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Clothing Jokes

146 clothing jokes and hilarious clothing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about clothing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for some hilarious clothing jokes? From tight overalls to skimpy apparel, get ready to laugh out loud at the best jokes related to clothing stores and trends. Read this article to find out which hilarious clothing jokes will help you lighten up any wardrobe malfunction.

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Funniest Clothing Short Jokes

Short clothing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The clothing humour may include short clothes jokes also.

  1. When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet
  2. I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa. Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.
  3. I met two guys wearing matching clothing. So I asked them if they were gay. They promptly arrested me
  4. How can you tell if your girlfriend is getting too fat? If she fits in your wife's clothes.
  5. My wife has been missing for over a week. The police said to be prepared for the worst. So I had to go to Goodwill to get all her clothes back.
  6. Somebody told me my clothes were gay. I said "Yeah, they came out of the closet this morning."
  7. I saw 2 guys with matching clothes and asked them if they are gay... They promptly arrested me.
  8. How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She starts fitting in your wife's clothes.
    (Old joke, I know, just heard it though, made me laugh.)
  9. A little girl says to her mommy, instead of buying me clothes for my birthday can you send them to all of the little girls that haven't got any, you know the ones. The ones on daddy's computer.
  10. My husband has been missing for six days now Police said to prepare for the worst.
    So I went to the charity shop to get his clothes back

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Clothing One Liners

Which clothing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with clothing? I can suggest the ones about new clothes and buying clothes.

  1. Courtesy of my seven year-old son: What do cows call their clothes? Moo
  2. I don't want to brag, but when I take my clothes off... the shower gets turned on.
  3. What kind of clothing do Karens wear? A lawsuit.
  4. What size clothes do fortune teller wear? Medium.
  5. I just opened an express clothing alteration business. It's called Tailor Swift.
  6. I haven't worn clothes for 12 months. I'm on a 1 year streak.
  7. What do pirates wear under their clothes? Plunderwear.
  8. What do you call a fast clothes maker? Taylor Swift!
    Made up by my nine year old :)
  9. Where do fashionable kids with cancer like to shop for clothes? Never 21
  10. Why couldn't mike tyson go to the laundromat? Because it was clothed.
  11. It's not your dryer that's shrinking your clothes... It's your refrigerator.
  12. When to leave your girlfriend? When your wife's clothes start to fit her.
  13. The first job I ever had was ironing cowboy clothes. Howdy pressing.
  14. What do you say to an overworked clothing maker? You seamstressed.
  15. LPT: Don't let a doctor examine you without clothes on Make him put his clothes on

Clothing Store Jokes

Here is a list of funny clothing store jokes and even better clothing store puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Covid medical "experts" are such liars. They said masks and gloves were all you needed if you had to go shopping But when I got to the store everyone else had clothes on.
  • They said a mask was enough to go to the grocery store. They lied. Everyone else had clothes on
  • Someone blew up a department store because they didn't stock basic clothing... There were no casual tees.
  • Roy Moore opened a clothing store in Birmingham, but it was quickly shut down. Parents were pretty upset when they realized "Teen girls clothes always half off" was the entry policy, not a sale.
  • I found a shop that sells clothing made of brick. It's a hardware store.
  • New clothing store seen at local Mall named 'Off Topic'. Apparently it's aimed at edgy teens with ADHD.
  • A man opened fire in a clothing store there were reports of casual-tees.
  • A new Muslim clothing store opened up in my town today... I've been banned from it for asking where I can find the new bomber jackets.
  • They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store. They lied, everybody else had clothes on.
  • Have you heard about the store that sells used Indian clothing? Whose sari now?

Tight Clothing Jokes

Here is a list of funny tight clothing jokes and even better tight clothing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My My My dog had a hernia, my closet had a Narnia
    My clothes a re too tight, my tights are too close.
    My flap jacks got a flat, my wife didn't.
  • Hahahahaha... The Girl Enter In Car Their Cloth is veer Tight See you pic...
  • I like my girls, like i like my clothes... Small and tight

Overall Clothing Jokes

Here is a list of funny overall clothing jokes and even better overall clothing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How did the farmer feel after he ripped his clothing? Let's just say he felt overall sadness.
  • The guy I am dating has a phobia of people that randomly include clothes in sentences But overall, this shouldn't be an issue
Clothing joke, The guy I am dating has a phobia of people that randomly include clothes in sentences

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about clothing can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of clothing puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Ridiculous Clothing Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about clothing you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean attire jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make clothing prank.

An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old
lady, entered the doctor´s office.

"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.
"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."
"No, not me," said the girl. "it´s my old aunt here."
"Very well,"said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."

Little Johnny and his ball.

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "mommy mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle joe last summer."

As airplanes about to c**......

As an airplane is about to c**..., a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

Too Shy!!!

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.
"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."
"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."
In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"
"Put them on the chair, on top of mine.

How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat?

She starts to fit into your wife's clothes.

Wife Missing

My wife has been missing for a week. The police called me and said to prepare for the worst. So I went back to Goodwill and bought all her clothes back.

A cop is out on patrol, and sees a car parked in the local lover's lane, with the windows all steamed up.

He knocks on the drivers window, and the guy inside rolls it down. The cop sees that there is a guy sitting in the front seat, fully clothed, and a girl in the back seat, also fully clothed.
"What are you up to here, son?"
"Well, officer, I'm reading a magazine, as you can see."
"And what's she doing back there?"
"I think she's playing a game on her phone."
"Have you been drinking tonight?"
"No, sir. I'm only twenty."
"And how old is she?"
The guy looks at his watch and says, "Sir, in eleven minutes she'll be eighteen."

My friend went on holiday to Havana...

...and asked me what gift I would like him to get for me. I said get me "something Cuban", but he got me a Che Guevara t shirt.
Clothes, but no cigar.

Robin Williams' Favorite Joke

Guy's having s**... with his wife. All of a sudden he looks over, and there in the doorway is his son, about eight years old. Kid looks horrified, and the kid runs away. The guy says to his wife, ''Well, I'd better talk to Timmy.''
He puts on his clothes and goes to Timmy's room. He opens the door , and there's Timmy nailing Grandma. The father goes ''Oh, my God!'' And the kid goes, ''Not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"

My roommate told me my clothes look gay.

I told him to have some respect. They just came out of the closet.

What do you get when you dress the Hulk in Captain America's clothes?

A Star-Spangled Banner.

My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work.

She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"
I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.
Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.
Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.
Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"

"Hurt me!" she cried, jumping onto the bed and stripping her clothes off seductively...

"Alright," I said. "You're a terrible cook and I fancy your sister."

Two engineers are meeting for lunch

Two engineers are meeting for lunch. The second arrives on a bicycle that the first doesn't recognize.
"Where did you get the bike? " the first asks.
The second explained, "It was the weirdest thing. I was walking over here when a beautiful woman rode up on the bike, hopped off, tore off all her clothes and said 'take what you want!' So I took the bike."
"Good call," mused the first, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Two engineers meet each other on their way into work

One of them has a new bike, and the other one asks where he got it.
"Well," the first one says, "it's the funniest story. A beautiful woman rode up to me, threw down the bike, ripped off her clothes, and said 'Take what you want.'"
"Good choice," said the other engineer, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

My roommate just called my clothes gay..

Have a little respect man! They just came out of the closet

Halloween Joke

This guy goes to a Halloween costume party, but he's just wearing street clothes, and he has his girlfriend sitting on his shoulders.
The host says to him, Dude, this is a Halloween party! You're supposed to be wearing a costume?
The guy replies, I am wearing a costume! I'm a snail!
You're a snail?
Yeah, I'm a snail, says the guy. Then he points to his girlfriend and says, This is Michelle.

The Garden of Eden

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're n**..., and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. Clearly, they are Russian."

Understanding Engineers

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer
replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business,
when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first
engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably
wouldn't have fit you anyway."

My mom dropped this one on me

Mom and I, her 27-year-old son, had had an argument about my clothes. She pointed to a hole in my shirt and said, "There's a big hole in your shirt!"
I responded, "Yeah? Well there's a big hole in your face and dumb things keep coming out of it," pointing to her mouth.
Without a pause, she snaps back, "Not nearly as dumb as the thing that fell out of my other hole 27 years ago."

A man walks up to a p**... and propositions her for s**......

She says to the man: "Sorry, but I'm clothed for the day."

Psychic buys clothing

Employee: How about this one?
Psychic: That shirt is too small
Employee: You didn't even try it on
Psychic: I'm a medium

My mum tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she'd just ironed.

It may sound far-fetched but it's true. I watched it all unfold.

A woman heard that her blonde friend was in the hospital

She went to visit her, and found her propped up in bed with bandages over both her ears.
"What in the world happened to you?" she asked.
"It was the craziest thing," said the blonde. "I was ironing clothes when the phone rang. Without thinking I held the iron up to my ear and said 'hello?'"
"But what happened to your other ear?"
"I had to call the ambulance, didn't I?"

A guy in school said that my clothes were gay

"Well, yes", I told him "they came out of the closet this morning."

When I was a child, I remember lying in bed with my eyes closed and waiting for Santa to come...

Then crying myself to sleep as he put his clothes back on and left.

What did the disappointed s**... get for Christmas?

Clothes but no cigar...

A woman walks by a clothes shop, and spots a nice red dress in the window.

She goes inside to inquire:
Woman: Hi. I want to try on that red dress in the window.
Employee: Well, as you wish, but we have changing rooms too.

A friend of mine told me all my clothes were gay...

"Keep your voice down!" I yelled, "some of them are still in the closet."

I took a girl back to my house for s**... last night.

After going upstairs, I slowly removed my clothes and climbed under the quilt.
You'll have to be really quiet, I whispered, My mum & dad are asleep.
I can see that, she said, Have you not got your own bed?

Today someone called my clothes 'gay'

"Yeah!" I replied. "They came out of the closet this morning actually!"

My sister asked me to remove her clothes.

So I took off her shirt.
Then she said, "Take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt."Take off my shoes."
I took off her shoes.
"Now take off my bra and p**...."
and so I took them off.
Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

How can you tell a s**... club is not open?

The sign says, "Sorry, we're clothed"

Since you like Dad jokes. Here's one I laid on my wife while she was folding my infant daughters clothes.

Wife: Could you go and grab the baby hangers?
Me: They prefer to be called executioners.

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.

Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

I saw two guys walking down the street in matching clothing.

I asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.

Michael Jackson should have opened a clothing line for pants.

He could have called it Billie Jeans.
Those prices are THRILLER!
No one can BEAT IT!
Kids pants would be half off there.

I went to the doctor today...

He had me take off my clothes and put on a gown so he could complete a full physical. I was worried I would be receiving a prostate exam. Anyways, he walked back in and had me pull my gown up for the ole turn your head and cough check. When I did he took one look at me and said, "Very interesting....You have got to stop m**...." I asked why, he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

I told two twins their matching outfits are cute...

"Did your mom buy you matching clothes?" I asked politely.
To which they answered, "We're not twins and could we see your license and registration please."

Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?

As an airplane is about to c**..., a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

A lady calls her butler into her room and says, "Jeeves, take off my dress"

He casually says, "Yes, Madam", and removes the dress. Then she says, "Jeeves, take off my underwear". Again, he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the undergarment. She then says, "Jeeves, take off my bra". Again, with no hesitation he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the bra. Then she says, "Now out of my sight! If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"

My wife was cleaning the closet last week

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing, I think I should donate them
Me: Just throw them in trash, that's much easier
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes
Me: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
BANG@#$%^&*

Wife tells her husband

Wife: "I got a bag full of clothes i don't wear anymore. I want to donate them."
Husband: "Why do you want to donate them? Just throw them away."
Wife: "There are poor starving people, who might need some clothes that weren't worn a lot."
Husband: "Women who fit in your clothes are not starving."

A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve...

"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"
"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"
The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

The man came home early from work to find his wife lying n**... on the bed, crying her eyes out.

What's wrong? he asked.
I've got nothing to wear to the dance tomorrow night, she
sobbed.
Oh come on now! You've plenty of clothes, and with that
he went over to the wardrobe. See here, there's the nice
pink dress, the pale blue skirt, the yellow cocktail dress, hi
there Tom, the green silk gown…

Wife told her husband

A man's wife comes up to him and tells him, Take off my shirt. So he does.
She then tells him, Take off my skirt and high heels. So he does.
Then she tells him, Take off my bra and underwear. So he does.
Finally she tells him, I better never find you wearing my clothes again.

Instead of "Who's your daddy?" I accidentally said "How's your daddy?"

And we put our clothes back on and discussed her father's cholesterol.

The evolution of tide pods

In 2017 tids pods cleaned clothes but in 2018 it cleans the gene pool

Personally, i think that Tide pods are even better than advertised.

I mean, anything that can clean your clothes and the gene pool in the same product...

My wife gave me a bag of our children's old clothes

And asked me donate them to kids that don't have any.
So I went around town asking people where I can find kids without any clothes and for some reason I ended up detained...

I've never understood why homophobics wore clothes

because clothes come out of the closet and that's gay

A man decided to sunbathe on the beach.

He took all of his clothes off, except that he covered his private parts with a hat to prevent a sunburn. As he's sunbathing, a woman walks past him. She looks at the man and snidely remarks:
"A true gentleman would always tip his hat for a lady."
To which the man replies:
"Ma'am, if you were a true lady, it would tip itself."

The wife has been missing for a week. Police said I should now prepare for the worst....

So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back....

Wife: I have a bag full of dirty & used clothing I'd like to donate....!

Husband: Why not just throw these in the trash? That's much easier for you.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes with basket full satisfaction.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

My friends told me my clothes were gay...

I replied: "yeah, they came out of the closet this morning!"

Two engineer students were biking across campus.

One said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Ellen jail joke

Ellen DeGeneres coronavirus jail joke - Today, I am filming this in my living room because all the other rooms in my house are filled with toilet paper !
One thing that I've learned from being in quarantine is that people this is like being in jail, is what it is !
It's mostly because I've been wearing the same clothes for 10 days and everyone in here is gay.

My wife wanted to get into "role play" to spice things up in the bedroom

I asked what she had in mind.
"Let's play doctor", she said.
I told her to go in the bedroom, shut the door, take off all of her clothes and wait on the bed for me.
After a half an hour I walked in, told her to lose 20 lbs. and handed her a bill for $300.

The owner of the local s**... club has a lisp.

I tried to go last night, but they were clothed.

WARNING!! They said you only have to wear masks and gloves to go grocery shopping but they LIED!

Apparently you have to wear clothes too.

n**... painting

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."
So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"
"Blind man!"
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt."
They let him in.
The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice t**.... Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

An older couple is having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband

"Just think, honey, we've been married for 60 years.?"
"Yes," he replies. "Sixty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together. And we were probably n**... as jaybirds."
"Well," the old woman snickers, "should we get n**... again for old time's sake?"
So they s**... off their clothing and sit back down at the table. "You know," the old woman says breathlessly, "my n**... are as hot for you today as they were 60 years ago."
"I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"

They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket.

They lied, everyone else has clothes on.

My wife asked me, If I die, will you re-marry?

I replied, I don't know love, I don't think about those sorts of things.
Well If you did, would she live in our house? she asked
I said, I don't know, I haven't thought about it!
Then she asked Would you let her wear my clothes?
I replied Nah she's not your size

My wife asked me, Are you sometimes surprised at how little people change?

I said, Actually the process is the same. They just have tiny clothes.

My wife asked me "Are you sometimes surprised at how little people change ?"

I said, "The process is the same. They just have tiny clothes"

How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat?

She starts borrowing your wife's clothes...

My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt.
Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."
So I took off her skirt.
Then she says, "Take off my bra and p**......"
So I took off her bra and p**....
Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"

A Brit, A Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the garden of Eden

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit."They must be British"
They pondered this possibility but the Frenchman and the Russians soon shake their heads in disagreement.
"Nonsense," says the Frenchman. "They're n**... and so beautiful, clearly they are French". The Brit and Russian agreed on this point but the Russian soon raises an objection to this.
"No clothes, no shelter and they have only an apple to eat but they're told this is Paradise. They are clearly Russian"

A college engineering student shows up with a new bike

"Woah where did you get such a nice bike?" his fellow engineering student asked.
"I was walking down the street last night and this g**... her bike came up to me started taking off her clothes and said 'its all yours' so I just took the bike" he said.
His friend replied "Good choice bro the clothes probably didn't even fit you"

Clothing joke, A college engineering student shows up with a new bike

jokes about clothing

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these clothing jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.