Citizen Jokes
115 citizen jokes and hilarious citizen puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about citizen that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article examines the use of jokes about citizens in today's society. It delves into the implications of jokes about citizens, senior citizens, and immigration. It also considers the liberty of jokes in relation to the current geopolitical climate, such as the DMZ. Read this article to gain a better understanding of what is meant by "citizen jokes".
Quick Jump To
Funniest Citizen Short Jokes
Short citizen jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The citizen humour may include short civilian jokes also.
- The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens. Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.
- If this year has taught us anything, it's that donald trump is a regular American citizen He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job
- carnival is offering a new voyage where you set sail and leave a bunch of senior citizens behind in the snow. It's called a Ted Cruise
- Most black 15-year-olds are decent law-abiding citizens. It's their kids that cause all the trouble.
- Top Biblical experts have reached the conclusion that Adam and Eve were Soviet citizens They had no clothes, one apple between the two of them and they thought they were in paradise.
- American kid: Mommy, what's a "Canadian"? Well, dear, that's an unarmed citizen with health insurance.
- a roman citizen walks into a bar raises two fingers and says to the waiter, five beers, please
- As a middle class first world citizen, I still feel I know just as much about working in a sweatshop in China as the children themselves. After all, I've walked a mile in their shoes.
- Why does Batman wear a mask? Because the citizens of Gotham aren't morons, like those idiots over in Metropolis
- The NSA isn't all that bad It's the only part of the American government that listens to its citizens!
Share These Citizen Jokes With Friends
Citizen One Liners
Which citizen one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with citizen? I can suggest the ones about civic and tourist.
- What happens when you leave your citizens to freeze in the cold? They turn blue.
- Where do senior citizens often go to the restroom? Depends.
- What do you call an elderly Mexican man? A senõr citizen
- What do you call 32 British citizens? A full set of teeth.
- What happens to Asians when they become American citizens? They get very disoriented.
- What do you call an old Hispanic immigrant? A señor citizen.
- What do you call a 60 year old Spanish man? A señor citizen
- As a Mongolian who just became a U.S. citizen... I'm so proud to be an Ameri-khan
- If being handsome is a crime... I would be a law-abiding citizen
- A chinese citizen has an opinion Sorry, had\*
- Why did the US citizen cross the road? To cross the border into Canada.
- What Do You Call A Poor Zimbabwe Citizen? A trillionaire.
- Did you hear about the mannequin given a key to the city? He was a model citizen.
- Why do the citizens of Athens hate waking up early? Because Dawn is tough on Greece!
- What do you call an old Mexican man? A señor citizen
Senior Citizen Jokes
Here is a list of funny senior citizen jokes and even better senior citizen puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A senior citizen is sitting at a bar.. A young woman walks in and sits down a couple seats over. The old man gets up, shuffles over to her, leans over and asks "So, do I come here often?"
- My new hobby is going to nursing homes and pretending to be a retired senior citizen. We call it LAARPing.
- What was the radioactive senior citizen's super power? Gramma Rays
- What do you call cosplaying as a senior citizen? LAARP
- Help us choose a new name for our nonprofit. We're teenagers in China and Japan helping senior citizens. Apparently 'Youth in Asia for the Elderly' isn't having the effect we thought it would.
- My Nan just got this cool senior citizen scooter And man is that thing fast. It can do 30 aisles per hour!
- There is a new site for senior citizen dating. Its called "I've fallen in love and I can't get up."
- What does it taste like to go down on a senior citizen? Depends.
- Just remember, it's better to pay full price than to admit you're a senior citizen.
- My friend said he went down on a senior citizen. I asked him what it tasted like and he said,
Depends.
Citizen Kane Jokes
Here is a list of funny citizen kane jokes and even better citizen kane puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Police officer Kane just retired Now he's just Citizen Kane
Comical & Quirky Citizen Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about citizen you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean traveler jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make citizen pranks.
So a cop pulls over a guy for wearing his seatbelt..
tells the citizen that his captain gave him a 100 dollar bill to give to the 100th person he sees wearing their seat belt. The citizen looks a little confused, but of course, accepts the note, and proceeds to leave. The officer asks, " So, if you don't mind my asking, what are you going to spend the money on?" To a reply of, " yes, i do mind your asking, and frankly, i don't think its any of your business." The officer of course is stunned, but , as he goes to leave, the drivers objects. "If you must know, i'll probably spend it on getting my drivers license." The cop is taken aback, as the passenger says, " Oh don't listen to him, he's drunk." Shortly thereafter, a knocking comes from the trunk, and a muffled voice says, " are we over the border yet?"
edited for grammar n**....
The police vs the senior citizen
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper
!!BAD DRIVERS!!
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "**David, be careful!** I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!"
David says, "I know, but there isn't just one, **there are hundreds!**"
Why did the citizen run for Sewer Commissioner?
He thought it was his civic doodie!
Why is Lance Armstrong a good citizen?
Because he is always recycling
I told the cop I was an upstanding citizen
But I was really lying
Which Nordic country should you never be a part of?
Finland.
Once you're a citizen, that's it!
You're Finnish! It's over.
Citizen of a secretive dictatorship - AMA!
[this user has been jailed]
I saw some children playing cops and robbers
When I tried to tell them it used to be played cops or robbers, they laughed at me and went back to robbing the one playing the citizen.
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "My dear husband, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 10. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said the husband, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
What did the lawyer say to the sovereign citizen when asked for legal counsel?
**Am I being retained?**
**Am I being retained?**
A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home.
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!"
Herman said, "It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!"
1995: A Chinese Official is conversing with a Russian citizen...
...Chinese Official, "You have nothing in Russia."
Russian, "Oh yeah, we have Yeltsin."
Chinese Offical, "Then we will steal your Yeltsin.
Russian, "If you take Yeltsin you'll have nothing in China."
Disclaimer: This joke is not mine, it was told to my father during his stay in Russia in the year 1995.
What do you call an elderly person from Spain?
Señor citizen.
What do you call a lazy immigrant ?
A United States citizen
Driving down the highway
So this senior citizen was driving down 93 when his wife called him on the phone. "Be careful! I just saw on the news there's a car driving the wrong way on the highway!"
"It's not just one car, it's hundreds of 'em!"
Donald Trump's has said his favorite movie is Citizen Kane
It's about a guy who inherited his wealth, flirted with fascism, and ended up a delusional, sad man.
I really don't have anything to add to that.
Medication
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed To me has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."
What do you call a Persian and Iraqi dual citizen.
Stuck between a rock and I ran.
As a citizen from Baltic states
Hello Russia, my old friend
You've come to talk to me again
New SovietRussia vision softly creeping
You've spread your seeds while we were sleeping
And the vision that was planted in your brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
What did the cop say to senior citizen he caught stealing Depends?
'Ur in trouble.
Police Officer: "Sir, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?"
Citizen: "Officer, your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
Yesterday, three unknown men attacked our fellow citizen in the park and burnt all his documents.
Now, there are four unknown men.
What do you call a citizen of Hiroshima?
A rice crispy
A black person is walking down the road...
When all of a sudden he peels over with a massive throbbing pain in his heart. He grabs his chest and screams in pain. A man sees this and runs to his aid.
"Sir, listen to me, you are going into cardiac arrest." the helpful citizen says.
"But I didn't even do nothing!"
If I ever got citizenship to Switzerland, I'd go straight to Turkey...
I'd finally be in Turkey *and* Swiss.
What is the best musical instrument for a senior citizen to learn?
The HAARP
I applied to a citizen of Finland
In the online application there was an odd question. "Are you a nice guy", it said, I thought it was an odd question but I clicked yes. Immediately I was directed to a page saying I was directed to the back of the queue for citizenship, I was confused but I read later in the application and it said. "Nice guys, Finnish last".
How can conservatives be christian
if Jesus isn't even a US citizen
Have you ever?
Have you ever looked at a hot mexican girl and thought, "I want to put a citizen in you"?
I became a citizen of U.S. last year, of which I am very happy. Now I know why America is number 1.
They win World Series every year.
What do you call a Canadian with sunburn
A Dual Citizen, Eh?
Ronald Reagan got into hot water for telling this joke at the S.A.L.T. talks
Russian citizen goes to the Volga car dealership to buy his first car . Dealer says ''that'll be 20,000 Rubles , and we'll deliver it to you TEN YEARS FROM TODAY''. Man asks ''Morning or afternoon?'' Dealer says ''What's the difference , it's ten years from today''. Man says ''Well , the plumber is scheduled for that morning.''
I filled out an application to become a citizen of Finland and I must've been accepted almost instantly
The last button I had to click said Finish
What's the difference between a forty-year-old Roman and your average American citizen?
They're both XL.
I was talking to my Chinese friend and he said every citizen of China is glad to be part of the country
I then said Do you want TiBet?
Why couldn't William, a senior citizen, get into McDonald's?
They won't accept Bills 50 and over
A building with n**... caught fire.
They were all trapped and shouting for help. I looked around but no one else was there. Being a good citizen I had to save them; which I did. As my wallpaper.
Why US Citizen not like t**... ?
Why US Citizen not like t**... ?
Why do citizens of Prague rarely get scammed?
Because they always double Czech
Overhead in a country ruled by a dictator
Citizen: What happened to freedom of speech in this country?
Dictator: Freedom of speech has always been guaranteed in this country. It is freedom after speech which we can't guarantee
What does the communist citizen say every morning before leaving his/her home?
Lets get this bread.
Told my wife I wouldn't leave her for the world...
...
So does anyone know how to get on Elon Musk's martian citizen list?
Why was Dorian given the key to the city?
He was a modal citizen.
Mikhail Gorbachev started an anti-alcohol campaign in USSR in 1980s. People went crazy because of the restrictions on selling of alcohol. An old Soviet joke went like this:
A disaffected and angry citizen, fed up of standing in lines for v**..., decided to go assassinate Gorbachev. He soon came back and ruefully reported that the lines to assassinate Gorbachev were even longer than the lines for v**....
A senior citizen was driving down the freeway, when his phone rang
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"
"h**...," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
A Mexican man is in line at the immigration office...
and the judge is tired from a long day. Flustered, the judge yells out, "If you can put these three words into an english sentence you're a citizen and we can all go home: 'pink', 'green', and 'yellow'!"
The man thinks for a second and responds, "I think I have it, Señor. The phone goes 'green', I 'pink' it up, and say, 'yellow'"!
A man goes to apply for Finnish citizenship.
A man goes to apply for Finnish citizenship. He says to the employee, I want to be a citizen of Finland. The employee responds in broken English.
Employee: You nice?
Man: Um... I suppose so.
Back of line.
What's the problem?
Nice guys Finnish last.
If being s**... was a crime
I'd be a law abiding citizen
I was asked at my last job interview if I was a natural born citizen?
I had to tell the truth: "Nope. Cesarean!
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence.
The senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."
If being s**... is a crime.......
Then I'm a law abiding citizen
A Russian citizen is crossing the border into Ukraine and hands his passport to the customs officer.
The customs officer asks: "Name?"
The Russian replies: "Vladimir Krylov"
The customs officer continues: "Occupation?"
The Russian replies: "Not yet, just visiting."
When people talk about the "average citizen" I always get confused.
Is that normal?
Why can't you play basketball with a sovereign citizen?
They are always traveling
A Soviet citizen is buying a car
He finally saved up enough rubles, went to the agency, and paid for a car.
He is told, "Come back on August 8th, 1983 to pick up your new car"
"But that's eight years from now."
"Yes, isn't it wonderful? The wait used to be ten years."
"Okay, fine. August 8th, 1983. Morning or afternoon?"
"It's eight years away. What difference does it make?"
"The plumber is coming in the morning."
North Korean citizens believe they live in the best country in the world because the government and the media brainwash them.
When every American citizen knows that America is the best country in the world.
Languages, what are they called?
Sorry if you've seen this one before, but here it goes:
What do you call someone who speaks three languages-Trilingual
What do you call someone who speaks two languages-Bilingual
What do you call someone who speaks one language?
A proud citizen of the United States of America…
A concerned citizen sees a distraught woman wandering around desperately calling out for someone she had become separated from...
Ever vigilant, the concerned citizen offers his help and asks what the lost individual looks like, and the woman describes a young girl who looks a little like her.
They decide to split up to cover more ground, and after a while the concern citizen sees a girl who matches the description. "Denise! Denise, is that you?" he asked.
She paused half a beat and sneered, "Of course I'm de niece, ya dingus. Where da h**... is de aunt?"
A senior citizen goes to yearly physical
The doctor asks for u**... sample, stool sample and s**... sample
The man being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks "what did he say?"
The wife yells back to him "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR "
