The Best 73 Clause Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Clause jokes. There are some clause santa jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these clause hos puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Clause Jokes and Puns

Why shouldn't you enter into a contract with Wolverine?

Because of his retractable clause.

Did you hear Mr. Fanatic started delivering gifts to children?

They call him the elastic clause.

Why does Santa deliver all the presents

Because it's for a good clause

Clause joke, Why does Santa deliver all the presents

Santa was having a really bad day....

Everything was going wrong. The elves were looking for a raise, Rudolph was sick, Mrs Clause was in a foul mood. So the Angel arrived at the door dragging a Christmas tree he asked Santa, what will I do with the tree ?

And that is why you will always find an Angel sitting on top of the Christmas tree.

Why Santa got involved with Christmas

Mrs. Clause overheard Santa on the phone:

Santa: Have you been naughty? ….That actually sounds nice. You can sit on my lap and tell me what you want while those wet stockings dry ….. I want to (come) down your chimney and eat your (cookie). What kind of (toys) should I bring?…. Yes, I'd love to see how you trimmed your (fir) … I just want to unload my (sack) when I see an angel on top.

Now, every year he has to keep doing the bullshit lie he told.


Why can Saint Nicolas never be prosecuted?

Because of the Santa Clause

What do you call Santa without toys?

A lost Clause

Clause joke, What do you call Santa without toys?

The musical doctor

Man: Doctor Doctor I need a cure for my depression.

Doctor: Music is great therapy, here, I'll loan you my old guitar, it's broken but you should get some use out of it.

Man: Hang on, why would you lend me your guitar just like that? Is there some sort of hidden clause in this?

Doctor: Don't worry, there's no strings attached.

ba dum tss.

The ISDS (Investor-State Dispute Settlement) clause of TTIP sounds so crazy that I begin to wonder:

ISDS the real life? Or ISDS just fantasy?

The U.S. instituted a new law after a man dressed as Santa committed a felony.

It was called the Santa Clause.

What contract does Mall-Santa sign?

A Santa Clause

You can explore clause claus reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean clause chimney dad jokes. There are also clause puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Clause?

With Santa it is only three hoes and he's done.

What do you call Santa living at the South Pole?

A lost clause.

How does father Christmas get away with suing everyone?

The Santa Clause

TIL chimneys can be used as conjunctions

They may introduce a clause

What's the difference between Santa Clause and a Pedophile?

Nothing, they both like to unload their sacks while pleasuring children.

Clause joke, What's the difference between Santa Clause and a Pedophile?

Have You Heard of the Arabic Santa Clause?

No? Me either. It's because he's on the No-Fly list.

What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat?

One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.

Santa Clause and a Jew [NSFW]

Whats the difference between Santa Clause and a Jew?
Santa Clause comes down the Chimney.


Why did Santa divorce Mrs Clause?

because he only came once a year

"♪ ♫ He sees you when you're sleeping He knows when you're awake... ♪, ♫"

Which is why Santa Clause was arrested and convicted for aggravated stalking and unlawful breaking and entering by a jury of his peers in a court of law.

Who brings Christmas cheer to America?

Independent Clause

Who corrects Santa's grammar?

A subordinate Clause.

What do you call an incomplete Christmas sentence?

A santa clause.

What kind of women does Santa clause like?

Hoe, hoe, hoes.

When I was young and was getting in trouble, I remember leading up to Christmas trying think of clever excuses to get off the naughty list.

I guess you could say I was looking for the Santa *Clause*.

Mr Clause caught Mrs Clause cheating on him.

What a ho ho ho.

When I was young, I stopped believing in Santa despite massive peer pressure.

You could say I was a rebel without a Clause.

An English Joke

What happens to Santa when he gets addicted to heroin?

He becomes a dependent clause

Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas!

This is what Santa Clause says when he sees your wife, mother and sister together in the same room.

I just found out that Santa Clause raises livestock in between Christmas...

I guess you could call him a Jolly Rancher

What happened to Santa Clause when he took an English class to write his own letters?

He became an independent clause.

A lawyer told me this in a dream. It's really dumb, but i can't stop giggling

How do you evict a Lion?

You can't. Lions are protected from eviction by the Lion's Clause.

.... I'll show myself out.

Saint Nick got off scot-free from years of accumulated speeding charges.

He cited the Santa clause.

What's the difference between Santa Clause, Kim Jong Un, and 34 ounces of printer ink?

One's a deer leader, one is a Dear Leader, and the other is a dear liter.

What do you think of Santa Clause?

He sleighs.

:)

Why is Miss Clause unhappy with her and Santa's relationship?

He only comes once a year

Nothing in life ever comes easily...

Even Santa comes with a clause.

TIL that there is a federal law that mandates more jail time be given for breaking and entering a home on a holiday.

It's called the Santa Clause

What do you call the people who are scared of Santa Clause?

Clausterophobic

Why did the lawyer have to dress as Santa on his company's christmas party?

Because he didn't read the Santa Clause.

Why did Mrs. Clause leave Santa?

Because of all his HO HO HO's

How is Santa Clause like Bill Cosby? (NSFW)

If you're awake, they aren't coming.

Do you know why is Santa Clause is jolly all the time?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls are.

Which is a good thing because he only comes once a year.

*Heard this from an old white guy in the sauna today lol.*

What part of the contract must parents follow while buying Christmas presents?

The Santa Clause.

Why does Santa come down the chimney?

Mrs. clause told him he'd never be allowed to come in the back Door.

I tried to sue Santa for skipping our house on Christmas

...but he had a clause in his contract that allowed it

My daughter identifies as a small group of words standing together as a conceptual unit, typically forming a component of a clause.

Should I be worried or is it just a phrase?

Who gets the money?

In a room there is a poor Nigerian man, a rich Nigerian man, Santa Clause, and the Tooth Fairy. In the middle of the room there is a million dollars. Out of the 4 who gets the millions dollars?

Obviously the poor Nigerian man because the other 3 do not exist.

What do you call a Jamaican Santa Claus?

Bumba Clause!

I'm trying to remember this one

I saw a lady Santa Clause a standing on the street, she asked me what I wanted....
My case comes up next week!

How do you identify a pregnant clause when editing writing?

It's missing a period.

I was revising an essay the other day...

when all of a sudden I deleted an entire sentence. I tried Ctrl+Z, document recovery, and everything, but eventually I gave it up as a lost clause.

What's the difference between a cheetah and a comma?

A cheetah has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause

What do you call the basic unit of grammar when it walks into a maze?

A lost clause.

Downloaded a new app, forced to wear a Santa costume now for the next two months

Turns out I didn't read the Santa clause.

What do you call Santa Clause after he gets divorced?

An independent clause.

What does Trump want for Christmas?

beautiful clean coal from Santa Mueller Clause.

I hope this hasn't been said before.

What's a similarity and difference between Santa Clause and Jews?

A similarity is going through the chimney.

The difference is direction.

What do you call a part of a contract to allow Christmas presents to be delivered?

The Santa Clause

Who visits pregnant women on Christmas Eve?

Placenta Clause

2 call girls are discussing Christmas

"So what are you going to ask Santa Clause?"

"Oh, I think my normal price!"

It's Christmas. TIL Santa Clause really hate gay people.

Ever since I told my family I'm gay, I haven't have any christmas gifts.

Why does Mrs Clause pray for a white Christmas?

Because Santa always comes once a year.

Why shouldn't you make a agreement with wolverine ?

Because of his retractable Clause

What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

Do you know why santa clause is always so happy?

Cause of all his ho's

What's the different between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause

What kind of chips do Mrs. and Mr. Clause eat?

Kringle cut!

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Santa Clause?

Santa stops after 3 ho's.

What do you call a writer who doesn't follow the rules of sentence structure?

A rebel without a clause

What's the difference between Santa Clause and a knight?

One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh!

I saw mommy kissing Santa Clause...

Daddy did too. Now they're getting a divorce. Merry Christmas my ass.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the clause section jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working clause banta piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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