closet Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious closet puns

Why are gay men so well dressed?

They didn't spend all that time in the closet doing nothing.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Somebody told me my clothes were gay.

I said "Yeah, they came out of the closet this morning."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Someone said my clothes were gay

I said "Yeah, they came out of the closet this morning."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

An idiot has a mirror in his closet

He wakes up one night and opens the closet and he sees himself. Scared, he quickly calls the cops


"Police! There's a burglar in my closet, come quickly!"


A police man arrives at the idiots house and opens the closet and finds the mirror. He takes a step back and slaps the idiot as hard as he can


"Why did you call me when you already had a policeman inside?!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Today someone called my clothes 'gay'

"Yeah!" I replied. "They came out of the closet this morning actually!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A guy in school said that my clothes were gay

"Well, yes", I told him "they came out of the closet this morning."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My friends told me my clothes were gay...

I replied: "yeah, they came out of the closet this morning!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why are Gay Men better dressers?

They spent more time in the closet!....

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why are closeted gay people good at poker?

Because they're always putting on a straight face.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

How do you scare a child? Tell them that a monster is in the closet.

How do you scare a conservative? Tell them that *their* child is in the closet!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I just received a chain letter and if I don't re-send it a dead woman will appear in my closet....

Guess who's getting laid tonight.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A friend of mine told me all my clothes were gay...

"Keep your voice down!" I yelled, "some of them are still in the closet."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My roommate just called my clothes gay..

Have a little respect man! They just came out of the closet

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What Did the Janitor Say When He Jumped Out of the Closet?

"Supplies!"


I'll see myself out

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My roommate told me my clothes look gay.

I told him to have some respect. They just came out of the closet.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Someone told me my clothes were gay..

I told them they came out of the closet this morning.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Going to Vegas

A man comes home from work to find his wife packing her things. "What are you doing?" he asks.
His wife replies, "I'm leaving you and moving to Las Vegas. I hear that men will pay me $500 to do to them what I do to you for free."
The man says nothing, walks over to the closet, grabs his suitcase and begins packing his things.
"What do you think you're doing?" his wife asks.
The man replies, "I'm going to Vegas. I want to see how you're going to live off of $500 a year."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My wife was cleaning the closet last week

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing, I think I should donate them

Me: Just throw them in trash, that's much easier

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes

Me: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

[email protected]#$%^&*

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why are gay men so great at fashion?

They've spent so much time in the closet.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I've never understood why homophobics wore clothes

because clothes come out of the closet and that's gay

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A husband find his wife in bed with no clothes and sweating and he says

What's wrong honey? A HEART ATTACK, the wife says.
So he runs out to call for help when he trips with his 3 year old kid and the kid screams "Daddy daddy there's a monster in my closet" So the dad quickly goes to the kid's closet and finds his best friend naked and the dad says, - Johnny!! you son of a bitch... my wife is having a heart attack and here you are scaring my kid!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide-and-seek

Einstein decides to be the seeker and begins counting. Pascal immediately runs to a closet and hides inside. Newton doesn't run or try to hide. Instead he takes some tape, makes a box on the ground, and steps inside. Einstein finishes counting and turns around to see Newton standing like an idiot.

"I found you Isaac, great hiding spot," says Einstein.

"You didn't find me," Newton replies. "You found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

You ever seen a really beautiful woman that you wanna go talk to?

But then you think she's gonna freak out when you walk out of her closet?

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My roommate told me my clothes look gay.

I was like, don't be a dick dude; they just came out of the closet.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

OC, What do you call an anorexic lesbian?

A skeleton in the closet.

Sincere apologies to everyone I've just horribly offended!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do you call a closet full of lesbians?

A liquor cabinet!

heh.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What's a homophobic child's worst nightmare?

A monster coming out of the closet

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I Always Feel Bad For Gay Homeless People

They have no closet to come out of.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

How big is a paedophile's closet?

It's pretty spacey

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why do gay people know so much about fashion?...

They have spent so much time in the closet.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

One day a mom was cleaning her son's room and in the closet she found some BDSM porn DVDs

Needless to say she was very upset. She took it all and waited until his father came home and showed it all to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.Β 

She finally asked him, " What should we do about this?"Β 

Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Coming out of the closet would be a lot easier...

if my wardrobe wasn't so fabulous!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Little Johnny and his ball.

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "mommy mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle joe last summer."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, Its dark in here.

The man says, Yes, it is.

Boy ~ I have a baseball.

Man ~ That's nice.

Boy ~ Want to buy it?

Man ~ No, thanks.

Boy ~ My dad's outside.

Man ~ OK, how much?

Boy ~ $250?

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy ~ Its dark in here.

Man ~ Yes, it is.

Boy ~ I have a baseball glove.

The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, How much?

Boy ~ $750?

Man ~ Fine.

A few days later, the father says to the boy, Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.

The boy says, I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.

The father asks, How much did you sell them for?

Boy ~ $1,000?

The father says, That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that…that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, Dark in here.

The priest says, Don't start that crap again.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I was organizing my closet and decided to smell the moth balls. Yuck.

The hardest part was holding his tiny legs apart.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What are the most funny Closet jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Closet? Well, here are the best Closet dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Closet pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes