claire Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious claire puns

I got thrown out of math class today.

The teacher asked me "If I gave you $20 and you gave $5 to Katie, $5 to Claire and $5 to Laura, what would you have?"

Apparently, 3 blowjobs and enough left for a kebab wasn't the answer...


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Todd sat behind Claire in Sunday school

The teacher asked the class 'Who created the universe?'
Todd poked Claire with his pencil and she jumped up yelling 'GOD ALMIGHTY!'
'Correct Claire'
The class goes on for a few minutes and the teacher asks 'Now, can anyone tell me who died on the cross?'
Todd poked Claire again and she leapt up and shouted 'JESUS CHRIST!'
'Correct again Claire'
And the class continues until the teacher asks a third question
'What did Eve say to Adam after they had their 23rd child?'
Again Todd poked Claire, and she yelled out
'I SWEAR IF YOU POKE THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'M GOING TO SNAP IT IN HALF!'

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A teacher asked me

If I gave you £20 and you gave £5 to Katie, £5 to Claire and £5 to Lauren, what would you have?

Apparently, 3 blowjobs and a kebab is not the answer.

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I was in a relationship with Lorraine, but fell in love with Claire Lee.

When Lorraine found out, she left me. Then I realized

I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine is gone.

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A man is married to his wife Lorraine

But he is secretly having an affair with his neighbor Claire Lee.
One day Lorraine discovers her husband has been cheating on her and swiftly packs her bags and leaves the next morning.
The man doesn't mind, and on his way to see Claire Lee the next morning he can't stop singing that one song
"I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone"

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My friend Claire predicted she'd be able to float in water

Guess she thought she was Claire bouyant.

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Mark and Lorraine had been married for many years ...

But their marriage had become stale. Mark had secretly starting seeing a female colleague, Claire Lee, from work behind his wife's back and they were hitting it off really good. He was considering getting a divorce but couldn't bring himself to do it.

Then, out of the blue, Lorraine was killed in a car accident.

At the wake, Mark decided to say a few words in front of his mourning family and friends.

"I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone."

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What does Barack say to Michelle when they're getting adventurous with their House of Cards roleplay?

"Let me be Claire."

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What do you call a fortune-telling insect who plays the Queen?

A Claire Foy Ant.

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What is worse than getting divorced?

Being stuck in a toxic relationship. Fuck you, Claire!

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Hey Claire how's it goi-

DID YOU ASSUME MY GENDER YOU SEXIST PIG?

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Here lies Claire Voyent.

She never saw it coming.

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The White House is putting on a play adaptation of Modern Family.

When asked which character he wanted to be, Obama said "Uhhh...let me be Claire."

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I overheard it was my co-worker's birthday tomorrow so I wished her a happy birthday eve.

She said her name is Claire and her birthday is actually tomorrow.

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Eclaire?

I barely know Claire!

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What are the best Claire puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Claire? Well, here are the best jokes about Claire to have fun with.

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