The Best 41 Closely Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Closely jokes. There are some closely vigorously jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these closely strongly puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Closely Jokes and Puns

A little boy opened the big, old family Bible

with fascination and looked at the old pages as he turned them.

Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.

With astonishment in his voice, the young boy answered: "I think it's Adam's suit!"

A Gynecologist walks into an exam room

Gynecologist walks into an exam room. The woman on the exam table shows the doctor two strange green dots, one on each inner thigh. Puzzled at first, the doctor examines them more closely. He then asks the woman "Would you happen to be a lesbian?" The woman answers "Why, yes, but I don't see what that has to do with these dots!" The doctor replied.. "Tell your girlfriend to get some REAL gold earrings!"

Those cheap Beats headphones might be fakes! Here's how to tell.

Connect headphones to a decent audio source. Play any music. Listen closely to the music.

1. Note the nuances of the bass. Is it clean and well-defined?
2. Are the high frequencies nice and crisp?
3. Pay attention to the mid-range frequencies - are they balanced with the high and low frequencies?

If you answered YES to any of the above steps - sorry, you were ripped off!

Closely joke, Those cheap Beats headphones might be fakes! Here's how to tell.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead had a swimming race

They had to do the breast stroke. The brunette finished first, followed closely by the redhead. They had to go save the blonde because she seemed to be drowning.

When the blonde was able to speak she yelled, "you cheated! You guys used your arms!"

How do you identify a vegan?

Listen closely.


You can always tell

You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you'll see a wedding ring.

I received the oddest dollar bill as change. When I looked closely, I noticed that George Washington was wearing face-paint, a wig, and round, red nose.

It was obviously a clownterfeit.

Closely joke, I received the oddest dollar bill as change. When I looked closely, I noticed that George Washington

The Suicide Bomber Teacher said to his student...

"Come here and listen closely, I'm only gonna show you this once"...

When Snoop Dogg fries bacon, he listens closely...

... fo' sizzle.

What do Marie Curies Notebooks and a defected KGB agent have in common?

They both won't be investigated very closely.

Which former U.S. policitian is closely related to a lizard-like semiaquatic amphibian of the scientific family Salamandridae?

Newt Gingrich.

You can explore closely curiously reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean closely loosely dad jokes. There are also closely puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


When it comes to the topic of body dysmorphia and gender assumptions, i'm not a fan.

Infact I identify more closely to an air conditioning unit.

"I can closely relate to the LGBT community, as my own child is a man trapped in a woman's body ..."

Fortunately for him, he'll be born next February.

A man walks into a library...

...The man walks up to the librarian and says "Can I have a burger and fries please." The librarian, confused, replies with "Sir, this is a library."
The man apologises, leans in closely and whispers "Can I have a burger and fries please."

A terrorist is training a group of newbies

"Alright class, listen closely as I can only show you how to do this ONCE"

If you look very closely,

You will see.

Closely joke, If you look very closely,

Meanwhile... at a kamikaze pilot training camp

"Watch closely, I can only do this once."

What did the kamikaze pilot tell his students?

Watch closely. I'm only gonna show this once

A man walks into a library

And says to the librarian "Hi! I would like an 8 ball of coke and an ounce of weed please."

The librarian says "Sir, this is a library!"

The man says "Sorry" and then leans in closely and whispers " I would like an 8 ball of coke and an ounce of weed please."


I told my friend that his curly brown hair closely resembles wool.

He looked sheepish.

How Many Aerospace Engineers Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

Although the exact number is a closely held state secret requiring level 5 security clearance, I can assure you, that for $50,000, it *can* be done.

In space, two aliens are talking to each other very closely

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"

If you look closely at a chicken sandwich...

you will realise it is inbred.

When you look really closely,..

all mirrors look like eyeballs.

The head instructor at the Al-Qaeda's training camp starts his lesson on suicide bombing...

"Now listen up closely everyone be, I'm only gonna be showing this once".

If one's wealth was determined by how closely one follows a moral code

Evangelicals would finally be as poor as Jesus wants them to be

After closely watching the UFC brawl last night, I'm gonna go out on a limb and blame the referee.

He stated it.

What do you call a group of closely bonded people that always cough?

Phlegmily

Look closely now, 007

*This may seem like a regular suitcase, but if you press this button, a handle will come out and you can roll it.*

Meanwhile at an ISIS training camp

A bunch of prospective terrorists gathered for their final training lesson before going into the field.

Their instructor said, Now, watch closely, children. I can only show you how to do this once.

If you look closely at a mirror...

It looks like an eyeball.

The Job Interview

Three equally qualified applicants apply for a job. The interviewer decides to test their powers of observation.

He asks all three of them the same question. Look at me closely and tell me what you notice.

Applicant 1: If you don't mind me saying, one of your ears is higher than the other.

Well done!

Applicant 2: Are your ears uneven?

Yes, well done!

Applicant 3: Are you wearing contact lenses?

How'd you know that?

Well, you'd never wear glasses with ears like that.

A suicide bomber instructor addressing his class said.....

"Alright everyone, watch me closely because I'm only going to do this once"

This girl I met on Tinder had a tattoo of a seashell on her innerthigh

If you put your ear against it and listened closely, you could smell the sea.

I have a friend in Atlanta who was arrested for sodomy.

His lawyer was so good he got it knocked down to following too closely .

A lady goes to the supermarket

She brings all her items to the cashier who looks at everything closely as he scans them: 6 eggs, two tomatoes, two cucumbers, one onion, and one carton of milk. After the last item he looks to her and says "you're single aren't you?"
She looks from her items back at him incredulously "Yes! How did you know?"
"Because you're ugly"

What did the instructor at the school for Kamikaze pilots say to his students?

Watch closely. I'm only going to do this once.

My history teacher told us that if a nuclear bomb was closely approaching, being flexible would be very helpful.

It's so that you can bend your body and kiss your ass goodbye.

What do you call it when one boat follows another boat too closely?

Sailgating

A 50 year old man is at the gym with his personal trainer when they both see a fit, drop-dead gorgeous woman of about 40 enter.

The man watches as the woman walks to the desk to check in then asks his trainer, "what machine should I use to impress her?"

The trainer looks at the woman then at the man then back at the woman and again more closely at the man and responds, "the Automatic Teller Machine."

Kamikaze pilot instructor:

OK, listen up, and listen up closely. I don't want to have to repeat myself to you again tomorrow!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the closely gown jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working closely cautiously piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes