Classic Jokes
177 classic jokes and hilarious classic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about classic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Explore some of the most beloved classic jokes from prank calls to grandpas, classic cars, rock music, crackers, kids and more. From antique classics to contemporary jokes, learn all about the art of the joke and share a few laughs with friends and family.
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- Short Classic Jokes
- Classic One Liners
- Old Classic Jokes
- Classic Rock Jokes
- Classic Kid Jokes
- Cult Classic Jokes
- More Classic Jokes
Funniest Classic Short Jokes
Short classic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The classic humour may include short traditional jokes also.
- classic germans Angela Merkel arrives at passport Control at Paris airport.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?"
"No, just here for a few days." - The other day I saw Denzel Washington walking down the street. I shouted to him ,"Hey Denzel!" He responded, "Does every black man look like Denzel Washington to you?"
Classic Denzel. - I tried donating two classic board games to a thrift store, but they said they could only take one. I asked which one they wanted and they said... Sorry. We don't want any Trouble.
- What did arnold schwarzenegger say when Sylvester Stallone wanted to dress up as classical composers for Halloween? "You be Beethoven, I'll be Bach."
- String Fight My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violin.
- The secret to Pavlov's hair? Just a classical conditioner.
(I hope the name rings a bell) - My therapist told me to listen to classical music before work to help with my anger management issues. This morning I woke up and chose violins.
- Classic. Q: If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
A: Big hands. - Q: April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring? A: Separatists and small pox.
- I'm really awful at remembering classic sayings but you know what they say Practise makes it better
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Classic One Liners
Which classic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with classic? I can suggest the ones about historic and vintage.
- Why is Pavlov's hair so soft? Classic conditioning.
- What classic game do Hawaiian kids love the most? The floor is lava.
- Why did Batman rush to the Bat Cave? He had to go to the bat Room.
[an old classic] - Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
- Why did Mr Ohm marry Mrs Ohm? Because he couldn't resistor.
- Batman told me he was skipping church this week. Classic Christian Bale
- I bought A LOT of classical music yesterday... ...I went on a Chopin spree!
- I asked my dog which classical composer he liked the best... Bach.
- A German boy band that plays some insane classical stuff. Bachstreet Boys
- What do you call a poor classical pianist? Baroque
- Who decided to call it "Dwayne Johnson's wrestling Career" instead of... Classic Rock?
- In what order do you play Classical Music Songs? Bach to Bach.
- What do you call a microorganism that listens to Classical music? Bach-teria
- I was going to buy some classical CDs... But it turns out I'm baroque.
- What type of classical music do chickens like best? Bach.
Old Classic Jokes
Here is a list of funny old classic jokes and even better old classic puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm getting sick of all these reboots of old classics Cold War (2022) is not as good as the original.
- Why do bunnies walk funny without shoes? (OJ) Because of the bear feet!
.
My own joke, for my 8 yr old, with the classic punchline. - Shopping with dad... At the supermarket buying milk.
Cashier: "Would you like the milk in a bag?"
Old man: "Nah mate, just leave it in the carton"
Haha, classic dad joke! - I like old school music Classics such as "The wheels on the bus" and "Hot cross buns" from music class
- Kevin Spacey has now announced a new partnership with Atari, rebooting an old classic They're calling it "Spacey Invaders".
- My friend was in an old movie about guns It is now a Colt Classic
- A dark modern remake of an old classic "My brother died in Afghanistan."
"Oh that's so sad, I'm sorry for your loss! How did he die?"
"He blew himself up in a crowded market." - A friend of mine told me a classic joke about chemist studying gold It was old but Au
- Classic church joke An old couple was sitting in church when the wife says, "I just let out a silent f**.... What should I do?" Her husband responded, "Change the batteries in your hearing aids."
- Have you seen that old movie about the k**...? I hear it's a real cult classic.
Classic Rock Jokes
Here is a list of funny classic rock jokes and even better classic rock puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I love how all these young YouTubers are getting into Classic Rock. They are always telling everyone Don't forget to like Cher, and subscribe.
- All western rock classics are banned in North Korea. Except Sweet Child in a Mine
- I've finally come up with a name for my classic rock-themed jogging club. Runs 'n Goeses.
- Why did all the residents of Flint, MI switch from the hip hop station to the classic rock radio station? They wanted to get the lead out.
- What are the vowels of classic rock? C, S, N, (and sometimes Y)
I came up with this today, but it's too obvious in hindsight not to be an accidental repost. - What's an alchemist's favorite classic rock band? Gold Zeppelin
- The only store with classic rock singles near me just went out of business. Now I can't get no "Satisfaction".
- I like listening to classic rock in the car and my wife likes listening to country music, so we compromise and listen to country music.
- Me: The Beatles are my favorite Classic Rock group of all time, My girlfriend: "The Who?"
- I would have loved to live in the 50s But only if they had some of the 70's classic rock.
Classic Kid Jokes
Here is a list of funny classic kid jokes and even better classic kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It's the year 2295... Dude: I'm a classically trained guitarist.
Neo-90s Kid: Radical!
Dude: So anyway, here's Wonderwall. - Symphony of puns i never let my kids listen to jazz or classical music...
Too much sax or violins can only lead to treble! - Why wouldn't the mother take her kids to the classical music concert? Too much sax and violins.
- When my kid wasn't able to tell his teacher what 12 x 12 was... CPS came and took him away. A classic case; I should have known.
g**... negligence.
Cult Classic Jokes
Here is a list of funny cult classic jokes and even better cult classic puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why is Scientology often brought up when talking about quack religions? It's a cult classic
Not sure if this has been told before - What kind of movies do Scientologists like? Cult classics
- What do you call Charles Manson's music? A *cult* classic.
# *BA DUM TSS!* - You know what they say about the necronomicon? It's a real cult classic!
- Whats the difference between Scientology and Spaceballs One is a classic cult and the other is a cult classic
- Someday I'd love to read a biography on Park Geun-hye... ...I'm sure it'll be a Cult Classic.
- White robe with a cone top was really popular among the members of k**.... It was a cult classic.
- Whats the difference between Donnie Darko and the k**...? Ones a cult classic, the other a classic cult
Laughter Classic Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about classic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean good old fashioned jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make classic pranks.
Was in a pub the other day...
Was in a pub the other day as one of the patrons was teliing the classic "What do you do if an epileptic person has a fit in the bath? Throw in the washing!" as a big burly guy walks over and says, "I don't think that's funny. My brother was epileptic and died in the bath."
"Sorry, did he drown?"
"No. He choked on a sock."
Classic nursery rhyme
Jack and Jill went up a hill, each had a quarter.
Jill came down with fifty cents, you think they went for water?
why was the computer late to work?
because it had a hard drive! (stole it from ellen, from her classic joke tuesday)
Original & Classic Winston Churchill (not my retort)
Lady Astor said to Churchill, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea," to which he responded, "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it!"
Another classic Dutch Bakerjoke
* A dog walks into a bakery
* Baker: How can I help you?
* Dog: Woof!
* Baker: Anything else?
* Dog: Bark!
* Baker: That'll be 12 Euro's. Do you want a receipt?
* Dog: No.
Two peanuts... (a new take on a classic)
Two peanuts were walking down a dark alley.
.
One was assaulted.
.
The other was a'roasted.
.
What a horrible friend. Getting baked?
A mugging is no time to smoke a joint.
A right-wing law firm is trying to overturn Roe v Wade.
They find their test plaintiff, a man whose daughter had gotten an abortion after he forbade it. The firm sues the doctors, and the appeals go all the way to the Supreme Court, exactly as intended. The Court even agrees to hear the case ... only to uphold Roe v Wade, 5 - 4.
All in all, it was a classic case of abort, retry, fail.
Which classical composer is best at playing hide and seek?
Haydn. [OC]
A classic...
A man is sitting on a park bench, enjoying the day. Next to him sits a dog.
A jogger comes by and asks, "Does your dog bite?"
"No," replies the man.
The jogger reaches over to pet the dog, who promptly bites him.
"I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" exclaims the jogger, nursing his hand.
The man looks up at the jogger and says, "I lied."
slight variation on an arguable classic: How do mermaids reproduce?
Binary fish-ion.
Did you hear about the guy who was obsessed with building HOV lanes through mountains?
Did you hear about the guy who was obsessed with building HOV lanes through mountains?
Classic case of carpool tunnel syndrome
Reindeer joke!
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer passed away today at the age of 57. He was struck by a 747 jet liner and a flock of seagulls as he flew over Barcelona. Coroners say that the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.
Classic
Why'd the mushroom go to the party?
Cause he's a fungi!
Why'd the fungi leave the party?
Cause there wasn't mushroom!
Did you hear about the vintage attaché with a perfectly working clasp?
It was a classic open-and-shut case.
A classic
Two scientists walk into a bar.
The first says, "I'll have some H2O." The second says, "I'll have a glass of water too. Why did you say H2O? It's the end of the day and there's no need to talk about work."
The first scientist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan has failed.
My sexuality is like classic literature.
There's not really any action, and most people are just confused by it.
I translated a classic Latvian joke for you guys!
A kid is standing on a bridge and crying. A man who is walking by asks him: what happened?
He replies: John threw my slice of bread into the river.
The man asks: was it on purpose?
Boy replies: no, with a sausage.
(it's funny, because it's not funny)
Did you hear about the broken watch from the 1800's?
It was a timeless classic.
In the interest of of trying to make the classic doll more realistic, and easier for children to identify with, a new version is about to be released called "Divorced Barbie"
She comes with all of Ken's stuff too.
My neighbor claims to have a large collection of classic arcade games
but I think it's just a case of 1UPmanship.
GTA V for the PC is taking so long to release...
all of the radio stations will play classic hits.
Classic dad joke, but in bad taste
So we were having a family dinner for the first time in a while.
My mum was saying how terrible the situation in Nepal is, when my Dad says "it's nepalling isn't it?"
I had a good laugh, feeling guilty after :(
Classic joke from the great Buddy Hackett. Wish I could find the rest of this special.
What do classical musicians write before going shopping?
A Chopin Lizst
(shopping list)
I asked a German the other day if he wanted to hear a joke...
I had the classic "How many ____ does it take to change a lightbulb" joke in mind.... But before I got to tell it,
He responded, "Nine"... How did he know?!?!
Bonnie Tyler is performing a concert in Greece next month.
She'll be singing her classic. I need a Euro.
A patient came in today saying he felt paranoid and like people were watching him.
I dunno if I buy it though, he looked pretty relaxed in the bath this morning.
*classic Frankie boyle*
Did you hear about the homeless artist who got turned down in his submission for a classic string toy rebranding?
It was a no-go hobo yo-yo logo.
Classical pun
Why have they not found Mozart's body yet?
Because he is Haydn.
Two classical musicians had s**... for the first time together.
Woman: "That's a pretty small o**... you're playing down there."
Man: "Well, I didn't know I would be performing in Carnegie Hall tonight."
A classic from my grandfather.
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way. Unique up on it.
Did you hear about that Reese lady?
Guy 1: Hey, did you here about that celebrity that stabbed some poor guy to death? What was her name, Reese... Reese Wither... Wither...
Guy 2: Witherspoon?
Guy 1: No, with her knife.
Classic that I haven't seen for awhile
Why was the classical pianist always going down on his wife?
Because he loved Debussy
I'm a huge fan of politically incorrect jokes.
Listen to this absolute classic: Abraham Lincoln was never president !
Londoner classic.
A man walks into a bakery and asks the lady behind the counter. "How much for that "gattox" in the window? "
Lady says "gattox, oh you mean "gateaux" that's £12.99"
"12.99?!?!" shouts the man "bollo!!"
What's a classic Russian sci-fi film?
Czar Wars
When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally.
Classic rook-y mistake.
This is My "classic" joke
A Catholic Priest, a Rabbi, and an Atheist walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Oh g**..., no! We don't like jokes in here and if you guys are a part of one, you're gonna have to leave right now!" So the catholic priest, rabbi, and atheist leave the bar and a chicken walks in. The bartender says, "OH COME ON! We don't serve CHICKENS in here!" The chicken says, "Do you know somewhere that does?" The bartender says, "Yeah.." The chicken asks, "Well, where is it?" The bartender says, "It's across the road."
