The Best 26 Cigars Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Cigars jokes. There are some cigars cigarette jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cigars cig puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Cigars Jokes and Puns

Mailman's last day on the job.

After 30 years, mailman George decides to retire. On his last day, he makes his usual rounds.

When he arrives at the first house, the whole family comes out, congratulates him, and sends him on his way with a $50 gift envelope.

At the second house, they present him with a box of fine cigars.

At the next house, he is met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She takes him by the hand and leads him up to the bedroom, where she blows his mind with the most passionate sex he has ever experienced.

When done, they go downstairs, where she fixes him a giant breakfast. As she pours him a cup of coffee, he notices a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this is just too wonderful for words," he says, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she says, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that I wanted to do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Fuck him. Give him a dollar.' But breakfast was my idea!"

Irishman in confession

An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."

Have you ever noticed that cigars and scotch taste the same?

They both taste like my dad's approval.

Cigars joke, Have you ever noticed that cigars and scotch taste the same?

Why are cigars unhealthier than cigarettes?

Because they're fatter.

Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky stopped smoking cigars?

Now she's just bummimg cigarettes!


Why did the Chicago Bulls keep Scotty Pippen on the team?

So Michael Jordan had something to put his cigars out on.

I like my women like I like my cigars.

Cuban, shipped in bulk and 7 years old.

Cigars joke, I like my women like I like my cigars.

Apparently Bill Clinton is so

sure that Hillary is going to win that he stopped at the tobacco store and bought a box of cigars. He has interviews scheduled for his new interns all day.

I like my women like I like my cigars

7 years old and coming from Cuba in a burlap sack

Clown walks into a bar...

Clown walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a treehouse."
Bartender says, "A treehouse, what's in a treehouse?"

Clown says, "Playboys and cigars, of course!"

My hands are too small to smoke cigars

I blame big tobacco

You can explore cigars cigaret reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cigars cigar dad jokes. There are also cigars puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


An elderly couple visits their friends

After a fine dinner, the men retreat into the library to smoke cigars and to have a conversation.

"Last week me and my wife ate at this great restaurant."

"Really? What was it called?"

"Let me think....what's that flower with a yellow center and white petals?"

"A daisy?"

"Yes, that's it. DAISY! What's that restaurant we went to?"

I like my women how I like my cigars

Seven years old and in a burlap sack from India

Oh yeah, I REALLY hate cigars.

-Fidel Sarcastro

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A question mark walks into a bar?

England will make groundbreaking headlines in the World Cup tomorrow.

Being the first team to lose against a packet of cigars.

Cigars joke, England will make groundbreaking headlines in the World Cup tomorrow.

Father, forgive me, for it has been a long time since I've been to confession,

A man went into a confessional booth and
discovered a fully equipped bar with beer on
tap and a wall stocked with a dazzling array
of the finest Cuban cigars. When the priest
walked into the room the man said, Father,
forgive me, for it has been a long time since
I've been to confession, but I must say the
confessional box is much more inviting than
I remember.
Get out, the priest ordered. You're on
my side.

I like my women like I like my cigars

Smuggled in from Cuba in a burlap sack

Cigars are most ecological product in world.

It kills pollution directly from source.


So there is this class in New York that teaches women how to smoke cigars, and the price per person is one-hundred dollars

The price to watch is two-hundred.

My dad left to get a pack of cigars

He came back tho

I remember 30 years ago with a dollar you went to the supermarket and went out with 2 sandwiches, 1 box of 6 beers and a pack of cigars.

Today, unfortunately, there are cameras everywhere.

George Burns

In his later years, the comedian George Burns was being interviewed by a shapely female journalist.

FJ: Mr. Burns, is it true that at your age, you still smoke six cigars every day?

GB: (eyes downcast) Yes, it's true.

FJ: And is it true you drink 3 or 4 martinis every day?

GB: Yes, that's true.

FJ: And is it true that you still chase after women half your age?

GB: Yes, I do.

FJ: What does your doctor have to say about all this?

GB: He's dead.

Irish Confession

Murphy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby.
And on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.
He hears a priest come in. Father, forgive I think its been a while since I've been to confession and to be sure I must say that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.
The priest replies, Get out, you idiot. You're on my side!

A man hasn't been to church for a long while and decides he'd better go to confession before starting to go again. When he enters the confessional box he's amazed to find that it's got a bar lined with finest whiskeys and a huge array of the finest cigars.

As he's looking at this in wonder, the priest comes in.

The man says, Father, forgive me, it's a long time since my last confession. I must say though, that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.

The priest says, Get out,you idiot. You're on my side.

Doctor to Patient do you smoke?

Patient: yes

Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?

Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cigars selection jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working cigars smoke piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes