Following is our collection of mental puns and doctor one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Clinic jokes for adults, dirty clinically jokes and clean appointment dad gags for kids.
They gave me the dirtiest look when I went in and asked to borrow a coathanger.
They get really angry if you go in and ask for a coat hanger
Having to go inside and asking for a coat hanger.
He come out late at night to ring people's doorbells.
Because nobody suspects The Spanish Inn Physician
He soon goes out of business, since the field is over saturated due to all the unemployed engineers opening clinics recently.
Woomba
When you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
He hasn't gotten a raise in years.
Everybody is so positive.
Doctor: Mrs Saud there's a good news for you.
Woman: Excuse me, it's Miss Saud not Mrs Saud.
Doctor: Miss Saud there's a bad news for you.
Some of the better ones
* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?
* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it
* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em
* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us
Anyone have more?
...called "Don't Kid Yourself."
How about 'Birth Ctrl+Z' ?
Has a zero percent success rate at the abortion clinic.
I can see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I've gotta say, I'm pretty dissapointed.
They said, Maybe you should check your junk.
Yeah, he really hates his work at the HIV clinic.
A friend of mine received news from the sexual health clinic, he opened the letter and gleefully shouted "high five!". Relieved I took a look at the letter, dont know how I'm going to tell him that it's pronounced H.I.V
The nurse says, "How can I help you?"
Girl says, "LYING BASTARDS!" and leaves.
Having to go in and ask for a coat hanger.
The director of the clinic stops her and asks what the problem is. She tells him what happened and another doctor has her sit down and relax in another room while he marches down the hallway to where the woman's doctor had informed her of the pregnancy.
What is wrong with you? Mrs. Miller is 60 years old, has six grown children and nine grandchildren - and you tell her she's pregnant?
The doctor continues to write his notes and without looking up at his colleague says, tell me, does she still have the hiccups?
A man goes to the clinic for an examination. After a thorough check up, the doctor tells him, "I have some good news and some bad news." Curious, the man asks what the good news is, and the doctor replies, "the good news is: we're naming a new disease after you..."
self.Jokes
....getting your keys locked in your car outside an abortion clinic?
Having to go in to ask for a coat hanger.
*Yet another Australian pub joke*
But the queue was enormous.
throwing eggs at an abortion clinic?
After many attempts and what seems like an endless number of trips to the doctor and fertility clinic they meet with the doctor who tells them, "I do not think you will be able to have children."
The wife is overcome with emotion and her husband consoles her saying, "Inconceivable."
The doctor replies,"I don't think that word means what you think it means."
which is why I lost my job at the HIV clinic
I told them it was Typo
The nurse at the receptionist desk angrily asks him, "Why would you come here and mock our patients?"
The pizza guy defensively answers, "It's just what the doctor ordered!"
They wanted to seize the means of reproduction.
Hesitating just a bit, I stammered, "Well...I...I...I seem to have 5 penises."
Stunned, eyes wide, he rasped, "Wait, what?! How did you get your pants on!?"
I whispered, "Actually, they fit like a glove."
Crime stoppers
And I always responded, "But we live next to an abortion clinic?!"
Would it be awkward to go inside and ask for a wire hanger?
"Everybody put your hand up!"
I guess it struck a chord with him.
Please wait to be seeded.
Only the biggest movers and shakers get in.
Sithilis
You know how people donate a pint of blood and are hailed as a hero. I go into the clinic and donate 8 pints of blood already packaged. And then they gotta go call the police. Guess I have to find another way to get rid of my mother in law.
They both suck the life out of you
Man: I don't need that many .
Because the doctors had no patience.
I wouldn't take no as an answer
Counter-terrorism
You better check your junk.
*Junkies!*
They said they didn't need anyone in the fetal position.
I'll call it Veni VD Vici
I recommended a thin client architecture.
Apparently your cat, Flüffy, is both simultaneously dead and yet alive.
We're sorry for your loss.
Our resident String Theorist will contact you.
He can explain everything.
8{>
Patient: "Oh well, at least I don't have cancer".
Was when I locked my keys in my car and had to walk into the nearby abortion clinic to ask to borrow a coat hanger.
So he visited a physician and sought treatment.
Apply this ointment to the area where injury was sustained, the doctor said.
The redneck happily left the clinic and proceeded to liberally apply ointment on the sidewalk where he fell.
But when I ask it, I get kicked out of the abortion clinic.
A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar and told her, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"
"Yes," she replied in a loud voice, "I'm the receptionist at the STD clinic."
Come to Midtown Abortion Clinic
But I got fired because too many of my passengers fell off the wagon.
My name might've been called out. I have no idea.
PSA: The joke is originally in Swedish, tried my best translating it.
If nature has given you "lemons"
we will re-arrange the alphabets & convert them into "melons" !!
Could have been worse, at least it wasn't the deaf sentence.
So he opened an abortion clinic.
Cutting edge technology
I didn't want to make a rash decision.
Spawn camper.
He had to be rushed to the Mayo Clinic.
The new method involved blunt force trauma to the patient's head.
The strategy was such a success that people would line up around the block to receive the new anaesthetic.
A man asked the doctor what the line was for.
The doctor replied "that's the punchline."
The Mayo clinic
I'm losing my patience.
He does 18 holes a day.
The poor bottle water notice he was red, it felt nauseous, it had diarrhea, and it had a sweet taste in its mouth. He went to the clinic to see what was wrong with him. But the doctor had bad news. He said" I'm sorry water, but you have **Kool** aids."
Scrambled Eggs.
So a girl went into a plastic surgery clinic to get a breast enlargement, the doctors told her that they ran out of silicon and all they had left was wood. She didn't get it obviously that would be stupid woodentit?
She's always telling me she wants me to be more positive. Now that's the very thing she's mad about after one measly trip to the health clinic.
Guy on the other end: Sir, that's not what we do at the Mayo Clinic.
They always reject the offer at first, but eventually we change their minds.
She runs some tests, then somehow the results are mistakenly mixed and she ends up with another woman's test results.
She takes it to the professionals and they confusedly tell her that the results show that she's pregnant.
She gets shocked by the news, freezes for a moment and then says
Sweet lord, you can't even trust a cucumber nowadays
Doctor: why are you pulling that rope?
Patient: what do you want me to do, push it?!
When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?
One of them is called to see the doctor, he goes in, and after a while leaves the clinic. After that, everyone else was angry because they had not received service from the doctor. They ask the nurse standing outside why this is so, to which she said: "I'm sorry, we only serve the sikh."
Kill them with kindness
50% off on mothers day.
SEE what I did there?
A guy goes to the clinic and finally gets in to see the doctor.
What's the problem today? the doctor asks.
He pushes his finger in his forehead and says It hurts here and pushes against his shoulder It hurts here, Than he pushes against his knee, It hurts here also, What can it be Doc?
Your fingers broken.
I asked him if he charges alot for his circumcisions
He said "No, I just keep the tips."
The rhythm method!
There is an abundance of memory clinic jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 87 funniest jokes and clinic puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any veterinary clinic witze you can hear about clinic.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.