Cloth Jokes

Following is our collection of linen puns and adhesive one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Cloth jokes for adults, dirty wool jokes and clean textile dad gags for kids.

The Best Cloth Puns

Did you hear the joke about the false piece of cloth?

It was fabricated.

so i went to the clothes shop to buy camouflaged pants...

...and i didn't find any.

Two priests drive around at night.

Going through a wooded area, they are stopped by the police. Seeing he just has stopped two men of the cloth, the officer mutters: "Excuse me, but we are looking for a child molester..." The priests stick their heads together, and after a short whispered discussion, exclaim: "OK, we'll do it!"

New clothing store seen at local Mall named 'Off Topic'.

Apparently it's aimed at edgy teens with ADHD.

If reincarnation was real, I'd come back as a table cloth

I'd get laid three times a day and pulled off at night.


why didn't the clothing drive at the homeless shelter not work out?

..nobody gave a shirt.

If a clothes designer had a child...

Would it have designer genes?

There was a Russian man who was a collector of supernatural oddities.

An American man heard about him, and decided to try his luck at making a quick buck. He arranged a meeting, and presented a thin gauzy cloth to the man.

"This may look like cloth, but it is actually 100%, genuine ghost skin."

The Russian man leaned in, carefully examining the cloth, and running his finger lightly across it. He then turned and looked the American square in the eyes.

"I call boo sheet."

My land lord stole all my cloth hanging clips

She is a cliptomaniac.

Your clothes will never forgive you...

You always hang them out to dry.

Mom: I don't think you know what it means to thread a needle through cloth.

Child: Yeah. Sew?


Some of my clothes are getting ripped to shreds when I use the washing machine.

It keeps happening every time. I think it's a vicious cycle.

The worst job I ever had was at the canvas factory, pushing a large needle through 50 layers of cloth over and over and over...

Sew boring!

What did the clothes designer say to her son at his graduation?

"I'm Prada you son."

Why do the clothes in Beauty and the Beast look so old-fashioned?

Tailors old as time…

What do you call a woman of the cloth up in heaven

Nun of the above

So a clothes designer drank from the Fountain of Youth...

Now she's Forever 21.

What clothes shouldn't you wear inside?

Clothes that are worn out.

A monk is arrested for stealing cloth...

The police officer let's him go with a warning, tells him not to make a habit of it.


What do you call a piece of cloth that excels at relaxing?

... A napking.

Why do mathematicians dislike cloth rugs?

They prefer fur mats.

The Mexican magician

There was this famous magician in Mexico and his signature act was disappearing into thin air. Everytime he performs this act, he would cover himself under a huge piece of cloth and count, "uno", "dos", and poof, he vanished out of sight without a tres

My clothes were traumatically stolen from me.

But I've recovered.

My girlfriend asked me what size table cloth we should buy

I told her "12x15."

She asked, "feet or inches?" and I told her either one, doesn't matter.

Can't wait to see which one she buys.

Why do the people of Pern make all their cloth out of yarn?

Because they're afraid of Thread!

What role did Mike Tyson have to play for his Christmas special?

Sani Cloth

A clothing store down the street from me has gotten really lazy with their customer service

I just saw them put up a sign that says "Suit yourself!"

I bought a new crucifix-stand for my church but accidentally got the wrong cloth pattern

Apologies, cross-post from a different thread.

What's the different between a wife and a smoke detector?

One, you can turn off without even trying. The other, you spend all day waving a dish cloth at.

I asked my mother if I could have some cloth to give to the nuns.

She said, "Fine, just don't let it become a habit"

What goes across the periodic table?

The periodic table cloth.

My son and I are cut from the same cloth.

Genes.

I like my clothes the way I like my money

Laundered.

A priest owned a haberdashery.....

...he was a man of the cloth.

What do clothes and religion have in common?

Someone invented them and forced them on everyone.

My Clothes Dryer sounds like Zoidberg.

wub wub wub wub wub wub....

Rihanna's new clothes.

Chris Brown is in the news again.
At a popular club downtown he apparently got drunk and started shouting "I'm gonna beat Rihanna till she's gold and white".

What do clothing wrinkles and mistakes have in common?

What do a wash cloth and a pizza have in common?

The crust.

Zeus Cast Down A Sacred Pile of Cloth for Mere Mortals to Sleep On

Mortals: Holy Sheet!

You know you are getting clothes for Christmas when....

You have to try them on to see if they would "fit" your siblings

Whats the difference between a large meal you are given and a bird of the cloth?

One's a present feast and the other's a pheasant priest

What's a kidnappers most favourite pickup line?

Hey, does this piece of cloth smell funny to you?

Sleeping without cloth in my country

Sleeping UNCLAD in my country is very risky if you are a man, Rats may circumcise you.

What's the only clothing line that is allowed in North Korea?

Supreme

My clothing line for children wasn't very successful.

Shouldn't have called it Hang Ten Kids.

What clothing designer do vampires prefer to wear?

Alexander Fang

What clothes do Quakers wear?

Oat couture

Why didn't the monk's clothes fit properly?

Because he was cohabiting.

Hahahahaha... The Girl Enter In Car Their Cloth is veer Tight See you pic...

Why did the clothing store close?

The employees where slacking off.

A clothier opened a business in Utah

He is selling exploding clip-on ties to mormons. I asked how is business?
He said prophets are blowing up.

Source:
This is a corruption of a joke from sexypandalord. Most mormons are fine upstanding people and i do not advocate violence against them. Except for Bill.

There is an abundance of knock knock clothing jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 52 funniest jokes and cloth puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any new clothes witze you can hear about cloth.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes