Clerk Jokes
153 clerk jokes and hilarious clerk puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about clerk that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of clerk jokes featuring court clerks, payroll clerks, ward clerks, sales clerks, office clerks, shopkeepers, accountants, and janitors. Get ready to giggle!
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Funniest Clerk Short Jokes
Short clerk jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The clerk humour may include short clergy jokes also.
- I was at the bank going to withdraw money from my account when the clerk told me I had an outstanding balance I told her thank you I did gymnastics as a kid.
- Scene at the supermarket... Customer: Pardon me, but are these vegetables genetically modified?
Clerk: No, sir. Why do you ask?
Carrot: Yeah, why do you ask? - I went into my local record store recently... and asked the clerk "do you have anything by The Doors?", and he replied, "just the fire extinguisher".
- A guy walks into an auto parts store and says to the clerk, "I would like a pair of new windshield wipers for my Yugo." The clerk responds, "Sounds like a fair trade."
- A photon walks into a hotel The clerk asks "do you have any bags we can help you with?"
Photon says "naw dawg, I'm travelin' light" - A midget walks into a bookstore... ...& asks clerk: 'do you happen to have any books on irony.'
The clerk points to a shelf: 'top row.' - A lady goes into the dry cleaners Lady: "I was wondering if you could get this stain out of my blouse"
The Clerk: "Come again?"
Lady: "No, this time it's just yogurt" - I'm not trying to say that the customer service in my bank is bad... But when i went in the other day, and asked the clerk to check my balance... she leaned over and pushed me.
- A guy walks into a Kinkos and asks, "Do you have any colored printers?" To which the clerk responds, "It's 2016 man. You can use any printer you want."
- A walks into a hardware store to get some nails He asks the clerk for some nails and the clerk says "ok sure, how long do you want them?" and the customer says "well I'd like to keep them." : )
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Clerk One Liners
Which clerk one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with clerk? I can suggest the ones about cashier and office staff.
- Me: How much for the goth cucumber? Clerk: That's a cactus.
- I walked into the antique shop And I asked the clerk, what's new?
- What did the store clerk say to the cosmologist? Did you find everything?
- Why gas station clerks do not need to workout? Because they always have a pump
- What did the store clerk say to the rat he found under a shelf in his store?
- What did the hotel clerk tell the guest with paruresis during check in? Your in 8.
- I am an accounts payable clerk. It's no a glamorous job But it pays the bills
- I applied for work at 7-11 the other day. The clerk gave me a punjab offer.
- What did the hen say to the hotel desk clerk? "I'd like to chick-en"
- Why are convenience store clerks the best prostitutes? Thank you! Come again!
- What did the disgruntled alien customer say to the store clerk? Take me to your leader!
- What do you say to the Starbucks clerk who hands you your coffee? Thanks a latté!
- A p**... walks into a hardware store... ... and tells the clerk, "I need some more hose."
- I asked a grocery store clerk to help me find the v**... Turns out he was my spirit guide.
- How did the clerk greet the p**...? "What can I do you for?"
Store Clerk Jokes
Here is a list of funny store clerk jokes and even better store clerk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A guy walks into a bike store with his overweight wife He tells the clerk, I'd like a bicycle built for two, and one for me.
- Me: Thanks for always being there for me. *leans in for a kiss* Liquor store clerk: Sir, please just pay for your stuff and leave.
- Why can't clerks at the grocery store pick which cashier they work with? Because baggers can't be choosers.
- Got anything smaller? I was at the store today and handed the clerk a $20 bill.
He handed it back and asked if I had anything smaller.
So I folded the $20 bill in half and handed it back to him. - So I bought Master of Puppets today I noticed there was a song missing. When I asked the store clerk later about it, he said "Battery not included".
- On Halloween I like to go to the store and buy apples and razorblades just to see the look on the clerk's face.
- A Scottish man walks store... He asked for 15 litres of the best whiskey the clerk has. "Did you bring a container for this?" The clerk asks. "You're speaking to it."
- At the Hallmark store "Do you sell sympathy cards?" I asked at the Hallmark store.
"Yes we do." replied the clerk.
"Good," I said, "could I exchange this 'Get Well Soon' card for one?" - I'm at a Mexican electronics store and the clerk asked me what kind of cables I was looking for. I told him, "Audios."
He left and hasn't come back since. - A very Fat woman comes into a store and tells the clerk, 'i would like to see a bikini that fits me'
Clerk...'me too'
Office Clerk Jokes
Here is a list of funny office clerk jokes and even better office clerk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I called the dentist office to set up an appointment for next Wednesday. The clerk asked, "2:30?"
I replied, "Yes very much." - A guy calls Newspaper office to print death news of his Grandpa. Clerk: $50 per word…
Guy: Grandpa Dead
Clerk: Sorry Sir, Minimum 5 words required…
Guy: Grandpa Dead, Wheelchair for Sale
Grocery Clerk Jokes
Here is a list of funny grocery clerk jokes and even better grocery clerk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A nun walks into a grocery store Nun: "Hi I'd like to buy a cucumber."
Clerk: "Well, why don't you buy two, so you can eat one." - The clerk at a grocery store asks a man if he needs any bags He replies "no thanks I was married to one once"
Sales Clerk Jokes
Here is a list of funny sales clerk jokes and even better sales clerk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A young sales clerk removed an old mans sunglasses and insisted he tries on a new pair. "I can't see myself wearing these" said the old man.
"Why not?" asked the clerk.
"Because I'm blind".
Law Clerk Jokes
Here is a list of funny law clerk jokes and even better law clerk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, "Marc, with a C."
Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.
Ridiculous Clerk Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about clerk you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean secretary jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make clerk pranks.
A girl walks in to the dry cleaners
A girl walks in to the dry cleaners and places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress".
The clerk was somewhat preoccupied and didn't quite catch what she said, so he asked "Come again?".
"No. This time it's mayonnaise"
Returning on Investment
After being away on buisness, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.
"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young lady is at a home decoration store, and picks out a large mirror with a brass hanger.
The helpful store clerk says, "M'am, you wanna screw for that mirror hanger?"
The girl replies, "No, but I'll blow you for that matching brass end table."
My visit to the patent office
I went into a patent office and told the clerk how I had an idea for a folding bottle, it's called a fottle.
She said that it was ridiculous, so I told her about my idea for a folding carton, it's called a farton.
She said that too is a dumb idea. I said well then I am not even going to tell you about my idea for a folding bucket!
Itchipussy
A cougar had just finished purchasing groceries. The clerk asks if she would like any help out. The woman, seeing the bag boy was an attractive young man, she says she would. In the parking lot she sees her chance to make a move, and does:
Woman: (whispers) Hey cutie, I've got an itchipussy.
Bag boy: Look lady, all these Japanese cars look alike to me, you'll have to point it out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day
A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day. She is placing her items on the belt: a TV dinner, a soap opera digest, 3 bottles of wine, and 3 chocolate bars.
The clerk looks and her and says "I hate Valentines Day...what about you, you must be single right?"
"Yeah" she responds, "how did you know? Was it the stuff I'm buying?"
"Nah, you're ugly"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yet another genie in the lamp joke
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' p**...! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' p**...! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a mental hospital wearing nothing but plastic wrap.
The clerk says to him, "You definitely belong here, I can clearly see your nuts!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This guy is shopping, see, and he approaches the clerk and asks him..
.."Excuse me, where is the Polish sausage?"
"Oh," says the clerk, "Are you Polish?"
"Whaat?" says the guy, indignantly."Are you serious? If I asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? If I asked for bagels, would you assume I was Jewish? Jeez!"
"No, I certainly would not. " said the clerk.
"Then why'd you ask if I was Polish?"
"Because, Sir," says the clerk, "This is Home Depot."
An elderly Jewish sage walks into the post office and hands the clerk a thick envelope to mail.
The clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, buy this envelope is too heavy. You'll need to put another stamp on it."
"Vaht, and you think adding another stamp vill make it any lighter?"
A grasshopper walks into an ice cream parlor
The clerk says "Hey Grasshopper, we have an ice cream flavor named after you!" The Grasshopper says "What? You have a flavor named Kenneth?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... Stitcher VS Diesel Fitter
Manuel and Pedro worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Manuel answered, "p**... Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' cotton p**...."
The clerk looked up p**... Stitcher. Finding it classified as "unskilled labor," she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Pedro was asked his occupation. "Diesel Fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Pedro $600 a week.
When Manuel found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, "p**... stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor"
"What skill?!" yelled Manuel. "I sew the elastic on da p**..., Pedro puts dem over his head and says: 'Yeah, diesel fitter.'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you know when you're staying in a h**... hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink,"
and the clerk replies, "okay, Go ahead."
5 boxes for a dollar...
A woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices a group of tampons stacked on a table in the corner with a sign on them saying, "5 boxes for a dollar."
Well, the woman just can't believe this price so she asks the clerk if it was correct.
He replies, "Oh yes, 5 for a dollar."
She says, "That can't be right!"
The clerk responds, "Oh yes, it's right!! 5 boxes for a dollar, no strings attached."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had a big mix up at the store today.
Apparently when the clerk said s**... down facing me, she was referring to my credit card.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde goes to buy a TV.
A blonde goes out to buy a TV at a department store.
Blonde: I'd like that TV please.
Clerk: Sorry, we don't sell to blondes.
So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair brown. She then goes back to the store.
Blonde: I'd like that TV please.
Clerk: I'm sorry but we don't sell to blondes.
Amazed she goes out and dyes her hair ginger. She later returns to the store.
Blonde: I'd like that TV please.
Clerk: I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes.
Blonde: How did you know I'm blonde?
Clerk: Because that's a Microwave.
A drunk walks into a library
Walks to the clerk and says "barkeep get me 2 beers and a shot!" The clerk replies "sir this is a library" the drunk leans close and whispers "bartender get me 2 beers and a shot"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 nuns were smoking when it started to rain...
The first nun takes out a c**... and cuts off the end and slides it over her cigarette and continues smoking.
The second nun notices that it is keeping the first nuns cigarette dry and asks "where'd you get that?"
"From the Pharmacy" replied the first nun.
So the second nun heads down to the pharmacy and asks the clerk for a pack of condoms.
"What size do you need" asked the clerk.
The nun replied - "Large enough to fit a Camel"
So a pirate walks into a grocery store...
And he asks for blubber. The clerk is amazed to see a pirate and exclaims "Are you *really* a pirate!?"
"Aye, matey."
"Whale: aisle B!" replied the surprised-yet-helpful clerk.
Thermos
A guy walks into a store and sees something. He asks what it is. "Why, it's a thermos." The clerk replies. "What does it do?" The man asks. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The clerk replies. "By golly, that's amazing!" The man replies. So he buys the thermos.
The next day he's walking down the street when he sees his friends. "What's that?" They ask. "Why, it's a thermos." The man replies. "What does it do?" The friends ask. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The man replies. "By golly that's amazing!" The friends exclaim, "what do you have in it?"
"Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."
A lady walks into a dry cleaners...
...she's carrying a beautiful black dress. She tells the clerk, "I'll need to pick this up tomorrow."
The clerk, hard of hearing and distracted, innocently asks, "come again?"
Unfazed, she replies, "No. Vanilla ice cream this time."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Hotel guest calls the front desk
and the clerk answers, "May I help you?"
The man says, "Yes, I'm in room 858.
You need to send someone to my room immediately.
I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the window."
The desk clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal matter."
The man replies, "Listen you idiot.
The window won't open and that's a maintenance matter."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man visits a village
A man visits a village and approaches the town clerk "Have any great men been born in your joke of a town?"
And the clerk responded "well no you foolish man. Only babies have been born in my town."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Life after death
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. Yes, sir," the clerk replied. "That's good," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's f**..., she stopped in to see you."
A Lady walks into a Grocery Store..
A lady went into the grocery and asked for fifty gallons of milk. The clerk, amazed, asked her what she was going to do with that much milk. "I have a skin problem and the Doctor prescribed a milk bath". The clerk asked "Pasteurised?" She replied "No just up to my chin"
There is a clerk at the butcher shop. He is 5'10" and wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weight?
Meat.
An office worker opened his pay envelope to find
his check was short $100. He called the accounting department to voice his complaint.
"You're right, we made a mistake," said the clerk, "but last week we overpaid you $100 and we didn't hear you complaining then."
"Look," said the man, "I can overlook one mistake. But two weeks in a row?"
A man goes to the courthouse to change his name.
"What is your current name?" the clerk asks. "Adolph Trump."
"That *is* unfortunate," the clerk replies. "What do you want to change it to?"
"Adolph Jones."
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms for the first time.
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms for the first time. He brings a box up to the counter and the clerk says, "That will be five dollars plus 15 cents for tax."
The young man screams "Tacks, I thought they stayed on by themselves!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A drunk staggered up to the h**...
A drunk staggered up to the hotel reception desk and demanded his room be changed.
"But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel."
"I insist on another room!!" said the drunk.
"Very good, sir. I'll change you from 502 to 555. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk.
"Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman walks into a hardware store and says, "I want to buy a hinge."
The clerk says, "Do you wanna screw for that hinge?"
The woman replies, "No thanks, but I'll blow you for a toaster."
A curvy blonde walks into a drugstore
She asks the clerk, "Can you show me where the flashlight batteries are?".
The clerk says, "Sure." and wiggled his fingers at her in a come-hither gesture. "Come this way", he continued.
She replied "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need the flashlight batteries."
8 Days' Worth
Mary goes to the post office to buy 50 stamps for her Hanukkah cards. What denomination? asks the postal clerk.
Mary thinks a second before
replying, Give me six Orthodox,
12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.
A rabbit walks into a men's clothing store...
And the clerk says,"May I help you, sir?"
"Yes", says the rabbit. "I'd like a BLT with some coleslaw please."
"I'm sorry sir", says the clerk," but we don't have that here."
"Oh, ok.", says the slightly deflated rabbit. "I guess I'll have a house salad."
"Sir," replies the slightly annoyed clerk," we don't have that. Is there something else I can help you with?"
"Well," says the rabbit," in that case I'll just have a bowl of tomato soup."
The clerk is now incensed. "Sir, we don't have food! The sign outside clearly says 'men's clothing store'! Can't you read?"
"Listen, buddy", says the rabbit,"if I could read, I would have asked you for a menu!"
Fastfood
Clerk: Number 27! Double steak combo with extra fries!
Man: Right here!
Clerk: Here you go sir, sorry about your weight.
Man: Oh, it wasn't long at al- wait...
Clerk: >:D
The woman in the store
A woman walks into a store. Billy the clerk and the manager are talking away, and the woman asks the clerk where some stuff is.
Woman: "Excuse me sir, do you know where the Kleenex, toilet paper, ear cleaners, napkins, and tampons are?
The manager replies with, "Dear Lord Billy, help her! She's leaking from every hole!"
A store manager heard his clerk tell a customer, No, ma'am, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon.
Horrified, the manager came running over to the customer and said, Of course we'll have some soon. We placed an order last week. Then the manager drew the clerk aside. Never, he snarled, Never, never, never say we're out of anything- say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now, what was it she wanted anyway? The clerk said, Rain!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old Jewish man walked in to a hotel...
and asked to rent a room. The clerk said, "Sorry, no vacancies." The man pointed at a couple who were checking out and asked, "What about their room?"
"Sorry," the clerk said, "this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed."
The old man, looking to have a little fun, said "What makes you think I'm a Jew? I'm actually Catholic."
The clerk says, "Catholic, eh? Tell me then, did God have a son?"
"Sure," the old Jew says, "Name of Jesus."
"And where was He born?"
"In Bethlehem, in a manger."
"And why was He born in a manger?" pressed the clerk.
"Because a s**... like you wouldn't rent him a room!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man walks into a store to return a doorbell...
A clerk asks if he needs help and the man tells him "Yes I'm here to return a doorbell, she's broken."
The clerk says "Why did you just call that doorbell 'she'?"
The man says "Because it's a female doorbell."
The clerk asks "How do you figure that?"
The man says "Because it has a ding but no d**...."
Back in the Sovjet days a guy wants to buy a car
The guy goes up to the counter at the Ministry of buying cars.
Guy: I would like to buy a car.
Clerk: Sure thing but it will take 10 years for processing your request. Come back then and your car will be ready for you.
Guy: Ok, morning or afternoon?
Clerk: Huh? what difference does it make, it´s 10 years from now?
Guy: Well, the plumber is coming in the morning.
Credit goes to Ronald Reagan
Two young boys go to a store
They have $6 between them and want a cool toy. After shopping around they come up to the register with a box of tampons. The clerk asks "Why?" One little boy replies "It says on the box you can go swimming, horse-back riding, play tennis, and other activities!! We just need to figure out how they work."
A blonde calls the front desk of her hotel in a panic.
"Help! I'm trapped in my room!" she says. "How do I get out?"
The clerk at the front desk says, "just go out the door."
"I tried," she says "but one just leads to the bathroom, and the other has a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on it!"
Former president Clinton
Walks into a dry cleaner with a suit,
"I'm in a hurry can I get this by 3 today?"
The clerk, preoccupied, quickly looked up and asked "come again?"
"No, it was mustard this time."
Do you sell a book "How to get rich in three months"?
Clerk: "Yes we do sir, can I recommend another book with that, other buyers have found it very useful?"
Guy: "Of course, I would gladly take a look, what is it?"
Clerk: "Penal Code - Commented edition"
My wife rushed into the supermarket to grab a few items
She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her.
"Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?"
The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said, "Not bad."
A man walks into a gun shop and sees that the clerk is a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
He asks, "What's with the small arms?"
My girlfriend told me she had never heard of condoms...
I thought she must be pulling my leg so I played along. Oh yeah? I said, They're for covering your cigarettes in the rain.
Well one day we were in a pharmacy and she asked the clerk for a package of condoms. He asked what kind, and she said oh, to fit a camel.
Two young boys went to a bread store...
Two young boys went to a bread store. One boy asks the pretty clerk if he could get some raisin bread, she climbs up a ladder to grab the boy a loaf of raisin bread. While she's up on the ladder, the boy notices that the clerk wasn't wearing underwear. The boy whispers and points this out to the other boy. While up on the ladder the clerk asks the other boy if his is raisin too. To which he says, No Ma'am, mine's just quivering.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... goes to France
As he reaches the immigration desk, the clerk reviews his passport and asks, "Name?"
The fuhrer whispers, "Adolf h**..."
"Occupation?"
h**... shakes his head... "No, just visiting".
A man walks into a pet store
He walks up to the clerk and says "I'm looking for a dog" the clerk says "Okay what kind of demeanor are you looking for" the man says "I'm looking for a guard dog demeanor the better"
A woman walks into the dry cleaners...
Clerk: Hello ma'am, what can we do for you?
Woman: I would like to drop off my coat.
Clerk: Ok, what would you like us to do with it?
Woman: I would like you to get the stain out of the collar area.
Clerk: Come again?
Woman: No, it's mustard this time.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...
As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and i**... aliens?
The clerk said, Kiss my a**...… get out… and stay out!
The man said, Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A beautiful blonde strode angrily into the large store,
A beautiful blonde strode angrily into the large store and slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction.
The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?"
The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Do you mean to tell me that p**... Treats' are meant for 'cats'?"
When I'm buying milk, the clerk always says "Do you want your milk in a bag?"
I always say "No just keep it in the carton."
I like to see who's awake at Target. :)
A duck walks into a store
A duck walks into a store, picks up a tube of Chapstick and places it on the counter. The clerk asks him, "Will that be cash or credit?" The duck replies, "Just put it on my bill."
A man went to a laundry service
He drop his set of pants for dry cleaning.
As he was leaving, the clerk says "come again"
He turns around and said "Nope, this time its mayonaisse"
The horse goes into the hardware shop...
The horse goes into the hardware shop.
Horse: I would like to have a pound of bread!
Clerk: sorry but we have only pink.
Horse: no problem I came with bike.
An old rabbi wants to leave the Soviet Union
So he goes to the emigration office. The clerk asks him why he wants to go.
Rabbi: There are two reasons. The first is that I'm afraid the Soviet Union will collapse someday. The people will then seek to blame someone for the crimes of Communism, and us Jews will become scapegoats once more.
Clerk: But this is nonsense, comrade. The Soviet Union can never fall.
Rabbi: Yeah, that would be the second reason.
Yale educated
The bank manager noticed the new clerk was not good at counting money and adding up figures.
"Where did you get your financial education?" he asked.
"Yale," replied the lad.
"And what's your name?" barked the manager.
"Yim Yohnston," he replied.
The sharp eye-witness
While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him. Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!
Dear God! Did your try to stop him?
No, said the clerk, but don't worry. I got the license plate number!
A woman was at the supermarket
A woman was at the supermarket with her kid and was about to check out. When she got to the cash register, all she had was a backpack. The clerk asked her why she wanted the backpack since her kid was still very young. She responded, "I'm going to stuff my kid in the backpack and carry him around." The people behind her in line gasped at how the lady said she was going to treat her kid. The clerk shrugged his shoulders and said, "Ok lady, whatever totes your goat."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My favourite type of l**...
My favourite type of l**... is when it's on the floor...
Much to the annoyance of the store clerk
The CEO proudly said that he did "it" 7 times with his wife on his wedding night many years back.
The General Manager next to him said he did it 6 times before going to sleep on 1st night.
All turned towards a fresher Clerk & asked how many times did he do it on his wedding night.
The Clerk replied: Only once Sir!
The CEO laughed n asked WHY?
The Clerk replied: My wife wasn't used to it Sir!
Today the clerk received all dues after termination.
A man checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room.
Five minutes later he calls the desk and say, You've given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?
The desk clerk says, Sir, that's absurd. Have you looked for the door?
The person says, Well, there's one door that leads to the bathroom. There's a second door that goes into the closet. And there's a door I haven't tried, but it has a 'do not disturb' sign on it.
A scientist is looking to conduct an experiment using dolphins
He goes to the pet store and asks the clerk if they have any dolphins
The clerk responds We don't have any dolphins, but would a whale work?
The scientist responds No thank you, that defeats the porpoise
