Club Jokes
172 club jokes and hilarious club puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about club that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Explore the funny side of club membership with this collection of hilarious jokes! Read jokes about book clubs, lions clubs, country clubs, rotary clubs, golf clubs, and even fight clubs. Find out why some clubs have disbanded, what memberships entail, and when to break the "seal of silence".
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- Short Club Jokes
- Club One Liners
- Golf Club Jokes
- Fight Club Jokes
- Book Club Jokes
- Men Club Jokes
- Lions Club Jokes
- More Club Jokes
Funniest Club Short Jokes
Short club jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The club humour may include short league jokes also.
- I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time. When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.
- I went to my first Fight Club meeting last night Unfortunately I arrived 10 minutes late so I missed the introductions but I must say I had a fantastic time I'd recommend it to everyone.
- The First Rule of Fight Club... ... Is to not talk about fight club.
The second rule of fight club...
Please keep your seat belt on at all times when the light is on. - I met a girl at a club the other night who said she'd show me a good time and incredibly, when we got outside... She ran a 40-meter dash in just 4.5 seconds.
- fight club I went to my first fight club meeting last night, i showed up late so i missed the first few rules but it was awesome i love fight club cant wait for the next meeting
- Fight Club was awesome! Hey guys so I found this Fight Club last night and had a blast! I showed up a little late so I missed some of the rules but I highly recommend it!
- I'm opening a new gay club called "Garage Sale" Because one mans junk is another mans treasure!
- This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club Which was weird, because I'd never met herbivore.
- My friend and I tried to start an erectile dysfunction club... ...but it flopped and nobody came.
- So I went to the club last night and asked a German girl for her number... and you'll never believe it! Her number is 999-999-9999!
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Club One Liners
Which club one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with club? I can suggest the ones about cola and lobby.
- I started a club for guys with erectile dysfuntion It was a total flop. Nobody came.
- What do u call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for years? Church
- What do you call a book club that's been stuck on only one book for years? The Church
- The first rule of passive aggressive club is... You know what, nevermind. It's fine.
- Congratulations West Ham The only club named after two things that ISIS hate.
- What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years? Church
- Where does Sir Lancelot go to party? A knight club.
- First rule of Vegan club: You tell everyone about Vegan club.
- Everyone was excited at the autopsy club... It was open Mike night.
- I'm starting a club for night owls. Who's up for that?
- Autopsy club tonight at 8pm It's open Mike night
- Don't worry if you've forgotten the first rule of Passive Aggressive Club, it's fine.
- I'm really excited about the new autopsy club I just joined. Tuesday is Open Mike night.
- The first rule of Paradox Club is not the first rule of Paradox Club.
- What's the number one rule of Vegan Fight Club? Tell everybody
Golf Club Jokes
Here is a list of funny golf club jokes and even better golf club puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I got in to a gun fight with a mexican at a golf club. I shot a hole in Juan.
- Why couldn't the golf club get a drink at the bar? Because it would be driving later
- Three golf clubs walk into a bar. The putter ordered a beer, the pitching wedge ordered a gin & tonic.
The barman asked the third one if he wanted anything,
He replied No thanks, I'm the driver . - A Mexican once tried to steal my golf clubs.. so I had to shoot a hole-in-juan.
- Grandpa said he wanted to be buried with his golf clubs But this is taking forever and my arms are tired!
- A man was playing golf with his son Boy says "dad can't you use a club like everyone else?"
- Two guys are drinking at the country club bar... First guy says, "Hey, you want to go play some golf?"
Second guy says, "No, not today."
"Why not?"
"Because I never drink and drive." - What's the best wood to make a golf club out of? Taiga Wood
- A man and a golf club walk into a bar. The golf club asks for a drink but the man refuses. When the golf club asked why, the man replied,
"Because you'll be driving later." - In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft Today, in civilized society, it is called golf.
Fight Club Jokes
Here is a list of funny fight club jokes and even better fight club puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Turned up five minutes late so missed the rules... ...but I had an amazing time at this fight club last week, you should definitely look into it and maybe join, we fight in a car park every weekend.
- You know I think Fight Club is pretty underrated. Nobody talks about it these days
- What's the first rule of vegan fight club? Tell everyone.
- Went to my first fight club yesterday It was great, but I missed a few of the first rules because I was late. Probably nothing important though.
- I went to my first Fight Club last week. I was unfortunately late to it and so I missed the rules. But I had a great time at Fight Club, and I would strongly recommend Fight Club to everyone.
- So i went to my first fight club gathering I arrived a little late, so i did not catch the first part, but i had a great time. I recommend it to everybody.
- Just got back from Fight Club. It was really fun! I got there a little late so I wasn't able to hear all the rules, but I'm sure they aren't that important.
- My friend blamed himself for creating a fight club I told him "Don't beat yourself up"
- My friend thanked me for inviting him along to Fight Club. I replied "Don't mention it."
- Just got back from fight club. I really enjoyed it! I was late though so I missed the rules. I'm sure they weren't important though.
Book Club Jokes
Here is a list of funny book club jokes and even better book club puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a book club with only one book? Church
- Welcome to book-binding club Make yourself a tome.
- What do you call a book club which is stuck on the same book? a church
- I started a book club in prison It's called prose and cons.
- What do you call a book club that's been reading the same book for years - and yet the members still have no clue as to what it's about? An Evangelical Christian church.
- My local tennis club doesn't allow courts to be pre-booked. It works on a first come, first serve basis.
- Church A very enthusiastic book club.
- What do you call a book club full of sheep and wine? The Church.
- The dyslexic book club is reading Nietzsche. They just got to the part where the dog dies.
- My book club has been on the same book for centuries. Man I hate church.
Men Club Jokes
Here is a list of funny men club jokes and even better men club puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A white girl met a black guy in the club. He took her home and then she asked him, "Show me if it's true what they say about black men."
So he stabbed her and stole her purse. - What do the lady reindeer do while the men are out with Santa on Christmas Eve? They all head down to the Elks club and blow a few bucks.
- Starting a Chippendales club in Utah, guess what it's going to be called? "MOR-MEN"
- I went to a club the other night where all the men were dressed as women. What a drag
- I am starting a club for middle aged women to gather and find younger men to take home and make love to in front of their husbands. I'll call it, the Coug Cucks Clan.
- I tried starting a unisex cooking group focused on fried foods But no one will join me in "The Battered Men & Women's Club"
- I've started handing out guns to large men at gay clubs. Just exercising my right to arm bears.
- There were no gay men at the country club For the second straight year.
- On a noticeboard in a men's room at a sports club: There will be no gambling here. Someone had scribbled underneath: Wanna bet?
- Ladies dating a short guy is fun until you can't find him at the club and you don't have taxi money to go home.
Lions Club Jokes
Here is a list of funny lions club jokes and even better lions club puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about that new club for lions? It's called "The Mane Event".
Playful Club Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about club you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean athlete jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make club pranks.
Frank and Harry are at their golf club...
As Frank gets set to take his swing, a f**... procession goes by. He steps back, takes his hat off and holds it over his heart. Harry walks over, puts his hand on Frank's shoulder and says "That was a thoughtful thing to do". To which Frank replies "It was the least I could do, we were married for 30 years."
Marriage.....
......... is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you'll wish you had a club and a s**...
What did the gay deer say after leaving the club?
I can't believe I blew ten bucks in there.
My medication says to store it in a cool, dark place.
So I keep it in a jazz club in Harlem.
So a mole goes into a club...
And ends up getting Avogadro's number.
The first rule of thesaurus club is...
You do not talk, speak, communicate, orate, or converse about thesaurus club
SEO Expert walks into a bar...
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, beer garden, hangout, lounge, night club, mini bar, tavern, pub, beer, wine, whiskey...
The first rule of Thesaurus Club is
you do not talk about, name, hint at, refer to, discuss, or mention Thesaurus Club.
Anarchy is bad for you.
So there's two guys at a bar and the first one says
##So, how's it been going with your anarchist club recently?
###I got kicked out recently, sadly.
##Kicked out? Why?
###I don't know, I was just following the rules!
A man is in a foot fetishist club
His girlfriend knows and says that he can give a picture of her feet to the other people in the club. He does and they say that they are the best feet ever. So he goes home and realizes that he had a picture of his girlfriend's mom's feet. He goes to the club the next day and says... Guys we got off on the wrong foot
My son just got a tattoo of a heart, a s**..., a club, and a diamond, all without my permission.
I guess I'll deal with him later.
Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...
He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'
"Hi, I'm here for Paradox Club."
Actually this is Oxymoron Club.
"Ok, same difference."
*looks at group*
Oh, this guy is good.
Marriage
Dad pulled this one out of nowhere while watching a married couple argue on tv last night...
'Ahh marriage - it's like a new deck of cards.
At first, it's all diamonds and hearts.
After a while, you'll be looking for a club and a s**...!'
Husband and wife go to a club
They notice a guy on the dance floor giving everyone a show. He's breakdancing, moon walking and even throwing in a few backflips. The wife turns to the husband and says, "see that guy on the dance floor? He proposed to be 25 years ago and I turned him down!"
Husband says "Yeah looks like he's still celebrating!"
Marriage is like a card game.
At first, you have two Hearts and a Diamond, but at the end, you'll want a Club and a s**....
A drunk guy calls a radio station...
...and tells the RJ,"I found this purse outside Raven's club. It has 1500 dollars in cash, a credit card, an iPhone 6s, and a driving license with Rebecca's name on it."
The RJ asks in an impressed tone,"It was good of you to call us. Do you need my help contacting her so that you can return the purse?"
"No. I just wanted to request a sad song for Rebecca."
A black guy and a white girl hookup at a club...
And after a while of dancing and drinks both were getting eager to get under the sheets. They drive back to the girls place and just as the guy was taking out his package, the girl asked "is it true about what they say about black guys?" And he whispered in her ear "you bet it is", he then continued to stab her 5 times and steal her purse.
This girl reckons she met me at the vegetarian club
But I've never met herbivore.
First Rule of Thesaurus Club:
You don't talk, discuss, converse, speak, chat, confer, deliberate, gab, or gossip about Thesaurus Club.
If only the first rule of Vegan club
Was not to talk about Vegan club
Marriage is like a deck of cards
At the start all you need is a heart and a diamond.
By the end you just want a club and a s**...
Welcome to the s**... Innuendo Club
Thank you all for coming.
So two astronauts walk into a club on the moon...
One says to the other, "Let's bounce, this place has no atmosphere"
What's the difference between a club and a s**... club?
A club has a beat that you can dance to, a s**... club has a dance that you can beat to.
I kissed a girl in the club and she said, "Oh my God, you've been smoking. It's just like l**... an ashtray."
"You non-smokers have some funny habits," I replied.
A boy goes to a s**... club. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad!
A woman once said she recognized me from the vegetarian club
But I'd never met herbivore.
Dad: When you turn 18, I'm taking you to the s**... club.
Teen: Of course not dad!
Dad: Oh shut up Jessica, it's time for you to start bringing money to the house.
A white woman takes a black man she met a club home...
...She takes him by the hand to the bedroom and winks at him and says: "why don't you show me if what they say about black guys is true." So he stabs her and steals her TV.
P.S: don't worry, it's ok for me to make such jokes because I'm racist.
I was at a retro night down at the club
The DJ played "The Twist", so I did the twist. Then he played "The Macarena", and I did the Macarena. When he played "Come on Eileen", that's when the police arrested me.
I tried out for s**... club
I didn't make the cut
A marriage is a lot like a card game
In the beginning there's two hearts and a diamond but by the end you're looking for a club and a s**....
My dad told me never to go to a cheap, s**..., dirty, raunchy s**... club, because you'll see something you really shouldn't.
So I went.
And I saw my dad.
A drunk chick at the club offered me a b**..., but I turned her down. She looked too much like my sister.
And my sister is terrible at blow jobs.
How can you tell a s**... club is not open?
The sign says, "Sorry, we're clothed"
I had a terrible night out at the club
I'm not much of a clubber, but I was starting to get the hang of it. They played "Jump Around" and I jumped around, they played "Put Your Hands Up" and I did, everything seemed to be going well. Then they played "Come On Eileen" and I got thrown out...
What do you call flying solo in the mile high club?
A h**....
I told my dad the s**... club had the best steaks in town. He told me what their slogan should be.
You can't beat the meat here.
Prince Harry and William must feel so awkward in a s**... club
Imagine having to put pictures of your gran into a stripper's bra
If you've had s**... with less than 536 people, then having s**... with you is a more exclusive club than going into space.
I though I'd post something my ex-girlfriend could feel good about.
I ended up with an older woman at the club last night. She looked olay for a 57 year old.
We drank a bit and talked a while and she asked if I had ever had a Sportman's Double
"What's that?" I asked.
"It's a mother and daughter t**...", she said.
I said, "No."
We drank a bit more, then she says tonight's my lucky night.
We went back to her place.
She flipped on the hall light and then shouted upstairs: "Mom, you still awake?"
The first rule about Thesaurus club is
that you do not talk, speak, prattle, whisper, chatter, mumble, rant, articulate, babble, describe, divulge, drone, confer, deliberate, squeal, or converse about Thesaurus Club.
Marriage is like a deck of cards. At first it's all hearts and diamonds
Then you are in your garage looking for a club and a s**....
The midget s**... club down the street is hiring.
They must be short staffed.
There was a comedy club called "The Joke"...
...that had amazing popularity. It wasn't because of the humor the comedians on stage offered, but due to an extremely delicious fruit punch that the establishment sold. It was so popular that people would gather into a queue around the block just to try the stuff. After a while, however, people stopped coming because of the crowding, and the club went out of business. If only the Joke's punch line wasn't so long...
I met a girl in a club last night and after a few drinks, she asked if I would like to go back to her place for s**.... I didn't want to disappoint her, so...
...I said "No."
Marriage is like a card game. You start with two hearts and a diamond...
But in the end you need a club and a s**......
Man and his wife join a weight loss club. They're told to try and lose at least 2 pounds by the next week.
When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.
The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".
"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.
"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.
"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.
"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".
One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.
When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow b**... in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."
Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"
"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."
A dyslexic friend of mine thought it might help his condition if he joined a poetry club.
He hasn't come out with any poems yet, but he's made some pretty nice j**... and vases and stuff.
Marriage is like a deck of cards
You start with two hearts and a diamond and end up wishing you had a club and a s**....
I'm not saying you are old...
but the candles cost more than your cake.
(I heard this one at a bridge club today)
18 year old: Dad I turn 18 today!
Dad: great, I'm taking you the s**... club tonight.
18 year old: No, I already said I didn't want that.
Dad: Nicole, someone needs to work in this house.
The owner of the local s**... club has a lisp.
I tried to go last night, but they were clothed.
I started a new gay club called "The Post Office"
You can get your male there.
"Excuse me, sir, is this the Nostalgia Club"?
"Yeah man, but let me tell you, it ain't what it used to be!"
I came up with this one by myself
Are you the one who signed up for the pee drinking club because if so u**...
A English man, a Spaniard, a French man, and a German. Go to a club. The guy on stage asks if they can see him. They said
Yes oui si ja
