Clock Jokes

Funniest Clock Short Jokes

Short clock jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The clock humour may include short timer jokes also.

1. A man was brought to the ER badly injured from an accident. We're losing him! said a nurse. Not on my watch! said the surgeon, who clocked out and went home.
2. Why do the guards around Big Ben always look so tired? Because they're working around the clock.
3. The Government is mandating that I set my clocks back before I go to bed tonight, but I'm going to do MY OWN research, thank you very much. My clocks, my choice.
4. Hickory Dickory Dock Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one and the other got through with only minor injuries.
5. Dear Humans, You get mad at me when I work....You get mad at me when I don't work.
   Sincerely,
   Confused alarm clock.
6. Did you guys hear about the kid getting arrested for bringing a clock to school? Sources say that the teachers were alarmed.
7. I went to the store and said to the worker, "I need a battery so I can tell the time." He asked, "Is it for a clock?" I answered... "I don't know! That's why I need the battery!"
8. I've been trying to find an alarm clock made out of a potato... ...ever since I had a meeting with my boss about arriving late for work and he told me "Get a potato clock".
9. My granddad died at exactly 3:45, and at precisely the same time his grandfather clock stopped. "That's amazing."
   "Not really. That's when it fell on top of him."
10. I was so hungry this morning I almost ate a clock.... I didn't because it's time consuming. Also, I'd have to go back for seconds.
    I'm here all day..

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Clock One Liners

Which clock one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with clock? I can suggest the ones about daytime and calendar.

1. 6:30 is the best time on a clock hands down
2. I've just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
3. Eating clocks is... time consuming.
   Sorry.
4. What does a clock do when its hungry? It goes back 4 seconds.
5. In my community we have a neighborhood watch, It's actually more like a clock tower.
6. Saw a clock in the garbage the other day! Can't believe people are wasting time!
7. I love the taste of clocks but… Eating them is time consuming
8. I'm thinking of opening a pre-owned clock store... I'm gonna call it 'Second Hand'.
9. My wife made me stop burning clocks She was worried about all that second hand smoke
10. No, I'm not addicted to taking batteries out of clocks. I can stop at any time I want.
11. They're finally making a movie about clocks. It's about time
12. I finally got around to watching that documentary on clocks. It was about time.
13. Why don't you ever buy a woman a watch? Because there's a clock on the stove.
14. I chopped the clock in half. It was a split second decision.
15. Never share a secret with a clock. Time will tell.

Time Clock Jokes

Here is a list of funny time clock jokes and even better time clock puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• The Italian government has decided to put a big clock similar to Big Ben in the leaning tower of Piza. Now they'll have the time as well as the inclination.
• I invented a SJW alarm clock. It not only tells you the time, it reminds you what year it is, too.
• Yesterday I ate a clock It was very time consuming...
  
  Especially when I went back for seconds
• My dad spent all day putting a clock on his belt It was a waist of time
• Did you hear they finally published that book about clocks? It's about time.
• What do you get when you pour red bull onto a clock? A waste of time and energy.
• I'm trying to invent a belt made of clocks But my friends keep telling me it's a waist of time
• Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's pretty time consuming.
  Cr
• My girlfriend said "Let's make love" I said "What, here in the kitchen?"
  She said "Yes, the clock's broken and I want to time three minutes for this egg".
• It's three weeks late, but the "History of Clocks" book I ordered finally arrived. It's about time.

Alarm Clock Jokes

Here is a list of funny alarm clock jokes and even better alarm clock puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• For his birthday, I got my son an alarm clock that swears at him instead of beeping. He's in for a rude awakening.
• I'm inventing an alarm clock. When it goes off, it shouts, "9-11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB!" That ought to wake people up.
• Justin Bieber.... I have recently changed the sound of my alarm clock to "Justin Bieber - Baby". Now I wake up 5 minutes earlier every day, so I don't have to listen to it.
• How to fall out of love with an ex-girlfriend? Set her voice as your alarm-clock ringtone.
• I just got back from the annual alarm clock convention, and I'm never going again It was a total snooze-fest
• A teenage boy is like an alarm clock Comes in handy once a day
• What's the only thing that can ruin your perfect relationship with your crush? The alarm clock
• "Doctor! Doctor! I think I'm turning into a bedside clock!" "That's alarming!"
• How does a blonde set the time on her alarm clock? She waits until midnight and plugs it back in.
  Disclaimer: I know it's terrible, I was very young when I came up with it.
• Imagine if clocks would hit you back in the morning. That would be truly alarming.

Cuckoo Clock Jokes

Here is a list of funny cuckoo clock jokes and even better cuckoo clock puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Did you hear about the little bird that took over his clock by force? It was a cuckoo coup.
• I just got a job as a cuckoo in a cuckoo clock... ...It's not the best job in the world, but it gets me out of the house.
• I bought a clock that was made by the patients at a psychiatric hospital It's the beautiful cuckoo clock I've ever seen.
• What did the cuckoo clock do as soon as it hit new years day? Put its hands up and started belting out a tune

If Her Age Is On The Clock Jokes

Here is a list of funny if her age is on the clock jokes and even better if her age is on the clock puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• At the age of 25, I FINALLY learned the meaning of the numbers on a clock. It's about time.
• My dad had a strict rule where I couldn't go on dates if my age was on the clock... I can't wait to be 61.
• My girlfriend has been waiting for me to finish my book about old clocks for ages. When I finally gave it to her, all she said was "It's about time!?"
• if her age is on the clock-
• You know what they say age is on the clock... FBI OPEN UP!
• If her age is on the clock She's 12 years old or younger
• Q: Why did the blonde become a big basketball fan? A: Because every time they stopped the clock, she thought that she had stopped aging.
• I turned on the light to wake up my kids. My 2-year-old turned it off and went back to bed. She used to be the family alarm clock. Now she's the snooze button.
• Middle age is when you're faced with two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home by nine o'clock.

Delightful Fun Clock Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about clock you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tick jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make clock pranks.