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Clinic Jokes

168 clinic jokes and hilarious clinic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about clinic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud with these clinic jokes that poke fun at everything from vet clinics and fertility clinics to the medical residency process and mental health patients. Whether you are a medical professional or just a patient, these jokes will bring a smile to your face.

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Funniest Clinic Short Jokes

Short clinic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The clinic humour may include short hospital jokes also.

  1. I accidentally locked my key in my car in front of an abortion clinic... They gave me the dirtiest look when I went in and asked to borrow a coathanger.
  2. I just found out there's a clinical diagnosis for when you can't sleep and so you spend the whole night eating. It's called insomnomnomnomnia.
  3. My uncle runs a clinic inside a hotel in Spain He come out late at night to ring people's doorbells.

    Because nobody suspects The Spanish Inn Physician
  4. An unemployed engineer opens a clinic... He soon goes out of business, since the field is over saturated due to all the unemployed engineers opening clinics recently.
  5. My friend is quitting his job at the erectile dysfunction clinic... He hasn't gotten a raise in years.
  6. A Saudi woman in a doctor's clinic. Doctor: Mrs Saud there's a good news for you.
    Woman: Excuse me, it's Miss Saud not Mrs Saud.
    Doctor: Miss Saud there's a bad news for you.
  7. Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression. What a sad state of affairs.
  8. The line "Do you come here often?" Has a zero percent success rate at the abortion clinic.
  9. The Testicular Cancer Clinic called me and said, Did you get our email? I said No . They said, Maybe you should check your junk.
  10. Best way to answer a call: Mario's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic: Your Loss is Our Sauce self.Jokes

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Clinic One Liners

Which clinic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with clinic? I can suggest the ones about club and medicine.

  1. When cops arrest a clinically insane person... ...are they busting a nut?
  2. I finally found out what they call the vacuum at the abortion clinic Woomba
  3. I love volunteering at the AIDS clinic. Everybody is so positive.
  4. I'm going to start an abortion clinic... ...called "Don't Kid Yourself."
  5. I thought of a great name for an abortion clinic... How about 'Birth Ctrl+Z' ?
  6. I know 3 people who are clinically insane: Me.
  7. Tried going to the obesity clinic before work today. But the queue was enormous.
  8. A patient broke out of an amputation clinic! Don't worry, hes unarmed
  9. Two thieves walk into an amputee clinic. "Everybody put your hand up!"
  10. A sign at the fertility clinic. Please wait to be seeded.
  11. What is long, hard to handle and keeps her up all night? Clinical Depression
  12. Pro Life Tip PLT : Avoid Abortion Clinics
  13. I went to the haemorrhoid clinic yesterday It was really busy, standing room only.
  14. Why did the clinic go out of business? Because the doctors had no patience.
  15. What do you call a Muslim abortion clinic? Counter-terrorism

Doctor Clinic Jokes

Here is a list of funny doctor clinic jokes and even better doctor clinic puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Playing doctors and nurses with the wife in the bedroom last night didn't go very well. Especially when I diagnosed her as clinically obese.
  • Where do food condiments go when they need to see a doctor? The Mayo clinic
  • What did the doctor say when all of his clientele started going to the clinic across the street? I'm losing my patience.
  • In front of a mental clinic, a patient was pulling a rope. Doctor: why are you pulling that rope?
    Patient: what do you want me to do, push it?!
  • I went to the health clinic the other day... My doctor said I weighed 483 pounds but I shouldn't worry about it because we are in the UK
  • Doctors & patients role-play in bed with the wife last night didn't end well Things took a turn for the worse when her diagnosis came back "clinically obese".
  • A doctor who ran his clinic out of a shopping center was shut down this week... He was sued for mall-practice.
  • I went to the abortion clinic the other day and i was pretty hungry So I asked the doctor to "feed us"
  • A Soviet citizen entered a medical clinic one day and asked to see an ear-and-eye doctor. Asked about is problem, the man replied, "Well, I keep hearing one thing and seeing another."
  • A midget walks into a doctors clinic carrying a sword Doctor: Gerald! What's gotten into you man?
    Midget: Sorry, I feel a little Sikh.

Eye Clinic Jokes

Here is a list of funny eye clinic jokes and even better eye clinic puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Opening a laser eye clinic. Going to name it CircumVision... SEE what I did there?
  • Last week, I saw a man fall face first into some stinging nettles... but luckily he was right next to an eye clinic.
    I thought, well that's a sight for sore eyes.
  • A Baby Boomer Eye Surgeon opened a clinic that specializes in treating Millenials. It's called, "We Do Real Eyes."
  • People have become so mean, ruthless and straightforward these days I tell you, There is an eye clinic in my colony named "Asif Eye Care"

Mayo Clinic Jokes

Here is a list of funny mayo clinic jokes and even better mayo clinic puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear about the injured condiment? He had to be rushed to the Mayo Clinic.
  • Me, on the phone: I have a complaint. Every time I make a sandwich, it's always too dry. Guy on the other end: Sir, that's not what we do at the Mayo Clinic.
  • Where does the thick, creamy dressing go when it gets sick? The Mayo Clinic.
  • Where do you go if you don't like mustard? Mayo clinic
  • Tequila Addiction They're opening a new center to treat tequila addiction in Rochester, Minnesota. It will be known as the cinco de mayo Clinic.
  • They do surprisingly little BLT research at The Mayo Clinic.
  • BIG CHANGES COMING AT THE MAYO CLINIC! They're switching to mustard!

Memory Clinic Jokes

Here is a list of funny memory clinic jokes and even better memory clinic puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I keep getting bills from the Memory Erasing Clinic but I've never been there.

Vet Clinic Jokes

Here is a list of funny vet clinic jokes and even better vet clinic puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My wife got a new job at a vet clinic, and almost killed a dog her first day. But she's getting better at euthanasia.
Clinic joke, My wife got a new job at a vet clinic, and almost killed a dog her first day.

Giggle-Inducing Clinic Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about clinic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean church jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make clinic pranks.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

You know a great place to pick up chicks? An abortion clinic.

You know they put out, and you don't have to worry about a kid.

Busy night at the bulimia clinic last night...

the place was heaving.

Doctor Shroedinger? This is the Animal Clinic calling;

Apparently your cat, Flüffy, is both simultaneously dead and yet alive.
We're sorry for your loss.
Our resident String Theorist will contact you.
He can explain everything.
8{>

A clinic was trialling a new, cheap way to numb a patient for surgery.

The new method involved blunt force trauma to the patient's head.
The strategy was such a success that people would line up around the block to receive the new anaesthetic.
A man asked the doctor what the line was for.
The doctor replied "that's the punchline."

Fertility clinic

What did the perverted embryonic scientist say to the microscope?
"Are those my genes because I can definitely see myself in them."

the most awkward time in my life

Was when I locked my keys in my car and had to walk into the nearby abortion clinic to ask to borrow a coat hanger.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

New kinds of implants.

So a girl went into a plastic surgery clinic to get a breast e**..., the doctors told her that they ran out of silicon and all they had left was wood. She didn't get it obviously that would be s**... woodentit?

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say at the abortion clinic?

Hasta last vista, baby.

A pizza guy enters an obesity clinic and says, "I have 15 meat lover pizzas with extra cheese."

The nurse at the receptionist desk angrily asks him, "Why would you come here and mock our patients?"
The pizza guy defensively answers, "It's just what the doctor ordered!"

My friend and I went to a guitar clinic recently. He really seemed to be into it.

I guess it struck a chord with him.

You have just fallen down from the Moon.

You dust yourself and start hugging everyone, in tears.
The journey has made you thirsty and you take a bottle of Coca-Cola.
The ambulance arrives and they bring you to the psychiatric clinic.
Were you really on the Moon?

Why is everyone always on time at the abortion clinic?

Because they hate being late.

Did youhear about the Newfie abortion clinic?

It's so busy there's a twelve month waiting list.

As an urologist I like telling lame jokes to my patients in the clinic

Best part is, they can't say "Cut it out doc!"

Tag line outside a Breast Implant Clinic:

If nature has given you "lemons"

we will re-arrange the alphabets & convert them into "melons" !!

The clinic asked me why I had written an incorrect blood type on my form

I told them it was Typo

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Annual s**...

An elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for h**.... When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age.
The old man responded, Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual s**...!

A man walks into a psychiatric clinic wearing nothing but saran wrap...

he approaches the shrink and says,
"doc, doc, I haven't been feeling so great lately, I don't know whats going on. Please, can you help me?"
the psychiatrist looks him up and down and says,
"well, I can clearly see your nuts"

What is a paradox?

A small medical clinic.

I'm starting a new abortion clinic and naming it...

Scrambled Eggs.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Saw Marshawn l**... at the eye clinic a few days ago.

He told me he was just there so he won't get blind.

Where's the best view of falling stars in Los Angeles?

The Betty Ford Clinic

Remember the guy who played in the deer hunter, and pulp fiction. Christopher something or other.

Anyway, I heard he's opening a new hospital. I think they're going to call it the Walken clinic.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Best lines when dealing with telemarketers

Some of the better ones
* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?
* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it
* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em
* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you r**... 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us
Anyone have more?

I'm at the ear clinic.

My name might've been called out. I have no idea.
PSA: The joke is originally in Swedish, tried my best translating it.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I donated a large amount of money to a r**... clinic..

I wouldn't take no as an answer

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you call a black abortion clinic?

Crime stoppers

What do a veterinary clinic and kpop fans have in common?

Euthanasia

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

News from the s**... health clinic

A friend of mine received news from the s**... health clinic, he opened the letter and gleefully shouted "high five!". Relieved I took a look at the letter, dont know how I'm going to tell him that it's pronounced H.I.V

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Mario's abortion clinic

Don't kid your self

Did you hear about the new deal on liposuction at that British clinic?

each pound is now only $1.33

I was in my room playing with my son when my girlfriend came in screaming...

I understand though, I was surprised when the abortion clinic let me bring him home too!

My friend works at a circumcision clinic

I asked him if he charges alot for his circumcisions
He said "No, I just keep the tips."

What do you call someone who went into a birth clinic and started shooting at everyone there?

Spawn camper.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What did Velma say to s**... when they went to the haunted methadone clinic?

*Junkies!*

It hurts here

A guy goes to the clinic and finally gets in to see the doctor.
What's the problem today? the doctor asks.
He pushes his finger in his forehead and says It hurts here and pushes against his shoulder It hurts here, Than he pushes against his knee, It hurts here also, What can it be Doc?
Your fingers broken.

One Day a month my wife runs a free spay/neuter clinic.

Her next clinic is on "Take your husband to work day." I'm not going.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Isn't it just a little ironic to see a group of pro-lifers

throwing eggs at an abortion clinic?

What did the homeless couple say to the nurse outside the abortion clinic?

Feedus please

If I locked my keys in my car outside of a abortion clinic...

Would it be awkward to go inside and ask for a wire hanger?

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Water.....I have news for you.

The poor bottle water notice he was red, it felt nauseous, it had diarrhea, and it had a sweet taste in its mouth. He went to the clinic to see what was wrong with him. But the doctor had bad news. He said" I'm sorry water, but you have **Kool** aids."

Tired of being beaten again and again by a child, Captain Hook decided to leave Neverland. When he reached the real world, he realized there was a job he was built for.

So he opened an abortion clinic.

What slogan do both a brothel and a weight loss clinic have in common?

Come drop your load.

I'm opening a clinic called The Hokey Pokey

It's where you go to turn yourself around.

I heard the abortion clinic was having a special

50% off on mothers day.

I had to specify an IT system for the local anorexia clinic.

I recommended a thin client architecture.

What do you call a beachside abortion clinic?

The Sandy Hook

The worst (best?) name for an egg donor clinic?

The Inside Scoop

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

How is a vampire similar to an abortion clinic?

They both s**... the life out of you

The euthanasia clinic finally found a slogan

Kill them with kindness

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A Hindu, a Christian, A Sikh, an atheist, and a Buddhist walk into a clinic...

One of them is called to see the doctor, he goes in, and after a while leaves the clinic. After that, everyone else was angry because they had not received service from the doctor. They ask the nurse standing outside why this is so, to which she said: "I'm sorry, we only serve the sikh."

I used to have a job transporting addicts to the nearby rehab clinic.

But I got fired because too many of my passengers fell off the wagon.

Did you hear about the communist couple that went to a fertility clinic?

They wanted to seize the means of reproduction.

Mario's Pizzerria and Abortion Clinic

Your loss is our sauce.

It just doesn't make sense

You know how people donate a pint of blood and are hailed as a hero. I go into the clinic and donate 8 pints of blood already packaged. And then they gotta go call the police. Guess I have to find another way to get rid of my mother in law.

The judge gave me ten years working at the clinic for the blind.

Could have been worse, at least it wasn't the deaf sentence.

I wasn't sure if I should go to the STI clinic or not.

I didn't want to make a rash decision.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I went to the clinic today and nervously said, "Doc, this is a little embarrassing, but I've got a problem." Rolling his eyes, chuckling softly, he retorted, "Trust me, I'm a doctor. Nothing you can show me would be startling."

Hesitating just a bit, I stammered, "Well...I...I...I seem to have 5 p**...."
Stunned, eyes wide, he rasped, "Wait, what?! How did you get your pants on!?"
I whispered, "Actually, they fit like a glove."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I didn't get the job at the abortion clinic

I guess they didn't like that I applied to be the w**... raider.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I opened up a s**... therapy clinic for deer.

It's called "More Bang for Your Buck"

The Time Travelling Soldier

When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?  

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

what did the sexologist with a sense of humour name his clinic?

Tried and t**...

Clinic joke, what did the sexologist with a sense of humour name his clinic?

jokes about clinic