Classmate Jokes

54 classmate jokes and hilarious classmate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about classmate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Classmate Short Jokes

Short classmate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The classmate humour may include short roommate jokes also.

  1. I told my old classmate at our 10-year reunion that I'm a writer. "Oh yeah?" he asks. "Have you sold anything yet?" I said, "Sure. My house, my car, and all my stuff."
  2. Statistically, there should be one gay student per 30 student classroom. I don't remember having any gay classmates, though. Weird...
  3. When she was a child, Amy Schumer told her class she wanted to be a comedian. Her classmates laughed at her. Nobody's laughing now...
  4. My classmates laugh at my jokes in in-person classes, but never in online classes. When I asked them why, they told me that my jokes weren't remotely funny.
  5. I got in line behind an old classmate of mine while vacationing at Disney World... I said "Wow, it's a small world!"
    She said, "actually this is Pirates of the Caribbean."
  6. I couldn't figure out why my data wasn't coming out like my classmate's, until I realized I dropped a square root in the formula. I put it back in and re-plotted the data. I saw a radical change.
  7. What do you call a very nosy spice? Jalapeño Business
    You need to say this in a pretty thick Hispanic accent for it to work. I heard it from some classmates.
  8. So my classmate asked why I have two laptops... I replied: "One is for work, the other is a macbook"
  9. A school shooter is gunning down his classmates when he sees his ex-girlfriend. Why didn't he kill her? He missed her.
  10. My sons teacher called me today to tell me he'd hit a classmate with a set of Roman numerals. That's not what I meant when I told him he should give bullies the old one-two.

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Classmate One Liners

Which classmate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with classmate? I can suggest the ones about college roommate and colleague.

  1. - Mom, mom ! My classmates call me an orphan ! -
  2. My classmates think the math teacher is mean. I think he's just average.
  3. I was watching Star Wars in English Class And a classmate says "metaphors be with you"
  4. Why were Tommy Wiseau's classmates jealous of him? Because he had high marks
  5. I had a classmate who slept with our professor for an "A" She technically still got a "D"
  6. A classmate asked me if pears grow in America. I told her to grow a pair and find out.
  7. What did Eric say to his classmates on the last day of school? "Do you believe in God?"
  8. Why did i had a hammer when i first met my new classmates To break the ice
  9. When your classmates are laughing at your 9 centimetre But they haven't seen your 9mm yet
  10. The FBI Kavanaugh investigation. I got this from one of his classmates.
  11. My classmate just told our 60+ year old teacher that she is like wine, better with age.
  12. I'm the valedictorian of my class! Heh, better than saying all of my classmates died.
  13. My Asian classmates carry two calculators... One for each side of the brain.
  14. Today a classmate threw a tippex at me. It was a white weapon attack.
  15. i watched my classmate m**... our professor with a calculator it was graphic

Classmate joke, i watched my classmate m**... our professor with a <a href="/calculator-jokes.html" title="Calculato

Giggle-Inducing Classmate Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about classmate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean classroom student jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make classmate pranks.

Little Mary came back home after school and said,
"Mommy, today during the school break Johnny kissed me on my lips!"
The mother asked indignantly but in surprise,
"And how did this happen?"
"It was not easy, but three of my classmates helped me to hold him firm."

Why won't Malia and Sasha Obama's classmates gossip about them?

Because they know their father can read their emails.

Halal meat

I see that in the US they're complaining about halal meat. They want their meat to be killed the American way... but, honestly, what are the chances of a cow enrolling in high school and being shot by a classmate?

A guy was watching TV in Moscow, and the weather forecaster says that it's -35C (-31F) in Irkutsk, Siberia.

The guy is impressed, and he remembers that he had a classmate who moved to Irkutsk. So he finds his number and calls him. "Hey, how are you doing? I heard you have really terrible temperature in Irkutsk, right?" "No, why, we have, like, -5C (23F) here", replies his friend. "Oh, and the weather forecaster says that you have -35!" "Ah, it's probably outside", friend replies.

Before I begin today's lecture

I'd like to relay an anecdote from my days as a student. My classmate and I both loved the same girl. In the end, she chose him and I was left with heartbreak. But my classmate was left with heart failure. Which brings me to today's subject: s**... and its complications.

A Saudi Arabian prince is going to college in England

He texts his father,
"Dad, I feel weird driving my Lamborghini to school when all my classmates take a train"
His father replies;
"Son, I have transferred 500 million dollars into your account. Go out and buy a train and stop embarrassing this family"

Twelve-year-old Timmy was talking with his classmate, Lisa...

Timmy: "Hey Lisa, I'll give you a dollar if we can go in the closet and you let me stick my finger in your belly button."
Lisa: "Okay."
They go into the dark closet.
Lisa: "Hey Timmy! That's not my belly button!"
Timmy: "That's okay. That's not my finger."

Why couldn't the Lutheran math student steal the answers from his classmate?

According to 7th commandment, it was considered an ✓((1/2 i e^(-i x) - 1/2 i e^(i x))^2 )...

Hospital and Cop

*In class*
Teacher: "Jay, why are you down today?"
Jay: "Because my mom is at the hospital and my dad's at the police station."
Teacher: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, dear. Do you want to go home?"
Jay: "Yes, please."
After Jay has left the classroom, the teacher asks the other classmates, "Why is Jay's father at the police station and his mother at the hospital?"
Classmate: "Because his father is a policeman and his mom's a nurse."

Slow typing...

After 25 years... I was chatting with my classmate -my childhood crush online. She asked me why am I typing so slow. I said because my other hand isn't free.
She's not replying anymore.
Lesson learnt
-Never smoke while texting..

My son kept asking me for a music player as all his classmates had mp3s

I told him :"Son, if you want real attention, take this mp5"

The teacher announces the total for an exam.

Teacher: Okay class, only John got 99/100
John:(to his classmates) Ha! See that?! You people are oozing with stupidity. You people should've followed my example. You guys should just shine shoes for a living or just live the rest of your lives as a mountain hermit. You can all drool at my excellence and you-
Teacher: The rest got 100.

My classmates call me racist all the time...

But I don't believe them because black people are s**....

A teacher once told me...

True story:
Remember that 'Sticks and Stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me' b**...??
Well, in Year 4, I heard my teacher say this to another classmate. I raised my hand and said 'Miss, I don't think that's right.'
My teacher asked me why I thought so. So, I threw a dictionary at her.

I'm not the smartest student ever so I tried something a little risky to get a better grade...

I got a D- on my recent English test and my dad wasn't very happy with my mark. I asked my teacher if I could do a s**... favour for her to get a B+. She got very offended. My classmates didn't think that was okay either, and they stopped talking to me for a few weeks.
If you guys want, I can tell more stories about my homeschooling

A student places dead last in an important physics test.

He doesn't feel too phased and boasts to his classmates that he can still pass. His teacher later pulls him aside and tells him that he doesn't understand the gravity of the situation.

Growing up we used to vaccinate each other by going "Circle, Circle, Dot, Dot, now I got a cootie shot."

Which explains why so many of my classmates had autism.

Jim was out shopping with his young daughter and ran into an old college classmate.

"This is Beth," Jim said proudly, introducing his kid.
"And what's Beth short for?" The friend asked.
Puzzled, he replied,"Because she's only three!

Student: I have a s**... halloween dress!

Classmates: What is it?
Student: my teacher. It barely covers anything important

A freshman is talking to the new girl in school. You'll like it here, he tells her. Everyone is pretty chill, the teachers are all nice, but the principal is kind of a m**....

Do you know who I am? the girl asks her new classmate. I'm the daughter of the principal.
The boy is silent and then asks her, Do you know who I am?
She shakes her head no. Good, says the boy as he walks away.

The Grade 2 pupils returned to class after the long weekend. Their teacher told them to tell their classmates about the most exciting thing they did during the weekend, but to use adult words in telling their stories.

First Pupil: "I visited my Nana." Teacher: "Please use adult words, you visited your Grandmother."
Second Pupil: I had a ride on a choo-choo." Teacher: "Please, you had a ride on a train."
Third Pupil: I read a whole book by myself for the first time." Teacher: "Excellent. And what was the name of the book?" Third Pupil, with a big grin: "Winnie The s**...!"

Little Johnny took a leak with his classmate in the school loo.

His classmate noticed that after peeing, Johnny didn't wash his hands. He then proceeded to ask:

"Johnny, why do you not wash your hands after peeing?"

"Is there a need to do so?"

"Yes! My mum taught me to wash after peeing, to wash off pee in my hands."

"Well, I think your mom is s**... for that matter."

"How come, Johnny?"

"My mum never taught me to pee on my hands!"

Classmate joke, My sons teacher called me today to tell me he'd hit a classmate with a set of Roman numerals.

jokes about classmate