Claps Jokes

Following is our collection of clap puns and thwack one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Claps jokes for adults, dirty crowd jokes and clean slaps dad gags for kids.

The Best Claps Puns

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin meet with guests at the White House

One of the guests asks: Mister President, what are you talking about with president Putin? – We are planning World War III.' - 'And what does it look like?' – Trump: We will kill 4 million Muslims and a dentist... The guest looks a bit confused: Why a dentist? - Putin claps Trump on the back and says, What did I tell you, Donald? No one will ask about the Muslims.

Little Johnny's dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees...

Little Johnny claps his hands over his ears and says, "I don't wanna hear anymore! First you tell me there's no Santa Claus, and then there's no Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy either. If you're about to tell me grown ups don't have sex, I got nothin' to believe in anymore!"

How many trump supporters does it take to screw in a lightbulb

None. Trump says it's done and everyone claps in the dark

A plane has a horrible accident...

...and is split in half horizontally. Everyone is holding onto the oxygen masks above with their legs dangling in the air.

The captain shouts to the passengers, "We can make it, but the weight's off - at least one person needs to let go or else none of us will make it!"

Willing to die for a good cause, a young man shouts "I will sacrifice my life for all of you!"

Everyone claps.

Two men are stranded on a deserted island

Two men are stranded on a deserted island. One despairs, but the other one claps him assuredly on the back and says, Don't worry, they will definitely find us, and soon.

Really? Why do you think so?

I owe the IRS five years' worth of taxes.


A man from quebec and a man from Newfoundland meet in a bar....

A man from Quebec and a man from Newfoundland meet in a bar, one of them finds a lamp, he rubs it and a genie comes out, he grants the two with one wish each.

the guy from Quebec says "i want a big, 40 foot wall arround the entire province"

the genie claps his fingers and says "here, done"

the one from Newfoundland aks "is your wall waterproof?"
"uhh yeah?" responded the guy from quebec

"fill her up"

1st thing to do when you win the lottery

A man bursts through his front door with a look of excitement on his face. He runs to his wife.

"Honey, pack your bags. I just won the lottery!" he exclaims.

"Oh, that's wonderful!" she claps her hands, "where are we going?"

"I don't care where you go, just make sure you're out of here by tomorrow morning."

My favorite Robin Williams joke

U2 is playing a concert in Scotland, and as a hush comes over the crowd, Bono starts clapping his hands above his head very slowly.

As he claps, he tells the crowd, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." And a man stands up in the back of the room, and shouts "Then stop clappin' your hands!"

Thanks, Robin.

A man is sitting on the couch one evening when his son walks in and tells his father he lost his virginity

The father jumps up from joy and claps his hands and says: Congratulations son! Here, have a beer and take a seat.

The son says: The beer I can take, but I can not sit for a while

A guy in a train lets a loud fart

He puts his two hands together, crossing his fingers and claps the palm of his hands to imitate the sound of a fart.
Another passenger asks: "How do you do the smell?"

A 12 year old boy comes home from school

He enters the home and his parents are sitting on the sofa together clutching hands.

Sit down son we have something to say says the dad

The boy sits down.

You're adopted the mother says.

The boy sighs and tears up and asks why didn't you say so before? I've always wondered

Good claps the father standing up swiftly. Get your bags packed, your new Parents will be here to pick you up in about an hour.


Amidst all of the current negativity, it's important to remember...

There's only 35 claps left until Christmas.

What do you call "A man that pulls rabbits out of hats, escapes from dangerous traps, and does card tricks in front of an audience that claps?"

Just an allusion.

My Dad just told me this joke.

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy sitting next to a dog at the bar table. He comes over to the guy and says "Hey, does your dog bite?" "No" the man replies. He claps the dog and it bites his hand aggressively, blood everywhere. "Ahh! I thought you said your dog doesnt bite!?" "....Thats not my dog" replies the man.

Yo momma ain't got no hands

When she claps it sounds like this...

There is an abundance of freddie jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 15 funniest jokes and claps puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any boos witze you can hear about claps.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes