Civil Engineer Jokes
47 civil engineer jokes and hilarious civil engineer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about civil engineer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Civil Engineer Short Jokes
Short civil engineer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The civil engineer humour may include short engineer jokes also.
- Engineers What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets. - The next time you meet someone who says they're a civil engineer, Tell them, "That's wonderful! Engineers are usually so rude!"
[sorry, not useful unless you meet a lot of civil engineers] - Civil engineer fired after forgetting how to design electricity-generating water barriers. He lost his dam mind.
- My brother works as a part time civil engineer and part time relationship therapist He's an expert at building bridges
- It was very difficult to get my degree in civil engineering. But I built a bridge and got over it.
- I saw some people building a new bridge near me. Every lunch break they would sit down for afternoon tea complete with tablecloth and napkins. It was very civil engineering.
- I failed my civil engineering exam today Apparently, "Mexicans" wasn't an appropriate answer to the question "What is commonly found behind walls?"
- Why did the mechanical engineer get kicked out of the club? It was all civil until he walked in.
- Traffic Two civil engineers were competing for a bid to do the road layout for a city. The engineer that lost accused the other of cheating, to which the winner said "Roundabouts are fair play".
- [joke request] Civil engineering jokes, (Bridges, sewers, roads, engineers in general) What is the best joke you have related to Civil Engineering.
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Civil Engineer One Liners
Which civil engineer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with civil engineer? I can suggest the ones about structural engineer and mechanical engineer.
- Even if I end up being a civil engineer I won't build tunnels. Because it's boring.
- Everyone hated the egotistical civil engineer. He got too big for his bridges.
- What's a civil engineer's favorite type of tea? Structural integri-tea
- I have a civil engineering joke... but it's still under construction.
- What do you call a polite man who builds bridges? A civil engineer
- Why was the civil engineer's relationship so unstable? Because there was no truss left!
- What do you call a caveman building a road? An un-civil engineer
- I like my women like I like my engineers... ...civil.
- If you think s**... is just filling her hole Then you're a civil engineer, not a lover
Amusing & Witty Civil Engineer Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about civil engineer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean computer engineer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make civil engineer pranks.
3 engineers are arguing about what kind of engineer God is......
and the mechanical engineer says, "Just look at the muscular system, all the fluid dynamics and joints. God was clearly a mechanical engineer." To which the electrical engineer says. "No, no, no, just look at the nervous system! The way impulses are sent all over the body and how the brain stores information; God was clearly an electrical engineer." "I'm sorry guys, God was a civil engineer. " says the civil engineer. " No one else would run a waste disposal pipeline right through the entertainment district."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The genie
Three guys, a Canadian, o**... Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie. The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
o**... Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
"Uncle Sam" (a former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out -- virtually impenetrable."
Uncle Sam then said, "Fill it with water"
Three Engineers
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are sitting around and talking about God.
The mechanical engineer says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - a light-weight skeleton with moving parts holding up a massive frame of muscle and fat. God must be a mechanical engineer!"
The electrical engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is an electrical engineer. Just look at the human body - the nerve system routes electrical signals to the brain which is essentially a computer. God must be an electrical engineer!"
The civil engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is a civil engineer. Just look at the human body - only a civil engineer would run a toxic waste pipe through a playground."
What Engineer Designed The Human Body?
Four engineers are arguing over who designed the human body.
The mechanical engineer points to the ways the bones, the muscles, and the tendons are joined together and move so smoothly and efficiently, and claims it must have been a mechanical engineer.
The electrical engineer diagrams the central and peripheral nervous systems and maintains that it would take an electrical engineer.
The hydraulic engineer insists that only a hydraulic engineer could be responsible for the circulation of the blood and the secretions of the many glands.
They look to the civil engineer and he says, "Don't look at me. No civil engineer would ever put a sewer outlet next to a recreational area".
Three Engineers are having an argument...
The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."
The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."
The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"
Three engineers were arguing about what kind of engineer God is
Three engineers were arguing about what kind of engineer God is.
Electrical engineer: "surely God is an electrical engineer, the brain and nerves are a symphony of exquisite circuitry."
Mechanical engineer: "no, look at the ballet between bone, muscle and sinew. God must be a mechanical engineer."
Civil engineer: "God is a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipe right through a recreational area."
*^\(the* *^joke* *^is* *^by* *^Robin* *^Williams,* *^I* *^think)*
Three engineers are arguing about which engineering discipline god favors...
The first says "God is an electrical engineer - electricity is fundamental to all life. Electricity is the most transportable, universal energy... it's like the force. Clearly, god is an electrical engineer."
The second pipes up and says "Nah... god must be a chemical engineer, from the bio-molecular to the materials sciences, the attention to detail needed to just put together the basics for the physical world just require a chemical engineering mind. God is a chemical engineer."
The third guy shakes his head and says "you two don't know what you're talking about. God is a civil engineer."
His friends are incredulous, derisive, and sarcastic, telling him that there's no way he can offer even a single shred of evidence for this flat assertion... to which he replies:
"Who else would run a waste main through a recreation area?"
An artist, an engineer, and a civil planner are arguing about God's occupation by observing the human body.
The artist says, "God is an artist. You only need to see the beautiful shapes of our muscles, the rich colors of our skin, the textures of our hair to see that."
The engineer says, "God is a engineer. You only need to see the wonders of the human body and its ability to grow and rebuild itself, the perfect mechanisms of its joints, its balance and speed and grace to see that."
The civil planner gives them the finger and says, "God is an accountant! That sumbitch cut the cost of materials in half by running a waste disposal plant through a pristine recreational area!"
If God were an engineer...
3 Engineers are sitting at the bar, having a conversation along the lines of "If God were an engineer, what kind of engineer would he be?"
The Mechanical Engineer: "Obviously he was mechanical. Look at the joints, the complex range of motion, the connective tissue. Mechanical Engineer for sure!"
The Electrical Engineer: "No way. Electrical. Look at that brain! All the nerves, neurons, every little electrical impulse that ties it together! Must've been Electrical!
The Civil Engineer: Takes a sip of his drink. "Nope. I can say for a fact that the human body was designed by a Civil Engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreation area?"
A group of engineering students were discussing the nature of God.
The first student asserts that God is an electrical engineer, because of all the complex information and control signals running around in our nervous system.
The second student explains that God is a mechanical engineer, because of all the different kinds of activities that the human body can be trained to perform.
The third student says that God is a Systems Engineer, because the human brain is essentially a self-programming neural net computer.
The fourth student then quietly states that God is really a civil engineer, because nobody else would run a septic system through a recreational area.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A beautiful p**... attended a high profile function..
When it was time for introductions you could hear, I am Dr this and that, professor this or that, Barristers, engineers this and that.
When it was the turn of the p**..., she calmly said she is a Civil Engineer.
Another curious engineer in the room got interested and asked her for area of specialization.
The lady calmly responded "I demolish erections"
God the engineer
Three engineers are having lunch and discussing what kind of engineer God is.
The mechanical engineer says, "God must be a mechanical engineer, look at the complex network of levers that make the body move"
The electrical engineer says, "No, look at the electrical processes of the body, which the brain could not operate without, he must be an electrical engineer."
The civil engineer says, "You're both wrong, he must be a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste line through a recreational area?"
Three engineers are sitting at a bar and the bartender asks "If God were an engineer what type would he be."
The first engineer says "He'd be a mechanical engineer. Think about all the bones in the human body and well they work together."
The second engineer says "Well, God was most likely an electrical engineer. Consider the human brain and the complexity of the nervous system."
The third engineer says "Obviously He was a civil engineer. Who else would run water and sewer through a recreational area."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a civil engineer were having a drink after work
As they drank, the conversation turned to God. Obviously, he was an engineer! But what sort of engineer?
The mechanical engineer brought up the perfection of the human joints and musculature. Surely that proved God was a mechanical engineer!
The electrical engineer responded that, without the brains and nerves, those muscles and joints would be useless. God must be an electrical engineer!
The civil engineer just looked at the two of them and shook his head. "Who else but a civil engineer would put the sewer outflow right in the middle of the entertainment district?"
Three engineers were sitting in a bar talking about God
The electrical engineer says "God is clearly an electrical engineer. Look at the nervous system! The vast network of nerves and all those neurons firing..."
The mechanical engineer jumps in "No, God is obviously a mechanical engineer. What better example of the power of levers than the muscles, bones, ligaments, and tendons!"
The civil engineer says "You're both wrong. God is a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste disposal line right through a prime recreational area?"
This joke is for all the engineers out there
Three university engineering students are having a heated debate over which type of engineering is the best to specialize into. Mechanical is clearly the best says the one student, its the most interesting field and theres more employment opportunities post grad!! no way says the other student electrical is definitely the way to go, mechanical is waaay harder and electrical pays better in the long run. the two student shout louder and more angrily at each other until they almost start fighting. finally the third student speaks up GUYS he says come one please stop arguing, lets be civil
Three Engineers are eating lunch together and arguing.
The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and look at the civil engineer, "you've been awefully quiet?"
"Well it's pretty obvious that God isn't a civil engineer. No civil engineer would combine a recreational area with a sewage treatment plant."
Three engineers were arguing.
The mechanical engineer, the electrical engineer, and the civil engineer. They were arguing about what sort of an engineer God must be.
"Well, God must be a mechanical engineer, because look at the human skeleton. Look at all the stress it's able to absorb."
"But look at the nervous system. Look at all the wiring. God must be an electrical engineer."
"Well, God must be a civil engineer, because only a civil engineer would run a liquid waste disposal unit right through a major recreational facility."
God the Engineer
Three engineers are having lunch and discussing what kind of engineer God is. The mechanical engineer says, "God must be a mechanical engineer, look at the complex structures of the body!" The electrical engineer says, "No, look at the electrical processes of the body, which the brain could not operate without, he must be an electrical engineer." The civil engineer says, "You're both wrong, he had to be a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste line through a recreational area?"
