Classical Jokes

Following is our collection of orchestra puns and debussy one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Classical jokes for adults, dirty tunes jokes and clean clarinet dad gags for kids.

The Best Classical Puns

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when Sylvester Stallone wanted to dress up as classical composers for Halloween?

"You be Beethoven, I'll be Bach."

A solar panel, a wind turbine and a hydro dam are all getting to know each other.

'What kind of music are you into?' asks the dam.
'I'm into trance', replies the solar panel.
'Ooh, too intense for me', dam says, 'I much prefer classical melodies, maybe a little 60s soul at the weekends.'
'What about you Mr Turbine? What are you into?'
'Me?' He replies, 'I'm a huge metal fan.'

The secret to Pavlov's hair?

Just a classical conditioner.

(I hope the name rings a bell)

Relativity theory

In classical (Newtonian) physics, we can't solve the three-body problem. In the theory of relativity, we can't solve the two-body problem. In quantum mechanics, we can't solve the one-body problem, and with quantum electro dynamics, we don't even understand the vacuum anymore.

Sylvester Stallone, Jean Claude Van Damme, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all making a movie about classical composers.

Sylvester Stallone said, "I'll be mozart."
Jean Claude Van Damme said, "I'll be Beethoven."
Schwarzenegger said, "I'll be bach."


Steven Spielberg is casting for his upcoming blockbuster on the history of classical music.

He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I'd like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."

In honor of Father's day, a dad joke

There is a rumor that a movie about a 17th century classical composers will be made. It will even star Arnold Schwarzenegger among others.


He'll be Bach

The Terminator and his friends decided to go to a costume party dressed up as famous classical musicians.

"I'll be Beethoven!", said one friend.

"I'll be Mozart!", said the other friend.

"I'll be Bach.", said The Terminator.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was invited to a classical musician theme Halloween party?

I'll be Bach.

Terminator, RoboCop, & Optimus Prime are all together thinking of their next costume for Halloween...

when RoboCop says "We should all be classical musical composers; I'll be..Beethoven!".

 


Optimus Prime agrees and says "alright - I'll be..Mozart!".

 


Terminator stands up and says "I'll be Bach!".

A farmer bragged to his friend about his smart chickens

"How do you know they're smart?"

"They love classical music! That's smarty-pants music right there."

"And how do you know that's what they like?"

"Every morning, I say to the chickens 'What music for today?' and they ask for their favorite composer: 'Bach, Bach, Bach!'"


A German boy band that plays some insane classical stuff.

Bachstreet Boys

My wife dragged me to a classical concert.

Me: I hope this concert has a lot of ado.

Her: Huh?

MC: Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado....

Me: F*ck.

Two classical musicians had sex for the first time together.

Woman: "That's a pretty small organ you're playing down there."

Man: "Well, I didn't know I would be performing in Carnegie Hall tonight."

They're making a movie about classical music composers...

They're making a movie about classical music composers. In the middle of the auditions, Arnold Schwarzenegger walked in and simply declared, "I'll be Bach."

Suddenly I hear classical music coming from a grave, sounds like its being played backwards?

Oh, that's just Beethoven decomposing .

Symphony of puns

i never let my kids listen to jazz or classical music...
Too much sax or violins can only lead to treble!

What do you call a microorganism that listens to Classical music?

Bach-teria

I'm pretty sure chickens love classical music

All I hear from them is "bach bach bach bach bach"


My wife wants to have the baby listen to classical music while in the womb.

Would an ipod nano or shuffle be easier to get up there?

What is a pedophile's favorite type of classical music?

Anything in A Minor

What type of classical music do chickens like best?

Bach.

What do you call an unemployed classical musician?

Baroque

Arnold Scwharzanegger gets a call from his agent about a feature length film based around classical music. When asked which character he'd most like to play,

'I'll be Bach'.

Why don't film soundtracks use jazz and classical?

Too much sax and violins.

I was going to buy some classical CDs...

But it turns out I'm baroque.

Killer Whales like classical music so much...

That they form Orcastras.

Arnold Schwarzenegger gets a call from his agent...

Who tells him that an up-and-coming director is looking for German- and Austrian-born actors for a movie.

"It's a little different than the stuff you're known for," the agent says, "It's a period piece about classical music composers. Should I arrange an audition?"

"There is no need," Arnold says. "I'll be Bach."

Sean Connery, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are going to be in a movie about classical composers...

They are talking to the director about what roles they want to play.

Sean Connery says "I would shertainly like to play Moshart."

Sylvester Stallone says "Uh, well, I guess I wanna play Beethoven."

And so Arnold pauses a moment, and then says "I'll be Bach."

Who is a Boston Terrier's favorite classical composer?

Bach

Arnold Schwarzenegger's girlfriend broke up with him

Arnold Schwarzenegger's girlfriend broke up with him in hopes that it would be enough to stop him from dressing up as classical composers for halloween.


But deep down, she still knew that he'd be bach.

They say classical music was written to speak through the ages

Bach to the future.

I used to only listen to classical music...

...but now I think outside of the Bachs.

I went to buy some classical music today...

But I forgot my Chopin Liszt.

Action hero fancy dress ball...

Arnold Schwarznegger, Sly Stallone & Chuck Norris are invited to a ball where they must all go in fancy dress.

They decide to go as classical composers, so they head to the store to buy their costumes for the ball.

When in the store, Sly says: 'I'll dress as Mozart'

Chuck Says: 'I'll go as Beethoven'

Arnie says: 'I'll be Bach'

I brought a classical musician back from the past to prove that my time-machine works, but I can't find him.

He must be Haydn.

My client is very particular about which classical albums she wants me to restore...

If it ain't Baroque, don't fix it.

Stallone, Van Damme and Schwarzenegger decide to collaborate on a movie about classical composers.

"I'll be Beethoven" says Stallone.

Van Damne says "OK, I'll be Mozart".

Schwarzenegger says "I'll be Bach"

Three actors are deciding on roles for a movie about classical music.

Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all taking part in a new movie about classical composers.

"I think I'll play Beethoven!" declared Matt.

"I'd like the role of Mozart!" Brad decided.

"I'll be Bach." said Arnie.

Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are in a bar

After a few drinks Steven says he's thinking about making an action movie about classical composers

Sylvester says "I wanna be Mozart!"

Arnold says "in that case...I'll be Bach"

A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin

Now he is quite Baroque.

What is a classical singer's big break?

An opera-tunity.

I kinda stole this

The worst part about liking classical music is when you forget the name of a piece and you can't google the lyrics because there are none

⚠️ No Results For "there was a really good bit with a flute"

What do you call two classical musicians ending their relationship?

They baroque up

I've been listening to classical music too loud and now my ears hurt.

I'm having some pretty bad Bach pains.

"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me.

She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.
"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.
"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."

Did you hear about the classical musician who couldn't find work?

He was Baroque.

What do you get when you cross a Classical German composer with an erupting volcano?

Baklava.

(It came to me in a dream last night. I dunno man..)

Did you hear about the chicken who liked classical music?

I swear it was all he talked about. He would go on and on. "Bach, Bach, Bach"!

Steven Spielberg has a new idea for a movie

He says he wants to make an action movie about classical music composers.

Sylvester Stallone says "I wana be Motzart!"

Arnold Schwarzenegger says "In zat case...I'll be Bach"

What do classical pianists use to remember their groceries?

A Chopin Liszt.

What do you call a classical writer with Parkinson's and a drinking problem?

Shakesbeer.

I had to pay for everything when I went out with a couple classical musicians

they were completely baroque.

I don't want to hear any more classical Christmas music

I seriously can't handel it.

What did the classical-only DJ say?

If it ain't baroque, don't mix it.

Why do black people not like Classical music?

Because they have to sit in the Bach of the concert hall.

Did you hear the new classical piece of music commissioned by the church?

It's called "I slipped and fell in A minor".

Which classical composer is best at playing hide and seek?

Haydn. [OC]

Classical joke

I remember once in pre-virus times, I was standing in a fairly long line for a classical music concert. A dude on a skateboard rode up to me and asked what's all the excitement about? Who's playing? I told him Yo-Yo Ma. And he punched me in the face!

Alternate dimensions joke

A man learns how to go into alternate dimensions where he can become other people. He says "This is awesome, I've always wanted to be Arnold Schwarzenegger acting in the Terminator films, but I've also always wanted to compose classical music. So first, I'll be Bach"

What do you call someone lathering in the shower and singing along to Classical Music?

A soap opera

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tom Cruise, and Bruce Willis said they wanted to star in a movie about classical musicians.

Bruce Willis said I'll play Mozart!

Tom Cruise said I'll play Beethoven!

Arnold said I'll be Bach

Classical pun

Why have they not found Mozart's body yet?

Because he is Haydn.

So I was listening to classical music really loudly the other day when suddenly...

My speakers Baroque.

Who was the most hated classical musician?

Nickelbach.

One for the classical music fans [OC]

For those who aren't, Herbert von Karajan was an acclaimed symphony conductor in the 20th century. You need to know that his name is pronounced approximately "KAHRY-on."

Not many people know it, but the maestro actually had a second career outside of music, he was a successful luggage designer.

I mean, surely you've heard of...Karajan Luggage?

Why do muslims love classical music?

It has lots of violins

Arnold Schwarzenegger is actually a talented composer with a love for classical music!

His newest album is titled, "I'll Be Bach."

What do classical musicians write before going shopping?

A Chopin Lizst




(shopping list)

Vincent: hey what classical concert are you going to and why are you wearing that fancy cologne?

Me: to Bait hoe, Vin.

Why classical music is not recommended for young people?

Because it contains sax and violins

How do you threaten a fan of classical music?

You tell him to watch his bach.

A mother catches her son masturbating in the shower

She asks him how often he does this. He replies: Every time I wash my hair, It's just a little classical conditioning.

What do you call a President who likes classical music?

Baroque Obama

How do you package a 21st century classical jazz singer?

Buble wrap

Sorry 😜

I went to the supermarket dressed as a classical composer...

Somebody asked me what I was Chopin for.

Why did everyone hate the classical composer's music

Everyone thought he had some sheet music

What does the chicken who likes classical music says?

Bach bach bach bach bach

Two classical composers bump into each other on the street, because one is reading the sheets to his soon-to-be finished symphony.

He quickly hides the sheets in his pocket, but the other composer notices and asks:

β€žWhat are you Haydn?

What is Vladimir Nabokov's favorite kind of classical music?

Pieces that are in A minor

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when his 3rd grade teacher asked him to be a classical composer in the school play ?

I'll be Bach

Why did the classical orchestra disband.

It went Baroque

what did the terminator say after deciding to learn classical music?

"I'll be bach"

There is an abundance of decomposer jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 83 funniest jokes and classical puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any blues witze you can hear about classical.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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