Citizen Jokes
115 citizen jokes and hilarious citizen puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about citizen that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article examines the use of jokes about citizens in today's society. It delves into the implications of jokes about citizens, senior citizens, and immigration. It also considers the liberty of jokes in relation to the current geopolitical climate, such as the DMZ. Read this article to gain a better understanding of what is meant by "citizen jokes".
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Funniest Citizen Short Jokes
Short citizen jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The citizen humour may include short civilian jokes also.
- The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens. Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.
- If this year has taught us anything, it's that donald trump is a regular American citizen He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job
- carnival is offering a new voyage where you set sail and leave a bunch of senior citizens behind in the snow. It's called a Ted Cruise
- American kid: Mommy, what's a "Canadian"? Well, dear, that's an unarmed citizen with health insurance.
- The NSA isn't all that bad It's the only part of the American government that listens to its citizens!
- A senior citizen is sitting at a bar.. A young woman walks in and sits down a couple seats over. The old man gets up, shuffles over to her, leans over and asks "So, do I come here often?"
- How many sovereign citizens does it take to change a lightbulb? Why are you asking me? Am I being detained?!?
- I really like ethnic foods, but the one type of asian cuisine I haven't had is North Korean food. Then again, neither have citizens of North Korea.
- Putin recently won the Russian election with a 76.6% majority... Oddly enough 23.4% of Russian citizens were found poisoned a few days afterwards
- My new hobby is going to nursing homes and pretending to be a retired senior citizen. We call it LAARPing.
Share These Citizen Jokes With Friends
Citizen One Liners
Which citizen one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with citizen? I can suggest the ones about civic and tourist.
- What happens when you leave your citizens to freeze in the cold? They turn blue.
- Where do senior citizens often go to the restroom? Depends.
- What do you call 32 British citizens? A full set of teeth.
- What do you call a 60 year old Spanish man? A señor citizen
- As a Mongolian who just became a U.S. citizen... I'm so proud to be an Ameri-khan
- If being handsome is a crime... I would be a law-abiding citizen
- A chinese citizen has an opinion Sorry, had\*
- Why did the US citizen cross the road? To cross the border into Canada.
- What Do You Call A Poor Zimbabwe Citizen? A trillionaire.
- Did you hear about the mannequin given a key to the city? He was a model citizen.
- Did you know that Yugi from Yu-Gi-Oh is a Japanese American He is a duel citizen
- What was the radioactive senior citizen's super power? Gramma Rays
- When people talk about the "average citizen" I always get confused. Is that normal?
- What do you call cosplaying as a senior citizen? LAARP
- What do hispanics call their elderly? Senor Citizens.
Senior Citizen Jokes
Here is a list of funny senior citizen jokes and even better senior citizen puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Help us choose a new name for our nonprofit. We're teenagers in China and Japan helping senior citizens. Apparently 'Youth in Asia for the Elderly' isn't having the effect we thought it would.
- My Nan just got this cool senior citizen scooter And man is that thing fast. It can do 30 aisles per hour!
- There is a new site for senior citizen dating. Its called "I've fallen in love and I can't get up."
- Just remember, it's better to pay full price than to admit you're a senior citizen.
- What's the best way to ensure that Asia's senior citizens' pension programs are financially sound? Sufficient amount of youth in Asia.
- Why couldn't William, a senior citizen, get into McDonald's? They won't accept Bills 50 and over
- What did the cop say to senior citizen he caught stealing Depends? 'Ur in trouble.
- What do you call condoms made for senior citizens? Hamburger Helper.
- What is the best musical instrument for a senior citizen to learn? The HAARP
- How do senior citizens handle indoor skydiving? Depends
Citizen Kane Jokes
Here is a list of funny citizen kane jokes and even better citizen kane puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Police officer Kane just retired Now he's just Citizen Kane
Comical & Quirky Citizen Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about citizen you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean traveler jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make citizen pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a cop pulls over a guy for wearing his seatbelt..
tells the citizen that his captain gave him a 100 dollar bill to give to the 100th person he sees wearing their seat belt. The citizen looks a little confused, but of course, accepts the note, and proceeds to leave. The officer asks, " So, if you don't mind my asking, what are you going to spend the money on?" To a reply of, " yes, i do mind your asking, and frankly, i don't think its any of your business." The officer of course is stunned, but , as he goes to leave, the drivers objects. "If you must know, i'll probably spend it on getting my drivers license." The cop is taken aback, as the passenger says, " Oh don't listen to him, he's drunk." Shortly thereafter, a knocking comes from the trunk, and a muffled voice says, " are we over the border yet?"
edited for grammar n**....
The police vs the senior citizen
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper
Old guy bought a new car
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
A Brand New Corvette
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp
h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
Why did the citizen run for Sewer Commissioner?
He thought it was his civic doodie!
I went to the world drinks fair last week.
I went to the World Drinks fair last week, and I got there a bit early.
The supervisor was dashing around everywhere trying to help get booths, tables and queue ropes set up, and I saw someone come up and say a few words to him. I watched this man break down in front of me. He crumpled to the floor and began sobbing uncontrollably. As a good citizen of the earth, I had to try to console him, so I went up and asked him if he was going to be okay. What did he reply?
[answer in comments]
*This is OC so I'm editing the delivery to try and make it roll off better, I'd appreciate feedback. This joke and a few less original ones are gonna get me a girlfriend this new years.*
Congress cares about the average taxpaying citizen...
HA
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an elderly Mexican man?
A senõr citizen
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
American, English and Russian governments...
American, English and Russian governments passed laws about mandatory r**... of every citizen on Saturdays.
Americans made a revolution, Brits reelected their parliament and Russians began queing on Fridays evening not to waste the whole weekend.
Why don't the citizens of Boston build igloos?
Meh. They just aren't in' uit.
Why is Lance Armstrong a good citizen?
Because he is always recycling
I told the cop I was an upstanding citizen
But I was really lying
Driving a brand new Bugatti
A senior citizen drove his brand new Bugatti to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror , he saw a police car behind him.
He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 170, ...
Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !"
So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him .
The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said,
"Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes.
Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend.
If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before for why you were speeding.
I'll let U go."
The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :-
"Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!
The Cop left saying,
" Have a good Night , Sir"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why I'm bothered by racists as an American citizen
When they say that people are hanging from trees I'm not sure if they're talking about Apes or the k**......
Citizen of a secretive dictatorship - AMA!
[this user has been jailed]
I saw some children playing cops and robbers
When I tried to tell them it used to be played cops or robbers, they laughed at me and went back to robbing the one playing the citizen.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you call a senior citizen bride's pre-wedding party...
A g**...?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the lawyer say to the sovereign citizen when asked for legal counsel?
**Am I being retained?**
**Am I being retained?**
A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home.
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!"
Herman said, "It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!"
1995: A Chinese Official is conversing with a Russian citizen...
...Chinese Official, "You have nothing in Russia."
Russian, "Oh yeah, we have Yeltsin."
Chinese Offical, "Then we will steal your Yeltsin.
Russian, "If you take Yeltsin you'll have nothing in China."
Disclaimer: This joke is not mine, it was told to my father during his stay in Russia in the year 1995.
Donald Trump's has said his favorite movie is Citizen Kane
It's about a guy who inherited his wealth, flirted with fascism, and ended up a delusional, sad man.
I really don't have anything to add to that.
Medication
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed To me has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."
What do you call a Persian and Iraqi dual citizen.
Stuck between a rock and I ran.
As a citizen from Baltic states
Hello Russia, my old friend
You've come to talk to me again
New SovietRussia vision softly creeping
You've spread your seeds while we were sleeping
And the vision that was planted in your brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
Yesterday, three unknown men attacked our fellow citizen in the park and burnt all his documents.
Now, there are four unknown men.
What do you call a citizen of Hiroshima?
A rice crispy
A senior citizen gives birth
Modern medicine has allowed women to give birth at an even older age than than they had been able to do so before.
Using this new in vitro technology, a 65 year old has a baby.
All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.
When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says not yet.
A little later they ask to see the baby again.
Again the mother says not yet.
Finally they say, When can we see the baby?
And the mother says, When the baby cries.
And they ask, Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?
The new mother says, because I forgot where I put it.
A black person is walking down the road...
When all of a sudden he peels over with a massive throbbing pain in his heart. He grabs his chest and screams in pain. A man sees this and runs to his aid.
"Sir, listen to me, you are going into cardiac arrest." the helpful citizen says.
"But I didn't even do nothing!"
What did the Russian citizen say to the government employee when he avoided giving the citizen food?
Quit Stalin!
If I ever got citizenship to Switzerland, I'd go straight to Turkey...
I'd finally be in Turkey *and* Swiss.
I applied to a citizen of Finland
In the online application there was an odd question. "Are you a nice guy", it said, I thought it was an odd question but I clicked yes. Immediately I was directed to a page saying I was directed to the back of the queue for citizenship, I was confused but I read later in the application and it said. "Nice guys, Finnish last".
