokes and even better fight club puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend blamed himself for creating a fight club I told him "Don't beat yourself up"
- My friend thanked me for inviting him along to Fight Club. I replied "Don't mention it."
- I took a girl to Fight Club. Terrible place for a first date. We had nothing to talk about.
- Everyone is surprised when I tell them I've never seen the movie fight club I don't see what the big deal is. No one really talks about it.
- Why dont people from abusive families report the violence? Because first rule of fight club is not to talk about the fight club
- I love Fight Club! I showed up a little late so I missed the first few rules but I can't wait to go next week!
- Being a vegan is like the opposite of fight club the first rule about being vegan is to tell everyone that you are vegan
- What do you say to someone who has never seen Fight Club? Don't beat yourself up about it.
- What's the difference between fight club and narcissist club? You always talk about narcissist club.
- Fight Club turns 18 this year.... but I don't want to talk about it.
Book Club Jokes
Here is a list of funny book club jokes and even better book club puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Welcome to book-binding club Make yourself a tome.
- My local tennis club doesn't allow courts to be pre-booked. It works on a first come, first serve basis.
- Church A very enthusiastic book club.
- What do you call a book club full of sheep and wine? The Church.
- The dyslexic book club is reading Nietzsche. They just got to the part where the dog dies.
- What happened to the plan of starting a book club? It got shelved.
- What's a violent and sexist book club called? ISIS.
- My local off-licence has started hosting a book club. First up is Tequila Mockingbird.
- I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength. I call it "Book Club"
- I started a book club for dyslexics. This month we're reading Hemingway's classic "The odd Mom and the she".
Country Club Jokes
Here is a list of funny country club jokes and even better country club puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you prevent a wasp from using its stinger? Steal all the crème de menthe from his country club.
- What did the incredibly racist country club owner reply to the Black guy who applied for membership? "Come on right in! Every brother is welcome in my crib!"
- Drunk Golfer Kicked off the Green at Oak Hill Country Club He was driving under the influence.
Lions Club Jokes
Here is a list of funny lions club jokes and even better lions club puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about that new club for lions? It's called "The Mane Event".
Playful Club Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about club you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean college jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make club pranks.
Thank god for dollar shave club
Now I can afford to put razors in all the Halloween candy.
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.
He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request.
She said, I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.
Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.
He went up to her and said, Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.
She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, If I told you, you would only laugh.
No, I wouldn't, he said.
She said, I sell tampons.
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, See, I knew you would laugh.
That's not what I'm laughing at, he replied. I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Frank and Harry are at their golf club...
As Frank gets set to take his swing, a f**... procession goes by. He steps back, takes his hat off and holds it over his heart. Harry walks over, puts his hand on Frank's shoulder and says "That was a thoughtful thing to do". To which Frank replies "It was the least I could do, we were married for 30 years."
A man and wife went to a new dance club...
The first song was "The Twist," so they did the twist.
The second song was "The Monster Mash," so they did the monster mash.
The third song was "Come on, Eileen." They were thrown out.
My medication says to store it in a cool, dark place.
So I keep it in a jazz club in Harlem.
The first rule of thesaurus club is...
You do not talk, speak, communicate, orate, or converse about thesaurus club
SEO Expert walks into a bar...
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, beer garden, hangout, lounge, night club, mini bar, tavern, pub, beer, wine, whiskey...
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got in to a gun fight with a mexican at a golf club.
I shot a hole in Juan.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys meet in class after a superbowl sunday, still super hungover from the night before.
The first guy pipes up and says 'Fuck. i got so drunk last night I blew chunks.' The second guy cuts him off nearly immediately screaming 'oh yeah? I was so drunk I emptied my bank account at the s**... club after. I have no money to pay rent now.' The third guy laughs at both of them and said 'that's nothing. I was so wasted last night, I sold my car to a homeless guy for 50 cents.' Finally the first guy cuts them both off. 'You guys don't understand.....Chunks is my girlfriends golden retriever.'
Four old guys go golfing...
And they start bragging about their sons.
The first says "My son is a lawyer, and he is doing so well, he just gave his friend a new car!"
The second says "My son is a doctor, and he is doing so well he just bought his friend a new boat!"
The third guy says "My son is an executive, and he is doing so well he just bought his friend a new house!"
The fourth guy says "Well, my son is a stripper at a gay club, but he must be doing pretty well because he just got a new car, a new boat, and a new house..."
Anarchy is bad for you.
So there's two guys at a bar and the first one says
##So, how's it been going with your anarchist club recently?
###I got kicked out recently, sadly.
##Kicked out? Why?
###I don't know, I was just following the rules!
A man is in a foot fetishist club
His girlfriend knows and says that he can give a picture of her feet to the other people in the club. He does and they say that they are the best feet ever. So he goes home and realizes that he had a picture of his girlfriend's mom's feet. He goes to the club the next day and says... Guys we got off on the wrong foot
A baby seal walks into a bar...
... and says,"I'll have anything but a Canadian Club."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My son just got a tattoo of a heart, a s**..., a club, and a diamond, all without my permission.
I guess I'll deal with him later.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...
He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'
What's a baby seals' least favourite drink?
Canadian Club on the Rocks
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a thief who steals timepieces and a man at a s**... club?
One snatches watches and the other watches snatches.
"Hi, I'm here for Paradox Club."
Actually this is Oxymoron Club.
"Ok, same difference."
*looks at group*
Oh, this guy is good.
I've started a time travellers club
The first meeting will be yesterday at 5pm
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: **"Anyone know whose phone this is?"**
A drunk guy calls a radio station...
...and tells the RJ,"I found this purse outside Raven's club. It has 1500 dollars in cash, a credit card, an iPhone 6s, and a driving license with Rebecca's name on it."
The RJ asks in an impressed tone,"It was good of you to call us. Do you need my help contacting her so that you can return the purse?"
"No. I just wanted to request a sad song for Rebecca."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A black guy and a white girl hookup at a club...
And after a while of dancing and drinks both were getting eager to get under the sheets. They drive back to the girls place and just as the guy was taking out his package, the girl asked "is it true about what they say about black guys?" And he whispered in her ear "you bet it is", he then continued to stab her 5 times and steal her purse.
What's the difference between a raver and a chemist at a club?
One drops acid while the other drops the base.
A guy buys a golf course...
It's doing well, but maintenance costs are killing him, so he decides to build 3 robots. They're instantly doing 10 times the work of humans, & he's happy. One day the club pro is teeing off in a money game & gets blinded by the glare from a robot. Its not the first time, & he tells the owner he must fix this issue. He thinks about it, & decides to simply paint the robots black. So the next day two of them don't show up for work & the third one robs the pro shop.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
(Stolen Joke) An atheist and christian are sitting in a bar
The christian asks, "So how come you don't embrace Jesus?"
The atheist says, "You've got it wrong. I love Jesus!"
He goes on, "It's his fan club I can't stand!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Marriage is like a deck of cards
At the start all you need is a heart and a diamond.
By the end you just want a club and a s**...
I'm part of a club for people with parkinson's
We have our own hand shake
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Welcome to the s**... Innuendo Club
Thank you all for coming.
So two astronauts walk into a club on the moon...
One says to the other, "Let's bounce, this place has no atmosphere"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's Jim's birthday
Jim's wife treats her man by taking him to a s**... Club for his birthday... At The Club, The Doorman Says, "Hey Jimmy, How are You?" The wife asks, "How does he know you? Jimmy says, "Oh dear, I play football with him." Inside the Bartender Says, "The Usual, Jim?" Jimmy says to Wife, "Before you say anything, He's on the Darts Team." Next a stripper Says, "Hi Jim! Do You Crave the Special Again??" The wife storms out dragging Jimmy with her & jumps into a taxi... The Taxi driver Says, "Hey Jimmy Boy! You picked up an ugly one this time...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a club and a s**... club?
A club has a beat that you can dance to, a s**... club has a dance that you can beat to.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Congratulations West Ham
The only club named after two things that ISIS hate.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I kissed a girl in the club and she said, "Oh my God, you've been smoking. It's just like l**... an ashtray."
"You non-smokers have some funny habits," I replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy goes to a s**... club. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Dad: When you turn 18, I'm taking you to the s**... club.
Teen: Of course not dad!
Dad: Oh shut up Jessica, it's time for you to start bringing money to the house.
When I was in high school, I was part of the French club.
We didn't really do anything, but every once in a while, we'd surrender to the German club.
The first rule of Alzheimers club,
Is don't talk about chess club
I was at a retro night down at the club
The DJ played "The Twist", so I did the twist. Then he played "The Macarena", and I did the Macarena. When he played "Come on Eileen", that's when the police arrested me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I tried out for s**... club
I didn't make the cut
What did the caveman order at the cafeteria?
A Club Sandwich
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My dad told me never to go to a cheap, s**..., dirty, raunchy s**... club, because you'll see something you really shouldn't.
So I went.
And I saw my dad.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A drunk chick at the club offered me a b**..., but I turned her down. She looked too much like my sister.
And my sister is terrible at blow jobs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How can you tell a s**... club is not open?
The sign says, "Sorry, we're clothed"
I had a terrible night out at the club
I'm not much of a clubber, but I was starting to get the hang of it. They played "Jump Around" and I jumped around, they played "Put Your Hands Up" and I did, everything seemed to be going well. Then they played "Come On Eileen" and I got thrown out...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call flying solo in the mile high club?
A h**....
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I told my dad the s**... club had the best steaks in town. He told me what their slogan should be.
You can't beat the meat here.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Prince Harry and William must feel so awkward in a s**... club
Imagine having to put pictures of your gran into a stripper's bra
I no longer eat club sandwiches
I quit cold turkey.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you've had s**... with less than 536 people, then having s**... with you is a more exclusive club than going into space.
I though I'd post something my ex-girlfriend could feel good about.
What do you call a debate club that only meets once a year?
The United States Congress.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chad's wife decided to surprise him on his birthday
and to show him that she's a cool wife, she took him to a s**... club.
At the club:
Bouncer: Hi Chad! How you doing tonight?
Wife: How does he know you?
Chad: We play golf together!
Bartender: Evening Chad! The usual?
Wife: And how does he know you?!
Chad: Um, he's on the bowling team!
Hot blonde stripper: Hey s**..., champagne room again tonight?
At this point the wife loses it and storms out of the club, dragging Chad with her, into a taxi.
Taxi driver: Hey Chad! Boy... You picked a fat one tonight huh? Same motel?
The first rule about Thesaurus club is
that you do not talk, speak, prattle, whisper, chatter, mumble, rant, articulate, babble, describe, divulge, drone, confer, deliberate, squeal, or converse about Thesaurus Club.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The midget s**... club down the street is hiring.
They must be short staffed.
I'm starting a club that discusses the good and bad parts of poetry in prison.
It's called "Prose and Cons"
There was a comedy club called "The Joke"...
...that had amazing popularity. It wasn't because of the humor the comedians on stage offered, but due to an extremely delicious fruit punch that the establishment sold. It was so popular that people would gather into a queue around the block just to try the stuff. After a while, however, people stopped coming because of the crowding, and the club went out of business. If only the Joke's punch line wasn't so long...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I met a girl in a club last night and after a few drinks, she asked if I would like to go back to her place for s**.... I didn't want to disappoint her, so...
...I said "No."
Man and his wife join a weight loss club. They're told to try and lose at least 2 pounds by the next week.
When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.
The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".
"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.
"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.
"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.
"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.
When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow b**... in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."
Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"
"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."
I'm not saying you are old...
but the candles cost more than your cake.
(I heard this one at a bridge club today)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
18 year old: Dad I turn 18 today!
Dad: great, I'm taking you the s**... club tonight.
18 year old: No, I already said I didn't want that.
Dad: Nicole, someone needs to work in this house.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The owner of the local s**... club has a lisp.
I tried to go last night, but they were clothed.
My grandma was recently beaten to death by my grandad.
It wasn't with a club or his fists - he just died first.
"Excuse me, sir, is this the Nostalgia Club"?
"Yeah man, but let me tell you, it ain't what it used to be!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I came up with this one by myself
Are you the one who signed up for the pee drinking club because if so u**...
