Clause Jokes

Following is our collection of claus puns and santa one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Clause jokes for adults, dirty chimney jokes and clean hos dad gags for kids.

The Best Clause Puns

What's the difference between a cheetah and a comma?

A cheetah has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause

Why shouldn't you enter into a contract with Wolverine?

Because of his retractable clause.

What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

TIL chimneys can be used as conjunctions

They may introduce a clause

Why shouldn't you make a agreement with wolverine ?

Because of his retractable Clause

What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat?

One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.

Why does Santa come down the chimney?

Mrs. clause told him he'd never be allowed to come in the back Door.

Why Santa got involved with Christmas

Mrs. Clause overheard Santa on the phone:

Santa: Have you been naughty? ….That actually sounds nice. You can sit on my lap and tell me what you want while those wet stockings dry ….. I want to (come) down your chimney and eat your (cookie). What kind of (toys) should I bring?…. Yes, I'd love to see how you trimmed your (fir) … I just want to unload my (sack) when I see an angel on top.

Now, every year he has to keep doing the bullshit lie he told.

Who corrects Santa's grammar?

A subordinate Clause.

What do you call a writer who doesn't follow the rules of sentence structure?

A rebel without a clause

My daughter identifies as a small group of words standing together as a conceptual unit, typically forming a component of a clause.

Should I be worried or is it just a phrase?

How do you identify a pregnant clause when editing writing?

It's missing a period.

The ISDS (Investor-State Dispute Settlement) clause of TTIP sounds so crazy that I begin to wonder:

ISDS the real life? Or ISDS just fantasy?

TIL that there is a federal law that mandates more jail time be given for breaking and entering a home on a holiday.

It's called the Santa Clause

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Santa Clause?

Santa stops after 3 ho's.

Why did Santa divorce Mrs Clause?

because he only came once a year

Have You Heard of the Arabic Santa Clause?

No? Me either. It's because he's on the No-Fly list.

How is Santa Clause like Bill Cosby? (NSFW)

If you're awake, they aren't coming.

Nothing in life ever comes easily...

Even Santa comes with a clause.

The U.S. instituted a new law after a man dressed as Santa committed a felony.

It was called the Santa Clause.

Who gets the money?

In a room there is a poor Nigerian man, a rich Nigerian man, Santa Clause, and the Tooth Fairy. In the middle of the room there is a million dollars. Out of the 4 who gets the millions dollars?

Obviously the poor Nigerian man because the other 3 do not exist.

Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas!

This is what Santa Clause says when he sees your wife, mother and sister together in the same room.

Santa Clause and a Jew [NSFW]

Whats the difference between Santa Clause and a Jew?
Santa Clause comes down the Chimney.

What's the difference between Santa Clause and a Pedophile?

Nothing, they both like to unload their sacks while pleasuring children.

What do you call Santa living at the South Pole?

A lost clause.

The musical doctor

Man: Doctor Doctor I need a cure for my depression.

Doctor: Music is great therapy, here, I'll loan you my old guitar, it's broken but you should get some use out of it.

Man: Hang on, why would you lend me your guitar just like that? Is there some sort of hidden clause in this?

Doctor: Don't worry, there's no strings attached.

ba dum tss.

Santa was having a really bad day....

Everything was going wrong. The elves were looking for a raise, Rudolph was sick, Mrs Clause was in a foul mood. So the Angel arrived at the door dragging a Christmas tree he asked Santa, what will I do with the tree ?

And that is why you will always find an Angel sitting on top of the Christmas tree.

I was revising an essay the other day...

when all of a sudden I deleted an entire sentence. I tried Ctrl+Z, document recovery, and everything, but eventually I gave it up as a lost clause.

Do you know why is Santa Clause is jolly all the time?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls are.

Which is a good thing because he only comes once a year.

*Heard this from an old white guy in the sauna today lol.*

Why is Miss Clause unhappy with her and Santa's relationship?

He only comes once a year

What kind of chips do Mrs. and Mr. Clause eat?

Kringle cut!

Do you know why santa clause is always so happy?

Cause of all his ho's

What do you call the basic unit of grammar when it walks into a maze?

A lost clause.

An English Joke

What happens to Santa when he gets addicted to heroin?

He becomes a dependent clause

"♪ ♫ He sees you when you're sleeping He knows when you're awake... ♪, ♫"

Which is why Santa Clause was arrested and convicted for aggravated stalking and unlawful breaking and entering by a jury of his peers in a court of law.

Why can Saint Nicolas never be prosecuted?

Because of the Santa Clause

What's the different between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause

Why did the lawyer have to dress as Santa on his company's christmas party?

Because he didn't read the Santa Clause.

How does father Christmas get away with suing everyone?

The Santa Clause

What do you call Santa without toys?

A lost Clause

What do you call a Jamaican Santa Claus?

Bumba Clause!

When I was young, I stopped believing in Santa despite massive peer pressure.

You could say I was a rebel without a Clause.

What contract does Mall-Santa sign?

A Santa Clause

I'm trying to remember this one

I saw a lady Santa Clause a standing on the street, she asked me what I wanted....
My case comes up next week!

I tried to sue Santa for skipping our house on Christmas

...but he had a clause in his contract that allowed it

What part of the contract must parents follow while buying Christmas presents?

The Santa Clause.

What's the difference between Santa Clause, Kim Jong Un, and 34 ounces of printer ink?

One's a deer leader, one is a Dear Leader, and the other is a dear liter.

What happened to Santa Clause when he took an English class to write his own letters?

He became an independent clause.

I just found out that Santa Clause raises livestock in between Christmas...

I guess you could call him a Jolly Rancher

What do you call an incomplete Christmas sentence?

A santa clause.

Did you hear Mr. Fanatic started delivering gifts to children?

They call him the elastic clause.

Why do only good kids get Christmas presents?

Because Santa comes with a Clause

Why does Santa Clause land on the top of houses?

Because he likes being on top.

Why does Mrs Clause pray for a white Christmas?

Because Santa always comes once a year.

Why don't lawyers celebrate Christmas?

Because of the Santa clause.

It's Christmas. TIL Santa Clause really hate gay people.

Ever since I told my family I'm gay, I haven't have any christmas gifts.

2 call girls are discussing Christmas

"So what are you going to ask Santa Clause?"

"Oh, I think my normal price!"

Who visits pregnant women on Christmas Eve?

Placenta Clause

What do you call a part of a contract to allow Christmas presents to be delivered?

The Santa Clause

What's a similarity and difference between Santa Clause and Jews?

A similarity is going through the chimney.

The difference is direction.

What does Trump want for Christmas?

beautiful clean coal from Santa Mueller Clause.

I hope this hasn't been said before.

What do you call Santa Clause after he gets divorced?

An independent clause.

Downloaded a new app, forced to wear a Santa costume now for the next two months

Turns out I didn't read the Santa clause.

What's the similarities between Micheal Jackson and Santa Clause?

They both leave children's houses with their sacks empty.

Why did Mrs. Clause leave Santa?

Because of all his HO HO HO's

If Santa Clause was into chanting he would sing hoooooooooooouuummm

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Clause?

Santa Clause knows to stop on the third ho

What do you call the people who are scared of Santa Clause?


What do you think of Santa Clause?

He sleighs.


Saint Nick got off scot-free from years of accumulated speeding charges.

He cited the Santa clause.

A lawyer told me this in a dream. It's really dumb, but i can't stop giggling

How do you evict a Lion?

You can't. Lions are protected from eviction by the Lion's Clause.

.... I'll show myself out.

Mr Clause caught Mrs Clause cheating on him.

What a ho ho ho.

When I was young and was getting in trouble, I remember leading up to Christmas trying think of clever excuses to get off the naughty list.

I guess you could say I was looking for the Santa *Clause*.

There is an abundance of section jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 73 funniest jokes and clause puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any banta witze you can hear about clause.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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