Classmate Jokes

Following is our collection of school puns and sissy one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Classmate jokes for adults, dirty friend jokes and clean housemate dad gags for kids.

The Best Classmate Puns

I told my old classmate at our 10-year reunion that I'm a writer. "Oh yeah?" he asks. "Have you sold anything yet?"

I said, "Sure. My house, my car, and all my stuff."

i watched my classmate murder our professor with a calculator

it was graphic

Slow typing...

After 25 years... I was chatting with my classmate -my childhood crush online. She asked me why am I typing so slow. I said because my other hand isn't free.
She's not replying anymore.

Lesson learnt
-Never smoke while texting..

My classmates think the math teacher is mean.

I think he's just average.

Jim was out shopping with his young daughter and ran into an old college classmate.

"This is Beth," Jim said proudly, introducing his kid.

"And what's Beth short for?" The friend asked.

Puzzled, he replied,"Because she's only three!

Hospital and Cop

*In class*

Teacher: "Jay, why are you down today?"

Jay: "Because my mom is at the hospital and my dad's at the police station."

Teacher: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, dear. Do you want to go home?"

Jay: "Yes, please."

After Jay has left the classroom, the teacher asks the other classmates, "Why is Jay's father at the police station and his mother at the hospital?"

Classmate: "Because his father is a policeman and his mom's a nurse."

A guy was watching TV in Moscow, and the weather forecaster says that it's -35C (-31F) in Irkutsk, Siberia.

The guy is impressed, and he remembers that he had a classmate who moved to Irkutsk. So he finds his number and calls him. "Hey, how are you doing? I heard you have really terrible temperature in Irkutsk, right?" "No, why, we have, like, -5C (23F) here", replies his friend. "Oh, and the weather forecaster says that you have -35!" "Ah, it's probably outside", friend replies.

My classmates call me racist all the time...

But I don't believe them because black people are stupid.

Twelve-year-old Timmy was talking with his classmate, Lisa...

Timmy: "Hey Lisa, I'll give you a dollar if we can go in the closet and you let me stick my finger in your belly button."

Lisa: "Okay."

They go into the dark closet.

Lisa: "Hey Timmy! That's not my belly button!"

Timmy: "That's okay. That's not my finger."

I got in line behind an old classmate of mine while vacationing at Disney World...

I said "Wow, it's a small world!"
She said, "actually this is Pirates of the Caribbean."

I was watching Star Wars in English Class

And a classmate says "metaphors be with you"

So my classmate asked why I have two laptops...

I replied: "One is for work, the other is a macbook"

I had a classmate who slept with our professor for an "A"

She technically still got a "D"

A teacher once told me...

True story:

Remember that 'Sticks and Stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me' bullshit??

Well, in Year 4, I heard my teacher say this to another classmate. I raised my hand and said 'Miss, I don't think that's right.'

My teacher asked me why I thought so. So, I threw a dictionary at her.

Before I begin today's lecture

I'd like to relay an anecdote from my days as a student. My classmate and I both loved the same girl. In the end, she chose him and I was left with heartbreak. But my classmate was left with heart failure. Which brings me to today's subject: Syphilis and its complications.

A classmate asked me if pears grow in America.

I told her to grow a pair and find out.

Halal meat

I see that in the US they're complaining about halal meat. They want their meat to be killed the American way... but, honestly, what are the chances of a cow enrolling in high school and being shot by a classmate?

My girl classmate complimented me on my looks ar school today

Then I remembered it was the first of April

Why couldn't the Lutheran math student steal the answers from his classmate?

According to 7th commandment, it was considered an ✓((1/2 i e^(-i x) - 1/2 i e^(i x))^2 )...

My classmates admire me because I do not believe the earth is round.

It is quite flattering.

My classmates got in trouble for doing this thing to make fun of me for being blind

I can't see why this is so offensive

My classmate always got mad at me for copying his homework because "I wasn't learning anything."

Joke's on him, though. I just became a monk.

My classmates and I used to argue all the time about the plural form of the word for female sex cells.

We'd go on and on and waste a lot of time in class, but finally it was resolved. Honestly, I'm glad it's ova.

Waiting to do an exam, classmate asked "Hey buddy, do you have another pen?"

I said: "Why do I need two pens?"

He was smoking and talking to his old classmate online.

She asked, why he was typing so slow, and he said, because my other hand isn't free.

She is not replying anymore.

Lesson learnt.

The wonderful world of Ironi

"Saw an asian classmate eat ramen and thought 'how typical' than looked down at my El Pollo Loco" - Hispanic colleague

I caught a little boy in my class pass this note to his classmate today

"I124Q baby"

I want to make a film about a group of friends dealing with their classmate becoming a pop star.

Britney's Peers

When your classmates are laughing at your 9 centimetre

But they haven't seen your 9mm yet

A classmate was making repetitive screeching noises in class on October 31

I asked her what she was doing, and she said it was her verbal Halloween costume for the blind.

This halloween a classmate dressed up as a stormtrooper and shot up the school.

There were no casualties though.

Classmate: Why is that watet called 'smart' water?

Me: Because it's 70 percent like me. If it was 100 percent like me It would be called brilliant water (and also would be a lot grosser)

There was such a relief when our classmate pointed his AR-15 on us.

It was just a robbery.

My classmate just told our 60+ year old teacher

that she is like wine, better with age.

I found out Santa wasn't real when my classmate told me that he's just my dad.

Because my dad isn't real either.

My classmate was complaining that the only friend she had through her childhood was an imaginary friend...

I told her to rotate it 90 degrees.

There is an abundance of arithmetic jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 36 funniest jokes and classmate puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any schoolgirl witze you can hear about classmate.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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