Classical Jokes
144 classical jokes and hilarious classical puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about classical that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the funniest classical music jokes, gags and puns from around the world! From classical guitar jokes to puns about classical conditioning and classical Latin, these humorous jokes will have you laughing out loud!
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Funniest Classical Short Jokes
Short classical jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The classical humour may include short classy jokes also.
- classic germans Angela Merkel arrives at passport Control at Paris airport.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?"
"No, just here for a few days." - I tried donating two classic board games to a thrift store, but they said they could only take one. I asked which one they wanted and they said... Sorry. We don't want any Trouble.
- What did arnold schwarzenegger say when Sylvester Stallone wanted to dress up as classical composers for Halloween? "You be Beethoven, I'll be Bach."
- String Fight My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violin.
- The secret to Pavlov's hair? Just a classical conditioner.
(I hope the name rings a bell) - My therapist told me to listen to classical music before work to help with my anger management issues. This morning I woke up and chose violins.
- Classic. Q: If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
A: Big hands. - I'm really awful at remembering classic sayings but you know what they say Practise makes it better
- A classic from my grandfather. How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way. Unique up on it. - In honor of Father's day, a dad joke There is a rumor that a movie about a 17th century classical composers will be made. It will even star Arnold Schwarzenegger among others.
He'll be Bach
Share These Classical Jokes With Friends
Classical One Liners
Which classical one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with classical? I can suggest the ones about traditional and old school.
- Why is Pavlov's hair so soft? Classic conditioning.
- What classic game do Hawaiian kids love the most? The floor is lava.
- Why did Batman rush to the Bat Cave? He had to go to the bat Room.
[an old classic] - Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
- Why did Mr Ohm marry Mrs Ohm? Because he couldn't resistor.
- I bought A LOT of classical music yesterday... ...I went on a Chopin spree!
- I asked my dog which classical composer he liked the best... Bach.
- A German boy band that plays some insane classical stuff. Bachstreet Boys
- What do you call a poor classical pianist? Baroque
- Who decided to call it "Dwayne Johnson's wrestling Career" instead of... Classic Rock?
- In what order do you play Classical Music Songs? Bach to Bach.
- What do you call a microorganism that listens to Classical music? Bach-teria
- I was going to buy some classical CDs... But it turns out I'm baroque.
- Why don't film soundtracks use jazz and classical? Too much sax and violins.
- Killer Whales like classical music so much... That they form Orcastras.
Classical Music Jokes
Here is a list of funny classical music jokes and even better classical music puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Symphony of puns i never let my kids listen to jazz or classical music...
Too much sax or violins can only lead to treble! - Earlier today I heard Classical music coming from my wallet.. I opened it, and realised I had 3 tenners in it...
- I'm pretty sure chickens love classical music All I hear from them is "bach bach bach bach bach"
- They say classical music was written to speak through the ages Bach to the future.
- I used to only listen to classical music... ...but now I think outside of the Bachs.
- I went to buy some classical music today... But I forgot my Chopin Liszt.
- My dog likes classical music Whenever she hears it, she's always wagner tal.
- Why didn't the pokemon listen to classical music? Because he was lycanroc.
- So I have this chicken that listens to nothing but classical music... All she wants is Bach Bach Bach .
That is all. - I've been listening to classical music too loud and now my ears hurt. I'm having some pretty bad Bach pains.
Classical Composer Jokes
Here is a list of funny classical composer jokes and even better classical composer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Who is a Boston Terrier's favorite classical composer? Bach
- What do you get when you cross a Classical German composer with an erupting volcano? Baklava.
(It came to me in a dream last night. I dunno man..) - Who's a lumberjack's favorite classical composer? Chopin.
- Which classical composer is best at playing hide and seek? Haydn. [OC]
- Arnold Schwarzenegger is actually a talented composer with a love for classical music! His newest album is titled, "I'll Be Bach."
- I went to the supermarket dressed as a classical composer... Somebody asked me what I was Chopin for.
- Why did everyone hate the classical composer's music Everyone thought he had some sheet music
- What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when his 3rd grade teacher asked him to be a classical composer in the school play ? I'll be Bach
- Do you know which classical composer was also really into motocross? Braaaaaaahms, Braaaahms, Braaaaaaahms ... Brr Brr, Braaaaaaahms!
- Did you hear about the guy who tripped over his collection of classical composer statues? They said he Baroque his Bach.
Classical Concert Jokes
Here is a list of funny classical concert jokes and even better classical concert puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- (Warning:lame music joke. I just came back from a classicical music concert) Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the oboe solo.
- Bonnie Tyler is performing a concert in Greece next month. She'll be singing her classic. I need a Euro.
- Classical music is such a scam... You pay hundreds of dollars to go see Mozart live and in concert, and every time it's just a cover band
- Why wouldn't the mother take her kids to the classical music concert? Too much sax and violins.
Classical Pianist Jokes
Here is a list of funny classical pianist jokes and even better classical pianist puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why was the classical pianist always going down on his wife? Because he loved Debussy
- You know what they say about Japanese pianists... They sure do put the crass in classic!
Great Classical Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about classical you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean old classic jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make classical pranks.
why was the computer late to work?
because it had a hard drive! (stole it from ellen, from her classic joke tuesday)
Original & Classic Winston Churchill (not my retort)
Lady Astor said to Churchill, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea," to which he responded, "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it!"
Another classic Dutch Bakerjoke
* A dog walks into a bakery
* Baker: How can I help you?
* Dog: Woof!
* Baker: Anything else?
* Dog: Bark!
* Baker: That'll be 12 Euro's. Do you want a receipt?
* Dog: No.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The day after Beethoven's f**...
The day after Beethoven's f**..., at midnight, a drunken man, having just left the bar, went into the graveyard, where he heard a strange sound. Looking for the source of the mysterious sound, he discovered it was coming from Beethoven's grave. Alarmed, he called his friends, and found they could hear the sound too (even the sober ones).
Soon, a crowd was forming at the graveyard. The mayor, who was very familiar with classical music, recognized the sound as Beethoven's 9th Symphony played backwards. When it ended, Beethoven's 8th Symphony started playing, also backwards, and then the 7th, and then the 6th, and so forth. At dawn, having reached a conclusion, the mayor said to the gathering crowd:
"There's nothing to fear, gentlemen. He's just decomposing."
Did you hear about the guy who was obsessed with building HOV lanes through mountains?
Did you hear about the guy who was obsessed with building HOV lanes through mountains?
Classic case of carpool tunnel syndrome
Reindeer joke!
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer passed away today at the age of 57. He was struck by a 747 jet liner and a flock of seagulls as he flew over Barcelona. Coroners say that the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.
Steven Spielberg is casting for his upcoming blockbuster on the history of classical music.
He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I'd like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."
I brought a classical musician back from the past to prove that my time-machine works, but I can't find him.
He must be Haydn.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The other day I saw Denzel Washington walking down the street.
I shouted to him ,"Hey Denzel!" He responded, "Does every black man look like Denzel Washington to you?"
Classic Denzel.
Classic dad joke, but in bad taste
So we were having a family dinner for the first time in a while.
My mum was saying how terrible the situation in Nepal is, when my Dad says "it's nepalling isn't it?"
I had a good laugh, feeling guilty after :(
Classic joke from the great Buddy Hackett. Wish I could find the rest of this special.
Relativity theory
In classical (Newtonian) physics, we can't solve the three-body problem. In the theory of relativity, we can't solve the two-body problem. In quantum mechanics, we can't solve the one-body problem, and with quantum electro dynamics, we don't even understand the vacuum anymore.
Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are in a bar
After a few drinks Steven says he's thinking about making an action movie about classical composers
Sylvester says "I wanna be Mozart!"
Arnold says "in that case...I'll be Bach"
I asked a German the other day if he wanted to hear a joke...
I had the classic "How many ____ does it take to change a lightbulb" joke in mind.... But before I got to tell it,
He responded, "Nine"... How did he know?!?!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife wants to have the baby listen to classical music while in the w**....
Would an ipod nano or shuffle be easier to get up there?
A patient came in today saying he felt paranoid and like people were watching him.
I dunno if I buy it though, he looked pretty relaxed in the bath this morning.
*classic Frankie boyle*
Did you hear about the homeless artist who got turned down in his submission for a classic string toy rebranding?
It was a no-go hobo yo-yo logo.
The Terminator and his friends decided to go to a costume party dressed up as famous classical musicians.
"I'll be Beethoven!", said one friend.
"I'll be Mozart!", said the other friend.
"I'll be Bach.", said The Terminator.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two classical musicians had s**... for the first time together.
Woman: "That's a pretty small o**... you're playing down there."
Man: "Well, I didn't know I would be performing in Carnegie Hall tonight."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This is My "classic" joke
A Catholic Priest, a Rabbi, and an Atheist walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Oh g**..., no! We don't like jokes in here and if you guys are a part of one, you're gonna have to leave right now!" So the catholic priest, rabbi, and atheist leave the bar and a chicken walks in. The bartender says, "OH COME ON! We don't serve CHICKENS in here!" The chicken says, "Do you know somewhere that does?" The bartender says, "Yeah.." The chicken asks, "Well, where is it?" The bartender says, "It's across the road."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you seen that old movie about the k**...?
I hear it's a real cult classic.
Just witnessed this classic on the bus
Passenger: Which bus are you?
Driver: I'm not a bus, I'm the driver.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I ran across an old copy of the Amputee's Song Book the other day.
It includes such classics as If you're happy and you know it……s**...!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you've heard of Post Malone maybe you've heard of h**... Malone
It's this classic movie about a young boy who gets left behind by his family at Christmas and has to defend his house from burglars.
Classic Cajun joke my grandpa told me.
So Boudreaux and Thibodeaux are heading to the bayou to check the trot lines. Boudreaux hooks his truck to his boat trailer and connects the trailer lights.
He says, "Thibodeaux, Check to see if my brake lights are working!"
As Boudreaux presses the brakes, Thibodeaux says, "Yea, they workin!"
Boudreaux turns on the right blinker and says, "Alright how about my blinkers?"
Thibodeaux says, "Yes, no, yes, no, yes!"
In the classic story of the tortoise and the hare, what was the tortoise's name?
Winslow.
It's the year 2295...
Dude: I'm a classically trained guitarist.
Neo-90s Kid: Radical!
Dude: So anyway, here's Wonderwall.
A classic Soviet joke
(Setting: 1980 Olympics)
Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev began reading his opening speech.
"O!" - the crowd applauses.
"O!" - another round of applause and cheer comes from the audience.
"O!" - the entire audience body stands up and begins clapping.
A secretary comes to Brezhnev and says, "Dear Leonid Ilyich, these are Olympic logo rings; you don't need to read all of them!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hollywood is remaking Brokeback Mountain with Margot Robbie and Emma Watson
On the one hand, I hate that they have to remake all the classic movies with female leads as if that somehow makes them better. On the other hand, lotion.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife dragged me to a classical concert.
Me: I hope this concert has a lot of ado.
Her: Huh?
MC: Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado....
Me: F*c**....
Classic. I'd be surprised if this was not posted already.
One afternoon the teacher asked the Johnny Can you explain what oxidation is? He replied No my science is a little rusty.
Told a stranger on a bus that I liked rhetorical questions.
He said, "Who cares?"
I said, "that's a classic!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Captain Hook is claiming that he was s**... assaulted by his first mate some years ago.
It's a classic case of he said, Smee said.
A man walks the streets of London
He sees a begar with wooden leg and thinks: a criple, classic... But then he sees that he has a tag: Falkland veteran. The men remembers what was that about and tells himself: This man fought for me, when i was lying at home. So he gives the begar ten pounds.
And the begar answers: Gracias senor, gracias.
Arnold Schwarzenegger's girlfriend broke up with him
Arnold Schwarzenegger's girlfriend broke up with him in hopes that it would be enough to stop him from dressing up as classical composers for halloween.
But deep down, she still knew that he'd be bach.
I kinda stole this
The worst part about liking classical music is when you forget the name of a piece and you can't google the lyrics because there are none
⚠️ No Results For "there was a really good bit with a flute"
What is a classical singer's big break?
An opera-tunity.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Classic joke from India
Ajay comes crying to his father after school. His father noticed he is covered in bruises, just completely beaten black and blue. So he asked his sone what happened. Ajay tells him the teacher pointed pointed a ruler at me and said At the end of this ruler is an idiot.
So His dad said
So I said which side
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Will Smith teeth joke
Jason Derulo classic golf moves leaving Will Smith with no front teeths !
A farmer bragged to his friend about his smart chickens
"How do you know they're smart?"
"They love classical music! That's smarty-pants music right there."
"And how do you know that's what they like?"
"Every morning, I say to the chickens 'What music for today?' and they ask for their favorite composer: 'Bach, Bach, Bach!'"
If you really don't want someone to do something, tell them to do it, then scream "YGOLOHCYSP".
Classic reverse psychology.
Here's a classic jewish joke.
A mother brings her son two new ties as a birthday gift for her adult son. Later, in the evening the two meet for dinner and the son is wearing one of the ties. His mother takes one look at him and says, You didn't like the other tie?
A classic joke from Ronald Regan (Not exactly accurate)
There are two Russians in the Soviet Union talking to each other and a curfew is about to be enforced
The two men say goodbye to each other and just as they do a soviet soldier walks over to the both of them and shoots one of the men dead
The other man says Why did you shoot him?
The soldier says I'm his friend I know where he lives he wouldn't have made it home in time
My client is very particular about which classical albums she wants me to restore...
If it ain't Baroque, don't fix it.
A solar panel, a wind turbine and a hydro dam are all getting to know each other.
'What kind of music are you into?' asks the dam.
'I'm into trance', replies the solar panel.
'Ooh, too intense for me', dam says, 'I much prefer classical melodies, maybe a little 60s soul at the weekends.'
'What about you Mr Turbine? What are you into?'
'Me?' He replies, 'I'm a huge metal fan.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A classic Russian joke...
An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are stranded on an uninhabited island. They build a shelter, catch fish for food and suddenly catch a magical Golden Fish, who promises to fulfill two wishes for each in trade for her own freedom:
The American says: "A million dollars and to go back home!" He vanishes.
The Frenchman says: "Three beautiful women and to go back home!" He vanishes as well.
The Russian look around at the deserted island, and says: "Tsk, and we were getting along so well. Three crates of v**... and the two fellas back!"
Classical joke for Christmas period.
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.
An elderly classical languages professor goes to Rome for a conference.
He hails a taxi as he leaves the airport, and the driver points to a sign saying "Tell driver your destination". The professor hesitates for a moment. He doesn't speak Italian, but doesn't want the driver to misunderstand his directions in English. Suddenly realizing that Italian is descended from Latin he says, "Adducere me ad Marriott deversorium"
The cab driver nods and puts the car in gear. As he into traffic he says, "Wow, you sure haven't been to Rome for a long time."
I've been trained to apply something to my head after shampoo...
It's classical conditioning.
A childhood classic my dad used to tell me:
Q. Why was a frog flying?
A. Because he ate a helium baloon.
Q. Then why was a snake flying?
A. Because it ate the flying frog.
Q. Then why was the eagle flying?
A. Because it has wings
Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a restaurant, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."
Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"
"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"
That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!"
"And who will you be, Arnold?"
"I'll be Bach."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Dad was a professional magician who performed all the classic illusions. He used to practice the well-known, "Sawing a person in two" trick using us kids.
He always loved to halve his family in the act.
Classic Rock and Roll Trivia
I learned today that 3 of the guys who performed on "Rosanna" and "Africa" also played on "Dust in the Wind". Music journalist asked them why they joined the new band and they said
"Toto? We aren't in Kansas anymore".
Watched an episode of a classic sitcom last night. The episode dealt with the topic of circumcision. I didn't enjoy watching it...
I hate when sitcoms run clip shows.
Fun guy helping daughter prep for her science test
Last night I pulled a classic dad joke on my daughter. Normally this would make anyone groan but because my daughter is cool like me she loved it.
We were studying for her science vocabulary test. When we came to the word organism
she said:
Any living thing. Like an animal, plant or fungi
I said:
You know people think I'm a fun guy (fungi)
(Pause) she looks at me….
Her:
Oh I get it! then we laugh as she explains the joke I made. She's 9.
Classic… My daughter is going to make a great dad one day…
