Cliff Jokes

Following is our collection of bridge humor and midair one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Cliff puns for adults, dirty climber jokes or clean canyon gags for kids.

There is an abundance of edge jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 74 funniest jokes on cliff. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any mountain cliff witze you can hear about cliff.

The Best jokes about Cliff

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!"

I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."






credits to Adele Cliff, from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Link in the comments

Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? (Original joke)

Because that's where students have the most potential.

A goat, a drum, and a rattlesnake fall down a cliff...

ba dum tss

A girl was about to jump off a cliff...

A girl was about to jump off a cliff to end her life. Just as she was about to leap to her death, a homeless man approached from behind and shouted to ask her a question,
"Excuse me miss! Before you jump would you like to have sex with me?"
The woman replied angrily, "No I most certainly would not! How dare you try and take advantage of me in a situation like this!"
The homeless responded, "Very well then, I'll just wait for you to get to the bottom."

A Sheep, a Drum, and a Snake fall off a cliff

Baa-Dumm-Tsss


I was clinging for dear life on the edge of the cliff...

As the rescue team approached, one of the guys shouted, "Whatever you do, don't look down!"

So I started smiling...

A goat, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff..

Baa- dum- ssss

My friend called me today and said he was going to kill himself by jumping off of a cliff that overlooked a body of water unless I stopped specifying the names of geological formations for him.

I said back, "That's a bluff".

They say one friend out of every group has the potential to be a serial killer....

So I threw Dave off a cliff just in case it was him.

My ex updated her status on Facebook to standing on the edge of a cliff.

So I poked her

A man bought a horse from a pastor of a church...

The pastor explains to him "to make the horse go yell 'Thank God!' And to make it stop yell 'Hallelujah'". He is riding the horse and gets distracted when he notices he is about to ride off a cliff and begins to yell "Hallelujah! Hallelujah!", and the horse stops just at the edge of the cliff. He wipes his sweat off and says "Phew! Thank God!".

*Old Russian joke my dad used to tell*


A sheep,a pot and a snake walk together then fall of a cliff...

*Baah Dum Tssssss*

Cliffs are so great...

But they have one downside

I was fed up with life and tried hanging myself from the side of a cliff, but I failed.

Now I'm just a cliffhanger and the suspense is killing me.

My favorite pokemon joke

What did pikachu say when ash fell off a cliff? Pikachu, that's all he can say.

A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff.

He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"

What do you call mixed emotions?

Watching your mother-in-law reverse off a cliff in your brand new car

How many mobsters do you need to push a man off a cliff?

None. He slipped and fell by himself.

My parents don't understand my generation joking about committing suicide and said I wasn't allowed to...

Me: all my friends do it

Parents: if all you're friends jumped off a cliff would you do that too

Me: ok it's bad enough that you won't let me joke about it but you don't need to be a hypocrite


Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

Tequila.

A bus full of cheerleaders went off a cliff

Miraculously, all twenty of them managed to grab onto the same branch sticking out of the cliffside. There were nineteen beautiful blondes and one brunette. The brunette saw the branch was starting to break, so she made a decision.

"Listen ladies," she said. "As skinny as we are, this branch can't hold all our weight. You're all so beautiful and talented, so I'm going to let go in hopes that it's enough to save your lives. Tell my family I love them."

The blondes were so moved by her selfless sacrifice that they gave her a round of applause.

A sheep, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff.

Ba-dum-tss.

Why did the Mexican take his wife to the top of a cliff?

Tequila

An ugly man walks into a bar and a beautiful woman approaches him...

... the woman asks the man, "How would you like to get out of here?" and the man is stunned. He never thought a woman like her would ever approach him so he agrees. They both get into his car and drive really far. He stops at a cliff with the view of the whole city. Within seconds they start taking off their clothes. After 15 minutes of vigorous sex they finally finish. They both put their clothes on and they both just sit there awkwardly. The woman speaks up and says "I'm a prostitute and its going to be 100 dollars for my service." The man is stunned and saddened that she didn't really like him. He gives her the money and they both sit there awkwardly. The woman tells him that she is ready to leave and the man replies "I'm a taxi driver and its going to be 150 dollars for the ride here and back."

My Echo

''You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."

A blonde sits down in a bar next to a redhead.

A blonde sits down in a bar next to a redhead. Both of them are having a good time when the news comes on.

The news reporter shouts out a man is on the edge of a cliff attempting to jump!

