Cigarette Lighter Jokes
28 cigarette lighter jokes and hilarious cigarette lighter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cigarette lighter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Cigarette Lighter Short Jokes
Short cigarette lighter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cigarette lighter humour may include short zippo lighter jokes also.
- 3 guys are on a boat and they have 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do? They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
- I googled "cigarette lighter" and got over 12 million matches. But when i googled "more food" i hardly got any seconds.
- Getting my dad some strong aftershave and a cigarette lighter for Christmas. Can't wait to see his face light up.
- There are three men on a boat with a pack of cigarettes and no matches. How did they manage to smoke? They threw a cigarette overboard, and made the boat a cigarette lighter
- Me and my friend were on a boat with 3 cigarettes but no lighter So we threw the 3rd cigarette overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter
- A bunch of sailors on a boat want to have a smoke, but don't have any matches. So one sailor throws one of his cigarettes overboard, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
- If you have two cigarettes in a boat and throw one overboard… You have made the boat a cigarette lighter.
- Present for my dad I've bought my dad a Zippo lighter for Christmas.
I want it to be a surprise when he comes back with the cigarettes he went out to buy ten years ago. - 4 guys are on a boat with 3 cigarettes and no lighter what do they do They throw one out so the boat becomes one cigarette lighter
- 3 men are stranded in a boat with 4 cigarettes and no way to light them. So they toss the 4th cigarette overboard, which makes the whole boat a cigarette lighter.
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Cigarette Lighter One Liners
Which cigarette lighter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cigarette lighter? I can suggest the ones about cigarette and lit cigarette.
- I googled cigarette lighters And got 1,500,000 matches.
- Why did the cricket team need cigarette lighters? Because they lost all of their matches!
- My buddy asked if I could make an electronic cigarette lighter so I removed the battery.
Great Cigarette Lighter Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about cigarette lighter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean brake light jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cigarette lighter pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Old Ladies
There were once two old Jewish ladies on a vacation in Israel. They are floating together out in the dead sea when one says to the other, "want a smoke?"
She replies, "Here? How?" The first lady reaches in to her bathing suit and pulls out a balloon with two cigarettes and a lighter in it. The second one asks, "What's that?"
"Oh? You don't know? It's a c**...!" They smoke, relax, and enjoy themselves. After they've been floating for a while, the second old lady says,
"And where can I get this c**...?"
"Just over at the drugstore, easy."
Later that day, the second old lady walks into the nearest pharmacy, goes up to the teller, and asks for a c**.... The teller is a young man who is quite bemused at this bent old lady coming in to buy a c**..., so he decides to y**... her chain a bit.
"And what size c**... would you like?"
"Oh, I dunno, big enough for a camel."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A s**..., an alcoholic, and a r**... are offered 1,000,000$ if they can change their lives...
...so they're put in one room filled with the best and most expensive alcohol and the best and most expensive brands of cigarettes, and they have to survive there for a week.
On the second day the alcoholic couldn't take it over there and drank all the alcohol.
The s**... couldn't take it either and decided to light one up, but as he tries to light he drops his lighter and just as he starts to bend over to get it the r**... says: "Pick up the lighter and we both burn out"
Who's This Guy
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A german, a frenchman, and a greek c**... in the amazon
A german, a frenchman, and a greek are on a plane. The plane crashes in the amazon. They meet the natives and they say "don't kill us" and the amazonians say "We will not kill you, but you have to do something. You have to spend 10 years in a cave. We will fill the cave up with all the provisions you need and whatever you want."
They ask the german what he wants. He says "I want bratwurst. I want sausages everywhere. I wanna eat'em all the time, and I wanna eat a lot." So they fill the cave up with sausages.
They ask the frenchman what he wants. He says "I want women. I want women everywhere. I don't what kind of women; what age, what color, what size. I just want women." So they fill the cave up with women.
They ask the greek guy. He says "I want cigarettes. I wanna chain smoke all the time. I wanna smoke my way through the 10 years." So they fill the cave up with cigarettes.
10 years pass and it is time to open the caves. They open the german's cave. Out comes one huge beast of a man, so gelatinous, they can barely get him through the door.
They open the frenchman's cave. And they see little kids playing around, women talking to each other, and the frenchman h**... away at another woman in bed.
they open the greek guy's cave. He is sitting on top of a pile of unopened cigarettes. He says "A lighter...........give me a lighter!"
Three prisoners
There men are sentenced to 10 years in prison. However, the judge has allowed them an unlimited supply of whatever they want, within reason. The first man requests any meals he wants, it is granted. The second man requests any drinks he wants, it is granted. The third man requests any cigarettes he wants, and it is granted.
Ten years later, the prisoners are released. The first man is let out of his cell, much fatter than before.
The second man is released... stumbles three steps, and falls over.
The third man is released from his cell, walks out, and asks "does anyone have a lighter?"
The Giant Cigarette Lighter
A guy walks into a bar and sits beside another guy and immediately notices he has a giant cigarette lighter.
The first guy says "Wow! That's a huge lighter! Where'd you get it?" The other guy replies, "A genie from this bottle granted me one wish."
"Cool! Can I try it?"
"Sure."
The first guy rubs the bottle and a genie appears. "You are granted one wish" says the genie.
The guy replies excitedly, "I want a million bucks!"
"Your wish is granted." And the genie disappears.
A few minutes pass and then suddenly the bar door swings open and in pour ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks fall over each other and fill up the bar.
"I can't believe this!" says the guy who just made his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"
The second guy responds, "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch Bic?"
Nighttime. You're alone on a small boat at sea, hours away from any land. All you brought with you is a pack of cigarettes. You wanna smoke, but realize you forgot a lighter. What do you do?
You just take out a cigarette, throw it off the boat into the water... thus, making the boat a cigarette lighter.
A Pole, a German and a Russian go to prison...
A Pole, a German and a Russian are sent to prison. They each receive a 50-year sentence with no parole. The guard, when putting them in their cells, shows mercy on them and offers to give each of them a small supply of their favourite things to occupy their times. The Pole picks a collection of books by his favourite author, the German picks a case of strong beer, and the Russian picks a huge pack of cigarettes. After the 50 years pass, the guard checks on his prisoners. The Pole thanks the guard for allowing him to gain knowledge in his time, the German complains that he ran out of alcohol a week into his sentence, and the Russian asks the guard for a lighter.
A man is stranded on a desert island...
... When all of a sudden a beautiful brunette in full scuba gear strides out of the water surrounding the island. She sits down next to the awestruck man and says, "Would you like a cigarette?" The man agrees, and she unzips a pouch on her thigh and pulls out some cigarettes and a lighter.
After they've finished their cigarettes, the brunette says, "Would you like a drink?"
The man agrees, and the woman opens a small bag at her waist, and takes out a small bottle of champagne and two glasses. As they sip their drinks, the brunette leans forward and says, "Would you like to play around?"
The man's eyes widen and he yells, "You've got golf clubs in there as well?"
Two old men are in the middle of a conversation...
When one old man tells the other, "My old friend my time is coming and all I ask from you is that when I die, you put two packs of cigarettes in my grave." His friend sits still in silence thinking about his friend's kick impending death when suddenly he asks, "Ok my friend, I'll stick a lighter in there for you too." His friend starts to laugh and says, "Oh no, don't go through that trouble. Where I'm going I won't need a lighter."
An irishman, a Scotsman and an Englishman are all sentenced to jail for 25 years
They are each allowed to bring one thing into prison with them. The irishman takes 25 years worth of cigarettes, the Scotsman takes 25 years worth of whiskey and the englishman takes 25 years worth of chocolate. So the 25 years pass and they are all let out of jail. The englishman comes out really fat because of all the chocolate, the scotsman comes out really drunk and when the irishman walks out he asks the two of them: "have either of you got a lighter"
Look! Magic!
One day, an explorer was captured by native warriors and taken to their chieftain, a gigantic man with teeth filed to dagger-like points. Desperately, the explorer tried to think of a way to save him self. He pulled out his cigarette lighter, held it in front of the chief's face and lit it, exclaiming, "Look! Magic!"
The chief's eyes were huge in astonishment. "It certainly must be magic," he said. "I have never seen a lighter light on the first try!"