The Best 87 Clinic Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Clinic jokes. There are some clinic doctor jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these clinic appointment puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Clinic Jokes and Puns
Doctor Shroedinger? This is the Animal Clinic calling;
Apparently your cat, Flüffy, is both simultaneously dead and yet alive.
We're sorry for your loss.
Our resident String Theorist will contact you.
He can explain everything.
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A clinic was trialling a new, cheap way to numb a patient for surgery.
The new method involved blunt force trauma to the patient's head.
The strategy was such a success that people would line up around the block to receive the new anaesthetic.
A man asked the doctor what the line was for.
The doctor replied "that's the punchline."
the most awkward time in my life
Was when I locked my keys in my car and had to walk into the nearby abortion clinic to ask to borrow a coat hanger.
New kinds of implants.
So a girl went into a plastic surgery clinic to get a breast enlargement, the doctors told her that they ran out of silicon and all they had left was wood. She didn't get it obviously that would be stupid woodentit?
A pizza guy enters an obesity clinic and says, "I have 15 meat lover pizzas with extra cheese."
The nurse at the receptionist desk angrily asks him, "Why would you come here and mock our patients?"
The pizza guy defensively answers, "It's just what the doctor ordered!"
My friend and I went to a guitar clinic recently. He really seemed to be into it.
I guess it struck a chord with him.
I accidentally locked my keys in my car in front of an abortion clinic...
They gave me the dirtiest look when I went in and asked to borrow a coathanger.
Best way to answer a call: Mario's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic: Your Loss is Our Sauce
self.Jokes
Tag line outside a Breast Implant Clinic:
If nature has given you "lemons"
we will re-arrange the alphabets & convert them into "melons" !!
The clinic asked me why I had written an incorrect blood type on my form
I told them it was Typo
An unemployed engineer opens a clinic...
He soon goes out of business, since the field is over saturated due to all the unemployed engineers opening clinics recently.
You can explore clinic mental reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean clinic clinically dad jokes. There are also clinic puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I'm going to start an abortion clinic...
...called "Don't Kid Yourself."
I thought of a great name for an abortion clinic...
How about 'Birth Ctrl+Z' ?
[NSFW] What's the worst thing about...?
....getting your keys locked in your car outside an abortion clinic?
Having to go in to ask for a coat hanger.
*Yet another Australian pub joke*
Did you hear about the injured condiment?
He had to be rushed to the Mayo Clinic.
Best lines when dealing with telemarketers
Some of the better ones
* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?
* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it
* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em
* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us
Anyone have more?
What do you call a Muslim abortion clinic?
Counter-terrorism
I'm at the ear clinic.
My name might've been called out. I have no idea.
PSA: The joke is originally in Swedish, tried my best translating it.
I donated a large amount of money to a rape clinic..
I wouldn't take no as an answer
The Bad News...
A man goes to the clinic for an examination. After a thorough check up, the doctor tells him, "I have some good news and some bad news." Curious, the man asks what the good news is, and the doctor replies, "the good news is: we're naming a new disease after you..."
What do you call a black abortion clinic?
Crime stoppers
News from the sexual health clinic
A friend of mine received news from the sexual health clinic, he opened the letter and gleefully shouted "high five!". Relieved I took a look at the letter, dont know how I'm going to tell him that it's pronounced H.I.V
Welcome to the Plastic Surgery Addiction Clinic
I can see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I've gotta say, I'm pretty dissapointed.
My goal in life is always turn the negative into the positive...
which is why I lost my job at the HIV clinic
What do you call someone who went into a birth clinic and started shooting at everyone there?
Spawn camper.
The line "Do you come here often?"
Has a zero percent success rate at the abortion clinic.
I locked my keys in my car outside an abortion clinic
They get really angry if you go in and ask for a coat hanger
What did Velma say to Scooby when they went to the haunted methadone clinic?
*Junkies!*
What's worse than locking your keys in your car at the abortion clinic?
When you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
Isn't it just a little ironic to see a group of pro-lifers
throwing eggs at an abortion clinic?
What is the worst part about locking your keys inside your car outside an abortion clinic?
Having to go inside and asking for a coat hanger.
Tried going to the obesity clinic before work today.
But the queue was enormous.
If I locked my keys in my car outside of a abortion clinic...
Would it be awkward to go inside and ask for a wire hanger?
