Clothes Shopping Jokes
71 clothes shopping jokes and hilarious clothes shopping puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about clothes shopping that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Clothes Shopping Short Jokes
Short clothes shopping jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The clothes shopping humour may include short buying clothes jokes also.
- My husband has been missing for six days now Police said to prepare for the worst.
So I went to the charity shop to get his clothes back - WARNING!! They said you only have to wear masks and gloves to go grocery shopping but they LIED! Apparently you have to wear clothes too.
- The wife has been missing for a week. Police said I should now prepare for the worst.... So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back....
- Covid medical "experts" are such liars. They said masks and gloves were all you needed if you had to go shopping But when I got to the store everyone else had clothes on.
- The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
- A week after my wife went missing, the police told me that I should expect the worst case scenario. So I went back to the charity shop and retrieved all her old clothes.
- why did my wife cross the road? To go back into the first clothes shop we went into two hours ago.
- My wife has been in a coma for two weeks now, and the doctor told me to expect the worst. So I had to go to all the charity shops and get her clothes back.
- I was told that a mask and gloves were enough to go shopping with... I was lied to. Everyone else had clothes on.
- The missus has been missing for a week now. The police have told me to prepare for the worst... So I have been back to the charity shop to get all her clothes back!
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Clothes Shopping One Liners
Which clothes shopping one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with clothes shopping? I can suggest the ones about window shopping and christmas shopping.
- Where do fashionable kids with cancer like to shop for clothes? Never 21
- What does Matt Damon call it when he shops for cheap clothes? Goodwill Hunting
- Where do Muslim hipsters shop for clothes? Turban Outfitters!
- so i went to the clothes shop to buy camouflaged pants... ...and i didn't find any.
- I found a shop that sells clothing made of brick. It's a hardware store.
- Where do centaurs shop for clothes? Topman.
- Where does Bob Ross go shopping for clothes? Ross.
- Where do Arabs shop for clothes? *Turban Outfitters*
- Why do epileptics hate clothes shopping? Because they can't find clothes that fit.
- Where Does Frankenstein's Monster Shop for Clothes? Abercrombie & Stitch
- Where do you buy cheap clothes In a nudist's clothes shop
- Where did Notorious B.I.G. shop for clothes? At the big and small store...
- No shirt, no shoes. This is the worst clothing store I've ever shopped at.
Clothes Shopping Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about clothes shopping you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean clothing store jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make clothes shopping pranks.
A man is in a mall and sees a clothes store.
He sees a magnificent, brand new jacket in the shop window and decides he shall try it on and buy it.
So he walks into the shop and asks an employee: "Excuse me sir."
"How can I help you" the employee replies.
"Could I by any chance try on that jacket in your shop window?"
The employee looks at him and says "No you shall not you are to try it on in the changing rooms like everybody else!"
Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye.
The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: Dear, breakfast is made. I've gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!
He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there's breakfast. Joe, he says to his son, what happened last night?
You came home s**... and got that black eye tripping over a chair.
So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?
Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to t**... clothes, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married!'
A n**... man runs into a tailor's shop.
The tailor says "you can't be in here with no clothes on!"
The man says "aw come on dude, cut me some slacks?"
Two blondes and a car
Two blondes come out of the mall after a couple hours of shopping, and when they get to their car they realize they locked the keys inside. Luckily, they had bought some clothes so they grabbed a wire hanger and began taking turns attempting to pick the lock. After a good 30 minutes, they still hadn't gotten inside, and after trying for awhile, one girl hands the hanger to her friend and sits down next to the car. She sighs, looks up and worriedly says to her friend, "Uh oh, we'd better hurry; it looks like it might rain and the top's down."
