clean Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious clean puns

I'm 60 days clean now.

It's been hard showering every day, but thankfully I had heroin to help me through it.

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I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.

My boss said, Clean our your desk, and I'll see you in the office on Monday.

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I like my women like I like my microwave

Hot, clean, and she'll kill any baby I put inside her.

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Got a new roommate. She cleans my room, I clean hers.

We are maid for each other.

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God said to Adam "I'm going to make you a woman"

God: "She's going to clean for you, cook anything you want whenever you want it, always look beautiful, never be bad tempered, give you children, always obedient, and she'll never argue with you."
Adam: "That sounds great, but what'll it cost me?"
God: "Oh, an arm and a leg."
Adam: "That's a bit steep. What can I get for a rib?"

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I masturbate with soap...

Just thought I'd come clean.

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How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?

thbjgctr[HUV93tqwbhj4yui89 4ruq9-tyq3t9qp36crioedfh qweoyq9f7ewr y9p7q8tr q37902t 4047yq3rqwrqorgq rp8oqgrqo8g8owg fp8ewfg o8wegf ofhu prhq439pyr q4t83q[i09[fi0a[fdshv payuhieyu463wsur58ry r927ct9y1y9f38qepw0t7f8qeje278ee0

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I used to be addicted to soap....

I'm clean now.

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How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?

qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv

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A wife asks her husband to sweep the house.

After 5 minutes she walks in on him playing video games, "I thought I asked you to sweep the house"

"It's clean", he replies, "I didn't find any hostiles"

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Personally, i think that Tide pods are even better than advertised.

I mean, anything that can clean your clothes and the gene pool in the same product...

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I've been clean for 45 days now

It's been tough taking a shower everyday, but at least I have the heroin to help me get throught it.

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Jim was lazy, but boy was he clever.

A difficult customer walked into the shop that Jim didn't want to deal with, so he grabbed a mop and pretended to clean up a mess.

The manager came over and asked him what he was doing. After telling him that he was cleaning, the manager said, "It doesn't look messy here."

To which Jim replied, "Why, thank you!"

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Why don't blind people clean up their guide dogs' poop? .

Because they can't see shit

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I should clean mirrors for a living.

It's a profession I see myself in.

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My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party,

So I made her and all her friends clean the house.

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To be fair, Donald Trump HAS created a lot of jobs.

It's going to take a lot of people to clean up this mess.

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A guy picks up a beautiful blonde girl and takes her back to his place...

They have wild passionate sex and lay there panting when it's all over. All of a sudden, she sits up all scared.

"Wait! We should have used a condom! You don't have AIDS, do you!?"

The guy says, "No. I'm clean."

"Whew," the blonde girl says. "Good thing. I sure wouldn't want to catch that shit twice!"

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I'm 30 days clean now

Taking a shower every day was hard, it's a good thing I had meth to get me through it

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How can you tell a mechanic just had sex?

Two of his fingers are clean.

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I'm 60 days clean now!

It's hard showering every day, but luckily i had heroin to help me through it.

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I have a confession to make: I masturbate in the shower.

It feels good to come clean.

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I sat my son down for the sex talk.

I said, "Son, what are you supposed to do before you have sex?"

He said, "Trim your pubes."

I said, "No. Something else."

He said, "Clean your penis?"

I said, "No."

He said, "Jesus...no wonder mum never has sex with you."

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I had posted this on Clean Jokes, just thought you guys would appreciate it.

So, The Past, Present, and Future all walk into a bar
It was tense.

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I used to be addicted to Tide Pods...

But I'm clean now.

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Wife: "Why are the dishes still in the sink?"

Husband: "Because if I let them soak for long enough, getting them clean will be effortless.

 

\**Wife rolls eyes*\*

 

Wife: "Oh forget it. I'll do it myself."

 

\**Wife goes to wash the dishes*\*

 

Husband (under his breath): "See? Effortless."

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Cleaning mirrors for a living might not pay much

But it's definitely something I could see myself doing

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I'm finally 5 years clean!

Having to get a shower every day has been hard - luckily, I've had my heroin addiction to help me through it.

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I always used to lick the bowl clean.

Until my parents told me to flush it like everyone else.

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Man sentenced to five years for masturbating with soap in public.

Came clean in court.

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My Dad told me to find a woman that likes to cook, clean, and have sex.

The most important thing though was to make sure that these three women never meet.

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A young woman walks into a dry cleaner

She asks the elderly owner inspecting her blouse how long it would take to clean.
Hard of hearing the man asks, "come again?"

She responds, "No, it's yogurt"

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Advice from my father

Son, you need a woman who can cook, a woman who can clean, a woman that is great in bed. Most importantly, you must make sure these three women never meet.


Happy Saturday night from Pennsylvania

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I really hate men that says women belongs in the kitchen

How are they then supposed to clean the rest of the house?

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Dry Cleaning

Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy, "I've got another dress for you to clean."

Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, "Come again?"

"No," says Monica. "Mustard this time."

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What are the most funny Clean jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Clean? Well, here are the best Clean dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Clean pick up lines to share with friends.

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