cigarettes Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious cigarettes puns

3 guys are on a boat and they have 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

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There are 3 men on a boat and 4 cigarettes, they don't have a lighter, how do they smoke?

they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

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Cigarettes are like hamsters

Totally harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and set it on fire.

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What do hamsters and cigarettes have in common?

They're both perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire

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Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.

So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

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There are 2 people on a boat…

There are two people on a boat; they have three cigarettes. However, they don't have a lighter. What do they do?

They throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat *became a cigarette lighter!*

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There are 3 men in a boat and 4 cigarettes, however they don't own a lighter. How do they smoke?

They throw one cigarette over board in order to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

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Why do people in Beijing smoke so many cigarettes?

To get a breath of filtered air.

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A man always smoked two cigarettes at a time

When people asked him why, he answered: i'm smoking one for myself and one for my brother in jail.

One day he was smoking only one, so people gladly asked "is your brother out of jail?"
He answered: "no, I quit"

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What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke?

Yours.

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I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

β€Ž...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

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Two men are on a boat. They have three cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.

So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

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Doctor, how can I live 100 years?

Man: Doctor, how can I live to be 100 years old?

Doctor: Well, do you smoke cigarettes or do any type of drugs?

Man: Nope

Doctor: Do you eat a lot of junk food?

Man: Nope

Doctor: Do you sleep around without using protection?

Man: Nope

Doctor: Then why the hell do you want to live to be 100 years old?

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I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

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Cigarettes are just like squirrels.

They aren't dangerous until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.

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Three men brought four cigarettes onto a boat, but then realized they had no lighters or matches. What do they do?

Throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

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what does god light his cigarettes with?

a match made in heaven .-.

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Smoking two cigarettes at once

A girl saw a guy smoking two cigarettes at once, she asked him why ? he replied that he smokes one for himself and one for his buddy in prison. Another day, the same girl saw that guy again smoking only one cigarette this time, she said : "Congrats! i'm verry happy for you and your friend ! he must have missed you", he replied that he still is in prison, she asked : "so why are you smoking only one cigarette ?", he replied : "i stopped smoking".

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Teacher: What do you do after school?

1st Student: I go and buy weed from Yakobo
2nd Student: I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo.
3rd Student: I go and buy cocaine from Yakobo.
4th Student: I always stay at home and do my homework.
Teacher: You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to other students. What's your name?
4th Student: Yakoboο»Ώ

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3 men were on a boat..

And all they had were 4 cigarettes.

Unsure on what to do, one of them throws a cigarette overboard.

Now the boat was a cigarette lighter.

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I took my son to see Santa Claus yesterday and he stank of booze and cigarettes.

God knows what Santa Claus thought of him.

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2 men are on a boat sharing a pack of cigarettes when they realise they have no lighter

How do they light up?

They toss a cigarette overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

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There are three men in a boat in the middle of the ocean with four cigarettes, no lighter or any matches. What do they do?

They throw one of the cigarettes overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

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Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes.....

Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.

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Squirrels are like cigarettes.

They are completely harmless until you stick one in your mouth and light them on fire.

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Cigarettes are like hamsters

Harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.

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Door to door salesman joke. Old but funny.

A door to door salesman knocks on a door and is greeted by a young boy. The boy is wearing lipstick, his moms dress and smoking his fathers cigarettes.
The salesman asks "Son, are your parents home?"
The kid takes a drag and replies "What the fuck do you think?"

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Cigarettes are like Squirrels...

They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire

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Three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes, but they don't have any matches or lighters. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette overboard and the entire boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

*Stolen from BuzzFeed, but I thought it was hilarious.*

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You know, cigarettes are a lot like Hamsters, Perfectly Harmless....

That is unless, of course, you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

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My girlfriend told me she had never heard of condoms...

I thought she must be pulling my leg so I played along. Oh yeah? I said, They're for covering your cigarettes in the rain.

Well one day we were in a pharmacy and she asked the clerk for a package of condoms. He asked what kind, and she said oh, to fit a camel.

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A pregnant woman asks the cashier for a pack of cigarettes...

The cashier immediately begins to berate her for such a poor decision. "I can't believe you are being so stupid. Knowing that you are pregnant! You shouldn't buy a single pack until after you've had the baby."

"You're right," the lady replied, "Give me a carton. I'm smoking for two now."

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There are three guys on a boat

There are three guys on a boat and four cigarettes, and there are no lighters or matches or anything to light them with, so what do they do?
They throw one cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

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Cigarettes are just like weasels...

Both are completely harmless until you put them in your mouth and set them on fire.

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"I didn't know my daughter..."

A red-head walks into her daughter's room and finds a bottle of beer under her daughter's bed and says "I didnt know my daughter drank." a brunet walks into her daughters room and finds a pack of cigarettes under her daughter's bed and says "I didn't know my daughter smoked." A blonde walks into her daughter's room and finds a box of condoms under her daughter's bed and says "I didn't know my daughter had a dick."

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What are the most funny Cigarettes jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Cigarettes? Well, here are the best Cigarettes dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Cigarettes pick up lines to share with friends.

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