One of my favorites
A little boy and his mother are in a department store shopping one afternoon. The mother decides to try some clothes on and tells her son to wait outside the changing room for her. A few minutes later she walks out to find her son has his hand up the dress of a mannequin in the store. She quickly rushes over and slaps her sons hand exclaiming "don't ever stick your hand up a girls dress!" The boy seems confused and asks why. His mother explains that "girls have teeth up there and you could lose a finger" Never learning any different several years pass and the boy is now in his teens and has managed to get himself a girlfriend. After a couple months of making out with his girlfriend after school she one day asks him why he never puts his hand up her dress when they are kissing. The boy says "are you crazy I'm not going to put my hand up your dress, you have teeth up there and I could lose a finger." Confused the girl lifts up her dress to show him and says "what are you talking about there aren't any teeth up there" The boy takes a good long look and says "Yeah...not with gums like those"
A Buddhist monk goes to a barber
... to have his head s**.... "What should I pay you?" the monk asks. "No price, for a holy man such as yourself," the barber replies. And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen gemstones.
That day, a priest comes in to have his hair cut. "What shall I pay you, my son?" "No price, for a man of the cloth such as yourself." And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen roses.
That day, Rabbi Finklestein comes in to get his *payoss* [sideburns] trimmed. "What do you want I should pay you?" "Nothing, for a man of God such as yourself." And the next morning, what do you know?
The barber finds on his doorstep — a dozen rabbis!
A man had been in prison for twenty years.
When he left they gave him his old clothes. In the pocket he found a ticket from a shoe repair shop. Perhaps the shop is still there. Perhaps they still have my old shoes, he thought to himself. So off he went and sure enough it was there. I've been on holiday for a long time, I wonder if you have my shoes? asked the man. The old man went into the back of the shop and came back after two minutes. They'll be ready on Thursday.
You know you're getting fat when..
The clothes section you shop in has chairs spread out incase you get winded.
Women can't say no to three things;
Shoes, bags, chocolate, diamonds, clothes, perfume, food, flowers, money, cosmetics, attention, romance, kindness, adventure, affection, unpredictability, confidence, humor, ice cream, shopping, free drinks..
A man takes his daughter to the toy shop to buy a Barbie doll.
There are three Barbie dolls in the shop window. Sports Barbie wearing tight shorts and a halter top lifting weights. Business Barbie wearing an expensive business suit and carrying a briefcase on her way to an important meeting. Divorced Barbie wearing designer clothing and a pearl necklace. Sports Barbie and business Barbie each costs 25 dollars. Divorced Barbie costs 1000 dollars. The man and his daughter enter the toy shop. The man asks a shop assistant 'Why does divorced Barbie costs 1000 dollars, while the other Barbies each costs 25 dollars?' 'Well,' says the shop assistant, 'if you buy divorced Barbie you also get Ken's house, Ken's car and all of Ken's possessions.'
My girlfriend was so intent on going shopping for a dress that she wouldn't even think about seeing a movie.
I swear, she's such a clothes-minded person sometimes.
A punk girl goes shopping and asks the cashier
"Can i get a refund if my parents like these clothes?"
I have always hated shopping for clothes because my mom would always hit me alot with a coathanger as a child
Then i was born
If a brilliant scientist opens a clothing shop selling career pants for men and women...
...would it be called Twill by the Science Guy?
Psychic in a clothes shop
Employee: How about this one?
Psychic: Nah, its too small
Employee:But you haven't even tried it on.
Psychic: I'm a medium
Right Answer
Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye. The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: Dear, breakfast is made. I've gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!
He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there's breakfast. Joe, he says to his son, what happened last night?
You came home s**... and got that black eye tripping over a chair.
So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?
Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to t**... clothes, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married!'
A nun decides to dye her worn out clothes
A nun decided that it was much cheaper to just dye the colour back into her worn out clothes instead of buying new clothes. Every year, the nun would go to a nearby dye shop to dye her clothes and hang them to dry.
When she returned to the store for the 10th time, she dyed and hung her clothes. When she came back to get her clothes, they were stiff and uncomfortable. She complained to the store manager and asked why that happened to her clothes.
The store manager replied: "Well madam, old habits dye hard"
A woman walks by a clothes shop, and spots a nice red dress in the window.
She goes inside to inquire:
Woman: Hi. I want to try on that red dress in the window.
Employee: Well, as you wish, but we have changing rooms too.
A woman walks into Walmart
She's wearing very dirty clothes, smells bad and looks like she is in a horrible situation. She has 2 kids who look worse in her shopping cart
The store clerk says: Wow, are they twins?
Woman: No you idiot, they obviously look 2 years apart.
Clerk: Oh, they don't look alike. I just couldn't believe you had s**... twice.
I told my girlfriend I like clothes shopping with her
Reason being is that I like women's clothing best when they are not wearing them
Jack woke up at home with a terrible hangover and black eye.
The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: Dear, breakfast is made. I've gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!
He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there's breakfast. Joe, he says to his son, what happened last night?
You came home s**... and got that black eye tripping over a chair.
So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?
Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to t**... clothes, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married!'
Chinese.
I was speaking to a Chinese guy, he said I just bought a Crows shop, I said don't you mean a clothes shop?? he replied, no come and have a Rook...
A Spanish guy is shopping in London...
A Spanish man went into a clothing store where the salesperson only spoke English. Walking up to the nearest sales clerk, the man said, Quiero calcetines, por favor. The clerk shook his head and said, I don't speak Spanish.
The sales clerk and the man walked around the store, the clerk pointing at jackets, sweaters, pants, and shoes, hoping to find what the Spanish man needed. Finally, the clerk pointed at a table of socks, and the Spanish man exclaimed, Eso, si que es! Wide-eyed, the sales clerk said, If you could spell it, why didn't you say so before!
I thought my wife was clothes shopping but she was mostly just looking at tops.
Apparently she was just blousing.
Yo momma so fat
That when she goes to Walmart to buy clothes she shops in the tarp section.
Fat fashion designer has found a time machine [OC]
Thinking about how many opportunities of discovery await him, he went inside and clicked a button.
He soon found himself in ancient rome. He noticed all the plebs wearing cool ancient clothes so he quickly went to the nearest shopping centre.
Being fat himself, he asked the shopkeeper if they can sell him XL shirts. That question made the shopkeeper curious, thus he asked the designer:
\-Do you really want to purchase that many shirts?
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
I was meeting a friend at a smoke shop and accidentally went into the dry cleaners next door...
Clothes, but no cigar.
Two blokes outside a clothes shop.
One points at a T-Shirt in the window and says, That's the one I'd get.
And this cyclops comes out and kicks his head in...
Here is a joke from the Soviet Union (also popular in other communist countries before 1989)
A CIA agent is sent on a spy mission to Moscow, Soviet Union. He goes to a grocery store and writes down in his diary "There is no food".
He then goes to a clothes shop and puts down in the diary "there are no shoes".
He goes out of the shop and a KGB agent waits for him outside. "You know, 10 years ago we would have shot you for that."
The CIA agent writes in his diary "There are no bullets".
Try to buy some clothes from a spiritualist shop today.
Turns out they could only offer mediums.
The cops busted me for pinching clothes people had hung out to dry.
They called it theft.
I call it online shopping.
[OC] A worker at a lighting sales and repair shop was known for their amazing ability to restore old lights.
He had all sorts of special cloths and rags for polishing fixtures and bulbs.
A couple came into the shop with bulb that was especially difficult to clean; it would vibrate and make an awful buzzing noise whenever the they tried to rub it.
When the couple came back to pick up their bulb, it looked perfect -- they were amazed! They gave the worker all sorts of accolades, but he gave a modest reply, saying, "oh, it's no special skill ... it's easy if you have the right cloth."
It was a hum bulb rag.
I found some nice smart clothing in a shop.
I walked up to cashier and put down a few coppers.
The cashier looked at the money and said, "Sir... this isn't enough. I'll need another £1,299.97."
"What do you mean?" I asked angrily. "The assistant said it's a 3p suit."
A guy walks into a bar
... and orders a beer. "Hey, what happened to the smoke shop that used to be next door? the guy asks the bartender. "I thought I'd stop in and pick up some stuff and now its some sort of ladies apparel store." "Yep," the bartender replies. "Clothes, but no cigar."