Clam Jokes
56 clam jokes and hilarious clam puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about clam that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best clam jokes for shellfish lovers! Whether you're a fan of clam chowder, a clam digger, or you like all kind of shelfish, shrimp, and crustasian, you'll love these jokes. Get ready for a shell-larious time!
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Funniest Clam Short Jokes
Short clam jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The clam humour may include short clap jokes also.
- A health insurance company is offering a cheaper deal to anyone who ticks a box that says they promise not to eat shellfish. They call it their No Clams Bonus.
- I have a question about tampons Do they call it Tampax Pearl because it goes in their clam?
- My girlfriend fell off a fishing boat just off the coast of Maine and was devoured by a giant shellfish. You might say a New England clam chowed her.
- Beautiful clams don't look out for others They're pretty shellfish
- ...it's like what the mussel said to the clam... I wouldn't wish that on an anemone!"
- If men "shrink" when it's cold out . . . ... then do women "clam shut" ?
- Why did the clam get dumped? Because he was shellfish!
- How do shellfish get high? At a clam bake
- What do you call a greedy clam? My Ex-Wife.
- Why was the clam limping on Monday morning? Because he went clubbing at the weekend and pulled a mussel.
Share These Clam Jokes With Friends
Clam One Liners
Which clam one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with clam? I can suggest the ones about claw and crab.
- What did the pirate name his pet clam? Michelle
- Do you know why the clam murdered the oyster? Shellfish reasons
- What do clams do for their birthday? They shellibrate...
- Why don't clams donate to charity? They're shellfish.
- What is the female equivalent of a sausage fest? A clam bake
- Did you hear about the clam that could play violin? It had excellent mussel memory.
- Q: What does a clam do on its birthday? A: Shellabrate!
- How'd the clam cross the river? Took a taxi crab.
- Keep clam. I'm dyslexic.
- My dyslexic brother-in-law eats shellfish for anxiety... He says it clams him down.
- What do you call a clam that lifts? A hoyster
- How is it "the world is your oyster"? When I'm always chasing that clam
- What do you call a narcissistic clam?
- \ \ What did the clam say \ \ at his nephew's bar mitzvah? \ \ Mollusktov Shellhome! \ \
- What do you call a shellfish Action movie star? Jean Claude Van Clam.
Clam Chowder Jokes
Here is a list of funny clam chowder jokes and even better clam chowder puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I went to Boston and ate some chowder last Thursday. It was the clam before the storm.
- What do you call a group of women in a pool of milk? Clam chowder
- What is a l**... favorite kind of soup? Clam chowder
Uproarious Clam Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about clam you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shellfish jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make clam pranks.
A man got a job in Ireland...
A man got a job in Ireland. His wife was upset, because they would have to move.
The day before they were to leave, she asked him,
"Are you sure about this?"
He tried to clam her down, saying
"Relax, honey. It's only Tipperary."
a scallop fell in love with a clam...
and against everyone 's advice they got married. and six short months later sure enough they filed for divorce and went their separate ways. their problem was obvious to anyone who knew them. they were just two shellfish .
Why did the clam go to jail?
For setting up i**... shell companies!
Why did the clam get in an accident?
He was talking on his shellphone.
What did the clam say when a crab attacked him?
Kelp!
Sure, Aphrodite poses n**... in a giant clam shell, she's a goddess.
But when I do it, I'm ''drunk' and 'no longer welcome at the aquarium'.
Why are clams bad at sharing?
Because they are shellfish.
I've never dated a clam
but i have pulled a few mussels
What do you call a timid Canadian shellfish?
A cool clux clam.
An artist lives next to a Marsh.
Twice a week, he goes out and collects the clam shells in the marsh to use in his art. One day, he visits a fellow artist and the two compare their works as usual. Suddenly, a gang of bandits breaks into the house to steal art, but before anyone else could react the first artist launches a furious flurry of kicks and punches that quickly incapacitates all the robbers.
"Incredible!" Goes his friend, "I never realised you were so well trained in combat!"
"Well you should," the first artist replied, "considering you already know I am a marsh shell artist."
Did you know that tornadoes can displace shellfish?
Apparently the locals in danger areas are able to identify oncoming bad weather due to the shellfish preceding it.
They call it the clam before the storm.
Whats the difference between
An epileptic clam diver and a p**... with diarrhea?
The epileptic clam diver Shucks Between Fits
I woke up one night to someone knocking on my front door.
I felt uneasy, but I went and answered it anyway. When I opened the door, I looked around, and then spotted a shellfish on my welcome mat.
"Let me in", it cried, "I'm being chased by a bunch of wasps."
That was when I realized why I felt so uneasy.
This was the clam before the swarm.
You can't have Juan ...
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health
From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.
One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.
His wife answered the door.
"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."
"That much?"
"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."
"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.
"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."
So when Aphrodite sprawls out bare-a**... n**... in a giant clam shell, she's a "goddess."
But when I do it, supposedly I'm "a drunk" and "no longer welcome at the aquarium."
