The Best 45 Clam Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Clam jokes. There are some clam conch jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these clam shell puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Clam Jokes and Puns's like what the mussel said to the clam...

I wouldn't wish that on an anemone!"

A man got a job in Ireland...

A man got a job in Ireland. His wife was upset, because they would have to move.

The day before they were to leave, she asked him,

"Are you sure about this?"

He tried to clam her down, saying

"Relax, honey. It's only Tipperary."

Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?

It had excellent mussel memory.

Clam joke, Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?

a scallop fell in love with a clam...

and against everyone 's advice they got married. and six short months later sure enough they filed for divorce and went their separate ways. their problem was obvious to anyone who knew them. they were just two shellfish .

What does a clam do on his birthday?

He Shellabrates!

What did the pirate name his pet clam?


\ \ What did the clam say \ \ at his nephew's bar mitzvah? \

\ Mollusktov Shellhome! \ \

Clam joke, \ \ What did the clam say \ \ at his nephew's bar mitzvah? \

Why did the clam go to jail?

For setting up illegal shell companies!

Keep clam. I'm dyslexic.

Why did the clam get in an accident?

He was talking on his shellphone.

What is the female equivalent of a sausage fest?

A clam bake

You can explore clam crustasian reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean clam launder dad jokes. There are also clam puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What did the clam say when a crab attacked him?


Sure, Aphrodite poses naked in a giant clam shell, she's a goddess.

But when I do it, I'm ''drunk' and 'no longer welcome at the aquarium'.

Did you hear about the clam that went to a disco?

He pulled a muscle

Why are clams bad at sharing?

Because they are shellfish.

What did the clam with a lisp say to his greedy friend?

You're so shelfish!

Clam joke, What did the clam with a lisp say to his greedy friend?

What do you call a greedy clam?

My Ex-Wife.

How do shellfish get high?

At a clam bake

I've never dated a clam

but i have pulled a few mussels

What do clams do for their birthday?

They shellibrate...

What do you call a timid Canadian shellfish?

A cool clux clam.

Why do Britons in airports seem kind of fishy?

Is it because they Keep Clam in Carry On?

What is a lesbians favorite kind of soup?

Clam chowder

Why don't clams donate to charity?

They're shellfish.

What do you call a clam charged with sexual harrasment


An artist lives next to a Marsh.

Twice a week, he goes out and collects the clam shells in the marsh to use in his art. One day, he visits a fellow artist and the two compare their works as usual. Suddenly, a gang of bandits breaks into the house to steal art, but before anyone else could react the first artist launches a furious flurry of kicks and punches that quickly incapacitates all the robbers.
"Incredible!" Goes his friend, "I never realised you were so well trained in combat!"
"Well you should," the first artist replied, "considering you already know I am a marsh shell artist."

I went to Boston and ate some chowder last Thursday.

It was the clam before the storm.

I have a question about tampons

Do they call it Tampax Pearl because it goes in their clam?

Why did the shrimp and the clam get a divorce?

They were two shellfish.

My girlfriend fell off a fishing boat just off the coast of Maine and was devoured by a giant shellfish.

You might say a New England clam chowed her.

What do you call a narcissistic clam?

How is it "the world is your oyster"?

When I'm always chasing that clam

How did the clam launder money for the Trump family?

Through a shell company!

(waits quietly for MSNBC show)

Why was the clam limping on Monday morning?

Because he went clubbing at the weekend and pulled a mussel.

Why did the clam get dumped?

Because he was shellfish!

What do you call a clam that lifts?

A hoyster

Why was the clam so nice to everyone?

He didn't want to be shellfish anymore

Did you know that tornadoes can displace shellfish?

Apparently the locals in danger areas are able to identify oncoming bad weather due to the shellfish preceding it.

They call it the clam before the storm.

Why couldn't the Clam make new friends?

It's not because he was too shellfish, I think he just never opened up.

Is this the smooth clam?

No this is spongebob.

What is a clams favorite TV channel?

The crust station.

If men "shrink" when it's cold out . . .

... then do women "clam shut" ?

Whats the difference between

An epileptic clam diver and a prostitute with diarrhea?

The epileptic clam diver Shucks Between Fits

What do you call a shellfish Action movie star?

Jean Claude Van Clam.

How'd the clam cross the river?

Took a taxi crab.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the clam mussel jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working clam crab piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes