Circumcisions Jokes

Following is our collection of foreskin puns and circumsizer one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Circumcisions jokes for adults, dirty vasectomies jokes and clean uncircumcised dad gags for kids.

The Best Circumcisions Puns

Circumcisions are painful.

When I got mine right after I was born, I couldn't walk for nearly a year

I took a job at a zoo performing elephant circumcisions

The benefits aren't great, but the tips are huge.

How much do people who perform circumcisions get paid?

$50/h plus tips

I used to perform circumcisions for a living.

I got tons of tips.

The mohel

After many years, a mohel had saved the foreskins from thousands of circumcisions and didn't know what to do with them so he brought them to his tailor. A couple weeks later, the tailor hands the mohel a wallet and the mohel, disappointed, says, "I give you thousands of foreskin and all you can make me is this wallet?!"
To which the tailor responds, " Yes, but rub it and it becomes a suitcase!"

A guy passes by a shop with three beautiful watches in the window...

He goes inside, and says to the proprietor: "Those are beautiful watches you have on display, how much for one?"

The proprietor says: "Oh, those aren't for sale. We don't make watches here, we do circumcisions."

The man is a bit taken aback: "If you do circumcisions, why do you have watches in your shop window?"

The proprietor says: "Well, what would you put in the window?"

Did you hear the zoo is hiring someone to perform elephant circumcisions?

The pay's not great, but the tips are pretty big.

Burn unit

I asked the doctor what they did with all the foreskins after circumcisions, he told me that years ago they would send them to the burn unit for people with facial burns for eyelid reconstruction. I asked, why did they stop? He says, because ask the patients ended up looking cockeyed

Do Rabbis get paid for performing circumcisions?

Nope, they just keep the tips.

My buddy performs circumcisions, and i was curious how much he got paid

"Oh we dont get paid, we just keep the tips"

Circumcisions are odd. Expensive ones are worth it, while...

Cheap ones are ripoffs

A Rabbi's money maker.

A man asks a Rabbi if he gets paid for the circumcisions. The Rabbi says
- No, I can't do that! I just Keep the tips!

I got a job performing circumcisions

On my first day I slipped and got the sack

Will a rabbi charge a lot for circumcisions?

No. He just keeps the tips.

Did you hear about the rabbi performing circumcisions for free?

...he just kept the tips.

Did you hear about the robot who specializes in circumcisions

Real cutting-edge technology

Why do Jewish men get circumcisions?

Because Jewish women won't touch anything under 15% off.

Did you hear about guy who was performing unlicensed circumcisions?

He got busted after the police received a tip off.

I lost my job performing circumcisions

I just couldn't cut it.

Have you heard about the Rabbi who did circumcisions for free?

He worked for tips.

TIL: A Rabbi doesn't get paid for performing circumcisions.

They just collect the tips.

People always wonder if circumcisions hurt.

Id say they do, I had it done as a baby and couldn't walk for a year!

Great deals on circumcisions,

Half off!

A guy gives free circumcisions

He gets asked, "well, if you don't get paid, how do you keep the food on the table?"

He answers, "I keep the tips"

I Just Started My New Job Performing Circumcisions...

The base pay sucks, but luckily I get lots of tips.

Just heard about a Rabbi who was terrible at circumcisions.

He got the sack.

You know what they say about getting cheap circumcisions.

It'll be a rip-off.

A man is talking to a rabbi and asks, "Do you charge a lot for your circumcisions?".

The rabbi says, "No, I just keep the tips."

There once was a mouse called Keith

Who did circumcisions for free with his teeth;

He didn't do it for pleasure,

Excitement or leisure...

He did it for the cheese underneath.

Did you hear about the discount rabbi for circumcisions?

He'll take up to 10% off.

The scariest sign in the world...

"Circumcisions 40% off"

My friend works at a circumcision clinic

I asked him if he charges alot for his circumcisions

He said "No, I just keep the tips."

How much does a doctor charge to do circumcisions?

He doesn't charge anything but he gets to keep the tips!

My uncle performed circumcisions...

He kept all the foreskin and had a tailor make it into a wallet. Rub it for 5 minutes and you get a briefcase.

Rabbis make no money doing circumcisions.

But they do get a lot of tips.

Did you hear about the job at the zoo performing Elephant circumcisions?

The Pay is terrible, but the Tips are massive!

How much do I make preforming circumcisions?

Not much, but I get to keep the tips.

Do you charge for circumcisions?

No, I only take tips

Why does the Rabbi offer free circumcisions?

He only collects the tips!

I'm sure this joke exists but it was my dads favorite joke so I thought I would post it here for you guys to enjoy!!

Did you know most Rabbis don't get paid for circumcisions?

But they get decent tips!

A priest and a rabbi are chatting about their salaries...

The priest asks the rabbi, "do you get paid for the circumcisions you do?"

The rabbi replies, "no, I just keep the tips."

When I went to visit Israel I noticed that the Rabbi who does all the circumcisions probably has the worst job in the country and only makes minimum wage

He gets a lot of tips though

I had a mate who did circumcisions for a living.

The pay wasn't great but he got to keep the tips.

One doctor saved all the foreskins of circumcisions he did.

After 35 years he retired and told his wife he was going to make something out of them. After a week he showed her what he'd made, a wallet.

"That's all you got from 35 years?"

He said "yea but when you rub it a few times it turns into a suitcase."

Why don't doctor's offices have sales?

Because All Circumcisions Half-Off! doesn't sound appealing.

Did you know rabbi's perform circumcisions for free?

But they'll gladly take any tips.

Why do Jewish women love circumcisions?

They'll get their hands on anything that's 10% off.

People who perform circumcisions as a job chose their career well.

Their staff discount is good: 10% off. And if that's not good enough, they get a lot of tips too.

There is an abundance of bris jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 48 funniest jokes and circumcisions puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any mohel witze you can hear about circumcisions.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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