Circumcision Jokes
131 circumcision jokes and hilarious circumcision puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about circumcision that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A collection of circumcision jokes that will have you laughing out loud. From the classic "Why did the chicken cross the road?" to the more modern "What's the best way to circumcise a man?", these jokes will have you in stitches.
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Funniest Circumcision Short Jokes
Short circumcision jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The circumcision humour may include short circumcised jokes also.
- My buddy took a job circumcising elephants at the zoo The money's not great but the tips are huge
- Circumcisions are painful. When I got mine right after I was born, I couldn't walk for nearly a year
- My grandfather used to circumcise elephants for a living. The wages were poor, but the tips were enormous.
- My doctor apologized for the botched circumcision that left me impotent. I told him no hard feelings.
- Did you hear about the kid born w/o an eyelid? When they circumcised him, they used the extra skin to fix his eyelid.
The procedure went fine, he's a little cockeyed now though... - The worst thing about circumcision is paying full price.. ..and still having to leave a tip
- I really wanted to become a pornstar but I had heard that all the popular ones were circumcised. I guess I just wasn't cut out for it.
- Did you hear about the rabbi who had to circumcise elephants? The pay was terrible but the tips were huge!
- A man was circumcised in a dodgy alleyway... He paid close to nothing for it but was not happy as later that day, he was complaining to his friends that it was a complete rip-off.
- I tried circumcision without the proper equipment. It was a bit of a stretch, but I managed to pull it off.
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Circumcision One Liners
Which circumcision one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with circumcision? I can suggest the ones about circumference and vasectomy.
- What's the oldest you can be to get a circumcision? I need to know the cutoff date.
- What do you call an overpriced circumcision? A rip off.
- What do you call a cheap circumcision? a rip off.
- I just got circumcised Got any tips?
- I got a cheap circumcision yesterday... It was a rip off.
- Just paid a lot of money for a really unprofessional circumcision It was a rip off
- How much do people who perform circumcisions get paid? $50/h plus tips
- I used to perform circumcisions for a living. I got tons of tips.
- Circumcision. My parents paid the bill, but I left the tip.
- How do circumcision doctors get paid? In tips.
- How much is a circumcision Nothing, they only accept tips
- I was late to my own circumcision. Some guy cut me off.
- PSA: Don't get a cheap circumcision. Usually, it's a rip-off.
- Why does a Mohel(Jewish Circumciser) have to be good at his job? He only works on tips
- I got a cheap circumcision when I was young. It was a rip off.
Circumcision Procedure Jokes
Here is a list of funny circumcision procedure jokes and even better circumcision procedure puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you know there's only one medical procedure where you *have* to leave a tip? Circumcision.
Humorous Circumcision Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about circumcision you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean surgery jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make circumcision pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Question: Do yo know what America does with all it's circumcision's.
Answer: We send them to Cuba where they grow dictators
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Jewish Girls only date circumcised men?
They like 20% off everything!
What drinks do they serve after a circumcision?
cocktails.
A Broken Watch
A guy is walking down the street and suddenly notices that his watch has stopped working. As he stands there musing over this discovery, he notices that the display window of a nearby shop has several dozen watches and clocks in it.
The man steps inside the door of the shop and asks the proprietor, "Excuse me, my watch has stopped working. I wonder if you can repair it for me?"
The proprietor looks up from his desk and says, "What are you talking about? I'm not a watchmaker--I'm a mohel. I perform circumcisions."
Confused, the gentleman asks, "Well then why do you have so many watches and clocks in your window?"
The mohel calmly replies, "What would you prefer that I display?"
A guy passes by a shop with three beautiful watches in the window...
He goes inside, and says to the proprietor: "Those are beautiful watches you have on display, how much for one?"
The proprietor says: "Oh, those aren't for sale. We don't make watches here, we do circumcisions."
The man is a bit taken aback: "If you do circumcisions, why do you have watches in your shop window?"
The proprietor says: "Well, what would you put in the window?"
A cut above the rest
Once upon a time a powerful emperor of the rising sun advertised for a new chief samurai. Three men applied, A Japanese samurai, A Chinese swordsman And a Jewish samurai. The three met with the emperor to see who would get the job. "Japanese Samurai Show me your skill", the Japanese samurai stepped forward and released a fly from a box and the Japanese samurai cut the fly in two. "very impressive" said the emperor. "Chinese Swordsman Show me your stuff", the Chinese man stepped forth and released a fly from its box and with two swings of his swords cut the fly neatly into Quarters. "A marvelous feat" the Chinese swordsman was pleased. "How are you going to top that Jewish samurai?" The Jewish Samurai stepped forth and released his fly from a box, and with a mighty blow swepped his sword through the air and the fly continued to fly about. "what kind of skill is that? the fly isn't dead" the emperor laughed. "dead is easy" the Jewish samurai replied "Circumcision... now that takes skill".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed razor
blade?
She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the shortsighted circumciser?
He got the sack.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Born without eyelids.
Last week a little boy was born at the hospital without any eyelids. Puzzled the doctors didn't know what to make of it. In a snap of genius, when they circumcised the boy they also replaced his missing eyelids. Only problem is now he's c**...-eyed.
A Rabbi's money maker.
A man asks a Rabbi if he gets paid for the circumcisions. The Rabbi says
- No, I can't do that! I just Keep the tips!
It was pretty hard to find a cheap way to get our son circumcised...
...But in the end we pulled it off.
A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor make a bet.
They say, "Whoever goes into the woods and converts the most dangerous animal, wins". So a week goes by and they all return. The Pastor comes back with a rattlesnake and says "He goes to church every week!". The priest comes back with cougar and says "His first he's getting confirmed next month!". The Rabbi comes back in a full body cast and says " You know, I probably shouldn't have tried to circumcise a bear."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Continuing the apparent theme of i**... jokes...
How do you circumcise a boy from Missouri?
You kick his sister in the chin.
A 35 year old man goes to the doctor and asks to be castrated...
The doctor looks at him for a minute and asks if he is sure. The man says yes, he's thought about it for some time and thinks its time to get it done. The doctor says alright, it's your body.
After the procedure, the man wakes up and the doctor comes over for a chat. He tells the man that while he was down there, he threw in a free circumcision.
Circumcision! the man exclaims. That's the word I was looking for.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you circumcise a whale?
Send down four skin-divers
How is circumcision like the Great Jedi Purge?
They both get rid of the force kin!
I lost my job performing circumcisions
I just couldn't cut it.
A kid was born without eye lids, so they used the spare skin from his circumcision to form some. Everything turned out fine, except...
the doctor said he was a little cockeyed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why should you never trust a cheap circumcision?
It's a total ripoff.
What do you call a Jewish baby who isn't circumcised?
A girl.
I'm circumcised but I'm looking to change that.
Anyone have any tips?
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi...
...decide to have a friendly competition to see who is the best at their job. To make things interesting, they agree to see who is best at converting the bears in the local woods. A week passes, and they get together to compare notes.
The priest says, "I was walking through the woods and came upon a patch of berries where there was a bear, gathering berries. I walked up to the bear and I gave him the Holy Communion, and thus converted the bear".
The minister goes, "I too was walking through the woods, and came across a stream. There was a bear in the stream, catching fish. So I waded out to him, and baptized the bear right there, and so converting him."
The priest and minster look over to the rabbi, and this guy is in rough shape. He is in total traction, with a full body cast, cuts and scrapes on his face and hands.
"Oy," the rabbi says, "In retrospect, I shouldn't have led with the circumcision."
A man gets circumcised...
After his surgery, he asks the surgeon, "How much should I pay you?"
The surgeon replies, "Oh, you don't need to pay me anything, I do this sort of stuff for free."
The man, confused, then asks, "How do you make a living?"
The surgeon says, "I just collect the tips."
Circumcision is a sensitive subject...
...but not as sensitive as it used to be.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm so torn on circumcision.
I mean, you're either f**... or against it.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip-off.
Well, you can't blame them. They don't make much money, they just keep the tips.
Great deals on circumcisions,
Half off!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm thinking of changing career and becoming a professional circumciser. . .
The pay is lousy, but I hear you get plenty of tips.
What do you call a botched circumcision?
A total rip-off.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A baby boy born without eyelids...
Recently at a baby boy was born prematurely without eyelids. The doctors decided to take him off to surgery and circumcise him and use the skin removed to make new eyelids.
The surgery went great except he came out a little cocked eyed...
Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".
"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.
"What's that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mom said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.
"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"
I've never heard a good circumcision joke.
They always get cut off right at the end.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a poor circumcision?
A rip-off.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got hard during circumcision
It was a rather inappropriate situation for me as a doctor.
When I was born I was circumcised...
It hurts so bad I didn't walk for year. In fact, I was so upset with my parents I didn't talk to them for like 18 months!
The police busted a drug ring operating out of a circumcision clonic
The police got a tip off
Why was the circumcision doctor so rich ?
He kept all of the tips
Pain.
Two young boys are waiting for their
surgery…
What operation are you having done?
Getting my tonsils out, what about you?
Circumcision
Oh that's bad, I had that done when I was born
and I couldn't walk for a year
Wanted: Circumcision surgeon
$700 per week, plus tips.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Burn unit
I asked the doctor what they did with all the foreskins after circumcisions, he told me that years ago they would send them to the burn unit for people with f**... burns for eyelid reconstruction. I asked, why did they stop? He says, because ask the patients ended up looking cockeyed
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor: So your child was born without eyelids.
Mother: Well isn't there anything you can do?
Doctor: Yes, when we circumcise him we can take that excess skin and make him eye lids.
Mother: Will he be okay?
Doctor: Yeah, he will be fine, just be a little c**...-eyed.
My buddy performs circumcisions, and i was curious how much he got paid
"Oh we dont get paid, we just keep the tips"
The Jewish Boy and the Muslim Boy
David, a Jewish boy, and Ali, a Muslim boy, are having a conversation.
Ali: I'm getting operated on tomorrow.
David: Oh? What are they going to do?
Ali: Circumcise me!
David: I had that done when I was just a few days old.
Ali: Did it hurt?
David: I couldn't walk for a year!
What did the father say when the doctor charged $100 for his son to be circumcised?
What a rip-off!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What type of surgery do Jewish doctors prefer to perform?
Circumcision.
They're always left with a tip.
Did you hear about guy who was performing unlicensed circumcisions?
He got busted after the police received a tip off.
I paid a homeless man 2$ to give me a circumcision
Not a pleasant experience... it was a rip-off
A man was worried about getting a circumcision so he asks his friend for advice
Jimmy, you got a circumcision right? How long did it take you to recover?
Well, I got it when I was three days old and I wasn't able to walk for 11 months after it
Why do American hospitals circumcise baby boys?
In the US, it's customary to leave a tip.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Circumcision is barbaric and cruel
I didn't speak to my parents for a year after I was circumcised.
I got a job performing circumcisions
On my first day I slipped and got the sack
What do you call it when the tallest man in the world gets circumcised?
A cut above the rest.
A rabbi worked the criminal underground had to go on the run after a circumcision..
He would've been caught if he hadn't gotten that tip off.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Circumcised
p**... says to m**....
I'm getting circumcised tomorrow!
m**... says
I had that done when I was a few days old
p**... asks
Does it hurt?
m**... then replies
Well I couldn't walk for about a year after
Did you hear about the robot who specializes in circumcisions
Real cutting-edge technology
How do you perform a circumcision?
Consult your doctor, only a professional knows how to pull it off.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
d**...'s Sporting Goods came out against circumcision this past weekend
Changing their official slogan to d**... Sporting Hoods.
Edit* grammar
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was circumcised they accidentally took a little extra off.
They ended up using it as skin grafts for a pair of twin's eyelids.
Now I'm getting sued by the parents because they're a little c**...-eyed.
Circumcisions are odd. Expensive ones are worth it, while...
Cheap ones are ripoffs
A jewish woman goes to the hospital to give birth to her son.
Unfortunately the baby boy is born without eyelids.
The jewish woman is hysterical and says: Doctor, doctor what am i going to do? My baby boy has no eyelids!
The doctor calmly replies: Missus Levine, don't worry your son is going to be circumcised so we can do a transplant and give him eyelids.
Missus Levine says: Doctor, doctor but I don't want a son that's gonna be cockeyed!
Doctor replies: But Missus Levine imagine what foresight he'll have!
You know how painful my circumcision was?
I couldn't walk for two years!
