Cinema Jokes
69 cinema jokes and hilarious cinema puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cinema that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Ready for a chuckle? Check out this collection of the funniest cinema jokes, guaranteed to leave you with a smile! From classic comedy one-liners to snappy puns and parodies, the best jokes and punchlines are all here. Whether your favorite genre is horror, thriller, romance, or remake, you'll find something to tickle your fancy! Get ready to kick back, relax and enjoy the show; these cinema related jokes are IMAX-amusement!
Funniest Cinema Short Jokes
Short cinema jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cinema humour may include short movie theater jokes also.
- People always ask me how I sneak chocolate into the cinema. Well ... I got a few Twix up my sleeve.
- My buddy just lost his job at a cinema that only shows Pixar films... He forgot to show Up
- I hate it when people talk and eat loud in the cinema. Like shutup, I'm trying to film a movie here!
- If I had a dollar every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food. I could almost afford a small popcorn.
- Nineteen blondes go to the cinema... when the ticket vendor asked why there are so many of them they replied "the film said 18 or over".
- A black guy at the cinema told me (a white guy) I wasn't allowed to watch Black Panther. Apparently I have to "buy" a "ticket"
- I wouldn't say my wife was fat....... .....but she wore a white dress to the cinema last night and they showed the film on her back!
- I don't like to talk about my years spent working as a cinema usher. I was in a dark place at the time.
- Our local cinema is putting on a screening of the new James Bond film especially for dyslexics. Respect
- How is a bankruptcy clearance sale similar to Aquaman going to an undersea cinema with his girlfriend? They're both liquidating.
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Cinema One Liners
Which cinema one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cinema? I can suggest the ones about theatre and film.
- Last night I paused the film to make a cup of tea. I've now lost my job at the cinema.
- What is M. Night Shyamalan's favorite pastry? A cinema-n twist.
- I just heard Back to the Future was getting a re-release at the cinema. It's about time.
- Why don't Leave voters go to the cinema? Because they're unable to see the big picture.
- People who cough loudly don't go to the doctor... They go to the cinemas.
- What time is Thor on in the cinema? Thor Thirty
- Which band does metal covers of pop music inside cinemas? Pop Korn
- What do you call a cheap British cinema? a Nickelodeon
- I went to the cinema last night to see Black Panther I couldn't see anything.
- What country loves cinema the most? India. Their women are always recording.
- People who talk at the cinemas really annoy me.. I can barely hear my phone over them!
- George Costanza yells out in the cinema during 50 shades.. "That's gotta hurt!"
- Coming on valentines day. Fifty shades of grey. There won't be a dry seat in the cinema.
- What do you call a cinema in Jamiaca? A cinemon
- What movies do pirates watch? I dunno, but they don't watch them at the cinema
Cinema Comedy Jokes
Here is a list of funny cinema comedy jokes and even better cinema comedy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When blondes go to the cinema to watch a comedy, they always sit on the last row. Why? He who laughs last, laughs better
Hilarious Cinema Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about cinema you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean movie jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cinema pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So apparently it's just a bit of lighthearted fun when people dress up to go and see Harry Potter at the cinema.........
but, when you do the same for Schindler's List, you're some kind of sick w**....
-
The DC Cinematic Universe
So a cinematographer, writer, and production designer walk into a bar....
and the director takes all the credit.
A guy was throwing popcorn at the back of my head in the cinema.
I turned around and said, "You and me...when this film finishes...let's sort this out."
He said, "OK then."
And then, when it was over, we cleared away all the popcorn like respectable men.
I recently went to a cinema
so I recently went to a cinema . I was watching a movie and a guy behind me just started whaling !
Then I got hit in the head by a harpoon .
I was buying tickets with a friend at the cinema
Staff: "for the hobbit?"
Me. : "no, she's my friend"
Siri
So I asked Siri what movies were playing at the local cinema.
Siri said, "Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?"
Turns out my phone was in airplane mode.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Needed to f**... in the cinema.
f**... during an e**....
The wife & I have just been to the cinema to see that film, Suffragette.
Two hours of a woman's struggle... full of tears, aggression, sadness, anger and frustration.
Anyway, after she finally managed to park the car in the cinema car park, we rushed in and caught the credits.
Laughing Dog
A man walks into the cinema with a dog. They start watching the movie (a comedy) and laugh and laugh all the way through it.
When the lights go up, a woman who was sitting in the row behind tapped the man on the shoulder and said:
" I must say I was really surprised to hear your dog laughing all through the film.
"So was I" replied the man, " He hated the book!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Eddie Stobart Movie
There's an Eddie Stobart movie just been released and is airing in cinemas now. I went to go watch it at my local cinema. The actual movie s**... but at least the trailer was good.
I got thrown out of the cinema for throwing popcorn at the back of people's heads.
I also lost my job behind the popcorn counter.
What do you call a famous director of modern noir cinema who is notorious for needing glasses and pulling apart his pizza rolls to cool them before eating?
Squintin' Tearin' 'Tino's
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The worst part about having s**... with a blow-up doll is
when someone in the cinema recognises you.
Two blondes at the cinema, one says to the other I bet that girl falls out of that boat and into the lake, second blonde, no way, I bet you 50 bucks, sure enough the girl falls into the lake, second blonde says how did you know that?
first blonde, I saw this film last week, second says so did I, didn't think she would do it twice.
A dad buys a lie detector machine and waits for his son to come home
When the son comes home:
Dad - So you were at school right?
Son - yeah
Lie Detector - BEEP
Son - Okay, okay I was at the cinema with my friends
Lie Detector - BEEP
Son - ....I was having a few beers with my friends
Dad - What??? When I was your age I NEVER touched alcohol
Lie Detector - BEEP
Mom - Hahahaha! Well honey, he IS your son
Lie Detector - BEEP
They threw me out of the cinema today...
They threw me out of the cinema today for bringing my own food. But come on – the prices are way too high, plus I haven't had a barbecue in months.
I was at the cinema and this couple were kissing in front of us, not even watching the movie. How wasteful can you be with your money!
So I threw my bag of popcorn at them.
One day Stalin decides to go to the cinema in disguise and hear what people are really saying about him.
When the newsreel comes on the audience stands up and applauds each time he appears on the screen. Stalin is pleased. Modestly, he himself remains seated. After a few moments the man next to him leans over and whispers
Most people feel the same way you do Comrade, but you'll be safer if you stand up.
I´ve just downloaded the Queen movie, Bohemian Rhapsody!
I think it was filmed in a cinema though, as I see a little silhouetto of a man.
Uh oh, the owner of my local cinema is being criticised for extortionate prices by people of the public.
I'm just gonna sit here and watch with my £13 bag of popcorn.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you know why dyslexic people never buy popcorn at cinema concession stands?
Because it's embarrassing to buy cockporn in the public
"I'm going to see The Meg with your mother at the cinema tonight."
"that thing scares me, it's really scary," my son said
"I know," I replied, "but it will be cool to see The Meg."
I was talking to my buddy in the pub.
'I went to see a movie with my *new girlfriend* last night,' I boasted.
'Oh nice,' he said, impressed, 'where did you two meet?'
'Outside the cinema, of course,' I replied.
The impossible wish
A guy saves a frog from a forest fire. The frog turns out to be a magical frog, and is very grateful to the man for having saved its life. So the frog offers to grant him three wishes. The man says, Great. So I want: 1. Lifelong access to any cinema, 2. I want to be 10 years younger and 3. I want a highway that goes straight from here to Hawaii. I'm happy to help you but the third wish is really difficult. You'll have to wish for something else instead of that third wish, says the frog. OK, agrees the man reluctantly, in that case I'd like to finally understand women. - The frog looks at him for a while: And should the highway be a three-lane or a four-lane one?
A cannibal gets a job at a cinema.
After finishing training, the manager decides that the cannibal is ready to start selling concessions, and tells him that if he has any questions, dont be afraid to ask him. All seems to be going well, but then a man and a woman walk in and ask for some popcorn and soda. The cannibal is confused by their request, but the manager didnt say anything, so he finished the transaction and sent them on their way. Afterwards, he asks the manager: "Hey, you know that guy that just walked in"
"Yeah, what about him"
"Well are we allowed to let him in there?"
"Why wouldnt we?"
"Well it says on the door youre not supposed to bring your own food"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On our third date she said she liked to have s**... with the lights off.
She should have also mentioned "not in a cinema".
Irish SAS
The Irish SAS were dropped into Russia last week with orders to take Vladimir Putin out……
So far…. news reports say …… he's been to the cinema twice……… and last night they went Ten Pin Bowling…..!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So yesterday I was fapping to this Scarlett Johanson s**... scene
The cinema looked so shocked for some reason
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Back when going to the cinema was still a thing, I saw a magician in my theater
I was watching a movie at the cinema and there was a magician further down my theater. A s**... scene came on and he started clapping without using his hands, it was amazing!
A couple is buying popcorn at the concession stand in the cinema...
Vendor: Do you want your popcorn sweet or salty?
Guy looks lovingly at his girlfriend and says: I want my popcorn like my girlfriend
Vendor: Dude, we don't sell ugly popcorn
A young man was drafted and sent to medical evaluation
The doctor asked him to read the first five letters on the poster. He quickly replied What poster? after which he was relieved of duty.
Unfortunately, as he went to the cinema that night, he was seated right next to the very same doctor. Without hesitation, he tapped the doctor on the shoulder and said:
Excuse me miss, is this bus destined for Dallas?
Penguin
Last week I found a penguin in my street. Took it to the cops , they told me to take it to the zoo.
Saw the same cop yesterday, he asked how it went at the zoo. Told him the penguin loved it and we're off to the cinema today.
My wife went to the cinema with her friends
My wife went to the cinema with her friends last night and left me in charge of our two year old son.
She called me when she got there and said, "Is Jack ok?"
"He's absolutely fine," I replied, "He's in the bath at the moment, you've got nothing to worry about."
"Is he playing with his little yellow duck?" she asked.
I said, "I don't know, I can't see him from the pub."
I went to the cinema to see a film about truck drivers
It wasn't for me though. There were too many trailers.
