Club Jokes

Following is our collection of seal puns and society one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Club jokes for adults, dirty macarena jokes and clean golf club dad gags for kids.

The Best Club Puns

I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time.

When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.

One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.

When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow blacks in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."

Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"

"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."

My dad told me never to go to a cheap, sleazy, dirty, raunchy strip club, because you'll see something you really shouldn't.

So I went.

And I saw my dad.

I started a club for guys with erectile dysfuntion

It was a total flop. Nobody came.

I went to my first Fight Club meeting last night

Unfortunately I arrived 10 minutes late so I missed the introductions but I must say I had a fantastic time I'd recommend it to everyone.


The First Rule of Fight Club...

... Is to not talk about fight club.
The second rule of fight club...
Please keep your seat belt on at all times when the light is on.

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on only one book for years?

The Church

The first rule of passive aggressive club is...

You know what, nevermind. It's fine.

fight club

I went to my first fight club meeting last night, i showed up late so i missed the first few rules but it was awesome i love fight club cant wait for the next meetingο»Ώ

Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club

Thank you all for coming.

Fight Club was awesome!

Hey guys so I found this Fight Club last night and had a blast! I showed up a little late so I missed some of the rules but I highly recommend it!


A white woman takes a black man she met a club home...

...She takes him by the hand to the bedroom and winks at him and says: "why don't you show me if what they say about black guys is true." So he stabs her and steals her TV.



P.S: don't worry, it's ok for me to make such jokes because I'm racist.

Man and his wife join a weight loss club. They're told to try and lose at least 2 pounds by the next week.

When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.

The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".

"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.

"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.

"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.

"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".

Congratulations West Ham

The only club named after two things that ISIS hate.

Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...

He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.

The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'

'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'

'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'

'But I'm Usain Bolt!'

'OK then, 2 minutes.'

I'm opening a new gay club called "Garage Sale"

Because one mans junk is another mans treasure!

18 year old: Dad I turn 18 today!

Dad: great, I'm taking you the strip club tonight.

18 year old: No, I already said I didn't want that.

Dad: Nicole, someone needs to work in this house.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club

Which was weird, because I'd never met herbivore.

My friend and I tried to start an erectile dysfunction club...

...but it flopped and nobody came.


Dad: When you turn 18, I'm taking you to the strip club.

Teen: Of course not dad!





Dad: Oh shut up Jessica, it's time for you to start bringing money to the house.

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years?

Church

First rule of Vegan club:

You tell everyone about Vegan club.

Everyone was excited at the autopsy club...

It was open Mike night.

So I went to the club last night and asked a German girl for her number...

and you'll never believe it! Her number is 999-999-9999!

What do you call flying solo in the mile high club?

A Hijacking.

How can you tell a strip club is not open?

The sign says, "Sorry, we're clothed"

A drunk guy calls a radio station...

...and tells the RJ,"I found this purse outside Raven's club. It has 1500 dollars in cash, a credit card, an iPhone 6s, and a driving license with Rebecca's name on it."
The RJ asks in an impressed tone,"It was good of you to call us. Do you need my help contacting her so that you can return the purse?"

"No. I just wanted to request a sad song for Rebecca."

The first rule about Thesaurus club is

that you do not talk, speak, prattle, whisper, chatter, mumble, rant, articulate, babble, describe, divulge, drone, confer, deliberate, squeal, or converse about Thesaurus Club.

I kissed a girl in the club and she said, "Oh my God, you've been smoking. It's just like licking an ashtray."

"You non-smokers have some funny habits," I replied.

The owner of the local strip club has a lisp.

I tried to go last night, but they were clothed.

Marriage is like a deck of cards

At the start all you need is a heart and a diamond.

By the end you just want a club and a spade

Don't worry if you've forgotten the first rule of Passive Aggressive Club, it's fine.

Marriage is like a deck of cards. At first it's all hearts and diamonds

Then you are in your garage looking for a club and a spade.

Prince Harry and William must feel so awkward in a strip club

Imagine having to put pictures of your gran into a stripper's bra

A dyslexic friend of mine thought it might help his condition if he joined a poetry club.

He hasn't come out with any poems yet, but he's made some pretty nice jugs and vases and stuff.

I was at a retro night down at the club

The DJ played "The Twist", so I did the twist. Then he played "The Macarena", and I did the Macarena. When he played "Come on Eileen", that's when the police arrested me.

A marriage is a lot like a card game

In the beginning there's two hearts and a diamond but by the end you're looking for a club and a spade.

A black guy and a white girl hookup at a club...

And after a while of dancing and drinks both were getting eager to get under the sheets. They drive back to the girls place and just as the guy was taking out his package, the girl asked "is it true about what they say about black guys?" And he whispered in her ear "you bet it is", he then continued to stab her 5 times and steal her purse.

I tried out for suicide club

I didn't make the cut

You know I think Fight Club is pretty underrated.

Nobody talks about it these days

Turned up five minutes late so missed the rules...

...but I had an amazing time at this fight club last week, you should definitely look into it and maybe join, we fight in a car park every weekend.

I'm not saying you are old...

but the candles cost more than your cake.

(I heard this one at a bridge club today)

If you've had sex with less than 536 people, then having sex with you is a more exclusive club than going into space.

I though I'd post something my ex-girlfriend could feel good about.

A woman once said she recognized me from the vegetarian club

But I'd never met herbivore.

I met a girl in a club last night and after a few drinks, she asked if I would like to go back to her place for sex. I didn't want to disappoint her, so...

...I said "No."

The first rule of Thesaurus Club is

you do not talk about, name, hint at, refer to, discuss, or mention Thesaurus Club.

Marriage is like a deck of cards...

At the start you need a heart and a diamond. At the end you need a club and a spade.

I came up with this one by myself

Are you the one who signed up for the pee drinking club because if so urine

Marriage is like a deck of cards

You start with two hearts and a diamond and end up wishing you had a club and a spade.

A boy goes to a strip club. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?

Boy: Yes, I saw dad!

What's the first rule of vegan fight club?

Tell everyone.

First Rule of Thesaurus Club:

You don't talk, discuss, converse, speak, chat, confer, deliberate, gab, or gossip about Thesaurus Club.

Marriage is like a card game.

At first, you have two Hearts and a Diamond, but at the end, you'll want a Club and a Spade.

Went to my first fight club yesterday

It was great, but I missed a few of the first rules because I was late. Probably nothing important though.

Marriage

Dad pulled this one out of nowhere while watching a married couple argue on tv last night...

'Ahh marriage - it's like a new deck of cards.

At first, it's all diamonds and hearts.

After a while, you'll be looking for a club and a spade!'

There is an abundance of men club jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 55 funniest jokes and club puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any biker club witze you can hear about club.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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