Clever Jokes

106 clever jokes and hilarious clever puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about clever that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Find the cleverest and smartest jokes this Christmas! From sly one-liners to smart puns, get ready to laugh and be amazed at these clever jokes.

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Funniest Clever Short Jokes

Short clever jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The clever humour may include short cunning jokes also.

  1. My 8 year old told me a really clever joke for once. What do you get when you cross Captain America and the Hulk?
    A Star-Spangled Banner.
  2. Clever Insult joke If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to your ego and jump down to your IQ level.
  3. What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bisexual hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek? A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie and tie dye watching sci-fi on wifi.
    Credits: my bud
  4. So my wife said to me, "I swear, it's like all men share one brain" I wanted to think of a clever comeback, but it wasn't my turn to use the brain
  5. Clever Husband. Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.
    Wife: Why Three?
    Husband: It's for you and your parents.
  6. Ok my 4 year old came up with this one, not sure he really understands how clever it is though... Why did the Dragon Cross the Road? He wanted to eat some chicken.
  7. I came up with a clever strategy to get my girlfriend to like my wordplay-loving family.... ....but she didn't fall for my punning clan.
  8. A clever Russian is planning on a streaming service exclusively for banned films. He's going to call it Nyetflix.
  9. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
    I heard this at work and thought it was clever. Enjoy
  10. clever dog Bloke walks into a pub and sees a dog playing poker with 3 men. "He must be a clever dog" the bloke says, "not really" says the barman "whenever he gets a good hand he wags his tail"

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Clever One Liners

Which clever one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with clever? I can suggest the ones about brilliant and witty.

  1. What did the chemist say in response to a clever joke about helium? He He :))
  2. What do you call a clever pig? Cunningham
  3. Don't tell clever jokes about umbrellas. They just go over people's heads !
  4. "Invent a clever line, and forever your name lives on." *(-Anonymous)*
  5. I know a lot of clever jokes about umbrellas, but they usually go over people's heads.
  6. A clever one from Yahoo! Answers Sea water equals salt. That's what it boils down to.
  7. Did you hear about the clever nun who got tricked? She was nun the wiser
  8. Accountants are very clever opponents. They are used to being underestimated.
  9. What do you call a clever idiot? An Oxymoron.
  10. What did the farmer name the clever and scheming pig? Cunningham.
  11. What's clever, witty and makes everyone laugh? Definitely not me
  12. What do you call a quick, clever reply to an insult or criticism. A riposte
  13. What's white and found up a tree? Clever fridge.
  14. Clever one-liner I'd rather die than drink water.
  15. What is your clever Wifi Name?

Clever Christmas Jokes

Here is a list of funny clever christmas jokes and even better clever christmas puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When I was young and was getting in trouble, I remember leading up to Christmas trying think of clever excuses to get off the naughty list. I guess you could say I was looking for the Santa *Clause*.
Clever joke, When I was young and was getting in trouble, I remember leading up to Christmas trying think of clev

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Clever Jokes with Friends.

What funny jokes about clever you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean genius jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make clever pranks.

A little girl tells her dad she wishes she had a sister

In an attempt to be clever, her dad explains, "You do, it's just you don't see her. Every time you come in the front door: she leaves out the back door.". The little girl replies, "ohhhh, just like my other daddy!"

Romney was asked about the Chinese going to the moon...

He responded that when they are up there, they will be able to see the flag we planted over 40 years ago. This is a pretty clever comeback. But the last laugh is on us. The US flags are now all beached white due to the unprotected exposure to the sun's UV radiation. This means the Chinese will think the French made it first.

My 5 year old's original joke

My son came up with this one. Clever, I thought.
What has one wheel, spins, but never moves?
A Ferris wheel.

Yokel Logic

Two country types are sitting outside a university, when a man comes out. One of them stands up, and goes over to talk to this man.
He says ''Ello there, son. You look loike one of them clever university toipes. What is it that you're studyin' then?'
The man, slightly stunned, says, 'I study Mathematics, Physics and Logic'
The country dude says 'Oo- arr, logic, what's that then?'
The Student replies, 'I could teach you it.'
'Okay then.'
'So', says the student, 'you look like a country type. I'm going to guess that you have a tractor?'
'And if you have a tractor, then surely you have... a yard, to keep your tractor in?'
'So in turn, surely you have a house next to that yard?'
'Wow, incredible, go on!'
'And taking care of that big house must be awfully hard on your own- so you must have a wife to help out with it?'
'Moi god...'
'And because you live with your wife, I'm going to conclude that you're a heterosexual!'
'Oh lord...' says the farmer. 'How did you know all that?'
'That's logic, my friend', says the student, and he walks off with a cheerful wave.
The yokel runs over to his friend to show off his newfound learnings.
''Ere, Oi've got somethin' to show ya! It's called 'Logic'', he shouts.
'Alroight then', says the friend
'So, do you have a tract'r?'
'Then you're Gay!'


We've had a few mice in the house recently so I set a few traps.
The next day I went down to check and was very surprised with what I found.
I jumped back into bed and said to the wife, "There are some clever mice in this area."
"Why?" she asked, "Did they get the cheese without springing the traps?"
"They didn't go near them," I replied. "They're sitting in the living room playing Scrabble."

Clever guy applying for a job, ended up talking about the wages...

Manager: '' So you will start at $15 a hour and later you could earn at least $20 a hour. ''
Applicant: ''Alright then I'll be back later! ''

Clever yo mama jokes

The title says it all.
Heres one:
Yo mama so fat that light bends around her.

My manly password

My wife and I were trying to set up a new password for our computer.
Trying to be clever, I put "Mypenis" and my wife fell to the ground laughing hysterically because on the screen it said:
**"Error. Not long enough."**

Clever son!

Father: Which one do you love more , me or Mommy?
Son: I love you both.
Father: Very Well , lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to?
Son: Japan.
Father: See, that you love Mommy more than me?
Son: No, I just want to visit Japan.
Father: Very well , lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to?
Son: France.
Father: See?
Son: No its just because I have already visited Japan! :D

What's the difference between a tribe of clever pygmies and a girls' track team?

One is a group of cunning runts.

Sherlock Holmes faced a tax audit because...

all his clever deductions made the tax office very suspicious.

What's the difference between a clever midget and an STD?

Well, one of them is a cunning runt...
side note: apparently Jim Morrison of The Doors said this gem at a meeting with some record executives.

What does an Australian chemist call is bro?

Sorry, just studying my poly atomic ions and thought I was clever. I thought wrong

Burglars are getting very clever these days..

Last night, my wife woke me up..
*Darling! Darling! There's a burglar downstairs!!*
So I go down, check every room and don't find anyone.
Then I realised I don't have a wife and when I went back upstairs my bed and tv were gone.

Bad joke I made but thought it was clever in 4th grade

What do you get when you slice ice cream?
Slice cream!
... I think I'll join the reposting group now...


The original iron man. (clever feminist joke I read on a T-shirt. Not actually a huge feminist.)

Know why I won't have two pet rocks?

'Cause I ain't raising no pebbles!
.. Idk, my brother told me that years ago and I still think it's clever.

There was a farmer who grew watermelons...

He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his water melon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!!!"

Young boy comes home from school early from school, his mother asks him why he's home early...

Boy: 'the headmaster expelled me from school for using the C word in class!'
Mum: 'That wasn't clever was it'
Boy: 'No, it was c**...'
Sorry if repostage :/

What do you call a dead skunk?

A stunk.
My daughter made this up when she was about 7 years old. I thought it was incredible clever.

"Woman was in bed with her lover" Clever Woman

The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how s**... her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband. He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?" "There," said the wife, "didn't I tell you he was s**...?"

What's musical and useful at the grocery store?

A Chopin Liszt
Note: taken from one of those horrible "Joke of the Day" desk calendars. It took almost 12 months to get something clever.

Your mom joke, but clever

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a v**...."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a v**... until last night ."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

In park people come across man playing chess with dog

They are of surprise and say "What clever dog!"
But man say: "No, no, he isn't so clever. I am lead by three game to one!"

Someone asked me if I smoked

I said sodium Bromate
Cuz NaBrO
Hope you liked my joke! Let me know if you think you've seen it before. I thought I came up with it but these Jokes are common and I'm not clever enough so I possibly read it somewhere
Either way hope you liked it!

What do you call an alligator that wins a race?

A chompion.
(7-year old me thought he was very clever.)

My better half said period jokes aren't clever

So I wound up discarding 3 pages of jokes i had expounded on the Victorian period.

In a bar, there's a guy hitting on a cute banker girl

The guy brags about all his riches and possessions, but he got shot down by the girl immediately.
The girl said, "Leave me a loan!"
The guy noticed the wordplay, he praised the girl. "That's a pretty clever pun! ...But not as pretty as you"
The girl, now irritated, said. "I'm not kidding, leave me a loan! I lost interest."

Awesome Reporting of the Accident

A car was involved in an accident. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story, could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim. The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

I'm getting old, The only way I can screw a woman...

Is to borrow money from her and not pay her back.
(Credit given to my friend. i'm not that clever.)

Q: A word that defines "a quick, clever reply to an insult or criticism."

Sorry, this was "a riposte".

Everybody's trying to make clever statements on Twitter.

In the end they always turn out as s**... autocovfefe!'

What's the difference between a clever midget and a yeast infection?

One's a cunning runt...

Dolphins are really clever

In fact, they have trained humans to stand at the edge of the pools and throw fish at them.

Jim was lazy, but boy was he clever.

A difficult customer walked into the shop that Jim didn't want to deal with, so he grabbed a mop and pretended to clean up a mess.
The manager came over and asked him what he was doing. After telling him that he was cleaning, the manager said, "It doesn't look messy here."
To which Jim replied, "Why, thank you!"

My doctor just asked me if I knew my s**... count

"Didn't realise they were that clever"

Do you know what "oxymoron" means?

It's a term in which contradicting words occur together. For example:
a "clever vegan"
a "female driver"

Thought I had written something clever until i started telling this one and no one got it.

I made a trip to the local dump yesterday and while I was there, I noticed that one of the employees was coughing and struggling to breathe, trying to heft a bag into a dumpster. So I went over to him and asked "excuse me sir, are you alright? Do you need a hand?" And he just replies "Nah I'm used to it, it's just miasma."

Three stereotypes (one that you don't like) are in this particular situation

The first two act in a normal or clever way, while the third confirms some negative thing you want to think about the stereotype, but in a humorous way!!

Dad why'd you name me Tim?

Well son your Mom and I met at MIT and thought we were being clever.
Then why'd you choose to name my sister Lana?
No reason..

Why shouldn't you make fun of a midget with learning difficulties?

Because it's not big, and it's not clever.

The trouble with translating jokes is...

Many jokes rely on clever wordplay, which can get lost in translation!
(What? That always gets a laugh when I tell it in Basque.)

When your not clever enough for metaphors...

I've found literal comparisons make great fact similes.

God said to Eve: "I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;"

Clever as she was, she asked, "You mind if I pay in periods?"

A pair of Jesuits started a flower shop...

A pair of Jesuits started a flower shop, with prices so below-cost that no other shop could compete. Several of the other shop owners tried to kill the brothers, but they always failed. Eventually, the other shop owners pooled their money to hire the most clever and expensive assassin in town, Hugh McTaggart. He succeeded, demonstrating that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

My wife was surprised when she realized my skill in the bedroom matched my skill at crafting clever punchlines.

To get to the other side!

My account said I'm crazy for investing all my money in my idea of building a business that offers a boxing gym, a dentist, and a manicurist all under one roof.

But I told him I'm going to fight tooth and nail for it. Now if I could just think of a clever name for it, I'd be all set.

Puma has created a smart shoe that ties itself via an app on your phone.

Clever idea, but I feel devices like these lack sole.

A woman was sobbing on the side of the street because she had accidentally locked her keys in her car,

a passing soldier saw this and assured her that he can help.
She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.
Magically it opens....... "That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," replies the soldier. "These are my khakis."

A clever way of telling if your kids asleep.

A man tells his kid,
You beep when you sleep.
The dad ends up convincing his kid that he actually beeps when he sleeps.
The next night the dad peeked into his kids room to see if he was asleep.
Now his kid makes beep noises when he fake sleeps.

Where did Noah put the penguins on the ark?

In the arctic section.
Note: my 7 yr old grand daughter made this up on the spot, after I told her this joke:
Where did Noah put the bees on the ark?
In the archives.
I think she's pretty clever.

What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bi s**... Hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie watching sci-fi on wifi.

Finding a woman sobbing because she had locked her keys in the car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help.

She watches amazed as he takes off his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door. Magically it opens.
"That's so clever!" the woman exclaims. "How did you do that?"
"Easy," replied the soldier, "These are my khakis."

Little Johnny's mother receives a note from his teacher

"johhny is a very clever boy, but he spends too much time thinking about girls and it distracts him from matters that are really important"
The mother replies: "please inform me right away if you ever find a solution. His dad is having the same problem"

they call me JOHNNY TWO GUNS

a nickname I invented as a clever ploy
>!to hide my THIRD GUN!<

A Russian cosmonaut and a Russian brain surgeon were discussing religion.

A Russian cosmonaut and a Russian brain surgeon were discussing religion. The brain surgeon was a Christian but the cosmonaut was an atheist. The cosmonaut said, "I've been out in space many times but I've never seen God or angels." The brain surgeon said, "And I've operated on many clever brains but I've never seen a single thought."

Three men were about to be executed by the firing squad.

The first man was brought forward and before they could shoot him he yelled "avalanche"! The firing squad panicked and in the confusion, the man jumped over the wall and into freedom before the firing squad could regroup.
The second man thought what the first man did was clever and when he was brought forward for his execution, he yelled "earthquake"! Again, the firing squad panicked and the second man took advantage of it to jump over the wall and into freedom.
The third man thought he saw the pattern: yell a disaster and jump over the wall. When he was finally brought forward, with a smirk on his face he yelled "fire"!

When I was younger, I thought I was clever by coming up with a joke: What is a British person's favourite cereal?

I told this to joke to a British person.
They were a little tea'd off.

How did the GOP shoot themselves in the foot?

With a Cult 45.
Also works with, How does a democracy die? , etc.
Sorry if someone already thought of this, thought it was clever and didn't see it after a quick glance.

A man walks into a bakery on March 14th

He orders some pie, the baker thinks its clever and gets him some pie. The next day the man comes back and says the pie was great and orders a different flavor. He does this every day for 350 days. The baker running out of ideas for flavors sees the man come in on Feb 27th.
He says, man look I'm out of ideas.
Well how about some cake then, asks the man.
Are you sure, no pie?
No sir, today is my cakeday!

Two students were talking about their childhood.

I was a very clever toddler. By the time I was ten months old, I could already walk."
"You call that clever?" the other said. "I managed to trick my parents into carrying me until I was three!"

I bought one of those "Smart" light switches, but it was too clever for me.

So I replaced it with a dimmer switch.

A man once challenged everyone that he can answer all questions with just two sentences.

The man claimed that all questions can be answered by either "None of your business" or "None of my business".
Then a wise man came to him, and asked, "Don't you think answering questions like that make people unhappy?"
The man replied with "None of my business."
The wise man then asked again, "Do you think you are the most clever person on the Earth?"
The man simply told him "None of your business."
And the wise man smiled, asked politely, "Do you know I slept with your wife?"

A driver was reversing his truck up a hill on a narrow gravel track

A hiker saw him and asked, why don't you drive up in forward?
Driver: It is a narrow track, in case I don't find a place to turn up there
Hiker: oh, clever
After a while the hiker sees the same driver reversing down hill
Hiker: what happened?
Driver: I found a place to turn

For my cake day, a Harry Potter joke I made up when I was a kid...

~ Who's there?
~ You know
~ you know who?
*avada kedavra!*
Sorry if everyone knows that one, 7 year old me thought I was being very clever.

Clever joke, For my cake day, a Harry Potter joke I made up when I was a kid...

jokes about clever