Circumcised Jokes
110 circumcised jokes and hilarious circumcised puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about circumcised that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article contains a collection of light-hearted jokes about the procedure of circumcision, a surgical procedure that removes the foreskin of the penis. It provides an entertaining look into the topic and takes a humorous approach to discussing a not-so-funny subject. Find out what all the fuss is about and discover some jokes related to circumcision that will have you laughing, not cringing.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Circumcised Short Jokes
Short circumcised jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The circumcised humour may include short circumcision jokes also.
- My buddy took a job circumcising elephants at the zoo The money's not great but the tips are huge
- Circumcisions are painful. When I got mine right after I was born, I couldn't walk for nearly a year
- My grandfather used to circumcise elephants for a living. The wages were poor, but the tips were enormous.
- My doctor apologized for the botched circumcision that left me impotent. I told him no hard feelings.
- Did you hear about the kid born w/o an eyelid? When they circumcised him, they used the extra skin to fix his eyelid.
The procedure went fine, he's a little cockeyed now though... - The worst thing about circumcision is paying full price.. ..and still having to leave a tip
- I really wanted to become a pornstar but I had heard that all the popular ones were circumcised. I guess I just wasn't cut out for it.
- Did you hear about the rabbi who had to circumcise elephants? The pay was terrible but the tips were huge!
- A man was circumcised in a dodgy alleyway... He paid close to nothing for it but was not happy as later that day, he was complaining to his friends that it was a complete rip-off.
- I tried circumcision without the proper equipment. It was a bit of a stretch, but I managed to pull it off.
Share These Circumcised Jokes With Friends
Circumcised One Liners
Which circumcised one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with circumcised? I can suggest the ones about circumcision procedure and circumference.
- What's the oldest you can be to get a circumcision? I need to know the cutoff date.
- What do you call an overpriced circumcision? A rip off.
- What do you call a cheap circumcision? a rip off.
- I just got circumcised Got any tips?
- I got a cheap circumcision yesterday... It was a rip off.
- Just paid a lot of money for a really unprofessional circumcision It was a rip off
- How much do people who perform circumcisions get paid? $50/h plus tips
- I used to perform circumcisions for a living. I got tons of tips.
- Circumcision. My parents paid the bill, but I left the tip.
- How do circumcision doctors get paid? In tips.
- How much is a circumcision Nothing, they only accept tips
- I was late to my own circumcision. Some guy cut me off.
- PSA: Don't get a cheap circumcision. Usually, it's a rip-off.
- Why does a Mohel(Jewish Circumciser) have to be good at his job? He only works on tips
- I got a cheap circumcision when I was young. It was a rip off.
Not Circumcised Jokes
Here is a list of funny not circumcised jokes and even better not circumcised puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My buddy performs circumcisions, and i was curious how much he got paid "Oh we dont get paid, we just keep the tips"
- There once was a man in prison Who performed his own circumcision
With cigarettes he paid
And got his own blade
What he shoulda bought was better precision. - How is circumcision like the Great Jedi Purge? They both get rid of the force kin!
- What drinks do they serve after a circumcision? cocktails.
- What do you call it when the tallest man in the world gets circumcised? A cut above the rest.
- The surgeon who performed my circumcision didn't have scalpels. I was surprised they managed to pull it off.
- Circumcision jobs don't pay much But you get to keep the tips
- A kid was born without eye lids, so they used the spare skin from his circumcision to form some. Everything turned out fine, except... the doctor said he was a little cockeyed.
- Wanted: Circumcision surgeon $700 per week, plus tips.
- I've never heard a good circumcision joke. They always get cut off right at the end.
Cheerful Fun Circumcised Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about circumcised you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean calloused jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make circumcised pranks.
A Broken Watch
A guy is walking down the street and suddenly notices that his watch has stopped working. As he stands there musing over this discovery, he notices that the display window of a nearby shop has several dozen watches and clocks in it.
The man steps inside the door of the shop and asks the proprietor, "Excuse me, my watch has stopped working. I wonder if you can repair it for me?"
The proprietor looks up from his desk and says, "What are you talking about? I'm not a watchmaker--I'm a mohel. I perform circumcisions."
Confused, the gentleman asks, "Well then why do you have so many watches and clocks in your window?"
The mohel calmly replies, "What would you prefer that I display?"
A guy passes by a shop with three beautiful watches in the window...
He goes inside, and says to the proprietor: "Those are beautiful watches you have on display, how much for one?"
The proprietor says: "Oh, those aren't for sale. We don't make watches here, we do circumcisions."
The man is a bit taken aback: "If you do circumcisions, why do you have watches in your shop window?"
The proprietor says: "Well, what would you put in the window?"
A cut above the rest
Once upon a time a powerful emperor of the rising sun advertised for a new chief samurai. Three men applied, A Japanese samurai, A Chinese swordsman And a Jewish samurai. The three met with the emperor to see who would get the job. "Japanese Samurai Show me your skill", the Japanese samurai stepped forward and released a fly from a box and the Japanese samurai cut the fly in two. "very impressive" said the emperor. "Chinese Swordsman Show me your stuff", the Chinese man stepped forth and released a fly from its box and with two swings of his swords cut the fly neatly into Quarters. "A marvelous feat" the Chinese swordsman was pleased. "How are you going to top that Jewish samurai?" The Jewish Samurai stepped forth and released his fly from a box, and with a mighty blow swepped his sword through the air and the fly continued to fly about. "what kind of skill is that? the fly isn't dead" the emperor laughed. "dead is easy" the Jewish samurai replied "Circumcision... now that takes skill".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed razor
blade?
She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the shortsighted circumciser?
He got the sack.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Born without eyelids.
Last week a little boy was born at the hospital without any eyelids. Puzzled the doctors didn't know what to make of it. In a snap of genius, when they circumcised the boy they also replaced his missing eyelids. Only problem is now he's c**...-eyed.
A Rabbi's money maker.
A man asks a Rabbi if he gets paid for the circumcisions. The Rabbi says
- No, I can't do that! I just Keep the tips!
It was pretty hard to find a cheap way to get our son circumcised...
...But in the end we pulled it off.
A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor make a bet.
They say, "Whoever goes into the woods and converts the most dangerous animal, wins". So a week goes by and they all return. The Pastor comes back with a rattlesnake and says "He goes to church every week!". The priest comes back with cougar and says "His first he's getting confirmed next month!". The Rabbi comes back in a full body cast and says " You know, I probably shouldn't have tried to circumcise a bear."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Continuing the apparent theme of i**... jokes...
How do you circumcise a boy from Missouri?
You kick his sister in the chin.
A 35 year old man goes to the doctor and asks to be castrated...
The doctor looks at him for a minute and asks if he is sure. The man says yes, he's thought about it for some time and thinks its time to get it done. The doctor says alright, it's your body.
After the procedure, the man wakes up and the doctor comes over for a chat. He tells the man that while he was down there, he threw in a free circumcision.
Circumcision! the man exclaims. That's the word I was looking for.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you circumcise a whale?
Send down four skin-divers
I'm circumcised but I'm looking to change that.
Anyone have any tips?
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi...
...decide to have a friendly competition to see who is the best at their job. To make things interesting, they agree to see who is best at converting the bears in the local woods. A week passes, and they get together to compare notes.
The priest says, "I was walking through the woods and came upon a patch of berries where there was a bear, gathering berries. I walked up to the bear and I gave him the Holy Communion, and thus converted the bear".
The minister goes, "I too was walking through the woods, and came across a stream. There was a bear in the stream, catching fish. So I waded out to him, and baptized the bear right there, and so converting him."
The priest and minster look over to the rabbi, and this guy is in rough shape. He is in total traction, with a full body cast, cuts and scrapes on his face and hands.
"Oy," the rabbi says, "In retrospect, I shouldn't have led with the circumcision."
A man gets circumcised...
After his surgery, he asks the surgeon, "How much should I pay you?"
The surgeon replies, "Oh, you don't need to pay me anything, I do this sort of stuff for free."
The man, confused, then asks, "How do you make a living?"
The surgeon says, "I just collect the tips."
Circumcision is a sensitive subject...
...but not as sensitive as it used to be.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm so torn on circumcision.
I mean, you're either f**... or against it.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip-off.
Well, you can't blame them. They don't make much money, they just keep the tips.
Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".
"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.
"What's that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mom said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.
"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got hard during circumcision
It was a rather inappropriate situation for me as a doctor.
Why was the circumcision doctor so rich ?
He kept all of the tips
Pain.
Two young boys are waiting for their
surgery…
What operation are you having done?
Getting my tonsils out, what about you?
Circumcision
Oh that's bad, I had that done when I was born
and I couldn't walk for a year
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Burn unit
I asked the doctor what they did with all the foreskins after circumcisions, he told me that years ago they would send them to the burn unit for people with f**... burns for eyelid reconstruction. I asked, why did they stop? He says, because ask the patients ended up looking cockeyed
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor: So your child was born without eyelids.
Mother: Well isn't there anything you can do?
Doctor: Yes, when we circumcise him we can take that excess skin and make him eye lids.
Mother: Will he be okay?
Doctor: Yeah, he will be fine, just be a little c**...-eyed.
The Jewish Boy and the Muslim Boy
David, a Jewish boy, and Ali, a Muslim boy, are having a conversation.
Ali: I'm getting operated on tomorrow.
David: Oh? What are they going to do?
Ali: Circumcise me!
David: I had that done when I was just a few days old.
Ali: Did it hurt?
David: I couldn't walk for a year!
A man was worried about getting a circumcision so he asks his friend for advice
Jimmy, you got a circumcision right? How long did it take you to recover?
Well, I got it when I was three days old and I wasn't able to walk for 11 months after it
Why do American hospitals circumcise baby boys?
In the US, it's customary to leave a tip.
I got a job performing circumcisions
On my first day I slipped and got the sack
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Circumcised
p**... says to m**....
I'm getting circumcised tomorrow!
m**... says
I had that done when I was a few days old
p**... asks
Does it hurt?
m**... then replies
Well I couldn't walk for about a year after
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was circumcised they accidentally took a little extra off.
They ended up using it as skin grafts for a pair of twin's eyelids.
Now I'm getting sued by the parents because they're a little c**...-eyed.
Circumcisions are odd. Expensive ones are worth it, while...
Cheap ones are ripoffs
A jewish woman goes to the hospital to give birth to her son.
Unfortunately the baby boy is born without eyelids.
The jewish woman is hysterical and says: Doctor, doctor what am i going to do? My baby boy has no eyelids!
The doctor calmly replies: Missus Levine, don't worry your son is going to be circumcised so we can do a transplant and give him eyelids.
Missus Levine says: Doctor, doctor but I don't want a son that's gonna be cockeyed!
Doctor replies: But Missus Levine imagine what foresight he'll have!
You know how painful my circumcision was?
I couldn't walk for two years!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you circumcise a guy from alabama?
By k**... his sister in the jaw
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two six-year-old boys are standing in the toilet having a pee.
Two six-year-old boys are standing in the toilet having a pee. One turns to the other and says, Your dinky doesn't have any skin on it. That's because I've been circumcised, he replies. Cor! What does that mean?
It means the skin's been cut off the end. How old were you when they did that? About two days old. Did it hurt? It sure did. I didn't walk for a year.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw 3 men standing at the urinals.
The first man, a Jewish guy, was peeing 4 streams.
"What happened to you?" I asked.
He explained "Accident at my circumcision. The rabbi had Parkinson's."
The next man, a big tough trucker, was peeing 6 streams.
"And what is your problem?" I asked.
He grunted "I had a fight with a rottweiler..."
The third man, an elderly, absent-minded looking guy, was peeing 30 streams.
"Oh my gosh, what the h**... happened to you?!?" I gasped.
He looked down, then sighed.
"Oh dear, I forgot to pull down my zipper again."
"Rabbi, could you please perform a circumcision for my son"
Rabbi :"What's his age ? "
Man : "8 years "
Rabbi :" what? That's way past the usual cut off date "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I applied to every single college fraternity
But I was refused membership in all the fraternities because I was circumcised.
Apparently they only accept complete d**....
2 kids in a hospital outside the operating room.
1st kid asks "What are you in here for?"
2nd kid says "Getting my tonsils out, I'm a little nervous."
1st kid says "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was 4. They put you to sleep, when you wake up they give you Jelly & ice cream. It's a breeze."
2nd kid asks "What are you here for?"
1st kid says "Circumcision."
"Whoa!" the 2nd kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year!!!"
Can older adults be circumcised?
Or is there a cut off date ?
When I was younger,
when I was younger, a lot younger, I used to think that vasectomies and circumcisions were the same thing. Now I know there's a vas deferens
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
circumcision?
I over head these two guys in a bar one night, in their 30's, discussing the subject of Circumcision.
o**... was dead set on getting it done , since his parents didn't have that done for him.
I couldn't help but to get in that convo.
I said,
"I would recommend against it!"
He asked why.
I said,
"I had it done when I was first born and I couldn't walk for over a year!"
Watched an episode of a classic sitcom last night. The episode dealt with the topic of circumcision. I didn't enjoy watching it...
I hate when sitcoms run clip shows.
Two 5 year old boys are in the hospital waiting to go into surgery. The first boy asks the other, "What are having done?"
"I'm having my tonsils taken out."
"Oh you're going to love it. I had that done last year and I got to eat ice cream for a week. Best week ever."
The second boy asks, "What about you?"
"Circumcision," the first boy replies.
The second boy responds, "I had that done when I was born and I couldn't walk for almost a year."
A Priest, a Rabbi and a Minister
A priest, a rabbi and a minister decide to see who's best at his job. The test is to go into the woods, find a bear and try to convert it.
After they are done the priest says, "I read to the bear from the Catechism, sprinkled him with holy water and next week is his First Communion."
The minister said, "I found a bear by the stream, preached God's holy word and he let me baptize him in the river."
The rabbi was bandaged from head to foot and said. "Looking back, maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision."
A Rabbi, A pundit and a Priest
A rabbi, a pundit and a priest once decided to put their skills to the test,
so they challenged each other...the challenge was who could convert a bear
They all met a few days later.....the pundit n priest were ok but the rabbi was in a full body cast...
so started the pundit...guess what...I read the gita to the bear....n now he is a pious hindu
The priest says...guess what, I read the bible to my bear....it brought tears to his eyes...he immediately had himself baptised now he is a devout christian....
Finally the Rabbi mutters....."shouldve left the circumcision for later"
Two six-year-old boys are standing in the toilet having a pee.
One turns to the other and says, Your dinky doesn't have any skin on it.
That's because I've been circumcised, he replies.
Cor! What does that mean?
It means the skin's been cut off the end.
How old were you when they did that?
About two days old.
Did it hurt?
It sure did. I didn't walk for a year.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the blind rabbi that missed when he was trying to perform a circumcision?
He got the sack!
Badum tiss.
If you are ever looking for some advice, you should contact a surgeon specialising in circumcision.
They have plenty of tips.
