Clinton Jokes
168 clinton jokes and hilarious clinton puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about clinton that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of Clinton jokes! From SNL skits featuring Chelsea Clinton to jokes about the Bushes, Bidens, and even Nixon, you won't be disappointed with these political jabs!
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Funniest Clinton Short Jokes
Short clinton jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The clinton humour may include short bush jokes also.
- Did you hear that NYC paid hillary clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.
- bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
- We should use Hillary Clinton's emails to build a wall Because a lot of people can't seem to get over it.
- Donald Trump said if I voted for Hillary Clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation. I did and we do.
- Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth
- So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
- There is still hope for for Hillary Clinton Nelson Mandela became President after 27 years in prison.
- Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government? Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
- Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office. Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.
- If Hillary Clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me.... ....Like the words President Bush.
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Clinton One Liners
Which clinton one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with clinton? I can suggest the ones about hilary clinton and hillary clinton.
- What's Hillary Clinton's favorite Christmas carol? Depends, what is yours?
- Why does Hillary Clinton have two Ls in her first name? 1 for 2008, 1 for 2016
- Do you know why bill clinton played the saxophone? Because he lost his whoremonica
- Just waiting for Steve Harvey to come out and say it's actually Clinton any second now
- This speech will be very hard for Hillary Clinton... She isn't getting paid for it
- It is so quiet in the Clinton HQ right now. So quiet you can hear an email being deleted
- Clinton's blue firewall... About as secure as her private email server.
- Why do people like Hillary Clinton? When she can't even stand herself?
- [OC] What is Hillary Clinton's favorite video game? Super-Pac man.
- What's Hillary Clinton's key to success? The Delete Key
- Hillary Clinton is in the hospital... She is being treated for third degree Berns.
- How did Hillary Clinton beat Bernie? The same way Monica beat Bill... under the table
- Say what you want about Bill Clinton's Presidency... But he was always hard at work.
- Where does Hillary Clinton eat at to appeal to Asian voters? Pander Express.
- What do you call Bill Clinton's office? The Headquarters.
Hillary Clinton Jokes
Here is a list of funny hillary clinton jokes and even better hillary clinton puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump? Because orange is the new black.
- Now I'm not saying I'm a good businessman But I spent $534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become President.
- What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and an acronym? An acronym stands for something
- Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush jump of a bridge. They do a race who hits the ground first. Who wins? Society
- What does Hillary Clinton say when she's unhappy at a restaurant? Can I have a different server?
- What do Hillary Clinton and the World Trade Center have in common? Both collapsed on 9/11 after becoming overheated.
- What do the Hindenberg, the Titanic and Hillary Clinton have in common? Going down on any of them would be horrifying.
- What's the most embarrassing part about Hillary Clinton's emails? The Nigerian Prince actually came through with the money transfer.
- Bill Clinton said Hillary is clearly the best choice for president... He knows for a fact there is no chance she'll blow it.
- A mosquito bit Hillary Clinton the other day... It was later found to have hit itself in the back of the head with a fly swatter.
Bill Clinton Jokes
Here is a list of funny bill clinton jokes and even better bill clinton puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between JFK and Bill Clinton? One got his head blown off, the other was assassinated
- Why wouldn't Hillary Clinton let Bill be her IT manager? She was too worried how often the servers would go down on him.
- Oh, Bill... A reporter asks Bill Clinton, "How's Hillary's head?"
He answers, "Well, she's no Monica!" - Last year Hillary got a concussion. Obama recently bumped into Clinton and asked "Bill, how is Hillary's head?" "Not as good as Monica"
- What's the difference between Trump and Bill Clinton? Trump paid her $130k, Bill didn't even pay for dry-cleaning
- How was Bill Clinton able to maintain a steady surplus during his presidency? He had a great Al Gore rhythm.
- With the election coming close, I trust Bill Clinton the most... He always picked someone other than Hillary, so I will too.
- Why can't Bill Clinton go scuba diving? He won't inhale.
- Bill Clinton voted for Hillary Clinton in the electoral college today. First known instance of him being faithful.
- The economy is doing really bad... Its so bad that when Bill and Hillary Clinton travel, they have to share a room.
Hilary Clinton Jokes
Here is a list of funny hilary clinton jokes and even better hilary clinton puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Hilary Clinton goes to a psychic. The soothsayer tells her, "Your husband will die a horrible violent death." Hilary asks, "Will I be acquitted?"
- Hilary Clinton will make the best president She will save us 25% in salary right from the start.
- Why would Hilary Clinton as president be good for the economy? We would only need to pay her 78 cents on the dollar.
- The biggest joke of 2015.. When you have Donald Trump, Hilary Clinton, and Deez Nuts running for President.
- What footwear does Hilary Clinton wear to the beach? Flip flops or scandals!
- Hilary Clinton and Seth Rich walk into a bar... The bartender says "What'll you have?"
Hilary says "I'll have a glass of wine, and he'll have 2 shots in the back" - I recently saw The VVitch and it was a very eye opening experience I had no idea Hilary Clinton had such a rough childhood.
- Tom Brady, Hilary Clinton, and Urban Meyer walk into a bar. None of them can get an Uber home because they've all destroyed their cell phones.
- Donald Tump and Hilary Clinton are stranded on a Island, who do thy save first? America
- Most disgusting "Would you rather.." ever Would you rather - live for the next four years and have Hilary Clinton as President or Live for the next four years and have Donald Trump as President?
Chelsea Clinton Jokes
Here is a list of funny chelsea clinton jokes and even better chelsea clinton puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Chelsea Clinton is so patriotic That she wore George Washington's wooden teeth for her speech last night
- What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer? Chelsea Clinton
- Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton growing up a confused child?
A: Because dad can’t keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them. - Why was Chelsea Clinton an only child? Because Monica Lewinsky swallowed all her siblings.
- Why does Chelsea Clinton look up whenever she thinks about her father? That's where the Hubbell is.

Ridiculous Clinton Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about clinton you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bill clinton jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make clinton pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What were you thinking?
Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The POPE has one but doesn't use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns' was hot,
Liberace NEVER used his on women,
j**... Seinfeld is very very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi's
what is it?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A riddle for the day
A riddle for the day
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
j**... Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )
----------------------------------------------------------
The answer is: "A Last Name."
Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!
Heard this from my History Professor.
Ronald Reagan had such high regard for the office of President that his jacket was never off.
Bill Clinton had such high regard for the office of President that his pants were never on.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Clinton on the Titanic
Reagan, Nixon and Clinton are on the Titanic.
The ship hits the iceberg and sinks slowly.
Everybody starts screaming, panicking, etc.
Reagan shouts: "Women and children first."
Nixon goes: "Screw the women!"
Clinton replies: "Do you think we have time!?"
George Washington, George Bush, and Bill Clinton are on a boat.
The boat begins to sink.
George Washington stands up and valiently exclaims, "Save the Women!"
George Bush runs to the lifeboat, shouting, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton stands up and says excitedly, "Do we have time?"
I don't think Hillary Clinton would make a good president.
Last time she had a job she outsourced it to Monica.
Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn
He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TBT - What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a screwdriver?
One turns in screws, one screws interns.
The Pope and Hillary Clinton
The Pope and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Hillary and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy? The joy will not be a momentary display , but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice."
Hillary replied, "I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand that is possible; show me."
His Holiness then backhanded Hillary and knocked her off the stage! The crowd roared and cheered wildly and there was happiness throughout the land.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hillary Clinton s**...!
No she doesn't, because if she did Bill wouldn't have Monica.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you had to describe your s**... life with a famous historical quote
Mine would be 'I did not have s**... relations with that woman' - Bill Clinton
Monica Lewinsky has released the following statement on Hillary Clinton's run for the American Presidency:
"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton. The last Clinton Presidency left a very bad taste in my mouth."
Somebody asked Hillary Clinton if she would be going to see 13 hours...
She said no, she had already slept through that one.
Clinton, Sanders, Trump and Cruz are having lunch together...
and they're discussing why each thinks they'll win.
"I have the support of women and minorities" says Clinton. "I have the support of intellectuals" says Sanders "I have the support of the average american tired of politics as usual" says Trump.
Cruz just smiles..."I have the support of the people in charge of programming the electronic voting machines"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bernie Sanders is such a socialist...
...he gave Hillary Clinton half the votes in Iowa.
If President Bernie Sanders were to die in office...
And an elaborate homage to Weekend at Bernie's was undertaken to cover up that fact, he'd still have less strings than Hillary Clinton.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm voting for Hillary Clinton because...
According to Bill, she doesn't s**....
If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are together on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it sinks, who survives?
America.
How can you tell when Clinton is lying?
Her lips are moving.
Yeah, it's an old joke but then again, so is she.
What does Hillary Clinton use to drown the noise of Black Lives Matter protesters?
White noise
Late Night Political Jokes
"Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 68 today. When asked what her favorite gift was, she said, 'Donald Trump.'" Jimmy Fallon
"They're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, 'I'm available.'" David Letterman
"Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a daughter named Charlotte this weekend. Hillary Clinton was really excited until she remembered that you have to be 18 to vote." Seth Meyers
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill Clinton, George W.Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington shouts, "Save the women!"
George W. Bush hollers, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"
CNN has just reported that Monika Lewinski will be helping with the Donald Trump for president campaign.
Apparently, the last time she endorsed a Clinton, it left a bad taste in her mouth.
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on a frozen lake.
They weren't talking so I decided to go over and break the ice.
Bill Clinton says "Hey Monica, you want to see the clock in the Oval Office?.......
She says "sure"... and goes in there. Bill Clinton unzips his pants and pulls out his little Billy.
Monica says "That's not a clock".
To which Bill replies "It is if you put two hands and a face on it".
Hillary Clinton is the Windows 10 of the election
She's terrible at keeping your information safe, keeps promising new upgrades but really has been the same OS since 98, and is constantly trying to install herself when you're happy with the system you've been using for the last 8 years.
A Trump supporter, a Sanders supporter and a Clinton supporter are being interviewed.
The question asked was 'what do you think of morals in politics'?
The Sanders supporter says: politics? What is politics?
The Clinton supporter says: morals? What is morals?
The Trump supporter says: think? What is think?
Investigating Hillary Clinton is like fishing on Discovery Channel
... you catch them, you show them, and you let them go.
Is it really 2016?
Is it really 2016? I mean Tarzan is playing in theaters, Pokemon is a craze, and a Clinton is running for President of the United States.
Did anyone else see that 60 Minutes interview with Monica Lewinsky last night?
She said she wasn't very happy about possibly having another Clinton in the White House. That the last one left a bad taste in her mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Hillary Clinton supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
How much money are we talking about here?
How are Clinton scandals like Pokémon?
You'll never catch 'em all!
Which course did Hillary Clinton select when playing Mario Kart?
The short circuit
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's an email going around that claims to include a n**... photo of Hillary Clinton
Don't open it. It contains a n**... photo of Hillary Clinton.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Joker is in a room with Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, and has a gun with one bullet, who does he shoot?
Neither. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...
"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"
Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.
"Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"
Hillary Clinton walks into a bar...
Hillary Clinton walks into a bar with a pig on a leash.
The bartender looks at them and says "You can't bring that cow in here!"
Hillary replies, "It's a pig, not a cow."
The bartender says "I was talking to the pig."
My friend Dave told me this joke about Hillary Clinton yesterday...
I was just wondering if anyone here has heard from him?
First Pitch or ...
One sunny afternoon in 1999, Bill and Hillary Clinton were at a baseball game. Right as the game was getting ready to start, Bill stood up, picked up Hillary, and threw her out onto the baseball diamond. When Bill Clinton sat down, his chief advisor leaned over to him and said, "You know, Bill, you may have misunderstood me. I said you that you get to throw out the first pitch."
I'm not sure Hillary should be in Office...
The last Clinton left a bad taste in people's mouths.
Donald Trump is the most unifying voice in American politics.
When was the last time Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Bernie Sanders, George Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Mitt Romney, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Gore, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton all agreed on anything?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told a man I was voting third party
He said, "That's wasting your vote! Come on, gun to your head, who would you pick, Clinton or Trump"
"Simple," I replied, "I'd pick the bullet."
Third party US presidential candidate Gary Johnson just delivered a crushing blow to the Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton campaigns
By keeping his mouth shut.
I'm playing Monopoly with Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton...
Trump grabbed Community Chest as fast as he could, is building hotels on properties he doesn't really own and is refusing to pay income tax
Clinton started out with a house on Illinois Ave, somehow always has a "Get out of jail free" card and keeps saying she respects any opponent holding Vermont Ave
However, in the end, I have a feeling neither will be satisfied until they get a house on Pennsylvania Ave
Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bar.
They ask the bartender, "What have you got?"
The bartender points to two taps.
They say, "What? That's it?! We don't like either of those choices!"
The bartender says, "Now you know how I feel."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill Clinton: "I sure hope Hillary gets better interns than I did..."
"All of mine s**..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If this Hillary case blows up...
It will be the second time a w**... has ruined the presidency for a Clinton
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I feel for Hillary Clinton
The FBI found a server in my basement too. She was from h**... I think.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did James Comey refuse to indict Hillary Clinton?
Because he found his s**... note in her Wikileaks emails.
Woohoo! Donald Trump won the presidential election!
As a Clinton voter I'm not happy that he won, just happy that I'm not Mexican
News: Hillary Clinton concedes her defeat to Donald Trump in a private phone call.
Safe to say she's learned her lesson with emails!
Monica Lewinsky said it 20 years ago and she said it again this year
Hillary Clinton wasn't the right person for the job.

