Civilian Jokes

Following is our collection of dispatch puns and casualties one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Civilian jokes for adults, dirty police jokes and clean soldier dad gags for kids.

The Best Civilian Puns

Why does the military only allow dress shirts at its ceremonies?

Because civilian casual tees are unacceptable.

where did the civilians go during the bombing?


A Navy ship hailed a civilian at sea...

**Navy**: We ask that you divert your course 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.

**Civilian**: Negative. Recommend that *you* divert 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.

**Navy**: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

**Civilian**: Negative. I say again, recommend you change course.

**Navy**: This is the aircraft carrier *Enterprise*! We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy! Divert your course *immediately*!

**Civilian**: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

What's the difference between a terrorist and a civilian?

I don't know man, I just fly the drones.

Network administrator

A network administrator decided to join the military, and as part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range.

After taking a hundred shots and missing every one, the man's DI (drill instructor) came by to see what was wrong.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"

"I was a network administrator," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."

The recruit checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off.

"Well," the he said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"

A police officer shoots and kills an unarmed civilian

The officer is immediately arrested and eventually found guilty

An officer accidentally hit a civilian

He was the first officer on the scene.

So everyone talking about Pro-Russian Separatists accidentally shooting down a civilian plane....

They sound like Amateur-Russian Separatists to me.


Civilian: Detective! There's been a robbery at my apartment!

Detective: What did they take?

Civilian: The TV, the music system, all the cash from my locker, the mini fridge, my most expensive bottle of champagne!

Detective: What was the point of entry?

Civilian: I guess they wanted to get rich

A civilian has taken control of the capital of South Korea...

...he's got Seoul, but he's not a soldier.

Biochemists at Chipotle have discovered a way to defeat ISIS militants without any civilian casualties

Free Burrito Bowls.

FBI responds to increased number of botched investigations resulting in civilian casualties

By adding a new definition for "botched" to urban dictionary; successful

There is an abundance of authorities jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 12 funniest jokes and civilian puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any military witze you can hear about civilian.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes