Closet Jokes
144 closet jokes and hilarious closet puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about closet that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Closet Short Jokes
Short closet jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The closet humour may include short wardrobe jokes also.
- Today someone called my clothes 'gay' "Yeah!" I replied. "They came out of the closet this morning actually!"
- A guy in school said that my clothes were gay "Well, yes", I told him "they came out of the closet this morning."
- My friends told me my clothes were gay... I replied: "yeah, they came out of the closet this morning!"
- Why are closeted gay people good at poker? Because they're always putting on a straight face.
- What Did the Janitor Say When He Jumped Out of the Closet? "Supplies!"
I'll see myself out - You ever seen a really beautiful woman that you wanna go talk to? But then you think she's gonna freak out when you walk out of her closet?
- I keep getting confused between homophobia and claustrophobia. Which is the one about being irrationally afraid because you're stuck in the closet?
- Why are monsters hipsters? Because they've been coming out of the closet since before it was cool.
- Was surprised when my son came out the closet yesterday... I didn't think he could break through that lock.
- I came out of the closet to my boss and was fired on the spot He's still asking how I got in his closet
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Closet One Liners
Which closet one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with closet? I can suggest the ones about cupboard and dressing room.
- How warm is a janitor's closet? Broom Temperature.
- If Gay people come out of the closet, who comes out of the kitchen? Pansexuals.
- I walked into my wife's room and told a joke. It was so good, even the closet laughed.
- What's a homophobic child's worst nightmare? A monster coming out of the closet
- Where did the guinea pig end up when it came out of the closet? Gnawnia
- Coming out of the closet would be a lot easier... if my wardrobe wasn't so fabulous!
- Why is Robert Pattison so pale? There's no sunlight in the closet.
- What do you call a blonde in a closet? Last years hide and seek champion
- Did you hear about the gay broom? Spent 10 years in the closet.
- What's a skeleton in a closet? A hide and seek winner.
- What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? Last year's winner of hide and seek
- My friends keep telling me I'm in the closet. I just tell them it's Narnia business.
- What so you call a corpse that won't admit it's own sexuality? A skeleton in the closet.
- Have you heard about the movie, the closeted gay It hasn't come out yet
- The best way to fight claustrophobia is to Come out of closet
Coming Out Of The Closet Jokes
Here is a list of funny coming out of the closet jokes and even better coming out of the closet puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- One of my favorite childhood memories is my father coming out of the closet... It was a huge surprise to me that not just *one*, but *both* my fathers were gay.
- Why does Mike Pence keep all of his clothes in drawer? Because he can't stand anything coming out of the closet.
- My wife said to come out of the closet already... I said stop buying so many cute dresses then.
- This moment when your husband comes into the bedroom... ... tells a joke, and the guy in the closet starts laughing.
- Overhearing my ex... I once overheard my ex tell her best friend that I was a stalker.
Nearly made me mad enough to come out of her closet
and give her a piece of my mind. - Why Has no one seen the movie "In The Closet?" It hasn't come out yet
- What does a chemist say when he comes out of the closet for being bisexual? Iodine, Americium, Bismuth.
- Hey Kenny, Do you like the Chronicles of Narnia? You go so far in the closet you ain't ever coming out.
- When you're an agoraphobic homosexual It's hard to come out of the closet.
- Just to be sure, are dead bodies gay? Cause they just keep coming out of my closet
Rib-Tickling Closet Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about closet you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean closed door jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make closet pranks.
Little Johnny and his ball.
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "mommy mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle joe last summer."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just received a chain letter and if I don't re-send it a dead woman will appear in my closet....
Guess who's getting laid tonight.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Biebers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. There are no light bulbs in the closet.
Another one: Why is Justin Bieber so pale? Because there's no light inside the closet
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A husband came home and found his wife laying n**... on the bed
and asks her "Why are you n**..., woman ?" "Because i have nothing to wear." "You have nothing to wear? You have a closet full of clothes !" He then goes and opens the closet doors and starts going through her stuff. "Look, you have one dress, two dresses, three dresses, Hello neighbour, four dresses !"
