Claps Jokes
29 claps jokes and hilarious claps puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about claps that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Claps Short Jokes
Short claps jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The claps humour may include short clapping jokes also.
- A boy asked his mom "Mom, What is dark humor?" The mom said to the boy "See that man with no hands? Tell him to clap."
The boy then said to his mom "But mom, you know I'm blind!" - I'm so proud of my son I asked him what the sound of one hand clapping is. He said "dunno" and walked off to his room, but I can hear him trying to figure it out.
- "Mom what's dark humor?" "Do you see that guy over there without arms? Ask him to clap his hand"
"But mom I'm blind..."
"Exactly!" - A child asks his mother "mom, what is dark humor?" The mother responds: do you see that man without hands? Tell him to clap. On wich the son says: but mom I'm blind. And the mom responds: Exactly.
- Yo' Mama is so poor, when she picks a booger, she yells, "Clap your hands and stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got meat!"
- How many trump supporters does it take to screw in a lightbulb None. Trump says it's done and everyone claps in the dark
- A stand-up comedian tells a joke about a newly-discovered STI that takes ten years to show symptoms. \* Slow clap *
- How do you know when an accordionist is playing well? Everyone in the bar starts clapping- their hands over their ears.
- A contestant made a meringue on Australian Masterchef and the crowd started clapping and cheering. The host said, "This is very unusual for an Australian audience. They normally Boo meringues!!"
- A dad and son are sitting in a park Son asks, "Dad what is dark humour"
Dad, "Son see that man with no arms. Ask him to clap"
Son, "But dad I am blind"
Dad "I know"
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Claps One Liners
Which claps one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with claps? I can suggest the ones about clapped and applause.
- Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands? Cause they're dead.
- Why can't the Tyrannosaurus Rex clap? Because they're dead
- Why can't a T-Rex clap it's hands? Because they are extinct.
- Yo mama so fat... Thanos had to clap to get rid of her
- Do you know why a T-Rex can't clap their hands? Because they're all dead.
- Why can't a T-Rex clap it's hands? Because it's dead
- Why are T-Rex's unable to clap their hands? Because they are extinct.
- Your momma's so fat Thanos had to clap
- I got chlamydia from a person with special needs She gave me the slow clap
- What does a ginger do when he wants to high five a friend? He claps
- What do you call gonorrhea that takes a long time to show up? Slow clap.
- Why can't the T-Rex clap his hands? Because he's dead.
- You got gonorrhea from a sloth...? *slow clap*
- Why can't T-Rexes clap their hands? Because they're extinct.
- Why did the comedian go to doctor? Because the audience gave him the clap
Cheerful Fun Claps Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about claps you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean slaps jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make claps pranks.
Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin meet with guests at the White House
One of the guests asks: Mister President, what are you talking about with president Putin? – We are planning World War III.' - 'And what does it look like?' – Trump: We will kill 4 million Muslims and a dentist... The guest looks a bit confused: Why a dentist? - Putin claps Trump on the back and says, What did I tell you, Donald? No one will ask about the Muslims.
Little Johnny's dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees...
Little Johnny claps his hands over his ears and says, "I don't wanna hear anymore! First you tell me there's no Santa Claus, and then there's no Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy either. If you're about to tell me grown ups don't have s**..., I got nothin' to believe in anymore!"
A plane has a horrible accident...
...and is split in half horizontally. Everyone is holding onto the oxygen masks above with their legs dangling in the air.
The captain shouts to the passengers, "We can make it, but the weight's off - at least one person needs to let go or else none of us will make it!"
Willing to die for a good cause, a young man shouts "I will sacrifice my life for all of you!"
Everyone claps.
A man from quebec and a man from Newfoundland meet in a bar....
A man from Quebec and a man from Newfoundland meet in a bar, one of them finds a lamp, he rubs it and a genie comes out, he grants the two with one wish each.
the guy from Quebec says "i want a big, 40 foot wall arround the entire province"
the genie claps his fingers and says "here, done"
the one from Newfoundland aks "is your wall waterproof?"
"uhh yeah?" responded the guy from quebec
"fill her up"
Two men are stranded on a deserted island
Two men are stranded on a deserted island. One despairs, but the other one claps him assuredly on the back and says, Don't worry, they will definitely find us, and soon.
Really? Why do you think so?
I owe the IRS five years' worth of taxes.
My favorite Robin Williams joke
U2 is playing a concert in Scotland, and as a hush comes over the crowd, Bono starts clapping his hands above his head very slowly.
As he claps, he tells the crowd, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." And a man stands up in the back of the room, and shouts "Then stop clappin' your hands!"
Thanks, Robin.
1st thing to do when you win the lottery
A man bursts through his front door with a look of excitement on his face. He runs to his wife.
"Honey, pack your bags. I just won the lottery!" he exclaims.
"Oh, that's wonderful!" she claps her hands, "where are we going?"
"I don't care where you go, just make sure you're out of here by tomorrow morning."
A man is sitting on the couch one evening when his son walks in and tells his father he lost his virginity
The father jumps up from joy and claps his hands and says: Congratulations son! Here, have a beer and take a seat.
The son says: The beer I can take, but I can not sit for a while
A guy in a train lets a loud f**...
He puts his two hands together, crossing his fingers and claps the palm of his hands to imitate the sound of a f**....
Another passenger asks: "How do you do the smell?"
A 12 year old boy comes home from school
He enters the home and his parents are sitting on the sofa together clutching hands.
Sit down son we have something to say says the dad
The boy sits down.
You're adopted the mother says.
The boy sighs and tears up and asks why didn't you say so before? I've always wondered
Good claps the father standing up swiftly. Get your bags packed, your new Parents will be here to pick you up in about an hour.
Amidst all of the current negativity, it's important to remember...
There's only 35 claps left until Christmas.
Yo momma ain't got no hands
When she claps it sounds like this...
What do you call "A man that pulls rabbits out of hats, escapes from dangerous traps, and does card tricks in front of an audience that claps?"
Just an allusion.
