Cloud Jokes

Following is our collection of technologically puns and cirrus one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Cloud jokes for adults, dirty kens jokes and clean nosql dad gags for kids.

The Best Cloud Puns

Since Vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered why priests don't just say a prayer over every storm cloud, kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why so many Vampires are from Europe...

Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa

If you heat your solid state drive into a gaseous state drive, do you get cloud storage?

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud . . ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

I never knew how technologically advanced Moses was...

But today I learned he had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?

Thunderwear.


A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven

A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven. God himself was there and told him he would be happy to answer any questions the man might have - about anything across the entirety of Space and Time.
So of course the man said - "Was I right? Is the earth actually flat?" and God chuckled and said "Of course not".

The man shook his head in disbelief, shaken to his very core, before murmuring "...this goes even higher than I thought..."

If vampires are hurt by holy water, why don't priests just bless a storm cloud to kill vampires everywhere? But then I remembered why so many vampires are from Europe...

Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa.

Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?

Atmospheric Pressure.

What do clouds wear under their shorts?

Thunderpants

(I'll show myself out)

An angel appears at a faculty meeting...

... And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."

A sweet young girl walks into an elevator at Macy's, trailing a cloud of expensive perfume.

She brags to the elderly woman who was inside, Coco Chanel $900 per ounce.

The lift reaches the second floor where the old lady is about to get off. As she steps out of the elevator, she rips out a rumbling fart. Trailing a heavy cloud, she smiles sweetly and announces, broccoli, 49 cents a pound.


What does a cloud with an itchy rash do?

Find the nearest skyscraper.

The Spanish magician

So there's this Spanish magician right and he says "I'll make myself disappear on the count of three".
"Unos..... Dos...." *BANG!" in a cloud of smoke he disappeared without a Tres.

Men Will Be Men

Before the King goes to war, he locks his wife (the beautiful Queen ),
in the room & gives the key to his best friend & says : If I am not back within 4 days , open the room and she is yours....
He sits on his horse & hits the road. Half an hour later he notices a dust cloud & sound behind him. He stops & sees his friend riding very fast towards him.
"What's wrong ?" King asks.
.
.
.
.
Out of breath, his friend answers, "It is the wrong Key...!! "

Chastity Belt

So, this guy was going to Crusade. He put on a chastity belt on his wife, gave the key to his best friend and said, "if I don't come back in 3 years, set her free." He starts off on his horse. After a while, he sees a big cloud of dust behind him. Someone was riding his horse really fast. So, he waits. The horse catches up to him. It's his best friend.

"You gave me the wrong key", yells his friend.

Technically it was Moses.....

that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

What kind of shorts does a cloud wear?

thunderwear

Who is the first person to have downloaded data from the cloud and onto their tablet?

Moses.

the world's best cloud storage service was released today, called Titanic.

It's always synching


One cloud says to another, "Oh no, we don't have enough water to make a rainstorm"

The other cloud says, "don't worry - we'll make dew"

What do you call a sheep without legs?

A cloud.

What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones sing "hey you... Get off of my cloud."

The Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe."

A boy asked his father one morning...

Boy: Dad, where did I come from?

Father: You were born from a giant white cloud, then brought here by a fat pelican with a worn-out hat.

Boy: But mother said she gave birth to me!

Father: ... Your point?

Every cloud has a silver lining...

... unless it's a mushroom cloud. Then it's likely strontium.

what did the cloud say to the atmosphere?

what the hail was that?!

What did one cloud of fog say to the other?

I don't know. It's a Mistery.

What's the difference between an angel and a Scotsman?

An angel will say, "Hey you, get off of my cloud!" and a Scotsman will say, "Hey Macleod, get off of my ewe!"

Thor the God of Thunder

So Thor, the God of Thunder, is sitting on his cloud on Asgard when he suddenly wants to visit the humans. He jumps on his magical flying horse and rides down to them. When he gets there he proclaims, "I AM THOR!" to which his horse replies, "Well, that's because you forgot your thaddle thilly."

Everyone is talking about how good this Mayweather is.

I couldn't agree more; it's 75 and not a cloud in the sky.

What did the little cloud say about the big cloud?

I think you're condensating for something.

Moses was centuries ahead of his time

He was the first to realise you need a tablet to connect to the cloud.

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mick Jagger screams "Hey, you! Get off of my cloud!"

A Scotsman screams "Hey, McCloud! Get off of my ewe!"

Did you hear about the new Mexican magician?

At the end of his show he says he shall disappear on the count of 3.

"Uno, Dos...(poof) a flash of cloud and he's gone.

He disappeared without a "tres"

What do clouds wear under their pants?

Thunderwear!

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud.



The real joke is that this is what my fortune cookie said.

The Undercover Cloud

One cloud asks the other why he is dressed weirdly, the cloud replies "Shhh, i'm in ***da sky's***".

Moses was the first person to:

Download from Cloud onto a Tablet.

What's the difference between a rolling stone and a Scottish shepherd?

One says, "hey, you! Get off of my cloud!"

The other says, "hey Macleod! Get off of my ewe!"

What is another name for all the bodies of water on the Earth?

Cloud Storage.

(Original joke!)

I read that the Large Magellanic Cloud is going to collide with the Milky Way in 2 billion years.

Maybe the government shutdown will be over by then.

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottsman?

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottsman?
Mick Jagger says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!"
and the Scottsman says "Hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe!"

What cloud based storage service do mexicans use?

JuanDrive

Claims that cloud storage is the future of smartphone memory issues

Sounds good, but I have no data to back it up.

What did the water vapor say when the cloud told it to make the grass wet?

"Don't tell me what to dew."

Why does Nintendo require an online subscription to finish Final Fantasy VII?

Cloud saves.

Said Moses after smashing the Ten Commandments:

It's okay, I have a backup in the cloud.

So my German neighbour got a Samoyed...

...and she asked me for suggestions about what she should name him. I suggested her the name "Cloud".

Now everytime that dog does something ridiculous I hear a high pitched yell : "Cloud Nein!!"

A man has just died.

As his soul leaves his body and begins to float towards the clouds, he hears a loud, booming voice.

**"Come. Come towards the light, my son."**

And so he does.

Meanwhile, atop his cloud, God laughs, as another human hits his bug zapper.

Where does Google and Apple get their weather information?

The Cloud.

In Heaven, computers don't need a lot of space.

It's all stored on the cloud.

What version of the Rolling Stones' "Hey You, Get Off of My Cloud" is played on Scottish Radio?

Hey, McCloud! Get off of my ewe!

I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.

Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.

Hey baby, are you a cloud server?

Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.

What do Bill Gates and the Pope have in common?

They've both put their faith in the cloud.

There's this couple outside looking at clouds.

The guy points at a cloud and says, That one looks like a horse.

The girl laughs and points another cloud and says, That one looks like a dog.

They both laugh and the guy points at another cloud and says, That one looks like a mushroom.

Where do you save your happiest memories?

On Cloud 9

What song does Han Solo play when he flies away from Cloud City?

Bailando

What did the Joker cloud say to the Batcloud?

"Why so cirrus?"


^^^^kill ^^^^me

What do clouds wear during a storm?

Thunderwear

Look at that cloud, trying to act all cool..

He's nothin' but smog

Where do the people of Cloud City get their sports?

B.E.S.P.N.

There is an abundance of cloudy jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 61 funniest jokes and cloud puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any fog witze you can hear about cloud.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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