city Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious city puns

Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

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My city is holding their annual incest competition...

I've entered my sister...

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A horse walks into a bar...

"Why the long face?" asks the bartender...
The horse replies, "I can no longer make ends meet based solely on the royalties from Sex in the City."

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North Korea now has a missle that can reach New York City, and I think that's really scary.

If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

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What's the difference between the lost city of Atlantis and Florida?

About 3 days

In all honesty though, my thoughts and good wishes go out to the people of Florida,

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What's the biggest city in the United States?

Obesity

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If I ever move to Prague, I'll open a burrito shop.

And call it Bohemian Wrap City.

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Oh, sure. My friend donates a kidney to the City Hospital, and he's treated like some hero.

I donate five kidneys and I get arrested.

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My "go-to" joke in middle school. Mildly NSFW

Superman was flying around the city and was super horny. He spotted Wonder Woman lying on top of a building naked, with her legs spread. He figured he could fly down there, fuck her super fast, and be outta there before she even knew what happened. So Superman flew down at incredible speed, hit it hard and fast, and flew back out again.

"What was that?" Wonder Woman said.

"I don't know," said the Invisible Man. "But my ass sure hurts!"

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In New York City, a fisherman reeled in a 250 pound catfish 6 feet 6 inches long.

I don't get what the big deal is. I do that on Tinder every day.

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I think Trojan is a bad name for a condom brand...

...because of course, the Trojans were a people whose lives were ruined when a vessel containing little warriors unexpectedly exploded inside their city walls...

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Help Requested: A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super bowl.

A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super bowl. They are box seats plus airfares and hotel accommodations. He didn't realize when he bought them that this is the same day as his wedding - so he can't go.


If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St. Peter's Church in New York City at 5 PM. Her name is Donna. She will be the one in the white dress.

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Elderly man goes to the doctor to collect his wife's reports...

Doctor: Unfortunately we have mixed up her reports with someone else. so she either has AIDS or alzheimer's.

Distraught old man: oh my god doctor! what should i do??

Doctor: (*thinks for a sec*) drop her to the edge of the city and if she makes it back don't fuck her

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A woman walking down the city sidewalk with an adult lion is confronted by a police officer

He: "Lady, you must take that animal directly to the zoo!"

She: "I will do that right away, officer."

The next day, the officer is exasperated to see her and the lion walking down the sidewalk again.

He: "I told you to get that animal to the zoo!"

She: "That was yesterday. Today we are going to the beach."

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The United States ruined Hiroshima. Which American city did Japan ruin?

Detroit

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I was walking around the city when i saw a man in a turban shaking his carpet on his balcony.

I shouted at him: "What's wrong, it isn't starting?"

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If a married couple in the city get in a fight, it's called domestic violence.

In the country it's called sibling rivalry.

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Which horse runs the city?

The mare, of course

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Do you know what Sin City is?

Person 1: Do you know what Sin City is?


Person 2: Las Vegas


Person 1: Do you know what the Windy City is?


Person 2: Chicago


Person 1: Do you know what Den City is?


Person 2: ...


Person 1: Mass over volume

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Detroit is a such a dangerous city...

You can't even let your kids out at night.
The might rob someone.

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Israeli tourist

An Israeli tourist is visiting New York and hires a cab to drive him around the city. He engages the driver in small talk to get better acquainted.

"Where are you from?" he asks.

"I'm from Palestine" replies the cab driver, "and you?"

"I'm from Narnia."

"Bullshit, that place doesn't exist" says the cab driver.

"Well, you started it" says the Israeli.

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This just in, giant fly attacking the city

The SWAT team has been called in to deal with the situation

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The Avengers are over rated.

The Baltimore rioters destroyed half a city without any superpowers at all.

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What do you call an alcohol free Japanese city?

Nadasaki

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Why does Japan have so many skinny people?

Last time they had a fat man, they lost a city.

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"Yes, you're free now"

I'm walking down the street in New York City when a black guy walking by me stops and ask, "Hey, did the Yankees win?". I ponder for a second then respond, "Yes, you're free now" and continue on my way.

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Best lines when dealing with telemarketers

Some of the better ones

* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?
* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it
* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em
* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us

Anyone have more?

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Guy gets on a city bus...

and sits down next to a really hot girl. The bus bumps and her glass eyes falls out of its socket and the guy catches it. To repay him for catching her eye and due to the awkwardness she invites him to dinner and a movie and after that they went back to the guys house and had great sex! In the morning the guy looks at the girl and asks: "Do you usually hang out and have sex with random strangers"? She replies: "No, You just happened to catch my eye"!

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TIL there's a city named after a waffle dropped on the beach

San Diego

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A city in northern England has mysteriously disappeared

The police are still searching for Leeds

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A physicist was in Las Vegas

Tour guide: Las Vegas is also known as Sin City.

Physicist: Do you know what Den City is though?

Tour guide: No, I don't know.

Physicist: Mass over volume.

I'll see myself out.

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A tour bus is traveling through Nevada...

it briefly passes by the Bunny Ranch in Carson City.

The guide notes, "We are now passing the largest house of legal prostitution in America"

A man in the back shouts, "WHY?!?"

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Other students come by train

A student to his father:

Dear father,
Berlin is a fantastic city, people are nice and I really like that city. But, I am a bit ashamed to come to school with my golden plated Ferrari whereas professors and other students come by train.
Love,
Your son

Next day, an answer comes:

My dear son,
I transferred 20M€ to your bank account. Please buy your train quickly.
Your loving father.

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Hitchhiking

*Ted stopped on the side of the road after seeing a hitchhiker.*

* **Hitchhiker:** Hello there. Is the city far?
* **Ted:** No.
* **Hitchhiker:** May I get in your car?
* **Ted:** Yes.

*After a couple of hours of driving in silence...*

* **Hitchhiker:** Is the city far?
* **Ted:** Yes, now it is.

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If you watch Godzilla backwards

it's about a dinosaur that passionately pieces a city back together before moonwalking into the sea.

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What are the most funny City jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about City? Well, here are the best City dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and City pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes