Civil War Jokes

84 civil war jokes and hilarious civil war puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about civil war that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Civil War Short Jokes

Short civil war jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The civil war humour may include short wars jokes also.

  1. Civil War spoilers Lee surrenders at Appomatox Courthouse, Abe Lincoln is shot by John Wilkes Booth.
  2. Just watched Captain America: Civil War for the first time Couldn't get enough, so I looked out of the window to watch America: Civil War.
  3. Why do the French have so many civil wars? So they can win one every now and again. (Thanks, John Cleese! This was too good not to share.)
  4. Back in the civil war, gunshot wounds used to be the most gruesome, awful way to die. Now it's considered kid stuff.
  5. So John Kelly claims that the lack of an ability to compromise led to the Civil War... I wouldn't say that's 100% accurate, but at least 3/5ths.
  6. Sometimes I struggle to understand jokes about the Civil War. I just General Lee don't get them.
  7. Today I learned about Harvey E. Brown, a civil war surgeon who had so many amputations he ran out of fake legs and had to use a shovel. It was a ground-breaking medical procedure.
  8. A joke from Civil War History Class today Teacher asks: 'The southern plantations were very wealthy. Exactly how much of that wealth did the slaves get?'
    Student answers: 'A whip'
  9. How are your parents? shouted Cromwell across the battlefield. And the king replied: They're very well, thank you. Isn't the weather nice for this time of year? It was civil war.
  10. You got to admit these civil war reenactments are getting more efficient Nowadays it only takes a couple hours for the confederacy to surrender

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Civil War One Liners

Which civil war one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with civil war? I can suggest the ones about cold war and world war two.

  1. Why did the French have so many civil wars? So they can win once in a while
  2. Why wasn't Daredevil in Civil War? He doesn't work well with Vision
  3. Civil war jokes are the worst I General Lee don't find them funny at all.
  4. What was Morgan Freeman called before the civil war? Morgan.
  5. I can't believe AntMan and Spider-Man are in civil war. That really bugs me.
  6. I'm not a fan of Civil War jokes. I General Lee do not find them funny.
  7. [SPOILER] Ending of Civil War. Lincoln gets killed at the end.
  8. Do you like jokes about the American Civil War? No, I General Lee don't find them funny
  9. Warning! Civil War Spoilers! The Confederates lose
  10. Civil War puns are the best And General Lee, they're easy to make.
  11. Southerners can do pretty good civil war voice impressions.... General Lee speaking.
  12. What does Captain America and Spain have in common? A horrific Civil War
  13. No one likes me telling jokes about the Civil War... I always end up getting Stonewalled.
  14. What caused the civil war in Ethiopia? Too many Negus.
  15. Why did the Mexican civil war last so long? Because they were fighting Juan on Juan.

Unearthly Funniest Civil War Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about civil war you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean world war 2 jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make civil war pranks.

"Well, I could be wrong, but I believe, uh, diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era." - Ron Burgundy, Anchorman

I come from a s**... family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the West.

One day, Johnny's teacher asks him...

One day, Johnny's teacher asks him to give her a sentence about the Civil War. She tells him to talk about defense and defeat and instructs him to use detail in his sentence. So Johnny says "When the war horse jumped over defense, defeat came before detail."

The Civil War wasn't about slavery . . .

. . . it was about ethics in journalism.

Whats the gay man's favorite Civil War Battle?


What is Wolverine's favorite part of the Civil War?

The Battle of Adamantietam (0_0)

If India was to break out into a civil war right now...

It could technically be considered the Third World War.

What is it called when two lawyers are fighting?

Civil War

Civil War spoiler

The South loses.

Why should civil war be taken seriously?

Because it's Syria's business.

Captain America Civil War Joke.

What's War Machines favorite dance move?
The Crawlington

My thumb keeps attacking my pinky...

I've got a civil war on my hands!

TIL that Harriet Tubman sought a monthly pension of $25 a month for services in the civil war ,but was only awarded $20.

100+ years later we're still only giving her a $20.

What was the slogan of the south during the American Civil War?


I was researching the Jackson family tree.

I got back as far as the civil war and then I hit a stone wall.

Fan's of Marvel should be happy with the election results.

Looks like you'll be getting a Civil War sequel much earlier than anticipated.

Civil war

To all of the Hillary supporters who are unhappy with the election and would like to start a civil war, just remember, you are on the side that doesn't want any guns.

People are really upset about how the cast of Hamilton treated Mike Pence.

I mean, the last time people were this upset about something an actor did to a Republican in a theater, the Civil War had just ended.

"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"

\- Canada

We all know about the American Civil War...

But the Canadian Civil War was resolved with a handshake and an apology... making it more civil than any war ever.

Chinese civil war

Imagine a Chinese civil war where friendly fire would be so common because they all look the same

What did they call mushrooms before the Civil War?

Antebello Mushrooms

Why did the academic become a civil war recennactor in his back garden?

It allowed him to be revolutionary in his field.

Why are there no more civil war reenactments any more?

Half the guys keep getting into fights and being arrested on their way to events.

Donald Trump doesn't believe there were any lynchings during the Civil War.

When asked about it, He said it was just a case of Fake Noose

Did you know one of Kirk Hammet's ancestors was a Confederate general in the Civil War?

His name was StoneWah Jackson.

A 178 year old Civil War survivor told me this joke.

Me: "Hey old man, tell me a joke from the war!!"
Him: "I can't remember any - I General Lee didnt find them very funny."

Medical bills are expensive

but let's take comfort that it isn't like the civil war era. Doctors would charge an arm and a leg back than

What did Lenin say after ending the Russian Civil War ?

Seize fire !

Tajikistan used to have a lot of social and political unrest, but now, things are much more civil


When King Charles was executed after the English Civil War

Did he get severance pay?

The civil war between superheroes started because the avengers had no supervision.

They only had a regular Vision.

America is really good at fighting red things.

We fought Redcoats in the Revolutionary War, the Reds in the Cold War, and r**... in the Civil War.

Who is Donald Trump's favorite Civil War General?

Stonewall Jackson
(disclaimer I don't actually know who his favorite general is)

Why do the French love civil wars?

So they could win for once.

Why was A1 Steak Sauce crested during the Civil War?

Because America had beef.

The difference between a cookie and a c**....

Cookies don't care if you pull down a civil war statue.

What's every weightlifters favorite Civil War battlefield?

Gaines Mill

Why Americans don't need to feel bad when they are criticized by the British

Sometimes I hear people from Great Britain talk about how bad the education is in The US. I do get a little offended, but then I realize they are just salty because we beat them in The Civil War.

More than half of $2.6bn (£1.9bn) in donations made at a special one-day conference to ease the humanitarian crisis in Yemen were pledged by countries that are either fighting in the civil war or selling arms to those undertaking the fighting.

When life gives you Yemen, you give Yemen aid.

Me: "Dude! Help! I'm convinced that I'm possessed by the ghost of an American Civil War General!" Ed: "That's incredible! Are you sure, man?"

Me: "Nope, but 'Grant,' Ed - that's a good guess."
Ed: "Are you ever possessed by confederate commanders?"
Me: "General Lee? No."

A Finnish joke from the Cold War

During the Cold War, a foreign journalist asked a Finnish general what Finland would do if the USSR and NATO would fight a war in Finland.
He replied first we would beat out NATO, and then the Soviets .
The journalist was surprised about the order and asked why.
We are civilized people. Work comes before pleasure , the general replied.

Any more oxymorons?

* Only choice
* Civil war
* Definite possibility
* Grow smaller
* Random order
* Old news
* True fiction
* Virtual reality
* Working vacation
* Exact estimate
* Original copies
* Pretty ugly
* Fully empty

What would a Dalek reincarnated as Abraham Lincoln during the Civil War say?

Emancipate! Emancipate!

jokes about civil war