Circumcise Jokes

Following is our collection of bris puns and tips one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Circumcise jokes for adults, dirty amputate jokes and clean incision dad gags for kids.

The Best Circumcise Puns

I woman had just given birth to a baby boy...

The doctor was holding him and told the parent,"I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids." The mother replies," That's terrible. What are we going to do?" The doctor says," I've seen this before, don't worry. We will circumcise him and use the foreskin to make him new eyelids." The father says," Won't that make him cock-eyed." The doctor replies," No, if anything it will give him foresight"

Doctor: So your child was born without eyelids.

Mother: Well isn't there anything you can do?

Doctor: Yes, when we circumcise him we can take that excess skin and make him eye lids.

Mother: Will he be okay?

Doctor: Yeah, he will be fine, just be a little cock-eyed.

My grandfather used to circumcise elephants for a living.

The wages were poor, but the tips were enormous.

I used to work at the zoo, where my job was to circumcise Elephants.

The pay was rubbish, but the tips were huge!

How do you circumcise a whale?

Send down four skin-divers


I got a job at the circus.

I had to circumcise the elephants. The wages weren't great but the tips were enormous.

How do you circumcise a red-neck?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

A baby was born with no eyes lids...

So the doctors decided to circumcise him and use the skin to craft new eyes lids.

They botched it though and he came out looking a bit cock-eyed.

As a summer job I would work for the circus, my job was to circumcise the elephants...

The pay wasn't that good, but the tips were HUGE

Circumcised

Paddy says to mick.
I'm getting circumcised tomorrow!
Mick says
I had that done when I was a few days old
Paddy asks
Does it hurt?
Mick then replies
Well I couldn't walk for about a year after

Did you hear about the rabbi who had to circumcise elephants?

The pay was terrible but the tips were huge!


How do you circumcise a guy from alabama?

By kicking his sister in the jaw

A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor make a bet.

They say, "Whoever goes into the woods and converts the most dangerous animal, wins". So a week goes by and they all return. The Pastor comes back with a rattlesnake and says "He goes to church every week!". The priest comes back with cougar and says "His first he's getting confirmed next month!". The Rabbi comes back in a full body cast and says " You know, I probably shouldn't have tried to circumcise a bear."

How do you circumcise Kanye West?

Kick him in the jaw.

The Jewish Boy and the Muslim Boy

David, a Jewish boy, and Ali, a Muslim boy, are having a conversation.

Ali: I'm getting operated on tomorrow.

David: Oh? What are they going to do?

Ali: Circumcise me!

David: I had that done when I was just a few days old.

Ali: Did it hurt?

David: I couldn't walk for a year!

I'm circumcised but I'm looking to change that.

Anyone have any tips?

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

You kick his sister in the chin

Why do American hospitals circumcise baby boys?

In the US, it's customary to leave a tip.

Continuing the apparent theme of incest jokes...

How do you circumcise a boy from Missouri?

You kick his sister in the chin.


Do Muslim Extremests circumcise?

Yes, but they cut the heads off.

I got circumcised today...

... any tips?

How do You Circumcise a Priest?

Kick the choir boy in the chin

When I was circumcised they accidentally took a little extra off.

They ended up using it as skin grafts for a pair of twin's eyelids.

Now I'm getting sued by the parents because they're a little cock-eyed.

How do you circumcise a white supremacist?

You punch his sister in the jaw

A little boy was born with no eyelids..

A little boy was born with no eyelids. The doctor said when we circumcise him we can take some of that skin and make him new ones. As the boy grew up he was able to see just fine, other than being a little cock-eyed!

I'm getting circumcised tomorrow

any tips?

A baby boy born without eyelids...

Recently at a baby boy was born prematurely without eyelids. The doctors decided to take him off to surgery and circumcise him and use the skin removed to make new eyelids.

The surgery went great except he came out a little cocked eyed...

A baby boy was born without eyelids.

The doctors decided to circumcise him and use the foreskin to create eyelids for him. It all went well except he is a little cockeyed.

How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?

You kick his sister in the chin.

Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn had a huge argument over whether to circumcise their son

Lindsey went downhill from there, but Tiger made the cut.

How many people are needed to circumcise a whale?

How many people are needed to circumcise a whale?
foreskin divers

How do they circumcise boys in Virginia?

Kick his sister in the chin.

How do you circumcise a guy from Wyoming?

Kick his sister in the chin.

Did you guys hear about the baby that was born without eyelids?

He's a boy, and the were gonna circumcise him anyway, so the surgeon used the foreskin to make new eyelids.

Don't worry, the baby's doing great. He's just a little cockeyed.

There was a boy born without any eyelids

And it caused him terrible discomfort and to make matters worse, the doctors feared he would inevitably go blind one day.

Then one doctor came up with an ingenious solution. He planned to circumcise the boy and use his foreskin to make new eyelids for him.

After a lengthy procedure, the surgery was a success and now the boy has two fully functioning eyelids.

The doctor says the boy is doing fine, he's just a little cock-eyed

If you want big tips...

...circumcise an elephant.

A kid was born without eyelids.

Don't worry the doctor assured the father.
When we circumcise him we will use the skin to make him new eyelids. After the procedure the father is with the doctor. Well what do you think of the procedure? asks the doctor. I don't know? Does he look a little cockeyed to you?

Why did Luke circumcise his kids?

Because they were his force kin.

[OFFENSIVE] How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the jaw...

(Heard this one the other day from a friend, and thought I might share it here. :P)

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

Give his sister an uppercut.

How do you circumcise a whale?

Fore skin divers.

My dad had a friend that circumcise elephants at the zoo.

He said the pay small, but the tips were big.

How many people does it take to circumcise a whale?

Foreskin divers

I got circumcised on the NHS

Which means the operation was free, you just leave a tip

How did you get circumcised? My parents went for the cheap option.

It was a ripoff.

Do you know how they circumcise whales?

Four skin divers.

How do you circumcise a Catholic man?

Kick his priest in the jaw

Sleeping without cloth in my country

Sleeping UNCLAD in my country is very risky if you are a man, Rats may circumcise you.

The teacher put the word "circumcise" on my 10 year old's spelling test.

I'm pulling him out of education. No decent private school hires a Catholic teacher.

I got circumcised today

It was a rip off

When I was circumcised, it hurt so bad...

that I couldn't walk for a whole year!

There is an abundance of iceis jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 51 funniest jokes and circumcise puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any graft witze you can hear about circumcise.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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