Water.....I have news for you.
The poor bottle water notice he was red, it felt nauseous, it had diarrhea, and it had a sweet taste in its mouth. He went to the clinic to see what was wrong with him. But the doctor had bad news. He said" I'm sorry water, but you have **Kool** aids."
Tired of being beaten again and again by a child, Captain Hook decided to leave Neverland. When he reached the real world, he realized there was a job he was built for.
So he opened an abortion clinic.
I finally found out what they call the vacuum at the abortion clinic
Woomba
A sign at the fertility clinic.
Please wait to be seeded.
My friend is quitting his job at the erectile dysfunction clinic...
He hasn't gotten a raise in years.
I had to specify an IT system for the local anorexia clinic.
I recommended a thin client architecture.
How is a vampire similar to an abortion clinic?
They both suck the life out of you
The euthanasia clinic finally found a slogan
Kill them with kindness
A Saudi woman in a doctor's clinic.
Doctor: Mrs Saud there's a good news for you.
Woman: Excuse me, it's Miss Saud not Mrs Saud.
Doctor: Miss Saud there's a bad news for you.
I love volunteering at the AIDS clinic.
Everybody is so positive.
I used to have a job transporting addicts to the nearby rehab clinic.
But I got fired because too many of my passengers fell off the wagon.
My uncle runs a clinic inside a hotel in Spain
He come out late at night to ring people's doorbells.
Because nobody suspects The Spanish Inn Physician
Did you hear about the communist couple that went to a fertility clinic?
They wanted to seize the means of reproduction.
Two thieves walk into an amputee clinic.
"Everybody put your hand up!"
It just doesn't make sense
You know how people donate a pint of blood and are hailed as a hero. I go into the clinic and donate 8 pints of blood already packaged. And then they gotta go call the police. Guess I have to find another way to get rid of my mother in law.
The judge gave me ten years working at the clinic for the blind.
Could have been worse, at least it wasn't the deaf sentence.
I wasn't sure if I should go to the STI clinic or not.
I didn't want to make a rash decision.
Why did the clinic go out of business?
Because the doctors had no patience.
I went to the clinic today and nervously said, "Doc, this is a little embarrassing, but I've got a problem." Rolling his eyes, chuckling softly, he retorted, "Trust me, I'm a doctor. Nothing you can show me would be startling."
Hesitating just a bit, I stammered, "Well...I...I...I seem to have 5 penises."
Stunned, eyes wide, he rasped, "Wait, what?! How did you get your pants on!?"
I whispered, "Actually, they fit like a glove."
Did you hear about the golfer who started a colonoscopy clinic?
He does 18 holes a day.
We'll help you bring out your inner child...
Come to Midtown Abortion Clinic
Growing up my mom was always like, "Why can't you be more like the kids next door!"
And I always responded, "But we live next to an abortion clinic?!"
I want to open a Roman themed STD clinic
I'll call it Veni VD Vici
A girl walks into a "no questions asked" abortion clinic.
The nurse says, "How can I help you?"
Girl says, "LYING BASTARDS!" and leaves.
A man walks in to a medical clinic and asks to see a doctor. The receptionist makes him an appointment. How about 10 tomorrow?
Man: I don't need that many .
Meanwhile at the bar
A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar and told her, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"
"Yes," she replied in a loud voice, "I'm the receptionist at the STD clinic."
A patient and his doctor were sitting in the doctor's clinic. Doctor: "I regret to inform you that you have cancer and Alzheimers".
Patient: "Oh well, at least I don't have cancer".
The Testicular Cancer Clinic called me and said, Did you get our email? I said No .
They said, Maybe you should check your junk.
A husband and wife are trying to have a baby
After many attempts and what seems like an endless number of trips to the doctor and fertility clinic they meet with the doctor who tells them, "I do not think you will be able to have children."
The wife is overcome with emotion and her husband consoles her saying, "Inconceivable."
The doctor replies,"I don't think that word means what you think it means."
My friend Mike is way better with women than I am. When he asks, You come here often? he gets her number.
But when I ask it, I get kicked out of the abortion clinic.
Did you hear about the guy who's surrounded by positive people at his workplace?
Yeah, he really hates his work at the HIV clinic.
A redneck suffered a nasty fall...
So he visited a physician and sought treatment.
Apply this ointment to the area where injury was sustained, the doctor said.
The redneck happily left the clinic and proceeded to liberally apply ointment on the sidewalk where he fell.
What's the worst thing about accidentally locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic?
Having to go in and ask for a coat hanger.
Did you know you have to be in the top 1% of wealth to get admitted to the clinic for obese Parkinson's sufferers?
Only the biggest movers and shakers get in.
Where do food condiments go when they need to see a doctor?
The Mayo clinic
what do you call it when a circumsision clinic gets new technology
Cutting edge technology
The clinic where I had my recent testicular cancer exam called me and asked, Did you get our email? Rather alarmed, I exclaimed, No! What should I do!?" They replied...
You better check your junk.
Darth Vader takes a trip to the clinic after having unprotected sex. What did his test results come back positive for?
Sithilis
I curled up crying when I got my rejection letter from the abortion clinic.
They said they didn't need anyone in the fetal position.
A woman bursts out of the examining room, screaming after her doctor tells her she is pregnant
The director of the clinic stops her and asks what the problem is. She tells him what happened and another doctor has her sit down and relax in another room while he marches down the hallway to where the woman's doctor had informed her of the pregnancy.
What is wrong with you? Mrs. Miller is 60 years old, has six grown children and nine grandchildren - and you tell her she's pregnant?
The doctor continues to write his notes and without looking up at his colleague says, tell me, does she still have the hiccups?
A politician visited a small remote rural town and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.
"We have two big needs," said the Town Mayor. "First, we have a clinic but no doctors."
The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while and then said, "I have sorted it out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?"
"We have no cell phone reception at all in our town.
A doctor once got rich when he realized he could run a lucrative circumcising clinic by
keeping all the tips
A woman walked into the dentist's clinic very nervously and said, "I'm scared. I'd rather have a baby than get a tooth pulled out."
"Fine with me," said the dentist, "but I'll have to adjust the chair."
A priest a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood clinic
The Priest says: I'm a type A
The Minister says: I'm a type B
The Rabbit says: I think I'm a typo.
A patient broke out of an amputation clinic!
Don't worry, hes unarmed
I locked myself out of my car next to an abortion clinic...
It was really awkward asking them for a hanger
What did Velma say to Scooby at the haunted methadone clinic?
"Junkies!"
Which movie villain works at the abortion clinic?
The Terminator.
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walked in to a blood donation clinic.
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walked in to blood donation clinic.
The nursed asked the rabbit: "What is your blood type?"
"I am probably a type O" said the rabbit.
A priest, a minister and a rabbit entered a clinic, to donate blood.
The nurse asked the rabbit, "What's your blood type?"
"I'm probably a Type O !!" said the rabbit.
A cosmonaut crash lands
A Russian cosmonaut has an emergency during his reentry into earth's atmosphere and his space craft crash lands in the Australian bush, way out in the middle of nowhere. After what seems like an eternity, he wakes up in a bush hospital clinic, very rustic, dirty, with foul smells and he is really bandaged from head to foot and sees a very large, somewhat gruff looking nurse approaching him as he lay in his cot.
"Did I come here to die?" he says with a deep sense of resignation and fear.
"No," the Aussie nurse replies, "You came here yerster dye."
A Doctor was chatting at a party with a Chartered Accountant.
He asked, "How do I manage this delicate issue when people even at a party like this ask me about their joint pains and heartburn and gas trouble. Just because I am a doctor.... not fair!"
The CA friend replied coolly, "Just tell them the right things politely but send them a bill from your clinic the next morning... only once! Word will soon get around and it will stop immediately!"
"Wow! Thanks for the tip, said the doctor."
Next morning the doctor got a bill from his CA friend, "Consulting charges for Business Development."
Pedro reaches the doctor's clinic
Pedro reaches the doctor's clinic looking very despondent.
Doc: What're you here for?
Pedro: The vasectomy camp.
Dr: Oh ok. How many kids do you have?
Pedro: None. I am not even married !!
Dr (shocked): Then why do you want a vasectomy?
Pedro: Every man in the village got it done over the last few years. Now whenever their wives conceive, they come and beat me up !!!
The owner of the only abortion clinic that vowed to defy Texas' new law prohibiting abortions past 6 weeks says, it's never been busier...
"Currently we got a 24 month wait list"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the clinic memory clinic jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working clinic veterinary clinic piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.