What do you call a skeleton with blonde hair in a closet?
Last year's winner of the blonde "hide and go seek" contest
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't g**... like to play hide-and-seek?
Because everyone knows they're in the closet
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a closet full of l**...?
A liquor cabinet!
heh.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
OC, What do you call an anorexic lesbian?
A skeleton in the closet.
Sincere apologies to everyone I've just horribly offended!
Eggs
A couple were married for 25yrs. One day while cleaning their room, she finds a box hidden inside his closet and decides to open it with the thought that her husband is keeping a secret to her. In the box she finds 3 eggs and 10 grand.
This seems very strange so she went to him and asks:
"Why are there 3 eggs in a box in your closet?"
"Well, dear," the husband replies, "everytime I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in the box."
She's hurt that he had been unfaithful but consoles herself with the fact that they have been married for 25yrs and he had only been unfaithful 3 times.
Wife asks: "Where did the 10 grand come from?"
With head bowed down he answers: "Everytime it reaches a dozen, I sell them!"
Going to Vegas
A man comes home from work to find his wife packing her things. "What are you doing?" he asks.
His wife replies, "I'm leaving you and moving to Las Vegas. I hear that men will pay me $500 to do to them what I do to you for free."
The man says nothing, walks over to the closet, grabs his suitcase and begins packing his things.
"What do you think you're doing?" his wife asks.
The man replies, "I'm going to Vegas. I want to see how you're going to live off of $500 a year."
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide-and-seek
Einstein decides to be the seeker and begins counting. Pascal immediately runs to a closet and hides inside. Newton doesn't run or try to hide. Instead he takes some tape, makes a box on the ground, and steps inside. Einstein finishes counting and turns around to see Newton standing like an idiot.
"I found you Isaac, great hiding spot," says Einstein.
"You didn't find me," Newton replies. "You found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!"
Where does Christopher keep his dance shoes?
In the Walken closet.
I was pretty shocked when my dad came out of the closet. Now I can only wonder if my other dad knows.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A successful woman needs four animals in her life...
A jaguar in her garage, a mink in her closet, a tiger in her bed, and a j**... to pay for all of the above.
What did the lion go into the closet?
Narnia business
I used to think I was homophobic.
It turns out that I was just afraid of monsters in the closet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a lesbian who's still in the closet?
A liquor cabinet
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My roommate just called my clothes gay..
Have a little respect man! They just came out of the closet
Came out to my parents at Christmas. Later that day my nephew asked to play hide and go seek.
Now I'm back in the closet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The other day someone said my clothes looked gay...
I told them they got out of the closet just this morning.
Death toll in Orlando club shooting hits 50
Most of the survivors found were in the closet.
BLONDE FLIGHT ATTENDANT
The flight crew all showed up on time, all except for one brand-new stewardess. They called the hotel and she answered the phone, sobbing. I can't get out of my room, she cried. What... Why not? There are only three doors in this room. One is the bathroom, one is the closet, and the other way has a sign hanging on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Somebody told me my clothes were gay.
I said "Yeah, they came out of the closet this morning."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I couldn't imagine my parents having s**...
So last night I hid in their closet and watched
Here are some few movie jokes:
The Shining: A family's first Airbnb experience goes very wrong.
• The Lord of the Rings: Group spends nine hours returning jewelry.
• Titanic: Everyone tries the ice-bucket challenge.
• Beauty and the Beast: Stockholm syndrome works.
• The Chronicles of Narnia: Kid comes out of the closet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you ever been caught m**... in a closet?
Them: No.
You: It's a really good hiding spot isn't it.....
i've got a Liszt of great composer puns that's Haydn in my closet somewhere...
i could look Bach there and read it to you, but i don't think you could Handel it.
Twelve-year-old Timmy was talking with his classmate, Lisa...
Timmy: "Hey Lisa, I'll give you a dollar if we can go in the closet and you let me stick my finger in your belly button."
Lisa: "Okay."
They go into the dark closet.
Lisa: "Hey Timmy! That's not my belly button!"
Timmy: "That's okay. That's not my finger."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jake went over to pick up his girlfriend to go on a date.
When he found her n**..., he asked why.
"Well, because I don't have any dresses to wear!"
"Sure you do," Jake replied, opening her closet. "Here's a blue one, a red one, a green one- oh, hi Francis- a yellow one..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why didn't the homophobic man wear clothes?
Because they came out of the closet.
I saw a gay magician
He climbed into a wooden box
And then came out from the closet
Where is the best place to hide from Mike Pence,
The closet.
What is the safest place for a gay to hide in Chechnya?
The closet.
What's another name for skeletons in the closet?
Hide and seek champions.
There's a homophobic monster under your bed...
That hates the monster in your closet.
My wife has two problems
My wife has two problems:
1. She has nothing to wear
2. Her closet is too full
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you scare a child? Tell them that a monster is in the closet.
How do you scare a conservative? Tell them that *their* child is in the closet!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you know Jeffrey d**... was a closet s**...?
He kept the butts behind the couch.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call two l**... in a closet?
A l**... cabinet
10 Facts about the Narnia movies:
#10 - All of them came out of the closet.
My boss asked me why i dress like I am gay
I told him my clothes came out the closet this morning
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If g**... come out of the closet, where do l**... come from?
The liquor cabinet
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a closeted lesbian and spaghetti have in common?
They're both straight until they get wet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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An idiot has a mirror in his closet
He wakes up one night and opens the closet and he sees himself. Scared, he quickly calls the cops
"Police! There's a burglar in my closet, come quickly!"
A police man arrives at the idiots house and opens the closet and finds the mirror. He takes a step back and slaps the idiot as hard as he can
"Why did you call me when you already had a policeman inside?!"
My wife was cleaning the closet last week
Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing, I think I should donate them
Me: Just throw them in trash, that's much easier
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes
Me: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
BANG@#$%^&*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I feel sorry for homeless g**...
They haven't got a closet to come out of.
My boss told me that I should dress for the job I want, not the job I have.
So I don't understand why he called the police when he found me digging through his closet at 3 am.
A man goes to the doctor
The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news"
The man replies "Give me the good news first, doc."
The doctor says "The good news is we currently have that raccoon in our supply closet. The bad news is you ruined the punchline by asking for the good news first."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How big is a p**...'s closet?
It's pretty spacey
A cockroach in my home just came out of the closet.
I was shocked at first but I made sure that it felt supported and loved no matter what or whome it loved.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked my Spanish friend how her s**... life's been since she came out of the closet.
She says it's less bien.
Where are all the old Beatles records stored?
The Lennon closet.
After a long struggle, my uncle finally came out of the closet.
He has Alzheimer's, and thought it was his truck.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My brother recently came out of the closet.
I had been raised side by side with this man for my entire life. The whole experience has really opened up my eyes and made me reevaluate my views on homosexuality. Maybe I DO hate the g**......
A man checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room.
Five minutes later he calls the desk and say, You've given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?
The desk clerk says, Sir, that's absurd. Have you looked for the door?
The person says, Well, there's one door that leads to the bathroom. There's a second door that goes into the closet. And there's a door I haven't tried, but it has a 'do not disturb' sign on it.
I got super freaked out when I saw 2 dead bodies hanging in my closet
I was relieved when I remembered I had just installed a mirror in there.
A little girl looks into her closet and talks to the monster that lives in there.....
She asks him "Closet Monster, when are you ever going to come out of the closet?"
The monster replies "How many times must I tell you? I'm not gay!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I feel so bad for homeless LGBTQ people
They have no closet to come out of
