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Circumcised Jokes

121 circumcised jokes and hilarious circumcised puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about circumcised that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article contains a collection of light-hearted jokes about the procedure of circumcision, a surgical procedure that removes the foreskin of the penis. It provides an entertaining look into the topic and takes a humorous approach to discussing a not-so-funny subject. Find out what all the fuss is about and discover some jokes related to circumcision that will have you laughing, not cringing.

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Popular Circumcised Short Jokes

Short circumcised jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The circumcised humour may include short circumcision jokes also.

  1. Why do Jews get Circumcised? Because jewish women refuse to touch anything that isn't at least 10% off
  2. Why are all Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not 10% off
  3. My buddy took a job circumcising elephants at the zoo The money's not great but the tips are huge
  4. Circumcisions are painful. When I got mine right after I was born, I couldn't walk for nearly a year
  5. Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's at least 20% off.
  6. That rabbi's gone crazy! He's been running around a circumcising all kinds of lettuce... and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
  7. Do you know why Jewish men are circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's ten percent off.
  8. My grandfather used to circumcise elephants for a living. The wages were poor, but the tips were enormous.
  9. I used to work at the circus I was the guy that circumcised the elephants.
    The pay wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
  10. Why do Jewish fathers have their sons circumcised?
    They know Jewish women can't resist anything with 10% off.

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Circumcised One Liners

Which circumcised one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with circumcised? I can suggest the ones about jewish circumcision and circumcision procedure.

  1. What's the oldest you can be to get a circumcision? I need to know the cutoff date.
  2. What do you call an overpriced circumcision? A rip off.
  3. What do you call a cheap circumcision? a rip off.
  4. My last job was circumcising elephants The pay wasn't great but the tips were huge.
  5. I just got circumcised Got any tips?
  6. How do you circumcise a whale? Send down four skin-divers
  7. I circumcise elephants for the circus, the pay is lousy..... But the tips are enormous.
  8. I got a cheap circumcision yesterday... It was a rip off.
  9. Just paid a lot of money for a really unprofessional circumcision It was a rip off
  10. Why do Jewish men get circumcised? Because Jewish women can't resist anything 25% off
  11. How do you circumcise a red-neck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
  12. How much do people who perform circumcisions get paid? $50/h plus tips
  13. I used to perform circumcisions for a living. I got tons of tips.
  14. Circumcision. My parents paid the bill, but I left the tip.
  15. How do circumcision doctors get paid? In tips.

Babies Circumcised Jokes

Here is a list of funny babies circumcised jokes and even better babies circumcised puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why do American hospitals circumcise baby boys? In the US, it's customary to leave a tip.
  • What do you call a Jewish baby who isn't circumcised? A girl.
  • People always wonder if circumcisions hurt. Id say they do, I had it done as a baby and couldn't walk for a year!
  • My neighbor just just had a baby boy born with no eyelids. When they did the circumcision they used the skin to make him some eyelids.
    He's doing great, just a little cockeyed.
  • When's the baby due? When it's circumcised
  • A baby boy was born without eyelids. After the circumcision, the doctors used the f**... to make eyelids. Now he's cockeyed.
  • A baby was born with no eyes lids... So the doctors decided to circumcise him and use the skin to craft new eyes lids.
    They botched it though and he came out looking a bit c**...-eyed.
  • Did you hear about that baby boy that was born with no eyelids? The doctors actually used his f**... from circumcision to construct his eyelids. He's OK, but just a little c**...-eyed.
  • There was a baby boy born at the hospital without eyelids. So the doctors circumcised him and used his f**... as eyelids. He's doing fine, he is just a little cockeyed
  • A baby boy was born without eyelids. The doctors decided to circumcise him and use the f**... to create eyelids for him. It all went well except he is a little cockeyed.

Not Circumcised Jokes

Here is a list of funny not circumcised jokes and even better not circumcised puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My doctor apologized for the botched circumcision that left me impotent. I told him no hard feelings.
  • I took a job at a zoo performing elephant circumcisions The benefits aren't great, but the tips are huge.
  • I used to work at the zoo, where my job was to circumcise Elephants. The pay was rubbish, but the tips were huge!
  • I had an uncle who worked circumcising elephants The pay wasn't great, but the tips were enormous!
  • Why are all jewish men circumcised? ...because jewish women don't take anything without 10% off.
  • I got hard during circumcision It was a rather inappropriate situation for me as a doctor.
  • Did you hear about the kid born w/o an eyelid? When they circumcised him, they used the extra skin to fix his eyelid.
    The procedure went fine, he's a little cockeyed now though...
  • Why do Jewish guys get circumcised? Because they know Jewish girls can't resist something that's 30% off
  • A friend of mine had a job at the zoo circumcising elephants. The pay was poor, but the tips were huge
  • Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because what Jewish woman could resist anything that's 20% off?
Circumcised joke, Why are Jewish men circumcised?

Circumcised joke, Why are Jewish men circumcised?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about circumcised can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of circumcised puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Cheerful Fun Circumcised Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy

What funny jokes about circumcised you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean castrated jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make circumcised prank.

A Broken Watch

A guy is walking down the street and suddenly notices that his watch has stopped working. As he stands there musing over this discovery, he notices that the display window of a nearby shop has several dozen watches and clocks in it.
The man steps inside the door of the shop and asks the proprietor, "Excuse me, my watch has stopped working. I wonder if you can repair it for me?"
The proprietor looks up from his desk and says, "What are you talking about? I'm not a watchmaker--I'm a mohel. I perform circumcisions."
Confused, the gentleman asks, "Well then why do you have so many watches and clocks in your window?"
The mohel calmly replies, "What would you prefer that I display?"

A guy passes by a shop with three beautiful watches in the window...

He goes inside, and says to the proprietor: "Those are beautiful watches you have on display, how much for one?"
The proprietor says: "Oh, those aren't for sale. We don't make watches here, we do circumcisions."
The man is a bit taken aback: "If you do circumcisions, why do you have watches in your shop window?"
The proprietor says: "Well, what would you put in the window?"

A cut above the rest

Once upon a time a powerful emperor of the rising sun advertised for a new chief samurai. Three men applied, A Japanese samurai, A Chinese swordsman And a Jewish samurai. The three met with the emperor to see who would get the job. "Japanese Samurai Show me your skill", the Japanese samurai stepped forward and released a fly from a box and the Japanese samurai cut the fly in two. "very impressive" said the emperor. "Chinese Swordsman Show me your stuff", the Chinese man stepped forth and released a fly from its box and with two swings of his swords cut the fly neatly into Quarters. "A marvelous feat" the Chinese swordsman was pleased. "How are you going to top that Jewish samurai?" The Jewish Samurai stepped forth and released his fly from a box, and with a mighty blow swepped his sword through the air and the fly continued to fly about. "what kind of skill is that? the fly isn't dead" the emperor laughed. "dead is easy" the Jewish samurai replied "Circumcision... now that takes skill".

I knew a kid in grade school who was born with deformed eyelids...

...So they took the flesh from his circumcision to fix his deformity. For the rest of his life he was c**...-eyed.

Why do jewish women like circumcised p**...?

What jew doesn't like 10% off?

Two boys sitting to pee

Two five year old boys are sitting at the p**... to pee.
When one says, " Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!"
" I've been circumcised." Says the second boy.
" What does that mean?"
"It means they cut the protective skin skin off the end."
" How old were you when it was cut off?"
" My mom said that I was two days old."
" Did it hurt?"
" You bet it hurt, I couldn't walk for a whole year!"

Born without eyelids.

Last week a little boy was born at the hospital without any eyelids. Puzzled the doctors didn't know what to make of it. In a snap of genius, when they circumcised the boy they also replaced his missing eyelids. Only problem is now he's c**...-eyed.

Did you hear about the rabbi who had to circumcise elephants?

The pay was terrible but the tips were huge!

I got a job at the circus.

I had to circumcise the elephants. The wages weren't great but the tips were enormous.

A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor make a bet.

They say, "Whoever goes into the woods and converts the most dangerous animal, wins". So a week goes by and they all return. The Pastor comes back with a rattlesnake and says "He goes to church every week!". The priest comes back with cougar and says "His first he's getting confirmed next month!". The Rabbi comes back in a full body cast and says " You know, I probably shouldn't have tried to circumcise a bear."

A 35 year old man goes to the doctor and asks to be castrated...

The doctor looks at him for a minute and asks if he is sure. The man says yes, he's thought about it for some time and thinks its time to get it done. The doctor says alright, it's your body.
After the procedure, the man wakes up and the doctor comes over for a chat. He tells the man that while he was down there, he threw in a free circumcision.
Circumcision! the man exclaims. That's the word I was looking for.

Why does a Mohel(Jewish Circumciser) have to be good at his job?

He only works on tips

Why do Jewish men get circumcised?

Because Jewish women only want things that are 20% off.

Why are Jewish men circumcised?

Cause Jewish women won't take anything unless its 10% off.

I woman had just given birth to a baby boy...

The doctor was holding him and told the parent,"I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids." The mother replies," That's terrible. What are we going to do?" The doctor says," I've seen this before, don't worry. We will circumcise him and use the f**... to make him new eyelids." The father says," Won't that make him c**...-eyed." The doctor replies," No, if anything it will give him foresight"

Did you hear about the incompetent circumciser?

He slipped and got the sack.

Long ago I got my first job as a circumciser.

The pay was not much but I collected a lot of tips.

Why do jews get their p**... circumcised?

Because Jewish girls won't touch anything that's not 10% off

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi...

...decide to have a friendly competition to see who is the best at their job. To make things interesting, they agree to see who is best at converting the bears in the local woods. A week passes, and they get together to compare notes.
The priest says, "I was walking through the woods and came upon a patch of berries where there was a bear, gathering berries. I walked up to the bear and I gave him the Holy Communion, and thus converted the bear".
The minister goes, "I too was walking through the woods, and came across a stream. There was a bear in the stream, catching fish. So I waded out to him, and baptized the bear right there, and so converting him."
The priest and minster look over to the rabbi, and this guy is in rough shape. He is in total traction, with a full body cast, cuts and scrapes on his face and hands.
"Oy," the rabbi says, "In retrospect, I shouldn't have led with the circumcision."

I'm so torn on circumcision.

I mean, you're either f**... or against it.

Why do Jewish girls love circumcised d**...?

They love anything 10% off

Did you hear...

about the guy who got a job circumcising elephants?
the pay wasn't great but the tips were huge.

A man was circumcised in a dodgy alleyway...

He paid close to nothing for it but was not happy as later that day, he was complaining to his friends that it was a complete rip-off.

PSA: Don't get a cheap circumcision.

Usually, it's a rip-off.

Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".

"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.
"What's that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mom said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.
"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"

Pain.

Two young boys are waiting for their
surgery…
What operation are you having done?
Getting my tonsils out, what about you?
Circumcision
Oh that's bad, I had that done when I was born
and I couldn't walk for a year

There was a kid that was born with no eyelids.

The doctor was able to use the skin from the circumcision to make him new eyelids.
It went really well other than the fact the kid is a little c**...-eyed

Burn unit

I asked the doctor what they did with all the foreskins after circumcisions, he told me that years ago they would send them to the burn unit for people with f**... burns for eyelid reconstruction. I asked, why did they stop? He says, because ask the patients ended up looking cockeyed

Doctor: So your child was born without eyelids.

Mother: Well isn't there anything you can do?
Doctor: Yes, when we circumcise him we can take that excess skin and make him eye lids.
Mother: Will he be okay?
Doctor: Yeah, he will be fine, just be a little c**...-eyed.

I was late to my own circumcision.

Some guy cut me off.

Circumcised

p**... says to m**....
I'm getting circumcised tomorrow!
m**... says
I had that done when I was a few days old
p**... asks
Does it hurt?
m**... then replies
Well I couldn't walk for about a year after

I got a job at the zoo circumcising Elephants.

The pay s**... but the tips are huge.

I really wanted to become a pornstar but I had heard that all the popular ones were circumcised.

I guess I just wasn't cut out for it.

As a summer job I would work for the circus, my job was to circumcise the elephants...

The pay wasn't that good, but the tips were HUGE

A jewish woman goes to the hospital to give birth to her son.

Unfortunately the baby boy is born without eyelids.
The jewish woman is hysterical and says: Doctor, doctor what am i going to do? My baby boy has no eyelids!
The doctor calmly replies: Missus Levine, don't worry your son is going to be circumcised so we can do a transplant and give him eyelids.
Missus Levine says: Doctor, doctor but I don't want a son that's gonna be cockeyed!
Doctor replies: But Missus Levine imagine what foresight he'll have!

How much is a circumcision

Nothing, they only accept tips

Did you hear the zoo is hiring someone to perform elephant circumcisions?

The pay's not great, but the tips are pretty big.

What is the oldest age a person can get a circumcision?

I just want to know the cutoff date.

How do you circumcise a guy from alabama?

By k**... his sister in the jaw

A woman just gave birth to a baby boy. Unfortunately....

The doctor was holding him and told the parent,"I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids." The mother replies," That's terrible. What are we going to do?" The doctor says," I've seen this before, don't worry. We will circumcise him and use the f**... to make him new eyelids." The father says," Won't that make him c**...-eyed." The doctor replies," No, if anything it will give him foresight"

I saw 3 men standing at the urinals.

The first man, a Jewish guy, was peeing 4 streams.
"What happened to you?" I asked.
He explained "Accident at my circumcision. The rabbi had Parkinson's."
The next man, a big tough trucker, was peeing 6 streams.
"And what is your problem?" I asked.
He grunted "I had a fight with a rottweiler..."
The third man, an elderly, absent-minded looking guy, was peeing 30 streams.
"Oh my gosh, what the h**... happened to you?!?" I gasped.
He looked down, then sighed.
"Oh dear, I forgot to pull down my zipper again."

I applied to every single college fraternity

But I was refused membership in all the fraternities because I was circumcised.
Apparently they only accept complete d**....

What's the oldest age someone could get a circumcision?

I just want to know the cut off date.

Two 5 year old boys are in the hospital waiting to go into surgery. The first boy asks the other, "What are having done?"

"I'm having my tonsils taken out."
"Oh you're going to love it. I had that done last year and I got to eat ice cream for a week. Best week ever."
The second boy asks, "What about you?"
"Circumcision," the first boy replies.
The second boy responds, "I had that done when I was born and I couldn't walk for almost a year."

A Priest, a Rabbi and a Minister

A priest, a rabbi and a minister decide to see who's best at his job. The test is to go into the woods, find a bear and try to convert it.
After they are done the priest says, "I read to the bear from the Catechism, sprinkled him with holy water and next week is his First Communion."
The minister said, "I found a bear by the stream, preached God's holy word and he let me baptize him in the river."
The rabbi was bandaged from head to foot and said. "Looking back, maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision."

Two six-year-old boys are standing in the toilet having a pee.

One turns to the other and says, Your dinky doesn't have any skin on it.
That's because I've been circumcised, he replies.
Cor! What does that mean?
It means the skin's been cut off the end.
How old were you when they did that?
About two days old.
Did it hurt?
It sure did. I didn't walk for a year.

If you are ever looking for some advice, you should contact a surgeon specialising in circumcision.

They have plenty of tips.

Circumcised joke, If you are ever looking for some advice, you should contact a surgeon specialising in circumcision.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these circumcised jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.