The redhead leans over to the blonde and whispers I bet you $50 that the mans gonna jump
The blonde replies, You're on .

A few moments later, the man jumps and the blonde turns to the redhead and hands over the $50.

The redhead starts to feel guilty and says I can't take your money, I saw the news earlier this morning, I knew he was gonna jump off the cliff

The blonde says well, I saw it too, but I didn't think he was going to jump off again!

A Blonde and her boyfriend are watching the 9pm news

A Blonde and her boyfriend are watching the 9pm news, the anchor is showing a video of a girl threatening to jump off a cliff. The guy turns to the Blonde and says "I bet you $500 she jumps" "you're on" the Blonde replies.

2 minutes later the girl jumps and dies.

As she is pulling money out her purse, the boyfriend says "I feel bad taking your money, but I watched the 6pm news and I saw this story" "me too" the Blonde answered, "but I didn't think she would be stupid enough to jump off again"

Two dinosaurs standing on a cliff

As they're looking out to sea an ark floats past. One dinosaur turns to the other one and says,


'Oh, was that today?'

A boy is looking over a tall cliff...

A young boy is peering down a high cliff when an old man walks over. The old man says "Hey its dangerous up here, where are your parents?". The boy tearfully replies "my mom just fell off the cliff". The old man horrified asks "Where is your father?". This time the boy falls to his knees and cries "He fell trying to save her". The old man unzips his pants and says "Sorry kid, today just isn't your day".

Poor Boy

A young boy is standing at the edge of a cliff, crying his eyes out.

A Catholic priest happens to walks past and, seeing the boy, asks, "Whats wrong, my child?"

"My mother and father were in the car and it rolled off the cliff. It exploded and they died, and I have no way of getting home!"

The priest looks around and, as he's unbuttoning his pants, says "This really isn't your day is it, my son?"

A preacher trained his horse...

A preacher trained his horse to go when he said "Thank God" and to stop when he said "Amen."


The preacher mounted the horse and said "Thank God" and went for a ride. When he wanted to stop for lunch , he said " "Amen." He took off again saying "Thank God"

The horse started going toward the edge of a cliff. The preacher got excited and said "whoa! whoa!" Then he remembered and said "Amen" and the horse stopped at the edge of the cliff. The preacher was so relieved and grateful that he looked up to heaven and said "Thank God!"

A distressed but attractive woman

A distressed but attractive woman stands at the top of a cliff trying to get together the nerve to jump.

A passing hobo stops and asks "since you're about to kill yourself anyway, do you mind if we have sex first?"

The woman replies, "Get away from me you sicko"

As the hobo turns and walks away he mutters "fine, I'll just go wait at the bottom then"

Why did the ram run off the cliff?

He didn't see the ewe turn.

Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries.

They decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient. They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.

Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.
Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. Putin grabs him before he can, telling him not to jump. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!"

What do you call a woman who fell off a cliff?

Eileen Dover...

A professor asked one of his automotive students if he knew what the definition of "mixed emotions" was...

The student said "watching your mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new Cadillac."

Well, you know what they say about cliffhangers...

Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff?

She was wearing mittens

Why did the Jew jump off the cliff?

He couldn't resist a free fall.

Two Snare drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff

buh dum tss

An Australian man living by the cliff has prevent over 150 suicides, during the 50 years he has lived there...

... by shooting them himself.

I'm an undecided voter.

Shoot myself, overdose, or jump off a cliff?

A young boy was standing on the edge of a cliff.

He was crying while looking down at a burning car. A man was walking by when he saw the boy was crying so he approched him and asked "What's wrong?". The boy answered that his parents were in the burning car and that they both were dead. Then the man unzipped his pants and said "This really isn't your day,kid.."

Extreme sports

Five men walk into a pet store and buy a hen, a parrot and a budgie. The next day they head to the top of a cliff, where the first man grabs the hen and jumps off the cliff, falling to his death. The second man nervously clutches the parrot and proceeds to jump off the cliff with it as well, also resulting in his untimely death. Man number three shrugs off the odds of his death, grabs the budgie and also creates a horrible mess on the rocks below. The fourth man observes all of this and admits to the last man:
"I consider myself a brave man, but don't ever expect me to try hen-gliding, parrot-chuting or budgie-jumping anytime soon; it's overrated."

Several hundred years ago...

Several hundred years ago, two rival villages would meet annually to compete in a religious ceremony. Both villages would send forth their strongest, fastest male to compete against the other - which involved climbing up a cliff to claim a cross-shaped stone. Legend had it that the cross, a symbol of luck and fertility, would bring good fortune on whichever village owned it.


The day came, and each village met at the cliff.


"Our representative, Tom Smith, is young and fit, and will surely bring us the symbol." claimed the first mayor.


"No, our fighter, Tom Jameson, is faster and stronger! The symbol is ours!"


The race began. Both men scrambled up the cliff side at an equal pace, eventually reaching the top at the same time. Both grabbed the cross simultaneously, each trying to wrestle it from the other.


"The symbol is ours!" cried Tom Smith.


"No! The symbol belongs to our village!" shouted Tom Jameson.


Both edged closer and closer to the cliff face, and in one violent motion, both Tom's and the symbol fell over the edge, smashing into the rocks below.


BA-BOOM-CHSSSHHH

What's the definition of mixed emotions?



When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.

A bus full of senators and deputies crashed and felled down a cliff.

A man happened to be walking by when the accident took place.

The man immediately started to bury all the senators and deputies involved in the accident.

A few minutes later, the police showed up on site.

Cop: What happened?! Where's everyone?!

Man: I buried them.

Cop: What?! None of them survived?

Man: Well some of them said they were still alive and stuff like that but you know how politicians are, I didn't believe them.

Someone has most likely made this dad joke before but I'm still proud/ashamed to have come up with it myself.

Man 1: Did you hear about my neighbor who jumped off a cliff?
Man 2: Yeah, it's really unfortunate, he seemed like such a down to earth guy.

A man climbed a mountain for the first time...

and he wanted to know how long it would take for an object to fall down a cliff. He threw a pebble. It didn't make a sound. He looked for a bigger object, and threw a fist-sized rock. It too, refused to make a sound. He looked around for a bigger object. The man saw a steel pillar. He threw that off the cliff. Then a goat jumped off the cliff after the pillar. The man was confused. He was analyzing the situation when a farmer came by.

"Hi," said the farmer. "Have you seen my goat anywhere?"

The man replied, "I did see a goat; but it jumped off the cliff."

The farmer exhaled in relief. "That's not my goat," he said. "My goat was tied to a steel pillar."

The unlucky boy.

I was walking along a high cliff one day and saw a little boy all alone and crying. I asked him, "Son, what are you doing up here all by yourself," to which he replied with tears in his eyes, "My mother is down there at the bottom, she fell."

"Thats terrible," I replied, "What about your father," I continued. The little boy, almost completely breaking down, to this inquiry responded, "He is down there right next to her, he tried to save her and he fell too." We then shared a quiet moment together, looking out at the sky over the lake.

It was then suddenly the young chap asked me why I was unbuckling my belt. "Son, today just isn't your day."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To push Jake off a cliff.... he really hates Jake.




as told by my 6 year old who hates a kid named Jake.

The definition of mixed emotions...

My mother-in-law driving of a cliff in my new car

A Muslim, Buddhist, and Christian were arguing about their faiths...

The Muslim says that theirs is the true faith. The Buddhist says Nirvana is key, while the Christian of course argues that Jesus is the way.

This went on for hours until finally the Christian says, "let's settle this once and for all. We all jump off a cliff, and whoever's God saves him will we know that theirs is the true faith. " After thinking about it, the other two agreed.

They found a cliff and the Muslim went first. As he jumped, he shouted "Aaaaaaalllllllaaaaaa...." SPLAT!

Both were shocked but not surprised. They said their prayers for the Muslim and continued.

The Buddhist went next and as he jumped he chanted "Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha..." And miraculously, just before hitting the ground, he floated back up to safety.

Giving a smile to the Christian, he gestured to the cliff for his turn.

The Christian was unperturbed. Taking a few minutes to compose himself, he then took his leap of faith:

"Jeeeeeesssssuuuussss.... Buddha Buddha Buddha Buddha Buddha."

A bus full of the worlds most ugly people drives off a cliff..

They all die in a horrible, fiery, explosion.

They all go to heaven where they are greeted by an angel who grants all of them one wish to take with them into their next lives.

The 1st ugly spirit steps forward and wishes to be beautiful. The Angel grants his wish and a man in the very back of the line bursts out in laughter.

The 2nd steps forward and wishes to be even more beautiful than the previous spirit. The man in the back laughs even harder.

The 3rd ugly spirit and everyone else in line wishes to be more and more beautiful than the last all while the man in the back of the line laughs himself to tears until finally it comes to be his turn to be granted a wish by the angel.

"What do you wish for in your next life" The Angel asks.

To which the man replies

"I wish that they were all ugly again"

The religious bear.

In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.

The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim.Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"

The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.

Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive...."

A climber fell off a cliff, and, as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch.

"Help! Is there anybody up there?" he shouted.

A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:

"I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me."

"Yes, yes, I trust you!" cried the man.

"Let go of the branch," boomed the voice.

There was a long pause, and the man shouted up again, "Is there anybody else up there?"

I once fired a cannon off a cliff

Looking back, using a cannonball would probably have been better.

What are mixed feelings?

Watching your mother-in-law backing up towards the edge of a cliff in your new BMW.

A man asks out a woman...

Him: "If you don't say yes I'm going to jump off that 500 foot cliff over there."

Her: "I call that a bluff."

A hiker stuck on a branch

A hiker slipped over the edge of a cliff, and would surely have fallen to his death except for a branch he managed to grab, just a few feet from the top. He clung there in terror and yelled, "Help! Can anybody hear me?" A booming voice said, "I am God. Just let go of that branch and I'll catch you." There was a long silence until the hiker hollered, "Can anybody else hear me?"

Two drums and a cymbal jump off a cliff...

Ba dum tss.

Why did Jose push his wife off the cliff?

Tequila...

A bus carrying 53 politicians rolls off a cliff....

A farmer sees what happened and buries all the politicians.

Two hours later there are 100 reporters at the farmhouse to interview the poor fellow. One reporter asked him - did you make sure they were all dead before burying them?

The farmer replied - the truth is, some of them said they were still alive, but I know never to trust a politician!

There's a kid about to jump off a cliff.

His dad walks up and asks why he's going to jump. The kid says, I'm depressed and I hate your dad jokes. Hi depressed...

What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?

"Hi, Cliff "

Three men, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead are eating lunch...

... During their break at work. They all pull out their sandwiches and open them up to find out what they got to eat. First the redhead sees that he got ham and exclaims, "Ham again! If I get ham again I'm going to jump off a cliff and kill myself!" Next the brunette opens his sandwich and exclaims, "Turkey again! If I get turkey again I'm going to jump off a cliff and kill myself!" Lastly the blonde opens his sandwich and exclaims, "If I get peanut Butter and jelly one more time I'm going to jump off a cliff and kill myself!" The next day all three men got the same type of sandwich again and proceeded to the nearest cliff and jumped off.

Now the wifes are being interviewed:
The redheads wife says "If I would have known, I would have never done it!" And burst out crying The brunettes wife says "If I would have known I would have never done it!" And burst out crying. Lastly the blondes wife says "Hey don't look at me, he made his own sandwiches"

What did Helen Keller say when she fell off the cliff?

Nothing, she had her mittens on.

What is the definition of bitter sweet?

Your Mother in law driving off a cliff in your brand new Corvette.

Two snares and a cymbal falls off a cliff

BADUMTSSSS

What A Day...

I phoned my girlfriend and said, What a day! I accidentally threw the dog's ball off a cliff.

Oh dear, she said. Did you have to go down and get it?

I replied, Nah. I won't need it any more.

I was drinking my milkshake on a cliff and thought to myself...

Wow, this is ledge 'n dairy!

What is the definition of a mixed feeling?

Watching your mother-in-law roll off a cliff in your new car

Why didn't anyone hear Helen Keller fall off a cliff?

She had mittens on.

A muslim, buddhist and a Christian were arguing...

about whose God was the greatest.

The muslim said "I will throw myself off this cliff and my God will save me." So he threw himself off the cliff, closed his eyes and shouted "allah allah allah allah..." until he realised he was fast approaching the ground. He started to panic and shouted louder and faster "ALLAHALLAHALLAHALLAH!!!" all the way until he hit the ground and died.

Next, the Buddhist said, "I will throw myself off this cliff and my God will save me." So he threw himself off the cliff, closed his eyes and shouted "buddha buddha buddha buddha..." until he realised he was fast approaching the ground. He started to panic and shouted louder and faster "BUDDHABUDDHABUDDHA!!!" and a great big hand came down from the sky and caught him safely.

Lastly, the Christian proclaimed "I will throw myself off this cliff and my God will save me." So he threw himself off the cliff, closed his eyes and shouted "Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus..." until he looked down and realised he was fast approaching the ground. He started to panic and started shouting at the top of his voice "BUDDHABUDDHABUDDHABUDDHA!!!"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes