Cloth Jokes

What do a wash cloth and a pizza have in common?

The crust.

why didn't the clothing drive at the homeless shelter not work out?

..nobody gave a shirt.

I asked my mother if I could have some cloth to give to the nuns.

She said, "Fine, just don't let it become a habit"

so i went to the clothes shop to buy camouflaged pants...

...and i didn't find any.

What's the different between a wife and a smoke detector?

One, you can turn off without even trying. The other, you spend all day waving a dish cloth at.

What do clothing wrinkles and mistakes have in common?

New clothing store seen at local Mall named 'Off Topic'.

Apparently it's aimed at edgy teens with ADHD.

Rihanna's new clothes.

Chris Brown is in the news again.
At a popular club downtown he apparently got drunk and started shouting "I'm gonna beat Rihanna till she's gold and white".

My Clothes Dryer sounds like Zoidberg.

wub wub wub wub wub wub....

Hahahahaha... The Girl Enter In Car Their Cloth is veer Tight See you pic...

Your clothes will never forgive you...

You always hang them out to dry.

What do clothes and religion have in common?

Someone invented them and forced them on everyone.

What clothes do Quakers wear?

Oat couture

A priest owned a haberdashery.....

...he was a man of the cloth.

What clothing designer do vampires prefer to wear?

Alexander Fang

Why do mathematicians dislike cloth rugs?

They prefer fur mats.

My clothes were traumatically stolen from me.

But I've recovered.

What did the clothes designer say to her son at his graduation?

"I'm Prada you son."

I bought a new crucifix-stand for my church but accidentally got the wrong cloth pattern

Apologies, cross-post from a different thread.

The Mexican magician

There was this famous magician in Mexico and his signature act was disappearing into thin air. Everytime he performs this act, he would cover himself under a huge piece of cloth and count, "uno", "dos", and p**..., he vanished out of sight without a tres

So a clothes designer drank from the Fountain of Youth...

Now she's Forever 21.

A clothing store down the street from me has gotten really lazy with their customer service

I just saw them put up a sign that says "Suit yourself!"

My clothing line for children wasn't very successful.

Shouldn't have called it Hang Ten Kids.

What's the only clothing line that is allowed in North Korea?

Supreme

If a clothes designer had a child...

Would it have designer genes?

My land lord stole all my cloth hanging clips

She is a cliptomaniac.

If reincarnation was real, I'd come back as a table cloth

I'd get laid three times a day and pulled off at night.

What role did Mike Tyson have to play for his Christmas special?

Sani Cloth

I like my clothes the way I like my money

Laundered.

My son and I are cut from the same cloth.

Genes.

My girlfriend asked me what size table cloth we should buy

I told her "12x15."
She asked, "feet or inches?" and I told her either one, doesn't matter.
Can't wait to see which one she buys.

A monk is arrested for stealing cloth...

The police officer let's him go with a warning, tells him not to make a habit of it.

Two priests drive around at night.

Going through a wooded area, they are stopped by the police. Seeing he just has stopped two men of the cloth, the officer mutters: "Excuse me, but we are looking for a child m**......" The priests stick their heads together, and after a short whispered discussion, exclaim: "OK, we'll do it!"

Mom: I don't think you know what it means to thread a needle through cloth.

Child: Yeah. Sew?

Why do the people of Pern make all their cloth out of yarn?

Because they're afraid of Thread!

Some of my clothes are getting ripped to shreds when I use the washing machine.

It keeps happening every time. I think it's a vicious cycle.

Sleeping without cloth in my country

Sleeping UNCLAD in my country is very risky if you are a man, Rats may circumcise you.

What's a kidnappers most favourite pickup line?

Hey, does this piece of cloth smell funny to you?

Whats the difference between a large meal you are given and a bird of the cloth?

One's a present feast and the other's a pheasant priest

Zeus Cast Down A Sacred Pile of Cloth for Mere Mortals to Sleep On

Mortals: Holy Sheet!

What do you call a woman of the cloth up in heaven

Nun of the above

What goes across the periodic table?

The periodic table cloth.

Why do the clothes in Beauty and the Beast look so old-fashioned?

Tailors old as time…

The worst job I ever had was at the canvas factory, pushing a large needle through 50 layers of cloth over and over and over...

Sew boring!

What clothes shouldn't you wear inside?

Clothes that are worn out.

There was a Russian man who was a collector of supernatural oddities.

An American man heard about him, and decided to try his luck at making a quick buck. He arranged a meeting, and presented a thin gauzy cloth to the man.
"This may look like cloth, but it is actually 100%, genuine ghost skin."
The Russian man leaned in, carefully examining the cloth, and running his finger lightly across it. He then turned and looked the American square in the eyes.
"I call boo sheet."

A man saw his wife wearing nothing. What are you doing? he said. It's the emperor's new cloth. she replied.

You should iron it first.

Clothes make the man (Joke from my nephew)

What's the difference between a sharp-dressed fellow on a bicycle and a raggedy looking guy on a unicycle?
Attire.

A priest is buying a used lawnwoer

\*lawnmower
He inspects it and asks owner how does it start. "Very simple, you pull the cord and if it doesn't start right away keep pulling and start swearing." The priest is shocked. "I'm a man of the cloth. I may have sworn when I was younger but by now I've forgotten how." "Oh don't worry" says the seller "after couple of pulls it will come back to you."

Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub

Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad. Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well. Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, What a terrible pity…one of the girls must be dying.

As a joke, I tied my friend up, took him to the middle of the woods, and stuffed his mouth with a cloth so nobody could hear him scream.

I'd say it was a pretty good gag.

Not sure what clothes to wear to look trendy?

Ask Tommy, Hilfiger it out

My clothing store is using a life sized Darth Vader figurine to model their clothing line

I, for one, really enjoy mannequin skywalker

Clothing optional

I went in for my prostate exam last week. The doctor told me to take off my pants. I asked him where I should put them. Right there next to mine was not the answer I wanted to hear.

A clothing buyer is walking down the street in the Garment District one day...

...when she's approached by a f**.... The guy whips open his raincoat to expose his total nakedness. After the lady studied what was presented to her for a bit she looked up at the guy and asked, "You call that a lining"?

Walking up the stairs behind Maria, John exclaims

Wow, your a**... is the size of a washing machine!
Maria does not react to his comment. At night, John gets in the mood to make love and tells Maria, to which she replies:
For such a small cloth I will not turn the machine on. You better hand-wash it!