clinton Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious clinton puns

Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve?

They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.

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Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning.

He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.

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Donald Trump said if I voted for Hillary Clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation.

I did and we do.

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Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election

She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth

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If Trump wins Im leaving the country if Clinton wins Im leaving the country

Not a political post, I just love to travel

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Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest


Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes

Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes


Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama is fairly optimistic

Until Bush did 9:11

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So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.

That is the joke. There's no punchline here.

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Donald Trump

Donald Trump has labelled Hillary Clinton "disgusting" for taking a bathroom break during the debate. Trump himself never has to go to the bathroom, as the shit just comes straight out of his mouth.

 

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There is still hope for for Hillary Clinton

Nelson Mandela became President after 27 years in prison.

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Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office.

Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.

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If Hillary Clinton won she would've been the first F president.

I didn't say female because someone deleted the emale.

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If Hillary Clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me....

....Like the words President Bush.

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Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

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Now I'm not saying I'm a good businessman

But I spent $534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become President.

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Bill Clinton and the Pope die at the same time.

There's an administrative mix up in purgatory and the Pope is sent to Hell and Clinton to Heaven.

After 20 minutes the mistake is discovered and the mistake rectified. As they're heading down the escalator Clinton down, the Pope up, the pope says to Clinton "I'm really looking forward to meeting the virgin Mary".

To which Clinton replies "You're about five minutes too late"

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Why does Hillary Clinton have two Ls in her first name?

1 for 2008, 1 for 2016

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I really think Hillary Clinton will be the first f president

Oops. I meant female but the emale got deleted

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What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and an acronym?

An acronym stands for something

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Bill Clinton says "Hey Monica, you want to see the clock in the Oval Office?.......

She says "sure"... and goes in there. Bill Clinton unzips his pants and pulls out his little Billy.

Monica says "That's not a clock".

To which Bill replies "It is if you put two hands and a face on it".

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Do you know why Bill Clinton played the saxophone?

Because he lost his whoremonica

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Hillary Clinton will potentially be the first f***** president.

I wrote female, but apparently someone deleted the email

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What does Bill Clinton say to Hilary after sex?

I'll be home in 20 minutes

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Just waiting for Steve Harvey to come out and say it's actually Clinton

any second now

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This speech will be very hard for Hillary Clinton...

She isn't getting paid for it

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Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush jump of a bridge. They do a race who hits the ground first. Who wins?

Society

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Monica Lewinsky has released the following statement on Hillary Clinton's run for the American Presidency:

"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton. The last Clinton Presidency left a very bad taste in my mouth."

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It is so quiet in the Clinton HQ right now.

So quiet you can hear an email being deleted

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What does Hillary Clinton say when she's unhappy at a restaurant?

Can I have a different server?

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If Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

If Clinton wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

This isn't a political post; I just want to travel.

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Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bar.

They ask the bartender, "What have you got?"

The bartender points to two taps.

They say, "What? That's it?! We don't like either of those choices!"

The bartender says, "Now you know how I feel."

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Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...

"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"

Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.

"Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"

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Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn

He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"

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So the American people's choices for President of the United States will most likely be Donald Trump or Hilary Clinton.

That's it. That's the joke. There is no punchline.

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They should send Hillary Clinton to the U.S. Mexico border

Since no one can get over her...

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Bill Clinton, George W.Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington shouts, "Save the women!"

George W. Bush hollers, "Screw the women!"

Bill Clinton asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"

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What are the most funny Clinton jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Clinton? Well, here are the best Clinton dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Clinton pick up lines to share with friends.

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