Cigars Jokes

Following is our collection of cigaret puns and cigarette one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Cigars jokes for adults, dirty cigar jokes and clean cig dad gags for kids.

The Best Cigars Puns

I like my women like I like my cigars

7 years old and coming from Cuba in a burlap sack

Irishman in confession

An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."

A man hasn't been to church for a long while and decides he'd better go to confession before starting to go again. When he enters the confessional box he's amazed to find that it's got a bar lined with finest whiskeys and a huge array of the finest cigars.

As he's looking at this in wonder, the priest comes in.

The man says, Father, forgive me, it's a long time since my last confession. I must say though, that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.

The priest says, Get out,you idiot. You're on my side.

Irish Confession

Murphy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby.
And on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.
He hears a priest come in. Father, forgive I think its been a while since I've been to confession and to be sure I must say that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.
The priest replies, Get out, you idiot. You're on my side!

I remember 30 years ago with a dollar you went to the supermarket and went out with 2 sandwiches, 1 box of 6 beers and a pack of cigars.

Today, unfortunately, there are cameras everywhere.


Mailman's last day on the job.

After 30 years, mailman George decides to retire. On his last day, he makes his usual rounds.

When he arrives at the first house, the whole family comes out, congratulates him, and sends him on his way with a $50 gift envelope.

At the second house, they present him with a box of fine cigars.

At the next house, he is met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She takes him by the hand and leads him up to the bedroom, where she blows his mind with the most passionate sex he has ever experienced.

When done, they go downstairs, where she fixes him a giant breakfast. As she pours him a cup of coffee, he notices a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this is just too wonderful for words," he says, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she says, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that I wanted to do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Fuck him. Give him a dollar.' But breakfast was my idea!"

Oh yeah, I REALLY hate cigars.

-Fidel Sarcastro

Father, forgive me, for it has been a long time since I've been to confession,

A man went into a confessional booth and
discovered a fully equipped bar with beer on
tap and a wall stocked with a dazzling array
of the finest Cuban cigars. When the priest
walked into the room the man said, Father,
forgive me, for it has been a long time since
I've been to confession, but I must say the
confessional box is much more inviting than
I remember.
Get out, the priest ordered. You're on
my side.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A question mark walks into a bar?

I like my women like I like my cigars.

Cuban, shipped in bulk and 7 years old.

Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky stopped smoking cigars?

Now she's just bummimg cigarettes!


My dad left to get a pack of cigars

He came back tho

I like my women how I like my cigars

Seven years old and in a burlap sack from India

An elderly couple visits their friends

After a fine dinner, the men retreat into the library to smoke cigars and to have a conversation.

"Last week me and my wife ate at this great restaurant."

"Really? What was it called?"

"Let me think....what's that flower with a yellow center and white petals?"

"A daisy?"

"Yes, that's it. DAISY! What's that restaurant we went to?"

Apparently Bill Clinton is so

sure that Hillary is going to win that he stopped at the tobacco store and bought a box of cigars. He has interviews scheduled for his new interns all day.

I like my women like I like my cigars

Smuggled in from Cuba in a burlap sack

England will make groundbreaking headlines in the World Cup tomorrow.

Being the first team to lose against a packet of cigars.

Have you ever noticed that cigars and scotch taste the same?

They both taste like my dad's approval.

George Burns

In his later years, the comedian George Burns was being interviewed by a shapely female journalist.

FJ: Mr. Burns, is it true that at your age, you still smoke six cigars every day?

GB: (eyes downcast) Yes, it's true.

FJ: And is it true you drink 3 or 4 martinis every day?

GB: Yes, that's true.

FJ: And is it true that you still chase after women half your age?

GB: Yes, I do.

FJ: What does your doctor have to say about all this?

GB: He's dead.


Clown walks into a bar...

Clown walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a treehouse."
Bartender says, "A treehouse, what's in a treehouse?"

Clown says, "Playboys and cigars, of course!"

Why are cigars unhealthier than cigarettes?

Because they're fatter.

So there is this class in New York that teaches women how to smoke cigars, and the price per person is one-hundred dollars

The price to watch is two-hundred.

Cigars are most ecological product in world.

It kills pollution directly from source.

My hands are too small to smoke cigars

I blame big tobacco

Why did the Chicago Bulls keep Scotty Pippen on the team?

So Michael Jordan had something to put his cigars out on.

There is an abundance of selection jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 25 funniest jokes and cigars puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any smoke witze you can hear about cigars.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes