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Closet Jokes

145 closet jokes and hilarious closet puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about closet that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Closet Short Jokes

Short closet jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The closet humour may include short wardrobe jokes also.

  1. Why are gay men so well dressed? They didn't spend all that time in the closet doing nothing.
  2. Somebody told me my clothes were gay. I said "Yeah, they came out of the closet this morning."
  3. Today someone called my clothes 'gay' "Yeah!" I replied. "They came out of the closet this morning actually!"
  4. A guy in school said that my clothes were gay "Well, yes", I told him "they came out of the closet this morning."
  5. My friends told me my clothes were gay... I replied: "yeah, they came out of the closet this morning!"
  6. Why are closeted gay people good at poker? Because they're always putting on a straight face.
  7. How do you scare a child? Tell them that a monster is in the closet. How do you scare a conservative? Tell them that *their* child is in the closet!
  8. A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay". I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
  9. I just received a chain letter and if I don't re-send it a dead woman will appear in my closet.... Guess who's getting laid tonight.
  10. A friend of mine told me all my clothes were gay... "Keep your voice down!" I yelled, "some of them are still in the closet."

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Closet One Liners

Which closet one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with closet? I can suggest the ones about cupboard and dressing room.

  1. How warm is a janitor's closet? Broom Temperature.
  2. If Gay people come out of the closet, who comes out of the kitchen? Pansexuals.
  3. Why are Gay Men better dressers? They spent more time in the closet!....
  4. Why are LGBT people so fashionable? Because they spent a lot of time in the closet
  5. Why are gay men so great at fashion? They've spent so much time in the closet.
  6. I walked into my wife's room and told a joke. It was so good, even the closet laughed.
  7. What's a homophobic child's worst nightmare? A monster coming out of the closet
  8. I Always Feel Bad For Gay Homeless People They have no closet to come out of.
  9. Where did the guinea pig end up when it came out of the closet? Gnawnia
  10. Coming out of the closet would be a lot easier... if my wardrobe wasn't so fabulous!
  11. Why is Robert Pattison so pale? There's no sunlight in the closet.
  12. What do you call a blonde in a closet? Last years hide and seek champion
  13. Did you hear about the gay broom? Spent 10 years in the closet.
  14. What did the janitor say when he came out of the closet? Supplies!
  15. Why do gay people dress so well? Because they spend most of their lives in the closet.

Coming Out Of The Closet Jokes

Here is a list of funny coming out of the closet jokes and even better coming out of the closet puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I've never understood why homophobics wore clothes because clothes come out of the closet and that's gay
  • Why do gay men have such amazing taste in clothing? They take years before coming out of the closet.
  • Why are monsters hipsters? Because they've been coming out of the closet since before it was cool.
  • One of my favorite childhood memories is my father coming out of the closet... It was a huge surprise to me that not just *one*, but *both* my fathers were gay.
  • Why does Mike Pence keep all of his clothes in drawer? Because he can't stand anything coming out of the closet.
  • So if normal sized people come out of the closet when they're gay, Do midgets come out of the cabinet?
  • I just realized how gay my clothes are. They come out of the closet every morning.
  • Why should you feel bad for the gay homeless population? Because they don't have any closets to come out of
  • What's the difference between clothes and gay Muslims? Clothes get hanged when they come INTO the closet.
  • I've never understood why homophobes would like clothes they usually come out of the closet, and that's gay
Closet joke, I've never understood why homophobes would like clothes

Rib-Tickling Closet Jokes that Bring Friends Together

What funny jokes about closet you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean closed door jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make closet pranks.

I keep getting mixed up between claustrophobia and homophobia.

Which is the one about being in a closet?

Was surprised when my son came out the closet yesterday...

I didn't think he could break through that lock.

Little Johnny and his ball.

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "mommy mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle joe last summer."

A husband came home and found his wife laying n**... on the bed

and asks her "Why are you n**..., woman ?" "Because i have nothing to wear." "You have nothing to wear? You have a closet full of clothes !" He then goes and opens the closet doors and starts going through her stuff. "Look, you have one dress, two dresses, three dresses, Hello neighbour, four dresses !"

What do you call a skeleton with blonde hair in a closet?

Last year's winner of the blonde "hide and go seek" contest

Why don't g**... like to play hide-and-seek?

Because everyone knows they're in the closet

What do you call a closet full of l**...?

A liquor cabinet!
heh.

OC, What do you call an anorexic lesbian?

A skeleton in the closet.
Sincere apologies to everyone I've just horribly offended!

Why are gay guys so fashionable?

Because they don't spend all that time in the closet for nothing!

Eggs

A couple were married for 25yrs. One day while cleaning their room, she finds a box hidden inside his closet and decides to open it with the thought that her husband is keeping a secret to her. In the box she finds 3 eggs and 10 grand.
This seems very strange so she went to him and asks:
"Why are there 3 eggs in a box in your closet?"
"Well, dear," the husband replies, "everytime I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in the box."
She's hurt that he had been unfaithful but consoles herself with the fact that they have been married for 25yrs and he had only been unfaithful 3 times.
Wife asks: "Where did the 10 grand come from?"
With head bowed down he answers: "Everytime it reaches a dozen, I sell them!"

My roommate told me my clothes look gay.

I told him to have some respect. They just came out of the closet.

My friends keep telling me I'm in the closet.

I just tell them it's Narnia business.

Going to Vegas

A man comes home from work to find his wife packing her things. "What are you doing?" he asks.
His wife replies, "I'm leaving you and moving to Las Vegas. I hear that men will pay me $500 to do to them what I do to you for free."
The man says nothing, walks over to the closet, grabs his suitcase and begins packing his things.
"What do you think you're doing?" his wife asks.
The man replies, "I'm going to Vegas. I want to see how you're going to live off of $500 a year."

You ever seen a really beautiful woman that you wanna go talk to?

But then you think she's gonna freak out when you walk out of her closet?

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide-and-seek

Einstein decides to be the seeker and begins counting. Pascal immediately runs to a closet and hides inside. Newton doesn't run or try to hide. Instead he takes some tape, makes a box on the ground, and steps inside. Einstein finishes counting and turns around to see Newton standing like an idiot.
"I found you Isaac, great hiding spot," says Einstein.
"You didn't find me," Newton replies. "You found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!"

A successful woman needs four animals in her life...

A jaguar in her garage, a mink in her closet, a tiger in her bed, and a j**... to pay for all of the above.

I used to think I was homophobic.

It turns out that I was just afraid of monsters in the closet.

I feel sorry for Bruce Jenner.

He should have never admitted that he is a Republican. Some things are just better kept in the closet.

My roommate just called my clothes gay..

Have a little respect man! They just came out of the closet

Came out to my parents at Christmas. Later that day my nephew asked to play hide and go seek.

Now I'm back in the closet.

Why are homosexuals usually so pale?

Because there's no light in the closet.
P.S: No, I'm not homophobic.

Why do gay men have good fashion sense?

Because of all the time they spent in the closet

My friend came out of closet to me recently

"I am gay", he said to me.
I didn't believe my friend. I thought he was kidding. I said...
"How can you say that with such a straight face?"

The other day someone said my clothes looked gay...

I told them they got out of the closet just this morning.

Someone called my shirt gay today...

True. It just came out of the closet today.

What Did the Janitor Say When He Jumped Out of the Closet?

"Supplies!"
I'll see myself out

There are so many closet gay muslims,

Isis just invaded Narnia.

I couldn't imagine my parents having s**...

So last night I hid in their closet and watched

Why do gay guys dress so well?

They spent a lot of time in the closet.

i've got a Liszt of great composer puns that's Haydn in my closet somewhere...

i could look Bach there and read it to you, but i don't think you could Handel it.

What do you call a closet filled with l**...?

A liquor cabinet.

What so you call a corpse that won't admit it's own sexuality?

A skeleton in the closet.

Twelve-year-old Timmy was talking with his classmate, Lisa...

Timmy: "Hey Lisa, I'll give you a dollar if we can go in the closet and you let me stick my finger in your belly button."
Lisa: "Okay."
They go into the dark closet.
Lisa: "Hey Timmy! That's not my belly button!"
Timmy: "That's okay. That's not my finger."

Jake went over to pick up his girlfriend to go on a date.

When he found her n**..., he asked why.
"Well, because I don't have any dresses to wear!"
"Sure you do," Jake replied, opening her closet. "Here's a blue one, a red one, a green one- oh, hi Francis- a yellow one..."

Why didn't the homophobic man wear clothes?

Because they came out of the closet.

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?

Last year's winner of hide and seek

My wife has two problems

My wife has two problems:
1. She has nothing to wear
2. Her closet is too full

Why do gay people know so much about fashion?...

They have spent so much time in the closet.

Did you know Jeffrey d**... was a closet s**...?

He kept the butts behind the couch.

What do you call two l**... in a closet?

A l**... cabinet

My boss asked me why i dress like I am gay

I told him my clothes came out the closet this morning

If g**... come out of the closet, where do l**... come from?

The liquor cabinet

What does a closeted lesbian and spaghetti have in common?

They're both straight until they get wet.

An idiot has a mirror in his closet

He wakes up one night and opens the closet and he sees himself. Scared, he quickly calls the cops
"Police! There's a burglar in my closet, come quickly!"
A police man arrives at the idiots house and opens the closet and finds the mirror. He takes a step back and slaps the idiot as hard as he can
"Why did you call me when you already had a policeman inside?!"

My wife was cleaning the closet last week

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing, I think I should donate them
Me: Just throw them in trash, that's much easier
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes
Me: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
BANG@#$%^&*

A man goes to the doctor

The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news"
The man replies "Give me the good news first, doc."
The doctor says "The good news is we currently have that raccoon in our supply closet. The bad news is you ruined the punchline by asking for the good news first."

How big is a p**...'s closet?

It's pretty spacey

Someone said that my pink shirt was gay

I replied, "Of course, it just came out of the closet."

I opened my closet this morning, and there was a lion inside. I asked him what he was doing?

He said "Narnia business."

What's a skeleton in a closet?

A hide and seek winner.

I asked my Spanish friend how her s**... life's been since she came out of the closet.

She says it's less bien.

I found out why most gay people have good fashion sense.

They don't spend all that time in the closet for nothing.

What does a janitor yell when he jumps out of the closet?

Supplies!

I keep confusing homophobia with claustrophobia.

Which one is scared of being in a closet?

Why are gay people so much better at fashion?

Because they're very familiar with the closet.

Closet joke, Why are gay people so much better at fashion?

jokes about closet