Following is our collection of lesson puns and classmates one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Class jokes for adults, dirty lecture jokes and clean first class blonde dad gags for kids.
We do it in schools, because we have class.
The lower class.
A guy sitting at the back asks, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, and says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.
A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."
Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.
"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted angrily.
"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"
I just didn't realize it would Zoom.
your vaccinations were mandatory and no one in your class got measles.
Says the teacher to a student's parent at a school gathering.
-- Did he say where he got it?
-- Yes! His best friend gave it to him.
The father, cleaning his tears:
-- Did he really say that?
Hooker: You're a man of class :)
Man: Class my ass, I want it five times on grass
"1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."
After a few hours, C gets sloppy drunk and spills its drink all over C++. Outraged, C++ shouts, "good God C! Have you no class??"
One boy at the back of the class throws his bag out the window.
"Who just threw that? Demands the teacher.
"Me" replied the boy. "And I'm going home."
Because i can feel an uprising in my lower class.
A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus"
Everyone looks at you in disgust. But deep down they want some too
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."
For a class project, a college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.
"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back.
"Sony!" Yells the blonde girl in the front.
He asks him: "What's wrong son, what happened?"
"The teacher asked the class what the tallest building in New York is, and I got the answer wrong."
"Why, what did you answer?"
"The Empire State Building."
"Don't worry son, daddy will take care of it."
He goes and sits outside the class and can't stop laughing. The principle walks by and sees him. He asks, Frank, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?"
I farted in class and the teacher threw me out. The principle asks him again, Well then, why are you laughing?
Because those idiots are sitting in the class smelling my fart while I'm outside in the fresh air."
Professor: Anyone want to guess the Earth's magnetic field strength? Use any units you'd like.
Student: *raises hand*
Professor: Yes?
Student: 1 Earth
But I must say, it's pretty cocky of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.
Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. Slink down low at my desk. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions.
I was the best teacher ever.
Four earthworms are placed in four separate test tubes:
1st in beer
2nd in wine
3rd in whiskey
4th in mineral water
The next day, the teacher shows the results:
The 1st worm in beer, dead.
The 2nd in wine, dead.
The 3rd in whiskey, dead.
The 4th in mineral water, alive and healthy.
The teacher asks the class:
- What do we learn from this experience?
And a child responds:
- Whoever drinks beer, wine and whiskey, does not have worms.
For those sending around vile jokes about the Prime Minister in ICU... please remember the words of The Queen last night:
I hope in the years to come everyone will be able to take pride in how they responded to this challenge. Show some class.
My grade is below C level.
Thank god im homeschooled or that could have been wierd
A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.
"Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.
One day, the teacher asked the children in class to give examples of what was not good to put in one's mouth.
Little Johnny says, It is not good to put a lit light bulb in one's mouth.
The teacher says, That is correct, but why?
Little Johnny answers, I don't know, but my mom always tells my dad, 'Turn off the light before you put it in my mouth!'
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.
'In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.'
A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'
He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"
Promptly, his father writes back. "My Dear son Ahmed, $20 Million has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing our family. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your dad"
Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head sweetly.
Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.
..so I failed her!
Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?
One student raises their hand,
The cheetah is faster dandelion.
Apparently, "I do." is not the correct answer.
She forgot her Algae-bra.
On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.
We just clicked.
Three plus seven, that son of a bitch is ten."
Hearing what he was saying, his mother asked him what he was doing. He answered that he was doing his math homework.
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" she asked her son to which he replied yes.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher what she is teaching in math class. The teacher said, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked if she was teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four.
Laughing, the teacher replied, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
Out of nowhere, the guy reaches over and grabs the girl's breast.
Disturbed, the girl looks at the guy and says "What are you doing!? Those are private!"
He only states "How is that? We're in the same class."
Her teacher asked her "What's that?"
"It's Jonah inside the belly of the whale from the Bible." She replied
The teacher, an atheist, told her "You know that didn't really happen."
She kept drawing "When I get to heaven I'll just ask Jonah."
"What if he's not in heaven? The teacher admonished.
The girl, still drawing "Then you ask him"
"Who's a Trump fan?"
Not wanting to look stupid for not knowing what that meant, they all raised their hands except for Johnny.
"And why aren't you a Trump fan?" she asked, used to Johnny always trying to be different.
"Because I'm a Sanders fan" he replied.
"And why are you a Sanders fan?"
"Because mommy and daddy are"
"And if mommy and daddy were idiots, what would that make you?" she asked
"A Trump fan"
What's the difference between cancer and the middle class? At least cancer got Jobs.
...was writing a note to his crush before lecture. The student next to him grabbed the note.
The first student tried to grab it back. You can't see that, it's private!
The second student protested, But we're in the same class
Her body is a 10, but her intro and conclusion need some work.
The teacher is talking about the American Dream in class and then asks the one German kid if they had a German dream. He responds, "We did, but nobody liked it."
So I always made sure I kept my distance from my teacher Mr Dickinson
So we were having a family dinner for the first time in a while.
My mum was saying how terrible the situation in Nepal is, when my Dad says "it's nepalling isn't it?"
I had a good laugh, feeling guilty after :(
Her algae bra
A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"
She says, "I'm just not doing very well in your class. I was wondering if there was anything I could do to raise my grade?"
The professor looks her up and down and asks, "What are you willing to do to raise your grade?"
"I'd do *anything*," she answers coyly, playing with her hair.
"Anything?"
"*Anything*!" she repeats with a knowing grin.
"Would you....study?"
1st Student: I go and buy weed from Yakobo
2nd Student: I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo.
3rd Student: I go and buy cocaine from Yakobo.
4th Student: I always stay at home and do my homework.
Teacher: You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to other students. What's your name?
4th Student: Yakobo
A professor told his class:
"Fame will come to you only after you succeed!"
A blonde asked, "Who is 'Seed'?"
I've never run so far in my life.
Some of us are trying to sleep.
Everyone immediately began to write furiously, except little Johnny, who kicked back and put his feet on the table. The teacher walked over to him. "Why aren't you writing Johnny?" she asked. Johnny looked up. "I'm waiting for my secretary."
The floor is lava.
The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"
"Children" begins the Pope. "Where's Jesus today?"
Little Tommy says: "He's in my heart."
Little Barry says: "He's in Heaven."
Little Davey says: "He's in our bathroom."
The surprised Pope asks Little Davey how he knows this.
"Well," says Little Davey, "every day my Dad bangs on our bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?"
I don't have a clue what's going on but seems like those others guys are getting it.
Now pay attention class, I'm only going to do this once.
. . .and then one of the students raises his hand and says "but sir you told that joke last year" the lecturer replies "if you can repeat things then so can I"
There is an abundance of semester jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 60 funniest jokes and class puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any classroom witze you can hear about class.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.