How can conservatives be christian
if Jesus isn't even a US citizen
Canadian citizen test:
Question : Do you want to be a Canadian?
Question 2: Really?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend said he went down on a senior citizen.
I asked him what it tasted like and he said,
Depends.
Have you ever?
Have you ever looked at a hot mexican girl and thought, "I want to put a citizen in you"?
I became a citizen of U.S. last year, of which I am very happy. Now I know why America is number 1.
They win World Series every year.
What do you call a Canadian with sunburn
A Dual Citizen, Eh?
Ronald Reagan got into hot water for telling this joke at the S.A.L.T. talks
Russian citizen goes to the Volga car dealership to buy his first car . Dealer says ''that'll be 20,000 Rubles , and we'll deliver it to you TEN YEARS FROM TODAY''. Man asks ''Morning or afternoon?'' Dealer says ''What's the difference , it's ten years from today''. Man says ''Well , the plumber is scheduled for that morning.''
I filled out an application to become a citizen of Finland and I must've been accepted almost instantly
The last button I had to click said Finish
Citizens of California are trying to split the state into three separate states
before the San Andreas Fault line does
I was talking to my Chinese friend and he said every citizen of China is glad to be part of the country
I then said Do you want TiBet?
A Soviet citizen entered a medical clinic one day and asked to see an ear-and-eye doctor.
Asked about is problem, the man replied, "Well, I keep hearing one thing and seeing another."
A citizen...
A citizen assumes a non citizen's identity.....
Can I have your order?
Jokes.
With their new social credit system, the Chinese government might as well have a get-together at the end of every month to reveal the "Citizen of the month"
The problem with Saudi embassies
Is once you've lost one citizen you've lost Jamal.
What's the only thing a catholic priest and a Soviet citizen have in common?
They both love children
Why did the Mexican-American ask for a discount at the movies?
Because he was a señior citizen.
Billy Idol has become a US citizen
It was a nice day to start again
If you believe every citizen should own a gun raise your hand,
and if you don't, raise both hands and give me your wallet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A building with n**... caught fire.
They were all trapped and shouting for help. I looked around but no one else was there. Being a good citizen I had to save them; which I did. As my wallpaper.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why US Citizen not like t**... ?
Why US Citizen not like t**... ?
What do you call that monk who is living in the urban area?
citiZEN
I am dual citizen
Half German half shepherd. Woof.
Why do citizens of Prague rarely get scammed?
Because they always double Czech
Overhead in a country ruled by a dictator
Citizen: What happened to freedom of speech in this country?
Dictator: Freedom of speech has always been guaranteed in this country. It is freedom after speech which we can't guarantee
What does the communist citizen say every morning before leaving his/her home?
Lets get this bread.
Told my wife I wouldn't leave her for the world...
...
So does anyone know how to get on Elon Musk's martian citizen list?
Why was Dorian given the key to the city?
He was a modal citizen.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mikhail Gorbachev started an anti-alcohol campaign in USSR in 1980s. People went crazy because of the restrictions on selling of alcohol. An old Soviet joke went like this:
A disaffected and angry citizen, fed up of standing in lines for v**..., decided to go assassinate Gorbachev. He soon came back and ruefully reported that the lines to assassinate Gorbachev were even longer than the lines for v**....
A man goes to apply for Finnish citizenship.
A man goes to apply for Finnish citizenship. He says to the employee, I want to be a citizen of Finland. The employee responds in broken English.
Employee: You nice?
Man: Um... I suppose so.
Back of line.
What's the problem?
Nice guys Finnish last.
I was asked at my last job interview if I was a natural born citizen?
I had to tell the truth: "Nope. Cesarean!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If being s**... is a crime.......
Then I'm a law abiding citizen
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't you play basketball with a sovereign citizen?
They are always traveling
A Soviet citizen is buying a car
He finally saved up enough rubles, went to the agency, and paid for a car.
He is told, "Come back on August 8th, 1983 to pick up your new car"
"But that's eight years from now."
"Yes, isn't it wonderful? The wait used to be ten years."
"Okay, fine. August 8th, 1983. Morning or afternoon?"
"It's eight years away. What difference does it make?"
"The plumber is coming in the morning."
Languages, what are they called?
Sorry if you've seen this one before, but here it goes:
What do you call someone who speaks three languages-Trilingual
What do you call someone who speaks two languages-Bilingual
What do you call someone who speaks one language?
A proud citizen of the United States of America…
