The Best 54 Citizens Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Citizens jokes. There are some citizens nation jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these citizens idi puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Citizens Jokes and Puns

Why do the citizens of Athens hate waking up early?

Because Dawn is tough on Greece!

During the Bush administration...

G. W. was sitting in his office when one of his advisors approached him and said, "Mr. President, three Brazilian citizens were killed today."

G. W. gives him a pained look and replies, "Oh my God! How many millions is that?"

A priest, a drunkard, and an engineer are taken to the guillotine...

On a beautiful Sunday afternoon in the midst of the French Revolution the revolting citizens led a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says he would like to face up so he will be looking towards heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.

The drunkard comes to the guillotine next. He also decides to die face up, hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. Again, the authorities take this as a sign of divine intervention, and they release the drunkard as well.

Next is the engineer. He, too, decides to die facing up. As they slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, the engineer suddenly says, "Hey, I see what your problem is ..."

Citizens joke, A priest, a drunkard, and an engineer are taken to the guillotine...

Cold Cold Canada.

There was an elderly couple who lived in a small house, right smack dab on the U.S. and Canadian border. For several years the two goverments had argued over which nation the house belonged to. One day the elderly couple recived a letter stating that they were now considered full American citizens and there property was deemed as American soil. After reading this the old woman looks to her husband as says "Thank goodness, No more of those cold Canadian winters.

Where do senior citizens often go to the restroom?

Depends.


So George Bush is in his office...

His adviser comes in tells him, "Mr. President I'm afraid I have some bad news. There was an explosion at our embassy in South America, two Americans were killed as well as three Brazilian citizens."
Bush looks at him and says, "Oh my God... How many is a brazilian?"

What did they say about the psychic midget that broke out of jail?

Citizens be aware, there is a small medium at large.

Citizens joke, What did they say about the psychic midget that broke out of jail?

Strange music

In Vienna, the great composer Mr. Beethoven had recently died and been buried in the city cemetery, with much mourning by the Viennese citizens.

A few nights after the burial, the town drunk is stumbling on his way home through the cemetery. All of a sudden he hears some very strange-sounding music wafting up from Beethoven's fresh burial plot. Terrified, the man runs through the streets, screaming about ghosts in the graveyard.

Pretty soon he's gathered quite a crowd around the grave, all muttering to each other about devils and ghosts. Finally one man makes his way to the front of the crowd, squats down by the grave, and listens.

"Why... that's Beethoven's Ninth Sympony, but... it's playing backwards!" He listens some more. "There's his Eighth Symphony, also backwards! ... And the seventh.... sixth..."

Finally he stands up and addresses the crowd. "My good people, you have nothing to fear. This is simply Mr. Beethoven decomposing."

A poll showed that North Korea is the happiest nation in the world!

100% of citizens reported being happy!

I heard this joke from a foreign tour woman of a museum of Communism in Russia...

[Apparently this was a real joke told by anti-communist citizens when Stalin was dictator of the Soviet Union]

Have you tried Stalin bacon before?

*I'm not sure.. I don't think so...*

Well, I know for certain that you haven't - the pig's not dead yet.

I placed an assailant under citizens arrest today

Am I supposed to choke them or just shoot them in the back?

You can explore citizens persons reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean citizens townspeople dad jokes. There are also citizens puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What did the hipster epidemiologist say to United States citizens at a press conference?

You probably won't get it.

Why does Batman wear a mask?

Because the citizens of Gotham aren't morons, like those idiots over in Metropolis

I really like ethnic foods, but the one type of asian cuisine I haven't had is North Korean food.

Then again, neither have citizens of North Korea.

The NSA isn't all that bad

It's the only part of the American government that listens to its citizens!

When using the equation Y=1-T to understand how citizens react to changes in taxation...what happens when T>1?

Alot of T gets dumped in a harbor

Citizens joke, When using the equation Y=1-T to understand how citizens react to changes in taxation...what happens

I was watching Trump the other day with my dad.

He put his hand on my shoulder and said "Son, once in every generation a man comes to the fore who stands up for his fellow citizens against the foreign lunatics of this world. Get the gun, we're going to America."

Iran has finally reached out to America politically

Concerned for its citizens, they want to send over a few election monitors to ensure a fair democratic election occurs without fraud.

What do French labor reforms and French citizens have in common?

They'll never work.


Order 66 ...

If the citizens of Star Wars used Base 66 Numbers, Palpatine would have said:
> Execute the Order of Magnitude!

Help us choose a new name for our nonprofit. We're teenagers in China and Japan helping senior citizens.

Apparently 'Youth in Asia for the Elderly' isn't having the effect we thought it would.

Most black 15-year-olds are decent law-abiding citizens.

It's their kids that cause all the trouble.

A recent survey showed that most UK citizens don't eat salad...

52% of them voted against romaine

What kind of soap do Middle Eastern citizens use?

Arab spring

What flavor of chips do the citizens in the Elder Scrolls like the most?

Cyrodiill Pickle

Professor: Today we will talk about Undocumented Immigrants...

also known as Alternative Citizens.

Due to cutbacks, each states government is asking their citizens to contact them only by fax...

If you would like to speak to the Federal government, you'll need an alternative fax

What healthcare program is offered to the citizens of Pakistan?

OsamaCare... It's the bomb.

The Russian election system

Where citizens choose between Vladimir Putin or a KGB firing squad.

What do you call 32 British citizens?

A full set of teeth.

Breaking news! Due to heavy storms, all the rivers in Egypt are flooding.

The citizens of Cairo are still in denial

Why do internet service providers try to end Net Neutrality every few years?

The intent is to provide citizens with a sense of pride and accomplishment in fighting for their rights.

What country is the most heavily populated?

Brazil, they've got Brazilian citizens.

What happens to Asians when they become American citizens?

They get very disoriented.

God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn

He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"

The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"

The population is running low so the government decides to pay its citizens $50,000 for every child they have at that time

A man hears the news and says to his wife, "I have a kid with my girlfriend. I'm going to bring him so we can add him to our 4 kids." He goes for the kid and when he comes back, he only finds one of his kids remaining.

Stunned, he asks: "Where are the other 3?"

"You are not the only one who heard the news." His wife replies.

Putin recently won the Russian election with a 76.6% majority...

Oddly enough 23.4% of Russian citizens were found poisoned a few days afterwards

I'm proud of the NSA!

They are the only government organization that listens to its citizens.

Why are Sovereign Citizens bad at basketball?

They're always travelling and they don't recognize the court.

Things are so bad in the U.S...

...that I bet the EU could protect the rights of US citizens better than the U.S. can.

I know how to solve the homeless problem and make bums into hard working citizens!

Give them construction worker helmets. They already have the standing around doing nothing part down!

Kim Jong Un spends his spare time helping his citizens measure all sorts of things

He was quite a ruler.

Why do citizens of Prague rarely get scammed?

Because they always double Czech

The government has started fining its citizens for poorly worded sentences.

It's the syntax

Please stand for the telling of the official St Patrick's Day joke....

What's Irish and sits on the porch?

Patty O'Furniture

That concludes the telling of the official St Patrick's Day joke.
Thank you citizens you may continue with your lives...

Nation's attempt to impound water fails as barrier breaks loose

Citizens: Dam!

In China we guarantee our citizens the freedom of speech

But we do not guarantee their personal safety after their speech.

The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens.

Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.

In China, citizens *are* allowed to express their own free opinion

So long as the government agrees with it.

What happens when you leave your citizens to freeze in the cold?

They turn blue.

Carnival is offering a new voyage where you set sail and leave a bunch of senior citizens behind in the snow.

It's called a Ted Cruise

What do hispanics call their elderly?

Senor Citizens.

Germany is telling its citizens to stock up on sausages and cheese as fear of COVID grows.

It's the wurst-kase scenario.

This morning at about 7:45, I was in a long line at a grocery store that opens at 8:00 for senior citizens only.

A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.

He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.

As he approached the line for the third time he said, "Look, if you don't let me unlock the damn door you're never going to get in there!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the citizens majority jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working citizens senior citizen piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes