climate Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious climate puns

How do you solve climate change?

Convince Republicans that rising temperatures are turning people gay.

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What do pedophiles and climate change deniers have in common?

They both enjoy fucking the next generation.

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English Weather

I just read something about weather in England:

The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as _'English Weather'._

In order to no longer offend a sizable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as _'Muslim Weather'_ -- partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite.

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Trump has left the historical Paris Climate Accord in which countries around the world agreed to fight global warming...

It was the first time he pulled out of a working model.

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How can we get Republicans to care about climate change?

Blame it on the poor.

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How do weathermen get up a mountain?

They climate

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I haven't always believed in climate change

But I'm warming up to the theory.

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If Trump continues his anti climate change campaign and the provocation towards North Korea the only wall we will be building will be...

Wall-E

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A small business.

"Hey Jim! Long time no see, how are you?"

*"I'm great John, thanks. I started a small business."*

"Really? In this financial climate? Pretty risky. What kind?"

*"A brothel actually"*

"Cool! What services do you offer?"

*"The usual. Blowjobs, handjobs, and anal."*

"What, no pussy?"

*"Well, as I said its a small business.... I'm a freelancer."*

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I saw a climate scientist eating pasta out of a pink leather bowl

He was eating carb on dyed ox hide

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I don't care much for political jokes. But I was thinking what would Reagan think of our current toxic political climate if he was alive today?

I think he would say " WHY WON'T SOMEONE LET ME OUT OF THIS BOX"

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Anyone who believes in climate change just believes whatever someone tells them to. They don't think for themselves.

I know that because Alex Jones told me so

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What do climate change scientists and Donald Trump have in common?

Each is desperately hoping the other is a hoax.

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How do you get to the top of a weather beacon?

Climate

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Quarters and nickels fall from the sky...

Me: what is this?

Climate: change.

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αΈ±ley (Proto-Indo-European)-> κλίμα, κλίνω (Greek)-> clima (Latin)-> climat (French)-> climate

Climate change is man-made.

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*coins falling from the sky*

Me: what is this?
Climate: change

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Argument With A Climate Change Denier

The denier goes, How can global warming be real if it's 20 degrees here?

I say to him, Saying Climate Change isn't real because it's cold where you live is like saying smart people don't exist because you're a fucking idiot!

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Why are conservatives climate change deniers?

Because they want to melt the snowflakes!

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What climate scientist does Disney follow on twitter?

The rogue one

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What do climatologists use to predict the global climate?

AlGorerithums

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How did Nazi Germany prove climate change is real?

They made it snow in the summer

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Tourist: what's the weather like on top of the mountain?

Local: I don't know man, climate.

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The difference between weather and climate.

Weather is the atmospheric conditions in a location at a given time, example, rain in Seattle.

Climate is weather over a period of time in a location, example, rain in Seattle.

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What do you call a midget who lives in a tropical climate?

A little humid.

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What do you call a white supremacist that doesn't eat meat?

A VegitAryan

This has nothing to with the current political climate. I work with several vegetarians and we were talking about food today and it the joke just hit me.

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Is climate change leading to more wildfires?

Without a drought

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I made a political joke up just now...

Given the current temperature of the political climate....

Do you think we can all finally agree on climate change?

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Trump only pulled out of the Paris Climate Agreement because he was standing up for his own kind

After all, he is just a load of hot air

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What is it called when weather in Central America breaks the news?

A topical climate.

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Donald Trump pulls out of Paris Climate Arrangement after alleged threats to interfere with the U.S. Mexico border wall.

He heard "Climb-it" deal, and flipped out

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I would participate in the climate march

But it's too hot.

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Americans want change? They're going to get change...

Climate change, pocket change...

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I didn't get too worked up over Trumps decision on the climate accord...

the whole thing was rather anti-climatic.

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What's the difference between climate change and obesity?

One's a worldwide problem.

The other's a wideworld problem.

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What are the most funny Climate jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Climate? Well, here are the best Climate dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Climate pick up lines to share with friends.

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