Playful Club Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time.
When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.
Turned up five minutes late so missed the rules...
...but I had an amazing time at this fight club last week, you should definitely look into it and maybe join, we fight in a car park every weekend.
My friend and I tried to start an erectile dysfunction club...
...but it flopped and nobody came.
Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...
He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'
I started a club for guys with erectile dysfuntion
It was a total flop. Nobody came.
Don't worry if you've forgotten the first rule of Passive Aggressive Club, it's fine.
A drunk guy calls a radio station...
...and tells the RJ,"I found this purse outside Raven's club. It has 1500 dollars in cash, a credit card, an iPhone 6s, and a driving license with Rebecca's name on it."
The RJ asks in an impressed tone,"It was good of you to call us. Do you need my help contacting her so that you can return the purse?"
"No. I just wanted to request a sad song for Rebecca."
A black guy and a white girl hookup at a club...
And after a while of dancing and drinks both were getting eager to get under the sheets. They drive back to the girls place and just as the guy was taking out his package, the girl asked "is it true about what they say about black guys?" And he whispered in her ear "you bet it is", he then continued to stab her 5 times and steal her purse.
fight club
I went to my first fight club meeting last night, i showed up late so i missed the first few rules but it was awesome i love fight club cant wait for the next meetingο»Ώ
Marriage is like a deck of cards
At the start all you need is a heart and a diamond.
By the end you just want a club and a s**...
Welcome to the s**... Innuendo Club
Thank you all for coming.
You can explore club seal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean club macarena dad jokes. There are also club puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Congratulations West Ham
The only club named after two things that ISIS hate.
I kissed a girl in the club and she said, "Oh my God, you've been smoking. It's just like l**... an ashtray."
"You non-smokers have some funny habits," I replied.
I went to my first Fight Club meeting last night
Unfortunately I arrived 10 minutes late so I missed the introductions but I must say I had a fantastic time I'd recommend it to everyone.
So I went to the club last night and asked a German girl for her number...
and you'll never believe it! Her number is 999-999-9999!
You know I think Fight Club is pretty underrated.
Nobody talks about it these days
Dad: When you turn 18, I'm taking you to the s**... club.
Teen: Of course not dad!
Dad: Oh shut up Jessica, it's time for you to start bringing money to the house.
A white woman takes a black man she met a club home...
...She takes him by the hand to the bedroom and winks at him and says: "why don't you show me if what they say about black guys is true." So he stabs her and steals her TV.
P.S: don't worry, it's ok for me to make such jokes because I'm racist.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club
Which was weird, because I'd never met herbivore.
I was at a retro night down at the club
The DJ played "The Twist", so I did the twist. Then he played "The Macarena", and I did the Macarena. When he played "Come on Eileen", that's when the police arrested me.
I tried out for s**... club
I didn't make the cut
The First Rule of Fight Club...
... Is to not talk about fight club.
The second rule of fight club...
Please keep your seat belt on at all times when the light is on.
A marriage is a lot like a card game
In the beginning there's two hearts and a diamond but by the end you're looking for a club and a s**....
My dad told me never to go to a cheap, s**..., dirty, raunchy s**... club, because you'll see something you really shouldn't.
So I went.
And I saw my dad.
How can you tell a s**... club is not open?
The sign says, "Sorry, we're clothed"
What do you call flying solo in the mile high club?
A h**....
I'm opening a new gay club called "Garage Sale"
Because one mans junk is another mans treasure!
First rule of Vegan club:
You tell everyone about Vegan club.
Prince Harry and William must feel so awkward in a s**... club
Imagine having to put pictures of your gran into a stripper's bra
The first rule about Thesaurus club is
that you do not talk, speak, prattle, whisper, chatter, mumble, rant, articulate, babble, describe, divulge, drone, confer, deliberate, squeal, or converse about Thesaurus Club.
Marriage is like a deck of cards. At first it's all hearts and diamonds
Then you are in your garage looking for a club and a s**....
What do you call a book club that's been stuck on only one book for years?
The Church
Man and his wife join a weight loss club. They're told to try and lose at least 2 pounds by the next week.
When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.
The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".
"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.
"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.
"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.
"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".
Fight Club was awesome!
Hey guys so I found this Fight Club last night and had a blast! I showed up a little late so I missed some of the rules but I highly recommend it!
One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.
When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow b**... in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."
Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"
"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."
A dyslexic friend of mine thought it might help his condition if he joined a poetry club.
He hasn't come out with any poems yet, but he's made some pretty nice j**... and vases and stuff.
I'm not saying you are old...
but the candles cost more than your cake.
(I heard this one at a bridge club today)
18 year old: Dad I turn 18 today!
Dad: great, I'm taking you the s**... club tonight.
18 year old: No, I already said I didn't want that.
Dad: Nicole, someone needs to work in this house.
The owner of the local s**... club has a lisp.
I tried to go last night, but they were clothed.
Everyone was excited at the autopsy club...
It was open Mike night.
The first rule of passive aggressive club is...
You know what, nevermind. It's fine.
What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years?
Church
What's the number one rule of Vegan Fight Club?
Tell everybody
A shooting club was holding a competition. The winner was to get a somewhat ugly trophy, the second-placed shooter - a crate of champagne.
By the end of the final round, two shooters were tied for first place, so they were told to do a tiebreaker round - 5 shots at maximum distance. To keep things more dramatic, they had to shoot at the same time.
After both had stopped firing and were awaiting the results, one shooter turned to his rival and said with a little smile: "I'm sorry, pal. I put all five shots in the wall."
"I'm sorry, too," replied the other, "because I put all of mine into your target."
Here is an actual sign posted in a golf club.
1. Back straight, knees bent.
2. Feet shoulder width apart.
3. Form a loose grip.
4. Keep your head down!
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, let others go ahead of you.
8. Don't stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please while others are preparing.
10. Don't take extra strokes.
Well done. Now, flush the u**... and go outside and tee off.
John, a wealthy 60 year old man, shows up at the country club one day with his new wife, a smoking hot 22 year old blonde.
His buddies are amazed. "There is no way someone that young and attractive would agree to marry an old g**... like you. How did you pull it off?"
"It's simple," John says, "I lied to her about my age."
"Did you tell her you were 50?" his friends ask. John shakes his head no.
"There is no way she could believe you were 40". John shakes his head again.
"So how old did you tell her you were exactly??"
John smiles and says "85".
Autopsy club tonight at 8pm
It's open Mike night
Your mothers so fat
They started calling her h**... at the s**... club for all the damage she did to the Poles.
The first rule of Thesaurus Club is
that you do not talk, whisper, chatter, mumble, rant, articulate, prattle, babble, describe, divulge, drone, confer, deliberate, squeal, converse, discourse, orate or speak about Thesaurus Club.
A seal walks into a bar...
The bartender asks, What would you like?
"Anything but a Canadian Club on the rocks."
My dad told me to never go to a cheap, sleezy, raunchy s**... club, because you will see something you really shouldn't
So I wentβ¦
I saw my dad
I'm starting a club for night owls.
Who's up for that?
Where does Sir Lancelot go to party?
A knight club.
As a billionaire I tried enter a club for billionaires, but was refused the entrance. "Is it because I'm a black billionaire?!", asked I furiously.
"No, it's because you're a Zimbabwean billionaire"
The first rule of Paradox Club
is not the first rule of Paradox Club.
I met a girl at a club the other night who said she'd show me a good time and incredibly, when we got outside...
She ran a 40-meter dash in just 4.5 seconds.
I'm really excited about the new autopsy club I just joined.
Tuesday is Open Mike night.
What do you call a book club which is stuck on the same book?
a church
marriage is like a deck of cards
at the start you need a heart and a diamond, but by the end you wish you had a club and a s**....
I tried to start a comedy club in outer space once.
But sadly there was no atmosphere on opening night.
why was Cindrella not selected in any football club?
Because she kept running away from the ball
The first rule of Strict club is...
Don't
What do u call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for years?
Church
The first rule of Assumption Club is
...well, we all know what it is, don't we?
Did you RVSP your invite to the Procrastinators Club?
β
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No rush; take your time.