What do classical pianists take with them to the grocery store?
Their Chopin Liszt
Two cannibals are eating a clown
One turns to the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?"
I decided to post this classic especially with the clown epidemic going on
I got the most classic, timeless Christmas present this year
A broken watch
Groundhog Day is a classic.
It sure has great replay value.
Just witnessed this classic on the bus
Passenger: Which bus are you?
Driver: I'm not a bus, I'm the driver.
What do you get when you cross hard alcohol with a classic American novel?
Tequil-a Mockinbird
Mr. Potato Head just recently released a Donald Trump themed version of the classic toy.
They call it The Little d**...-tater.
If you've heard of Post Malone maybe you've heard of h**... Malone
It's this classic movie about a young boy who gets left behind by his family at Christmas and has to defend his house from burglars.
My favorite classic joke: What did the blind man say when walking past the fish store?
Good day ladies. Sorry, I'll see myself out. This won't happen again.
Classic Cajun joke my grandpa told me.
So Boudreaux and Thibodeaux are heading to the bayou to check the trot lines. Boudreaux hooks his truck to his boat trailer and connects the trailer lights.
He says, "Thibodeaux, Check to see if my brake lights are working!"
As Boudreaux presses the brakes, Thibodeaux says, "Yea, they workin!"
Boudreaux turns on the right blinker and says, "Alright how about my blinkers?"
Thibodeaux says, "Yes, no, yes, no, yes!"
My wife wanted to have s**......
but it had been so long since we last had s**... that I forgot how to do it. I went to the doctor to see if he could help. He said I had a classic case of Ballzheimer's.
What did the classical-only DJ say?
If it ain't baroque, don't mix it.
In the classic story of the tortoise and the hare, what was the tortoise's name?
Winslow.
BREAKING: Jack Black and Lewis Black arrested after fight outside NYC comedy club.
A classic case of Black on Black crime
Did you hear the Song about a clock?
Its a timeless classic
Classic r**... joke
Bill moves to Bama from Boston. He knocks on his r**... neighbor's door.
"Well, welcome to Bama, Bill. You come just in time. We's havin' a party tonight. Gonna be eatin' and drinkin', fightin' and f**...'."
Bill is excited, "Wow, what should I wear?"
r**... neighbor replies, "It don't matter - just gonna be the two of us."
Why classical music is not recommended for young people?
Because it contains sax and violins
A classic Soviet joke
(Setting: 1980 Olympics)
Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev began reading his opening speech.
"O!" - the crowd applauses.
"O!" - another round of applause and cheer comes from the audience.
"O!" - the entire audience body stands up and begins clapping.
A secretary comes to Brezhnev and says, "Dear Leonid Ilyich, these are Olympic logo rings; you don't need to read all of them!"
Hollywood is remaking Brokeback Mountain with Margot Robbie and Emma Watson
On the one hand, I hate that they have to remake all the classic movies with female leads as if that somehow makes them better. On the other hand, lotion.
A classic, one of my favorites.
#341
Why did the classical orchestra disband.
It went Baroque
Classic. I'd be surprised if this was not posted already.
One afternoon the teacher asked the Johnny Can you explain what oxidation is? He replied No my science is a little rusty.
Told a stranger on a bus that I liked rhetorical questions.
He said, "Who cares?"
I said, "that's a classic!"
Captain Hook is claiming that he was s**... assaulted by his first mate some years ago.
It's a classic case of he said, Smee said.
If the most "classic" joke is #80085, which one is the most original?
\#404: Joke not found
Johnny Carson Classic
The air quality in Los Angeles is so bad...
How bad is it?
When locals want to breathe fresh air, they s**... the air out of tires from cars with out-of-state license plates.
This one's a classic from my dad: Did you know beer makes you smarter?
It made Budweiser.
A genie magically appered in front of me. He said he could grant me 3 wishes, except for the classic 'wishing for more wishes'
Joke's on him. I wished for more genies.
What do you call getting hot boxed in a classic Mustang?
A high standard
