Cliff Jumping Jokes
82 cliff jumping jokes and hilarious cliff jumping puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cliff jumping that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Cliff Jumping Short Jokes
Short cliff jumping jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cliff jumping humour may include short cliff jokes also.
- A vegan and a vegetarian jump off a cliff to see who hits the bottom first? Who wins?
Society. - A man asks out a woman... Him: "If you don't say yes I'm going to jump off that 500 foot cliff over there."
Her: "I call that a bluff." - There's a kid about to jump off a cliff. His dad walks up and asks why he's going to jump. The kid says, I'm depressed and I hate your dad jokes. Hi depressed...
- "Mom I wanna go bungee jumping." "NO!"
"But all my friends are going"
"Oh! So if your friends jump off a cliff, will you too?"
"Er...yes" - Why did Hellen Keller's dog jump off a cliff? If your name was *blpbleblpebplplb*, you would too
- What did the father say to his son?.... "son you had so much potential, until you jumped off the cliff "
- "If you don't go out with me I'll jump off a 300-foot cliff." "Sounds like a lot of bluff to me."
- I saw a man at standing on the precipice of a cliff and knew he was paranoid. He jumped to a conclusion.
- My friend once said "Some bad Ideas are actually great" then proceeded to jump of a cliff. My friend was right, my life has greatly improved now!
- My Wife Said Shes Going To Jump Off A Cliff Because Of My Obsession... With The Beatles, at first I didn't believe her. But then I Saw Her Standing There.
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Cliff Jumping One Liners
Which cliff jumping one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cliff jumping? I can suggest the ones about bungee jumping and jumping.
- Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un jump off a cliff. Who wins? Mankind
- Why did the Jew jump off the cliff? He couldn't resist a free fall.
- I'm an undecided voter. Shoot myself, overdose, or jump off a cliff?
- Two drums and a cymbal jump off a cliff... Ba dum tss.
- Why did the rock jump of the cliff? It wanted to be boulder
- Confucius say... man who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion.
- Three elephants jump off a cliff, two land on the beach, one in the ocean... ba-dum tshh
- What did the cow say when she jumped off a cliff? "Geronimoo!"
- What did one leaf say to another when he jumped off a cliff? "I Believe"
- What do you get when an Investment banker jumps off a cliff? A Con descending Altitude.
- Two elephants and a snake jumped off a cliff... Boom Boom Tsss
- A Priest and a Rabbi jump off a cliff, who wins? Society.
- A black mom and son jump off a cliff, who hits the ground first?..... No one cares
- What did Helen Keller say when she jumped off a cliff? Nothing, she was wearing mittens.
- [friends jumping off cliff one by one] Me: oh my god, mom. It's happening...
Cliff Jumping Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about cliff jumping you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean parachute jump jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cliff jumping pranks.
Me: If a blonde girl and brunette girl jumped off a cliff at the same time, who would hit the ground first?
Friend: I don't know, who?
Me: The brunnete, the blonde had to ask for directions.
Two men and a woman were the sole survivors of a pleasure cruise ship that sank in the Bermuda Triangle.
They made it to an uninhabited island.
Two weeks later the woman jumped off a cliff because she was so ashamed of what she was doing.
Two weeks after that the two men buried her because they were so ashamed of what they were doing.
Two more weeks passed by and the men dug her up again–being so ashamed of what they were doing.
Yo' Mama is so s**..., she jumped off a cliff and stopped for directions.
A Muslim, Buddhist, and Christian were arguing about their faiths...
The Muslim says that theirs is the true faith. The Buddhist says Nirvana is key, while the Christian of course argues that Jesus is the way.
This went on for hours until finally the Christian says, "let's settle this once and for all. We all jump off a cliff, and whoever's God saves him will we know that theirs is the true faith. " After thinking about it, the other two agreed.
They found a cliff and the Muslim went first. As he jumped, he shouted "Aaaaaaalllllllaaaaaa...." SPLAT!
Both were shocked but not surprised. They said their prayers for the Muslim and continued.
The Buddhist went next and as he jumped he chanted "Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha..." And miraculously, just before hitting the ground, he floated back up to safety.
Giving a smile to the Christian, he gestured to the cliff for his turn.
The Christian was unperturbed. Taking a few minutes to compose himself, he then took his leap of faith:
"Jeeeeeesssssuuuussss.... Buddha Buddha Buddha Buddha Buddha."
Extreme sports
Five men walk into a pet store and buy a hen, a parrot and a budgie. The next day they head to the top of a cliff, where the first man grabs the hen and jumps off the cliff, falling to his death. The second man nervously clutches the parrot and proceeds to jump off the cliff with it as well, also resulting in his untimely death. Man number three shrugs off the odds of his death, grabs the budgie and also creates a horrible mess on the rocks below. The fourth man observes all of this and admits to the last man:
"I consider myself a brave man, but don't ever expect me to try hen-gliding, parrot-chuting or budgie-jumping anytime soon; it's overrated."
Three men, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead are eating lunch...
... During their break at work. They all pull out their sandwiches and open them up to find out what they got to eat. First the redhead sees that he got ham and exclaims, "Ham again! If I get ham again I'm going to jump off a cliff and kill myself!" Next the brunette opens his sandwich and exclaims, "Turkey again! If I get turkey again I'm going to jump off a cliff and kill myself!" Lastly the blonde opens his sandwich and exclaims, "If I get peanut Butter and jelly one more time I'm going to jump off a cliff and kill myself!" The next day all three men got the same type of sandwich again and proceeded to the nearest cliff and jumped off.
Now the wifes are being interviewed:
The redheads wife says "If I would have known, I would have never done it!" And burst out crying The brunettes wife says "If I would have known I would have never done it!" And burst out crying. Lastly the blondes wife says "Hey don't look at me, he made his own sandwiches"
A man climbed a mountain for the first time...
and he wanted to know how long it would take for an object to fall down a cliff. He threw a pebble. It didn't make a sound. He looked for a bigger object, and threw a fist-sized rock. It too, refused to make a sound. He looked around for a bigger object. The man saw a steel pillar. He threw that off the cliff. Then a goat jumped off the cliff after the pillar. The man was confused. He was analyzing the situation when a farmer came by.
"Hi," said the farmer. "Have you seen my goat anywhere?"
The man replied, "I did see a goat; but it jumped off the cliff."
The farmer exhaled in relief. "That's not my goat," he said. "My goat was tied to a steel pillar."
A girl was about to jump off a cliff...
A girl was about to jump off a cliff to end her life. Just as she was about to leap to her death, a homeless man approached from behind and shouted to ask her a question,
"Excuse me miss! Before you jump would you like to have s**... with me?"
The woman replied angrily, "No I most certainly would not! How dare you try and take advantage of me in a situation like this!"
The homeless responded, "Very well then, I'll just wait for you to get to the bottom."
Why did all the potato chips but one jump off the cliff?
He was a Wise© Potato Chip.
A Chinese man, a Mexican man, a black man, and a white man...
Are standing by the edge of a cliff. The Chinese guy says," This is for all my ninjas back in China." and he jumps off the cliff. The Mexican guy says," This is for all my amigos back in Mexico." and jumps off the cliff. Then, the black guy says," This is for all my brothas back in Brooklyn." and pushes the white guy off the cliff.
A Joke for Hockey Fans
A Devils fan, a Rangers fan and an Islanders fan are all standing at the edge of a cliff, staring death in the face. The Devils fan screams out "this is for New Jersey!" and proceeds to jump, plummeting to his death. The Islanders fan then screams out "this is for New York!" and shoves the Rangers fan off the cliff.
How do you get a hippie to jump off a cliff?
Tell them it will "cleanse toxins."
A lawyer, a tax-man and a m**... jump off a cliff in a race to the bottom. who wins?
society
A man was about to jump off a cliff...
...and before he jumped he said, "I'm doing this for Jesus Christ!"
I think he took a leap of faith.
A dumb blond, a smart blonde, and the easter bunny all jump off a cliff. Who lands first?
The dumb blonde. The smart blonde and easter bunny don't exist.
What did the scientist say to his fellow co-worker to stop him from jumping off the cliff to as an act of s**...?
Don't jump, you've got so much potential!
How do you make a sheep jump off a cliff?
Put a r**... behind it.
A blond and a brunette jump off a cliff. Who reaches the bottom first?
The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions.
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in d**......
they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to p**..., 'Dat's dem.'
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
p**... and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the ConnorPass.
At the ConnorPass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place…'
He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
p**... watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, p**... shakes his head and says, f**... dat.
Dis budgie jumping is too f**...'n dangerous for me!'
What did the kid say to the dude before he jumped off a cliff?
Sail
Why did linkin park wrap themselves up in plastic wrap before they jumped off a cliff?
So in the end they didn't even splatter.
My friend called me today and said he was going to kill himself by jumping off of a cliff that overlooked a body of water unless I stopped specifying the names of geological formations for him.
I said back, "That's a bluff".
Why did Helen Keller's dog jump off a cliff?
You would too if your name was errnarrdernarrrderrr
Someone has most likely made this dad joke before but I'm still proud/ashamed to have come up with it myself.
Man 1: Did you hear about my neighbor who jumped off a cliff?
Man 2: Yeah, it's really unfortunate, he seemed like such a down to earth guy.
3 men died and were taken to God....
They were taken to the top of a cliff . GOD SAID to them that since they had been such outstanding citizens on Earth that they'd be given one chance to become anything they desired.
The first man ran to the edge of the cliff, jumped into the air and shouted."i want to be an eagle". Instantly he was changed into an eagle and soared off into the sunset.
The second man ran to the edge of the cliff, jumped into the air and shouted "I want to be an owl." Instantly he was changed into an owl and soared of into the sunset.
The third man ran towards the edge of the cliff, tripped on a rock and shout " Oh, sh*t"....
A Blonde and her boyfriend are watching the 9pm news
A Blonde and her boyfriend are watching the 9pm news, the anchor is showing a video of a girl threatening to jump off a cliff. The guy turns to the Blonde and says "I bet you $500 she jumps" "you're on" the Blonde replies.
2 minutes later the girl jumps and dies.
As she is pulling money out her purse, the boyfriend says "I feel bad taking your money, but I watched the 6pm news and I saw this story" "me too" the Blonde answered, "but I didn't think she would be s**... enough to jump off again"
A distressed but attractive woman
A distressed but attractive woman stands at the top of a cliff trying to get together the nerve to jump.
A passing hobo stops and asks "since you're about to kill yourself anyway, do you mind if we have s**... first?"
The woman replies, "Get away from me you sicko"
As the hobo turns and walks away he mutters "fine, I'll just go wait at the bottom then"
What happens when you jump off a cliff?
Nothing.
because you were dreaming
.
.
A lion gathered all animals on a meeting
Lion: I have decided that my daughter is old enough for a marriage and I want her to marry the bravest animal in my kingdom. I will give her hand to whoever jumps of this cliff we are standing on right now.
Silence. Noone is brave enough to do such a thing.
Suddenly, everyone hears "AAAAAAARGH" and then "THUMP". When the dust disappeared, there was a bear wiping the dust from his fur and shouting:
Bear: You, lion will give me your daughter now, and rabbit, you are dead when I catch you!
A blonde sits down in a bar next to a redhead.
A blonde sits down in a bar next to a redhead. Both of them are having a good time when the news comes on.
The news reporter shouts out a man is on the edge of a cliff attempting to jump!
The redhead leans over to the blonde and whispers I bet you $50 that the mans gonna jump
The blonde replies, You're on .
A few moments later, the man jumps and the blonde turns to the redhead and hands over the $50.
The redhead starts to feel guilty and says I can't take your money, I saw the news earlier this morning, I knew he was gonna jump off the cliff
The blonde says well, I saw it too, but I didn't think he was going to jump off again!
My parents don't understand my generation joking about committing s**... and said I wasn't allowed to...
Me: all my friends do it
Parents: if all you're friends jumped off a cliff would you do that too
Me: ok it's bad enough that you won't let me joke about it but you don't need to be a hypocrite
Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries.
They decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient. They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.
Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.
Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. Putin grabs him before he can, telling him not to jump. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!"
Of all the people in my life that have inspired me to achieve greatness...
I would say the most inspirational was an obese man I saw cliff jump into the sea.
He had a massive impact.
What does a physicist say when they see somebody jump off a cliff
They shake their head and say So much wasted potential
A man is standing on a cliff and says to his wife I bet I can make it to the bottom faster than you! . She agrees to the bet and they both jump off at the same time. Who wins?
Charles Darwin
A black guy, a Mexican, and a Chinese guy all jump off a cliff. Who lands first?
Who cares?
Muslim, Christian and a Buddhist
A Muslim a Christian and a Buddhist argue about which god is real, so they decide to jump of a cliff and prove the other wrong.
The Christian goes first.
On his way down he says " Jesus Jesus Jesus " and dies on impact
The Buddhist goes second.
On his way down he says " Buddha Buddha Buddha" and floats right before he hits the ground, he is left unscratched.
The Muslim with full confidence jumps after the Buddhist.
On his way down he says "Allah Allah "and then midway screams "BUDDHA BUDDHA BUDDHA "
A woman wakes up screaming from a nightmare.
Her husband wakes up and asks, "What happened honey?
The wife says, "Just had this awful dream where I was chased by cannibals and came upon an edge of a cliff. I had nothing to do but jump. Luckily I grabbed a little tree protruding from the cliff, and then I woke up"
The husband says. "See, nothing bad happened to you, so you can let go of the little tree."
One day my friend saw a gorgeous woman trying to jump off a cliff...
He approached her and asked what she was doing.
I don't want to live. I want to end my life.
Well, if you have decided that you will end your life, give me atleast one kiss?
Okay.
And they kissed! It was the best kiss of his life and he was europhic.
But why a pretty woman like you wants to die?
My parents don't allow me to wear make up and dress up in frocks. They say it's girlish.
And that's when my friend killed himself :(
(no hate for anyone)
Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries, and decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient.
They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.
Vladimir Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.
Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. Putin grabs him before he can, telling him not to jump. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!"
3 men are standing on a cliff near the ocean.
Suddenly, a genie appears and says: "I can turn you into anything you want, if you jump off this cliff. Just say what you want to transform into after jumping, and I will work my magic."
The first man jumps, and shouts:
"Seagull!"
He then transforms into a seagull, and flies away.
The second man jumps, and shouts:
"Whale!"
He turns into a whale, and lands in the water.
The third man, tripped on a rock and shouted:
"s**...!"
A therapist gets a call from their patient saying they are going to kill themself…
Therapist: Why do you want to kill yourself?
Patient: Because you don't take me seriously, and you're always needlessly pedantic!
Therapist: How would you do it?
Patient: I'm going to jump.
Therapist: Now?
Patient: Yes now! I'm looking at a hundred foot drop…
Therapist: Where are you?
Patient: The cliff overlooking the ocean. I mean it doc,I don't care if I drown or hit the rocks. I'll do it! I'll jump!
Therapist: but… that's a bluff.
Patient: …………..
Therapist: Hello?